Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or any other anime - I just like making up stories…oh, and this is my second official fan fic and my first Trigun fan fic so I'll just apologize now if it sucks. Sorry!

Chapter Sexteen: First Kiss

I've dreamt of it since I met her. I have the courage. I'm going in.

Vash took a deep breath. Here we go.

"Can I tell it to you in a different way than just using words?"

Meryl looked confused. "Can you what – how else can you explain things other than with words? Are you gonna draw me pictures? Get real Vash, if you're trying to get out of an explanation you'll have to try harder than that."

I'm not trying to get out of anything. Meryl, I want to tell you everything. But can I tell you what has happened, where I've been, and what my heart is feeling without saying it out loud?

Meryl gasped and blinked up at Vash, her face lit up with apprehension and shock at the fact that although his mouth was not moving, she heard his voice ever so clearly in her head. She took a step back, shaking her head hesitantly. The porch suddenly seemed a much darker place without her standing so close to him. She was scared. He cringed at his stupidity. It's too much and too soon. He was overwhelming her and she didn't know how to respond.

Wait, Meryl, don't freak out on me, please let me explain. He looked at her, imploring her to stay and to listen.

"Vash? But - I don't understand…what the hell is going on? How the hell…" She stuttered.

"Meryl, please listen to me. It's not what you think, no, I'm not what you think." He shook his head. This was hopeless. How can I make you understand? He reached out for her, but she stepped away from his grasp. It doesn't matter, does it? I'm too late, aren't I?

Meryl stood still and looked up at the man of her dreams. So, this was the real Vash? He was so sad, so lost looking. He was such a mystery to her, would she ever understand him? He dropped to his knees and put his hands over his face. She stared. Was he crying? Suddenly, it didn't matter how he had learned to make his voice echo in her mind, all that mattered, was that he was there in front of her, and he wanted to talk to her.

"Vash, you're not too late." She put her hand down on his shoulder. "It's true, I don't understand you, but I want to. Go ahead; tell me in whatever way you need to. I'm here to listen. I – I want to know."

He looked up at her through two seriously dark yet red rimmed eyes.

I don't know where to start. I don't know what's good enough to say. He took her hand in his. Meryl, I had to leave you because I had to stop Knives, you know that don't you? She nodded. I admit when I left, I didn't know exactly what I was going to do. Maybe I was going to kill him, maybe I wasn't, I wasn't sure. But I knew that no matter what, I would go back to you, and I think you knew it too.

"I did know you'd come back to me. I did know that." Meryl whispered.

Alright, when I found Knives, we fought and we both almost died. You remember what I told you before I left, about how he had made those guns for us and what they do? She nodded again. Well, I took him to a special place, where I could be alone with him when he woke up. But he spent all of his energy and wasn't healing. So, I had to heal him and when I did, I realized what had made him go insane. It was me Meryl, he wanted me to love him and I hadn't. I had been a bad brother.

Meryl gasped and stared at Vash. His sorrowful eyes stared at the ground for a moment, as he reflected. Suddenly something in Meryl snapped. How could he possibly think that this whole thing was his fault?

"Vash, you can't accept the blame for his decisions. He did what he wanted to. It's not your fault! Don't blame yourself." Meryl's voice rose as she released her frustration.

"Shh – Meryl." He got to his feet and wrapped his arms around her as an attempt to comfort her. "Please understand, he was hurt, and he was alone. Meryl, I left him when he needed me the most."

Meryl was silent for a moment letting his words impact her mind. She suddenly understood him and Knives. "I see."

"Do you?" He looked down at the small insurance girl in his arms and realized just how good it was to hold her.

"It's easy to understand Vash. He needed you, just like I do." She said the last part so softly that he almost didn't hear her. Almost.

But he did. "Do you need me Meryl? Do you need me?"

She looked up into his eyes and was amazed to see that his eyes were so close to hers. "Of course I do. Vash, didn't you know that?"

"Good. Cause I need you too." At once, she became aware of the fact that he had not released his hold on her.

She was going to remark on this, but her train of thought was abruptly interrupted. He was moving closer to her. He was bending in towards her. Oh my god, he's going to –

He was kissing her.

In that one moment everything changed. She froze. Her mind would have been racing but for some reason she couldn't think. It was just like she had imagined it would be, no, it was much better. He was gentle and soft, but strong and passionate at the same time. His familiar scent filled her senses and she found herself quite dizzy. Her heart raced so loudly she almost forgot who she was and before she could do anything to stop herself, she was kissing him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to him, to deepen the kiss. He was warm and sweet tasting, astonishing like a glazed donut. The thought made her want to laugh, if she hadn't been enjoying the kiss so much she might have risked a laugh but she didn't want anything to ruin this moment. It was perfect.

When at last he needed some air, Vash straighten up and away from the kiss. He looked down at Meryl, who still had her eyes tightly closed. Her face seemed a little more red than usual. He grinned.

"You look red."

She opened her eyes and felt a deeper blush cover her face. "You're an idiot Vash."

To be continued…

well, what do you think of their first kiss? juicy enough? I hope it was good cause I really liked writing that. heck, maybe I should join the ranks of the naughty lemon writers… lisa