Harry
Potter was not the type of person who liked to express his feelings;
he felt that outward displays of emotion were a sign of weakness. He
just kept it all inside until it practically exploded and that was
exactly what he was doing now. Harry refused to just break down and
cry about how bad his life was just yet, he still had some pride and
dignity left deep inside.
He was wallowing in self pity,
more like drowning in it sometimes, and his wallowing would only be
interrupted by two things; Aunt Petunia's bony hand pushing food
through the cat flap that had been installed the summer after his
first year. Or the call of nature. The scrap of food that was usually
pushed through remained almost completely untouched, his guilt and
pity ridden stomach somehow suddenly unable to keep its contents
inside, a now nasty side effect of eating. His gaunt and sickly
appearance did not bother him, in fact he welcomed it, it connected
him with his now distant childhood, a childhood that had been
brutally snatched from him at age 11. Even though it was not the
happiest of childhoods it had been a time in his life that was
relatively worry free and filled with wide-eyed-innocence. An
innocence he no longer possessed, he had been force to grow up too
quickly and yet was still treated as a child. Frustration gave way
to anger, and anger turned into self loathing and pity. Sometimes his
anger was directed at certain people, sometimes it was directed at
wizarding kind in general, he hated having to be their saviour, a
fate he could not escape. And sometimes his anger was focused at
himself, for having so far let the wizarding world down, and at
times, not having the strength to win this fight. Self hatred would
course through his veins at this point. This is when Harry would give
in and listen to the demons inside his head. They would talk of his
failure, and of his inability to defeat the Dark Lord, they would
laugh at him and poison his self confidence. They would tell him he
was worthless and he would believe them. So it was the great Harry
Potter became lost, an empty shell, a ghost of his former self, he
ceased to live, he only existed.
