Samus braced herself as she stood before the bedroom door. "I don't want to face that pink again…" she whispered to herself.

Finally, she managed to reach forward and turn the handle. She inched it open…

"Oh…"

The room had been painted orange with sections of brown! And, lying on Peach's bed and grinning at Samus, was the Gerudo King.

"Did you do this?" she asked him incredulously.

"Well, yeah," he said, still smiling. "I know how much you hate this room, and I thought I'd make it more tolerable."

Samus gave him the most lovesick gaze he had ever seen. She then ran forward and gave him the most forceful hug he had ever experienced.

"Can't…br…eethe…" he choked. She let go of him, but in her unrestrained happiness, ended up choking him again.

Peach stormed into Bowser's room, interrupting his game of darts. "That…evil…stinking…rotten…ugly…UURRGHHH!" She let out a very un-princess-like growl. "That stupid man painted my room ORANGE! There will be no forgiveness!"

Bowser blinked at her. "Who whatted?"

She stared at him for a moment, finally managing to calm herself. "Ganondorf has painted my bedroom orange to please Samus. We must punish him by formulating one of our super secret plans and unleashing it on him while he sleeps."

Bowser grinned. "I like where this is going…hey, let's paint him pink!"

Peach cocked her head. "That's a brilliant idea!" she said, nodding in a lopsided way since her head was still cocked.

"What are we going to do to Samus?" the dragon king asked.

"Nothing. This isn't her fault. Besides, she's my friend, and I have to handle this responsibly."

Bowser nodded. "Okay, then."

Meanwhile, outside Bowser's bedroom door, two figures stood still.

"Amelia," Young Link commanded, "fire a tracking device onto Bowser's shell."

"Affirmative," she responded quietly (he had lowered her volume before the espionage quest). She raised her right leg until her foot was pointing at Bowser, and then fired a small metal object onto his shell.

"Excellent! Now, time for phase two!" He ran off for his own bedroom, Amelia following after him.

Link sat in a chair next to his desk. He was writing a love letter to Zelda, but he had no idea what to say. He wanted to say something about her beautiful blonde hair, but what if she had lost it by the time they met once more? He wanted to tell her how much he loved her dresses, but what if she remembered the "incident" with those? He sighed. Nothing to do, nothing to say…

He never noticed the tracking device land on his back. He did, however, hear Young Link's incessant peals of laughter.

He quickly stood and charged at the door. Young Link was there, and…who was the hot chick standing next to him?

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I am Amelia," she responded dully. "Would you like a croissant?" Her abdomen opened, revealing a fresh-baked cupcake.

"Yeah, I'm really going to have to work on that food synthesizer…anyway! You, Adult Link, have been bugged! I can now strike you without warning! I can now-"

Link took this moment to ready a Tranquilizer Arrow and fire it at his young self.

"You have attacked my master," Amelia said in her monotone. "Tranquilization is a level-three offense. The punishment for a level-three offense is…" Clicking noises. "Three hours of Plasma Cannon attacks. Commencing reprimand…"

Her abdomen opened again, revealing a very large cannon. Link gulped and ran away.

"Two hours and fifty-nine minutes remaining…" Amelia droned as she followed him down the hall, leaving scorch marks in her wake.

The Ice Climbers traipsed down the hall, batting a freezie at each other.

"Hey, Nana…" Popo asked as he lobbed the ice figure over a chandelier. "What do you think about Young Link?"

"What do you mean?" Nana responded. She swung her hammer at the freezie, just barely hitting it through a window. "Whoops…"

"You know…what Fox was saying about the killer robot he's building. You think it's true?"

Nana stared at him in confusion. "I thought he told us that that was true…"

"When did he say that?" Popo asked.

"Remember? We walked in on him tearing Fox's Arwing apart."

"Oh, right."

They continued down the hall. As they rounded a corner, they saw…

"Mwahaha!" Crystal King laughed. "The fool forgot to unsummon me! Now I can plague this mansion!" He created more of his Ice Polygons of Little Use.

"You call that an ice cube?" Popo challenged.

Crystal King whirled around. "How dare you impugn me!" he growled. He fired the crystals at the children, who danced around them with ease. Popo then threw his hammer in a boomerang motion, knocking the villain's crown off.

"No!" he cried. He threw himself on the floor and began to sob. "Someone with better ice skills than me!" He then opened a portal back to his realm and leapt through.

"That was fun!" Nana exclaimed. "I hope we meet him again."

In a far away land that none of the Smashers had ever heard of called Goldoa, there is a big freaking castle than no one knows about called Castle Eltatia. In the throne room of Castle Eltatia…

"What an excellent idea…" a robed man said. "I must ensure that Crystal King returns to the house…"

Luigi walked down the hallway, nodding his head in tune to "Going Under" by Evanescence. He would occasionally stop to play air guitar. At one of these times, Mewtwo floated by and gave him a look of utter disgust.

"What?" Luigi asked as the Pokemon continued on.

"You are an imbecile," he responded as he rounded the next corner.

"…What's an imbecile?" Luigi wondered aloud. He shrugged and continued down the hallway. As he passed the hangar…

"YES! I have finally calibrated the corporeal distiller!"

Luigi furrowed his brow. A what huh?

He finally reached his bedroom. While it had been nice to have a roommate, he had gotten quite used to life without Ness. "I hope this contest ends soon," he said to himself. "It's getting kind of boring…"

"What's getting boring?" Marth asked as he walked by.

"This contest," Luigi repeated.

"Mmm. I wish it would end soon too, but for different reasons." Marth nodded to the plumber, and then continued down the hall.

"…nobody makes sense anymore…" Luigi lamented.

Roy sat in the foyer, waiting for Marth to show up so they could have one of their regularly scheduled duels. He had gone to ask Link and Young Link if they wanted to watch, but Young Link had been tranquilized and Link had…problems…with a crazy robot.

"Where is he?" Roy asked the empty room.

"I don't know," the room responded. "Let me ask the hangar."

Roy's right eye twitched. What had just happened? The answer came in the form of Master Hand laughing over the intercom.

"Stupid possessed glove…" he muttered. And then, "DANGER DANGER DANGER!"

He flew out of his chair and ran for the doors, which slammed shut as he got to them. He turned around and examined the room, but no one was in there.

Great… he thought. I'm trapped in a room with a Psycho Killer.

Suddenly Athos appeared! "Just joking," the psychotically old mage chuckled. "Go on about your business." The doors opened, causing Roy to stumble backward.

"I thought he was dead," Roy said as the wizard vanished.

"What are we going to do?" Falco asked. The group had sent Captain Falcon away to collect ten pounds of dust for "an experiment" so that they could find a way to get rid of him permanently.

"I think I might be able to freeze him somehow…" Zelda offered. "It'd be easier if Link was here, though."

"Crud! I was thinking about asking Paula to teach me that..." Ness moaned. "Oh well. I can blind him if you want…"

"Boom boom?" DK whimpered. Zelda had destroyed the rocket launcher with a well-timed Din's Fire, but that meant that they now had to rely on their own strength to get through obstacles.

"Shut it!" Mario yelled.

"You forgot your phony accent," Ness said dryly.

"…"

"If I got the proper mixture of chlorine and bromine, I could create a sleeping pill," Dr. Mario said. "Well, I think I can. It might be an explosive, actually…"

"That works too…" Zelda said.

"Beep!" GW amended.

"Pika!" Pikachu added.

Fox walked to the hangar to once again cry over his destroyed Arwing.

"Why?" he cried, putting his left paw over his heart. "Why did we have to be separated so soon? I miss you so! I would destroy the scoundrel who treated you so unfairly!"

We don't know what the rest of his speech was, though, because the Psycho Killer chose that moment to cast Elfire on him.

"Ouch!" he yelped as he disappeared.

Fox is down...and it turns out that Marth was right about the malevolent being!

Will Captain Falcon ingest an explosive? Will Luigi ever figure out what's going on? Why do people keep attacking Roy? More…in the next chapter (or later)!