A/N: I'm BAAAACK! After a long dry spell (in which I got hooked on yet another fandom!) I finally found my muse! Unfortunetly, my wonderful betas have not gotten back to me yet, and I'm assuming they're doing well (Or hoping, at least!) If you ladies see this, drop me a line to let me know how you're doing! So, as you guessed, I did my own beta on this, which means that any mistakes (and I'm sure there are a few I didn't catch) are mine.

Thanks soooo much to everyone who has been sending reviews and feedback, asking when I'm going to finish. There's one more chapter after this, and I'm hoping to get that finished and up before the new year. I hope this meets your expectations! Enjoy!

(and, as always, feedback is cherished)

Chapter 15: A Feeling

"It's worth it," Sara laughed, leading Grissom down the winding path.

"If I don't die before we get there!" He grabbed her shoulders and leaned on them as they traveled downhill, huffing dramatically.

"Big baby..." Sara mumbled, laying her hands over his as they continued down the hill. The curving path hid the beach they were heading towards. "Just a little farther..."

"Are you sure you want to go to the beach with me, Sara?" Grissom asked, not even conscious of the words as they flowed out. Sara stopped short and Grissom ran into the back of her and several other beach goers mumbled, moving around them.

"Why wouldn't I?" She asked, starting to move again, and covering his hand on her shoulder with her own hand.

"I'm not exactly..." He trailed off, well aware of his deficiencies, but somehow feeling if he actually voiced them it would make them real.

"I want to be here with you. I want to be anywhere with you. In public, in private, around people, by ourselves..." Sara turned and stared at him. "You need to understand that." She smiled. "I'm not going to run and hide. I'm not going to start drooling over other guys. I'll start drooling over you..." Sara pushed one of his shoulders back with two fingers, then grabbed his hand and kept moving. "Don't make me nervous..." She whispered.

"I'm sorry..." He said, stopping her by the cabana that held chair rentals and shower stalls. "I'm not... I'm not really used to this yet." He sighed and pulled her in for a hug.

Sara hugged him back, squeezing tight. "I'm not either. But I need you to trust me."

"I do trust you," Grissom said, pulling back to lean his forehead on hers. "It's me I don't trust."

Sara wanted to laugh, might have laughed, if his admission hadn't been so heartfelt and sad. She reached down and took his hand in hers. "Then it's a good thing I trust you." Sara turned and tugged him down the beach, hoping that he hadn't seen the beginnings of tears in her eyes, hoping that her admission of trust would be enough impetus to get him to trust himself with her. "You're gonna love this beach..." Sara said as she turned the corner, pulling Grissom behind her.

Grissom stopped and stared at the expanse of paradise. Even the ridiculous number of tourists and screaming children couldn't take away from the scene. The pink sand dropped off delicately into the low waves of electric blue water, black and green cliffs rising on either side of the bay, and islands of black rocks in the distance bursting from the clear water were the only indication that there was any land in the crystal blue depths that melded with the sky on the horizon.

The "wow," the fell from his mouth seemed wholly inaccurate and ridiculous in the situation.

"Come on," Sara pulled him down the beach to a fairly open spot, and began to spread out their towels.

.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

After dinner, Sara pulled on comfortable clothes and sat in her room, staring at her hands. The time, the feelings that she shared with him, they were worth the anticipation, the sinking feeling when they weren't together, right? It wasn't dread, exactly, that she felt. It wasn't the butterflies of love, either, though she knew that she loved Gil.

Finally, she stood, and didn't care what it was. With a quick look up and down the hall, she disappeared out of her door, and into his.

Later that night, wrapped in his heavy, sated, sleeping arms, she knew that she was afraid of this ending because of what they were going back to, not because of who they were, or that their feelings would change. She imagined trying to walk into the layout room, or the conference room, and how she would act now. How he would act now. And she felt that feeling again.

She rolled and snuggled into his warmth, his arm tightening around her even in his sleep. She didn't want to think of it. Not yet.

.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

Grissom felt very small at the back of the ship, looking out into nothingness. At least, it what he felt was nothingness. They'd left the island, their ship heading back for shore, and in the black of night the sea melded into the horizon. If he fell, or jumped, or if the ship miraculously hit an iceberg right now- no one would be around, there would be no bystanders to question and the evidence would be swept away by unceasing ocean waves. In a few hours, there would be nothing, and no one, to bare witness to anything.

In another day, they'd bare witness to it all.

He didn't know how to approach work, other than the fact that he was not going to sacrifice either of the two things that he felt defined him: his job and his love for Sara. He turned when he heard footfalls behind him.

"I kinda freaked out when I woke up and you were gone."

"Couldn't sleep, didn't want to wake you." He put his arms around her as she joined him by the rail. Sara rested her head on his shoulder, looking up into the sky.

"Still so many stars..." she whispered.

"Same number as are in the sky in Vegas, but there's too much light to see this many except in the middle of the desert." Grissom felt that sinking feeling again, and cursed himself for bringing up the subject of where they were going back to.

"Would... would you take me there? To see the stars?" Sara's words were whispered, and a little more than tentative as she avoided Grissom's stare.

"Yes." His answer was simple, and quiet, but did not assuage either of their fears.

After a few quiet moments of rocking in each other's embrace with the movement of the boat, Sara moved away. "I... I need to know what's going to happen when we get back." Grissom looked at her, but said nothing, his face a mask of indifference. "I don't think I can go back to pretending I don't have feelings for you. No, I know I can't go back to doing that."

"I can't either." Grissom's words were quiet, but powerful.

"What?"

"I said, I can't do that either." He pulled her closer until they were looking into each other's eyes. "I'm not willing to sacrifice you anymore, but I can't sacrifice my work, either. Unfortunately I haven't quite figured out how to rectify that."

Sara leaned her forehead into his. "I haven't, either," she whispered. "But I don't want to lose you. I'm... more flexible and I've been thinking, and there are sacrifices I'm prepared to make..."

Grissom brought his hand up to her lips. "Stop. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And we'll do it together."He moved his hand away and kissed her lightly. "Let's enjoy what's left of our time here, ok?"

Sara dropped another soft kiss on his lips, "Ok." She silently turned in his arms, letting him mold to her back, his arms wrapped tightly around. They stared out into the inky black night, watching what they could see of the water disappearing into the darkness.

Grissom held her in his arms, smiling. Somehow, their tormented decision to be together didn't seem nearly as momentous when they were surrounded by the vastness of nature. He was reminded that they were insignificant in the true way of things: time would march on no matter what they chose, and he didn't want to be without her anymore.