Author's note: this is not a wholesome, virtuous chapter. Nothing I would rate M, but its not my usual kind of update.
...
Laura Roslin, President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol, prophetic leader of the Pythian Prophecy, wife to the Admiral of the Fleet, and mother of a baby daughter, was flinging herself into the shenanigans of the bachelorette party with the bravado of a woman who disliked backing down from a challenge. Cloud Nine's well-stocked bar allowed Kara's group to guzzle down many sweet and fruity concoctions. Laura's tastebuds tingled with citrusy goodness from the lemon flavored something-or-other she'd snatched off the counter when Ellen blithely mentioned they also had water. At least she'd been invited; Ellen just showed up at the door ready to paint the Fleet red, pulled by the prospect of booze, partying, and girl talk.
Thankfully their group was sequestered in an ostentatious private suite on Cloud Nine. The luxury liner's generosity was no doubt prompted upon seeing the President and Admiral Cain standing in the group. Cain had ended up corralled into their number following a gutsy invite on the hangar deck of Galactica where she'd been leaving after a meeting with Adama.
The antics of Kara and her friends, who reminded Laura far too much of her departed sisters, tempted Laura to throw caution to the wind and enjoy herself. How was she supposed to act anyway? There were no etiquette guidelines for a prophetic president's behaviour at hen night. Wasn't she due some shenanigans like any normal future step-mother-in-law-of-the-bride attending her future step-daughter-in-law's "last night of freedom"? Laura rolled her eyes at the absurd notion that Kara would act any differently after marriage.
"Let's party!" Kat yelled, preparing another round of drinks and lining them up on the private bar. Louanne 'Kat' Katraine slammed her hands on the counter causing Laura to jump. "Alright ladies. Let's do this."
"Only the best night for one of our own!" The pilots grabbed fresh drinks. Laura took another too, deciding that tonight she'd try and forget her troubles.
"To Kara Thrace. Also known as Starbuck, the top gun, the big damn hero, and... god!" They cheered, toasted, and drank. Also known as Harbinger of Death, Laura added with her own sip. She clutched the cup in her hand and watched everyone's movements with the eyes of a loving mother and the wariness of an injured cat.
"Been to one of these before?" Cain's voice so close to her ear sent Laura's heart racing in her chest. They were settled against a wall to watch the spectacle. At the moment, Racetrack was taking a no-hands shot off Starbuck's stomach, but Kara's bubbling laughter teetered the glass back and forth. They watched the raptor pilot miss the shot and face-plant into Kara, sending the liquor and glass clattering to the floor.
"A few," Laura chuckled as pilots booed the blushing Racetrack. She remembered Marcie's wild night before marrying Wally. Her face fell, and she lifted her drink to her lips to cover the melancholy. "Politicians don't get invited to the fun parties."
"I didn't have many close friends on the Colonies who would invite me to something like this," Cain admitted and swirled the drink in her hand and poked at the paper umbrella like it was an unidentifiable object. "Besides, hard-assed Admirals usually don't get invited to these parties either."
"Some people like hard-assed Admirals."
"You don't say?" Cain snorted.
What kind of timeline is this, Laura thought catching the innuendo while the Admiral with psychopathic tendencies smirked. "Yes. Well... You had to notice the star-struck look these girls gave you. After all, you're the highest ranking woman in the military."
Cain grimaced. "Well, if they're desperate enough to make me out to be a damned role-model, I should at least teach these children how to do the body shot properly. This is embarrassing."
I've gone insane, Laura reasoned. That remained the only logical explanation to the sight of Cain asking for a volunteer in order to show 'you nuggets how it's done.' Ellen volunteered, and Laura witnessed the hard-assed Admiral and Ellen school the pilots. Kara looked absolutely chagrined and delighted.
"So, Kara, what made you decide to snap up our flyboy Apollo off the market?" Ellen asked as she hopped off the table after the demonstration. "Because I wouldn't have minded taking him out for a ride. I assume that's not an option anymore..."
"Umm... no, no. It's not. Ever."
"What if people keep eyeing him?" Dee asked with a tipsy giggle.
"Looking is fine," Kara replied with a shrug. "Anything else and people will feel my right hook. To each their own if that's worth the risk. Aren't you taken Dee?"
"I'll keep ogling those blue eyes."
"And that well-shaped ass."
"Sneaky glances in the head's shower."
"You're not supposed to admit that!"
"We're all spilling our secrets tonight."
Oh no we aren't, Laura thought with a shudder.
"This doesn't bother you?" Kat asked over the group tittering on about the attractive features of Leeland Adama.
"Nope. It's all mine after tomorrow. Looking will just leave you frustrated, Katraine," Kara taunted. Laura suspected Kara took particular interest in harassing those who'd irritated her in the previous timeline.
"The whole package is a sight is a chiseled gift from the gods. Makes you just wanna…" the whole group watched dumbfounded as Ellen made grabbing motions with her hand. Way to go too far, Laura thought, wondering if she could unsee Ellen's gestures. If only Ellen could be the least of her nightmares.
Boomer, after prefacing that she preferred the man she was with, offered a toast to Apollo's delectable derrière now being owned by their very own Starbuck. The ladies cheered, drank, and offered Kara another round of enthusiastically envious congratulations.
"So what is it, Starbuck? It's his arms right? All that muscle?"
"A group of poets you all are," Kara huffed, but embraced the chance to tease her fellow pilots. "We don't have to spend all night drooling over my husband-to-be. Although, for the record, his well-muscled arms are a bonus. Maybe one day you'll find someone strong and willing enough to pin you against a wall. You'll see the appeal."
"She's got a point. It's also part of Galen's attractiveness," Boomer said. She grinned while the girls winced at the image of the deck chief that invaded their mind. Ellen added her own seal of approval to the idea of being pinned to the wall. When she elaborated on her personal experience of it, everyone audibly groaned.
"Do we need to know this?" Cain asked with a face that looked like she'd sucked on a sour lemon. "I gotta be able to look those men in the face again."
"Welcome to girl talk. It survives even the apocalypse," Laura shrugged and decided not to share her own personal experiences of bulkheads. She acknowledged that watching the Admiral squirm might be her new favorite way to pass the evening.
"Alright you pansies," Boomer began, "gather round. We're playing a game. 'Never Have I Ever'—guaranteed to get Starbuck drunk and dancing by the end, because what hasn't she done?"
…
A thick haze of smoke hung in the air of the pilots' rec room. Misty o-rings floated upward from the tables as Lee's buddies smoked and enjoyed the contraband they'd procured. The pilfering pilots hadn't been caught in the act and no one wanted to ask questions. Everyone simply enjoyed fine stogies and quality ambrosia in honor of their CAG getting married.
Lee took a long drag from his hand-rolled Aquarian cigar and listened to the sizzling sound of burning tobacco while the inhaled smoke rolled over his tongue. What a good way to spend the night, Lee decided as he closed his eyes and let his head drop back. Pushing out the smoke in rapid, deliberate bursts, his series of rings joined the sweet, musky cloud that smelled of hazelnuts and cedar wood. "Not bad, not bad," his brothers and buddies commented before they turned their attention back to the cards on the table. A state of deep relaxation settled over the group as they concentrated on their triad hands. This night pulled out the higher and more brazen stakes, and each man wanted to win.
"Stop looking at my cards, Zak," Lee said without needing to take his eyes off his hand. He grinned when his younger brother straightened in his seat to the chuckles of everyone at the table.
The atmosphere reminded Lee of happy weekends in his grandfather's study, when his father was off in space and his biological mother was tired of taking care of them. Joseph Adama and his grandsons would sequester themselves off in the posh study, which smelled like wood and peppercorn smoke. Lee would sip on apple juice like it was ambrosia while his grandfather taught him and Zak how to play triad by betting candies, comics, and chores. He'd fancy himself an elite Caprican lawyer who could afford the finer things in life.
"You don't go looking at my cards either, Liam," he grinned before raising the bet. Liam harrumphed and folded his cards. Glancing from side to side, Lee looked at his beloved brothers and decided life had turned out alright in the end. He would never forget the times during the last timeline when he wished for Zak to be alive and felt such rage and bitterness at his brother's death that he wanted to explode. Now he had two brothers who cheered him on from his corner of the boxing ring and poked fun at him in the next second.
"I raise you all one, ahem, magazine. No sneak peaks," Hot Dog said as he tossed a worn copy of Nymph to the top of the pot. The cover promised some tantalizing visuals inside, and Lee noted Zak giving it a calculating look.
"How many condoms is that worth?" Helo asked looking down at his pile of goods to bet with.
"Six," Liam said, earning him a glare from Bill, Zak, and Lee.
"Alright. I call. Six condoms. Bet's to you XO, I mean, Commander."
"Refills are on you for that slip," Tigh growled before he tossed his cards down. "Not my hand."
"Not the pot I wanna take the risk to win," Bill said, folding next. Lee, Zak, Hot Dog, and Helo all looked at each other from over their cards each having called.
"Three on a run," Helo said, laying out the cards.
"Frak."
"Dammit."
"Full Pyramid," Lee said with a grin as Hot Dog and Helo sputtered on their drinks. Lee pulled the winnings toward him and plucked the magazine off the top of the pile. After taking a quick peek, he gave a long whistle. "Kara's gonna like this. I'll save it for the honeymoon."
Cheers of approval rang out from some of the pilots watching the match. Zak clapped him on the back as Liam giggled. Oh yeah, life is good, Lee thought, and it will be even better after tomorrow.
Shuffling the cards, he remembered the ragging Zak and Liam gave him at finally setting a date to marry Kara and how over-the-top pleased they acted. The amnesia forced him to confront the lingering guilt he and Starbuck felt from the previous timeline, and to decide that it was time to move on. They agreed that the best way to honor the memory of that Zak, Dee, and Sam was to watch over them in this timeline while living their own lives. He did feel bad that Kara hadn't found Sam on Caprica, but they looked out for Dee and Zak.
"Let's make these next few rounds even more interesting," Liam said after he and Zak whispered behind Lee's back. Lee held his breath; experience taught him to be very, very wary when they started plotting.
"It's Lee's bachelor party—we need to make some memories." Lee noticed Bill now eyeing his younger sons, who merely grinned. In the other timeline such a look would have sent him and Zak running for cover. He'd changed.
"Winner of each hand gets to dare someone at the table."
"How old are you again?" Saul asked.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"C'mon Lee, you're marrying Starbuck. Doesn't that require some daring?"
"No guts, no glory."
Before Lee could decide how far he wanted the night to descend, Helo returned with a bottle of Spiced Ambrosia Gold Label. It prompted a chorus of hummed approval from the table. Saul Tigh promptly ordered the lieutenant to stop pussyfooting around and pour them all a round ASAP without spilling one god-blessed drop of the priceless liquid. Helo swayed on his feet, tipsy from previous drinks, but feeling the heat from Tigh's gaze, he took special care to ensure that not a single drop missed.
Zak stood and called for quiet. He decided that cracking open the best booze left in existence was as good a time as ever to toast his brother.
"We are gathered here tonight to give our final respects to Lee, who will be departing the land of the bachelors in hopes of a better place. Now, as Lee's brother, I'm supposed to sing his praises and talk about his good qualities. Unfortunately, for him I can't sing and I won't lie," Zak teased and the pilots were kind enough to offer up some laughter at his joke. "But in all seriousness, Liam and I could never have asked for a better brother. You've always been our worst enemy and best friend all in one package. There's no one more honorable, trustworthy, and amazing. So here's to a long and happy marriage. May all its ups and downs happen between the sheets."
At the toast, the pilots hooted and hollered until their voices reverberated off the metal bulkheads and ears rang. They raised their glasses to Lee and they guzzled down their liquor. The bachelor of the hour, who'd turned at least three different shades of red during the speech, smiled at Zak and took his own drink. It tasted like the exotic Scorpion deserts in a bottle, all smooth spices and warmth. It made him feel relaxed and happy from his toes to the tips of his blushing ears.
"Well, if you all agree that's the only speech, we can go ahead and add some dares to this game. What's the worst you boys can come up with?" Lee said, feeling agreeable and buzzed. He dealt out the cards with the easy languor of overconfidence and booze. Lady luck favored him so far tonight.
Each round they continued betting: soap, candy, cubits, condoms, porn, and even a sweatshirt exchanged hands. The added bonus of the round winner receiving a no-holds-barred dare at the end gave the game even more of an edge. Pretty soon, they'd attracted quite the crowd of spectators.
Lee forced them to go around the table with their dares, unwilling to be the only font of entertainment and embarrassment. It shocked everyone when Liam won the first hand and started off the game with Helo. He challenged the Raptor ECO to belly dance around the room, and it seemed a decent enough start to the shenanigans. Not to be outdone, Helo threw his whole heart into the dare and gyrated around the room with such unashamed enthusiasm that he earned several cubits from the crowd.
He plopped back down at the table, flushed, and took a long drink. "Never let an opportunity go to waste," he grinned as the rec room applauded his charisma. Still stigmatized for his liaison with a Cylon, Helo hadn't much to lose, and it looked like he'd gained some fans.
The senior Adama won the next round, intent on claiming the bottle of aftershave Saul bet. The added bonus was the opportunity to dare Hot Dog. The nugget visibly shrank in his chair under the Old Man's calculating gaze. Finally, Bill plucked a condom from Liam's pile of winnings and tossed it to Hot Dog and ordered him to blow it up like a balloon.
Hot Dog groaned but ripped the package open and tentatively plucked the rubber out with his thumb and finger. Lee watched, admittedly shockingly fascinated, as the nugget huffed and puffed until the condom was blown up bigger than his face. Bill gave the jock a nod.
"Remember that the next time you say it's too small," he said and the crowd jeered at Hot Dog's stricken face. Lee shook his head, bewildered that his dad could turn even this game into a life lesson.
The room fell silent when Liam won again and turned to face Saul Tigh.
"You don't scare me kid. Stop trying."
"Think I can't come up with something good?"
"I'll be impressed if you come up with something I haven't done."
Liam didn't answer. He just slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He pushed it across the table to Saul.
"I dare you to go over and call up Aunt Ellen and have her put you on speakerphone. Then read this to her. Unless you're too chicken..." Liam then took his hand off the paper and sat back with a massive grin on his face, clearly having thought out some challenges in advance. The men whispered with curiosity.
Tigh shrugged and didn't bother unfolding the piece of paper. He downed his glass of ambrosia and marched over to the comm. Only after he ordered the comm officer to connect him with Cloud Nine put him through to Ellen did he open the paper.
The room stared at Commander Tigh who looked shocked, then pale, then really, really grumpy.
"I'm not saying this!" he snapped. The men turned to Liam who didn't back down but stared right at Saul and made chicken motions with his elbows. Saul looked murderous, Bill looked worried, Zak looked proud, and Lee wondered if he might need to rescue his brothers from certain death before the night was done.
"Saulie, what is it?!" Ellen giggled, clearly drunk on the other end of the line.
"Put your heart in it," Zak egged him on. Lee looked at his brothers and wondered if there would be anyone able to stand up with him at his wedding once Tigh was finished with them.
"Oh, how do I love thee," Saul ground out from between clenched teeth. Realizing what was happening, several pilots snickered. "Every night I dream about you..."
Oh, sweet Lords of Kobol, I need more to drink, Lee thought. He watched Zak high-fiving Liam and several pilots ruffled his hair.
"...As if you were an archer with your hand on the bow, you shoot arrows of delight through my body..." Saul recited while glaring daggers at Liam, who looked entirely too smug.
The pilots now openly raised their glasses to Liam and laughed. "...your angel-carved face makes my heart stops…" Bill was trying so hard not to add to the laughter swelling in the room. They all heard the women screeching in excitement as Tigh recited the poem.
"...in your arms, I am home," Saul finished, and without further ado, slammed the comm unit back down on the receiver and stomped back to the table. He glared at Liam as if he could channel the full force of his supernova-like-fury into one look in the hopes that his giggling nemesis would combust.
"You're only walking outta here 'cause you're the Old Man's son and because killing you might be an act of treason."
"Remember to recite stuff like that to Starbuck every so often," Zak leaned over and teased. Lee laughed it off but remembered that, despite what someone would assume if they only knew the hot-headed viper jock side of her, Kara liked poetry. Under the steely-eyed viper jock lived the heart of an artist. Maybe he would recite sappy stuff to her. She'd either smack him or frak him and either could be a lot of fun. Kara was unconventional, and Lee's head felt fuzzy and giddy knowing she'd marry him tomorrow.
"Lee? Galactica to Lee, bet's to you, lover-boy!" Lee returned to the cards, pulled out of his musings. He could only half-focus on the round. The alcohol made him feel warm and content, almost like he was floating in a lake under the sun. He knew he'd placed some bad bets, but didn't seem to care. He enjoyed laughing and hanging out with his buddies.
He did come down to reality when Hot Dog won and the dare was with the Old Man. Bill Adama tried to appear as stern an Admiral of the Fleet as possible, radiating an aura of intimidation. Hot Dog, bolstered by liquid courage and the encouragement of the surrounding spectators, took a deep breath. Lee realized Hot Dog planned retaliation and hoped this didn't get ugly.
Hot Dog looked at the crowd and then at Adama. "I dare you to..." he gulped and looked at the people for support again. "I dare you to tell us what the President's like in bed. No lying."
What's with the frakking fascination with the President? Lee groaned. Find something other than my stepmother to fantasize about. I don't need to hear this!
All eyes were on Adama. Lee watched his father reach out and pick up the glass of ambrosia in front of him. He swirled the amber liquid, letting it catch the light as he thought about the answer. After a deliberate drink, he set the glass back down. His blue eyes blazed like fire and Hot Dog seemed to shrink in his chair.
"She is everything a red-blooded man could ever want. Certainly better than anything you'll ever know, Ensign Constanza." His response met with applause and approval from the assembled pilots. Some of them dared to offer jealous remarks and raunchy suggestions. Some engaged in a curious quest for details, but Adama had pulled the stoic facade around him. Some people noticed how his mouth twitched with a smile.
"So what's Kara like?" another pilot asked.
"Intense," Lee muttered, picking up the next round of cards. "And I value my continued existence so that's all you're gonna get."
Lee was fully aware this round the dare had come to him. He hoped to win and thus be spared whatever humiliation his darling brothers concocted. He lost. He lost badly and Zak grinned in triumph.
"I dare you to go streaking down to the hangar deck."
"No way."
"Liam, it's time for us to go," Bill said, mentioning that with the latest round he should let the younger generation descend into further debauchery without him. Besides, Liam didn't need to be corrupted any further.
Lee looked helplessly at his father's retreating back, knowing that the Admiral wasn't going to approve of such blatant against-regs behavior, but he wasn't going to stop it. Liam winked at Lee before following his father.
"Come on, Apollo, clothes off and start running!"
…
"So, I drink if I've done the thing?" Cain asked. Kara and Laura exchanged several bewildered glances while the pilots eagerly explained the rules to her.
"You'll have fun! Some tamer souls don't enjoy it because they never end up getting to drink, but I think that only applies to one or two people here," Ellen teased as she set fresh drinks in front of everyone.
"Lords of Kobol, hear my prayers," Kara mumbled under her breath while Laura forced herself to smile under Ellen's pointed gaze. Most of the table would agree that Ellen's idea of subtle teasing needed work. I could drink her under the table if I wanted, Laura huffed (although her rational mind tried to whisper some sense into her). And Just because I don't brag to the whole damn world about my sexcapades doesn't mean I lack stories that would make even Ellen 'Sexkitten' Tigh blush and clutch her pretty pink pearl necklace.
"We sure this is a good idea?" Kara asked, looking around at the particular group of women gathered. Most of their faces were already flushed red from the beginning of intoxication.
"You sit back and enjoy the shower!" Boomer ordered.
"Trust us, Kara," Kat added.
"What's the worst that could happen?" Laura shrugged with forced nonchalance. Game on, she thought with a side glance to Ellen and Cain. Then again, if she started spilling her secrets, alternative timelines, Cylon torture, and cancer, she'd kill the mood. She contemplated the alcohol in her hand, and remembered getting Bill drunk and high on New Caprica. One of the good times she treasured from that planet looming on the horizon. She took a shuddering breath at the thought of New Caprica, hoping she could keep a lid on her memories. Laura ran her thumb along her wedding band, feeling the tangible proof things were different, things could change, and that they had some control over our fate.
"Bride starts! We'll go around the table."
"But what haven't I done?" Kara laughed. "Okay, okay, here it goes. Never have I ever gone skinny-dipping. It's on my bucket list." They watched Ellen, Laura, and Kat drink. They applauded when Cain lifted the drink to her lips too, and she shifted uncomfortably, clearly a fish very much out of water.
"Never have I ever kissed a girl," Boomer said from where she sat next to Kara. The young Raptor pilot blushed when everyone but Dualla took a drink. Boomer turned to Dualla next to her and shrugged. "Might as well?"
After the quickest peck in Colonial History, Dualla stumbled over her words. "Never, umm, never have I ever been in hack."
"Do I take a drink for each separate time?" Kara asked when the table looked at the infamous pilot without hesitation. Under their snickers, she downed a particularly long drink and then eyed Laura. Laura maintained eye contact and took a drink herself, as if daring Kara to ask if she was drinking to Adama's brig-throwing days or a different incident altogether.
"Never have I ever had sex in a Viper," Cain said. Kara immediately barked in laughter and drank again.
"Every round so far, ladies!" she said, slamming her empty cup back down. A moment later, the sound of Laura setting her own cup back down sent the wheels turning in everyone's heads.
"Madame President?" Ellen asked in complete shock.
"You haven't?" Ellen sighed and tossed her platinum blond curls over her shoulder.
Play nice, Roslin, she warned herself as she refiled drinks.
"Never have I ever cheated on my partner," Laura said. That's not playing nice Roslin, but she watched Kara, Ellen, Racetrack, and Dee all drink. The table listened to the ensuing proclamations that such behavior was in the past.
Ellen was next. "So how adventurous is a kindergarten teacher? Never have I ever had sex on the President's desk," Ellen said. Knowing she was expected to frown and act demure, Laura laughed instead. Feeling all eyes on her, Laura took a sip of her drink as primly as possible. Ellen scowled at the impressed congratulations Laura received, already having been raised in the younger women's esteem after the Viper revelation. Out of the corner of her eye, Laura noticed Dualla setting her glass back down. Her mouth opened and closed several times and Dualla realized she'd been caught. The young comm officer picked a spot on the table to stare at.
You don't wanna know, Laura. You really, really, really don't wanna know.
"...it's just who would have thought the prim and proper President could still be adventurous at her age," Ellen was still going on.
"Maybe you need to have a talk with Saul if you are this fascinated by my sex life."
"I'm fine, dear. Just surprised Bill is relaxed enough with you to suggest anything kinky or that you'd agree. What would the public say?"
"Maybe she'd get more votes" Racetrack quipped.
Laura shrugged. "I know when to live a little,"
"A little?"
"A lot," Laura giggled. Oh Lords of Kobol, I actually ended up tipsy. "Sometimes a whole frakkin' lot, and that's all I'm saying. One of the secrets to a long marriage is knowing when to keep your partner's secrets."
"What are some other secrets to a long marriage?" Boomer asked softly as she tilted the cup in her hand to play with the liquid. It was an act at nonchalance.
Laura contemplated the genuinely curious faces around the table. They're so young. She rubbed the heels of her hands together in a futile attempt to suppress a surge of memories. You've had a long, good marriage and there's no reason to assume it suddenly will be cut short. She smiled, admittedly in a lovingly matron-like fashion at the young pilots.
"Find someone you love and can see living a life with. Then grow and change together until the end. Be giving and accepting and build trust. And you girls remember not all intimacy is sexual, but don't hesitate to explore and have all kinds of fun with your partner," she said thoughtfully at the group. They shot her genuinely appreciative looks from her decent advice. Oh great, I've gone and adopted all Bill's kids, Laura realized.
"And you're sure Lee's that person for you, Kara?" Boomer asked.
"Yeah. Yeah, he is," Kara looked thoughtful for a moment and Laura was pleased to notice a smile tugging at her lips. It was a good sign.
"What do you think marriage is gonna be like?" Kat asked as if it were some mystical thing.
"Not gonna change my life much. I'll wake up, be amazing, shoot more Cylons out of the frakkin' sky than you, frak someone I call my husband, and then repeat. Some variations may apply."
"Doesn't sound too bad." Boomer said.
"So you and Chief?"
Boomer blushed and deflected. "Whose turn is it?"
"Never have I ever had sex in a public place!" Racetrack said and Kara, Laura, Ellen, and Dualla drank. Yeah my desk counts as a public place, missy, Laura thought, giving Dee the stink eye.
"Never have I ever said the wrong name in bed." Only Kara drank and she muttered several curses at the group.
"Never have I ever faked an orgasm," Ellen giggled. Laura and Kara drank and awkwardly looked at each other.
"Not with Lee."
"Not with Bill."
"Adamas get the job done."
"Someone shoot me?"
"Never have I ever sucked a toe," Racetrack said, her slurred words barely understandable. Have I lost my ability to differentiate reality from insanity? Laura asked as she watched Boomer and Dualla take a drink. Don't wanna know, don't wanna know.
"Chief?" Racetrack asked.
"Not part of the game."
"It totally was!"
"I need bleach for my brain," Kara grumbled.
Boomer scowled, but hearing a knock at the door, she launched out of her chair. She sent a knowing look to Kat.
"Never have I ever given or received a lap dance," Kat said. Only Cain and Ellen drank, but before either could feel too triumphant, Boomer opened the door. Kat dashed to the sound system in the corner of the room.
"Time to change that, Kara! Here's to the hottest shot on Galactica getting married!" The music from the loudspeaker pulsed like a heartbeat. The women stared as a line of men entered the room.
"This is how I lose the Presidency," Laura muttered as she realized where this was going. Colonial society accepted a variety of socialators, but it wasn't considered acceptable for presidents to be caught with them. Discreet mistresses who people pretended didn't exist were preferred.
"Well we certainly aren't letting Wally the Weasel become President," Cain huffed, having taken a very long drink when the men came in. "I'm used to you now."
…
Laura lay in her bed alone in her room of the bachelorette party's suite on Cloud Nine. Before the onset of the night, Kara had persuaded her to stay over with the girls. She pleaded her case by asking for help getting ready the next morning, explaining that she wanted this wedding to be different than anything she'd experienced in the other timeline. "I clean up good, but could use some help," she'd said and Laura had agreed.
Now she found herself alone in a large bed and constantly reaching out for the familiar warmth she'd gotten used to being next to her. Finding nothing, she chided her buzzed mind for being silly and rolled over. She ignored the feeling of the walls closing in around her. Try as she might, she couldn't stop terrible images from the past flooding her brain.
This is ridiculous. What is the matter with me?
She tossed and turned, but the feeling refused to go away, instead intensifying with every passing minute.
"Do we steal the results of a democratic election?" an echoed voice from her memory asked. "It's the wrong choice," she answered, and in her dreams they agreed and chose the lesser of two evils. Laura angrily turned and fluffed her pillow. Just leave me alone for one night, she told the shadows. She'd forced herself to drink, relax, and act like the part of embarrassing in-law. Hadn't she earned a respite from worry and fear?
"It's over, Laura." Zarek's words haunted her despite his death, reminding her of lived nightmares. "He's gone. I'm here. You're going to have to earn your place," he whispered from another nightmare. Laura whimpered and pushed her head into the pillow, feeling phantom hands on her.
"Galactica's been destroyed," Dagon taunted. She swallowed hard and fought off the tears that prickled her eyes.
"The cancer's back, I'm sorry, Madame President."
"We're so sorry, Ms. Roslin."
The sheets felt cool against her trembling hand when she instinctively reached out once more. There was nothing there, and she grimaced, feeling foolish. It hadn't even occurred to her that she hadn't slept apart from her husband since Kobol. She'd kept vigil in sickbay when he was sick.
"My husband will find me," she'd told Cavil.
"Who are you?"
Laura flung the blankets off her and scrambled over to the phone. Her body shoo, and it took her two tries to punch the number for the operator. In a breathy voice, she demanded to be put through to Admiral Adama.
"Adama," he ground out. His sleepy voice sounded like gravel falling over rocks.
"Bill, it's me."
"Laura, what's wrong?" His voice became instantly alert. Laura cringed at his reaction, wondering how to explain her bone-gripping fear at nothing.
"I… it's stupid. I… I really needed to hear your voice."
"Laura, it's alright," he said. "I remember calling you all the time after time reset. You told me to call whenever I needed to hear you were real and safe. Even if I felt ridiculous."
She remembered those calls and treasured each call that made her feel loved. She breathed and tried to focus on his voice but still eyed the shadows. She wanted to hear the sound of his snores instead of waiting for the next noise to startle her. Alarm was constantly boiling in her and she felt so tired.
"Keep talking?" Laura asked. She told herself that her husband loved her and she was allowed to rely on him like this. "How was Lee's party?"
"It was fun. Stogies and ambrosia. I slipped a couple extra for us to share. We should be very proud of Liam. He's the one who dared Tigh into reciting the poems." As he spoke, Laura relaxed back against the pillows of her unfamiliar bed. She closed her eyes and listened.
"A highlight of the evening for sure. That was Liam's idea?!"
"He definitely inherited your smarts. Although, I'm worried that he thinks he's invincible. Zak snuck in a few minutes ago and passed out on the couch. I think he's using Lee's clothes as a pillow."
"Lee's clothes?"
"Don't ask. How was Kara's party."
"Ellen and Helena are still making out on the couch."
"Who's Helena?"
Laura giggled and waited for him to figure it out. She played with a frayed thread from the bedspread and imagined the look on Bill's face when the realization hit him.
"Oh. Wow." Laughing felt good, even if her nerves still tingled from feeling ready to run from the nightmares. "You know, I can send a pilot to bring you home," he offered.
"Tempting. But I'm sure I look like a mess right now and Wally would love it if the press got a picture of that. This helped. Don't worry about me. I'm fine now," Laura said and wondered if that was the truth or not. A knock at her door made her jump, and she gripped the phone until she noticed it was just Kara popping her head in.
"Hey, Madame Prez. I… I heard you 'cause we share a wall," she shuffled back and forth on her feet for a moment, partly from how drunk she felt. "Whatever, I'll just ask," Kara pushed through the door, closed it and strode over to the other side of the bed. "Can I stay here tonight?" she asked, pointing to the untaken side.
"Okay," Laura said, admittedly shocked. She turned her attention to the phone. On the other side of the comm, Bill chuckled and told her she'd be alright and to get some sleep. After exchanging endearments, Laura hung up and settled into the bed. Kara had already dove right in with the ease of someone used to sleeping in crowded quarters. The two women looked at each other.
"Do you think they know how much we need them?" Kara asked.
"Yeah. Remember they need us too."
"Does it ever scare you?"
"In a way."
Laura remembered talking with her sister like this the night before her wedding. There was a choking feeling in her throat as she listened to Kara. "Sometimes I wonder what Lee sees when he looks at me. I've messed us up before, and I wonder what I'd do if he stopped wanting to be together. I'm trying not to think about how I'll disappoint Lee eventually. He knows me. I don't know why it's all coming back to me tonight."
"Brides are allowed to overthink before their weddings."
"Did you?"
"I married Bill within an hour of him asking. You can imagine why."
"I'm being stupid," Kara growled. Laura faced her secretly deeply insecure and damaged future daughter-in-law. "But I'm worried I'll break him. And I keep thinking of that and just feel like crying."
"Come here," Laura offered, opening her arms to the woman. She held her as the damn holding Kara together broke and tears escaped. Drunk ugly crying the night before one's wedding endured the apocalypse too. "We can't be prepared for everything. But whatever does happen, don't let him go. There will be good times and there will be some down times. He'll disappoint you and you'll disappoint him because that's part of being a flawed human, but I think you know you're meant to be together. Have faith in that, and trust him to love you."
"Does that really work?"
"Yes." Laura smiled, her own words bringing them both the comfort they needed to hear. "Now let's try and get some sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."
…
Author's note: I've been feeling down and needed a laugh, so figured why not have fun with this. I don't write comedy, but people act really weird at bachelor/ette parties so I could stretch plausibility and experiment. I've enjoyed using some suggestions from readers (Evie being delivered by Bill was all Pythianprophecy). Shout out to Adama-Roslininlove for originally suggesting more Kara/Laura - it has paid off. Much love to the readers at AO3 for telling me to just go with it and have fun for a chapter (and yet I still had some angst with Laura).
Tell me what you think?