"The Darkest Night" (Part 4/5?)
by Sakura no Miko

Pairing: Subaru/Seishirou
Warnings: Major, major disturbing content involving various forms of suicide/euthanasia, abortion, and outright murder. Worse, actual sympathy and glorification of such actions. Anyone who values life as a "gift of God" or whatever deity/power you choose should probably stay away from this 'fic. Oh, and character deaths, yaoi, angst…the usual for these two.
Summary: Subaru's family decides to claim their heir back, but Subaru doesn't want to leave his new life behind…
Disclaimer: I'm seriously out of things to say here. Not CLAMP, okay?

After that incident, another year passed.

There were so many changes, so many tiny things that, all together, might have scared Subaru. Like the little girl, finally old enough to be taught the recipe for her own medicine. Like the poor courtesan with the pretty eyes, finally rescued from her work by a kind man who married her on the spot. Like the fact that…

…the deaths were growing fewer and fewer with every passing day.

It was a strange change, one that Subaru couldn't quite understand. He'd been initiated into a world where death was absurdly common, only to have it change before his very eyes into exactly the sort of world he'd thought he'd left behind forever.

Stranger still, it didn't bother him. Not at all.

He almost hesitated to say it, uncertain and afraid, even. But, then again, he couldn't think of any other thing he could say.

He was…satisfied, with this work and this life. He didn't want for anything. He awoke every morning with a sense of purpose, and took pride and even enjoyment in doing each task before him.

There was a thrill, he'd realized, in doing things with his own hands. In tasting the food he'd prepared all on his own. In holding the hand of a sick patient, comforting, squeezing, with his own sensitive hand. In preparing medicines and bandages and administering them to the sick. In falling asleep on the soft bed, exhausted, but so utterly satisfied.

He, quite simply, loved his life.

The bell rang, announcing an arrival at the door. He didn't think much of it.

…not until he saw the visitors.

Subaru stood in the doorway, speechless. It was two of his cousins. He hadn't seen any member of his family since he'd some here.

The resemblance was obvious—his cousins had the same dark hair and pale skin, though their eyes were a plain brown. Twins, just like him and Hokuto. The boy—Subaru remembered his name, suddenly, as Yami—was wearing the formal outfit of the Sumeragi family. Unlike Subaru's own white robes, however, his cousin's were blue as the sky.

The girl—her name was Hikari—was similarly attired in a lighter blue color. She smiled at him, a little nervously, but it was much friendlier than her brother's rather cold look.

"Subaru," she said, and her voice was pretty, like a bird. "We've been so worried about you!" She hugged him, but he didn't really feel her embrace. Why now? his mind whispered. Surely the family would have been able to find him anytime they wanted.

Her brother didn't say anything until she let go. "Your grandmother sent us to find you," he said briskly. "She said, and I quote, 'Subaru, you are to return at once. You're nearly an adult, and it is imperative that you return and take your position as clan head. You've had your fun with this little job of yours, but you must surely realize how much we need you back home.'" The boy coughed and looked away. "She also said that we are to use whatever methods necessary to bring you back." He looked Subaru in the eyes. "But I'm sure we won't need to."

"No." Subaru's voice was quiet, but firm.

"Subaru," the girl said softly, a hint of a plea. "Please."

"I said no," Subaru almost hissed. Four years. Four years without so much as a word, and now this demand. No. "Grandmother didn't even come herself to fetch me. She hasn't spoken to me in four years. I owe her nothing."

Hikari shook her head. "Then we'll have to take you by force."

"I won't leave here," Subaru whispered, and his mind couldn't quite keep up with his mouth. "I don't want to go back there, not where everything reminds me of her!"

"But Subaru, as you said, it's been years," Hikari said gently.

"Hikari, I'm…I'm happy here," Subaru whispered, pleading with his eyes. "Happier than I ever was back there."

"Do you think she'd want this for you, Subaru?" Yami spoke, cold. "I seem to remember how hard the two of you worked, trying to become worthy of the clan headship. Are you willing to throw away everything the two of you worked for? Wouldn't she want you to do it? For her?"

Subaru trembled. "I don't want to leave."

"But for Hokuto's sake, Subaru," Yami said, seductive, manipulative. "For the dream you had, the wonderful memories of your childhood dream. Is this," –he waved a hand dismissively at the small house, the quiet hospital— "Is this worth more to you than her? Don't you want to remember your sister, Subaru?"

"I…"

"Please, Subaru?" Hikari said, so gentle. "We've missed you so much. We didn't know where you went. And the rumors…" She looked at the house distastefully. "Oh, Subaru, you can't tell us you want to be a slave here. What if you fell ill?"

"You have so much more at home," Yami said, and their voices were a chorus, a dreadful chorus. "You're rich beyond any of these peasant's dreams. You'll never need to lift a finger."

"No death, no sickness," she whispered.

"No," Subaru whispered, but his voice seemed so faint.

"No labor, no pain," he whispered.

"No more of this life you do not deserve," they said, almost together. "Hokuto would want you to be happy."

Hokuto…

The spell shattered. "No!" Subaru said, and his voice was so terribly loud. "Hokuto wanted to escape that house, just like I did." His hands drew to his face. "You're wrong. We never wanted the headship. We were trying to escape. But Grandmother worked us so hard, and the servants watched out every move…"

He could remember the day Hokuto finally managed to get away, in the dark, dead of night. "Be happy, Subaru," she'd whispered. But Grandmother…his grandmother had said, why didn't she take you? She's left you. She doesn't want you anymore.

But Hokuto's eyes had been so sad…

"She escaped," Subaru whispered. "She….just wanted to be happy, with the man she loved." She died for her happiness…and Subaru found he envied her.

"Oh, Subaru, if you'd only listened to us," Hikari sighed, grabbing his arm. She was stronger than she looked—no doubt the result of the family's strict training, training Subaru hadn't had for the last four years.

"Let me go. I don't want to leave," he said defiantly, despite being unable to move. The twins held him tighter, and, against his will, they managed to drag him a few steps.

"Excuse me," came a distinctly masculine voice form behind them. "It would seem that Subaru is rather unwilling. Thus, I must ask exactly what you plan to do with him."

Seishirou! Subaru's heart jumped, and it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. In fact, it only felt more wonderful when Seishirou shooed the twins away and knelt down to examine the dark marks they'd left on Subaru's arms. Subaru wanted to smile, but…he couldn't help but let a few tears escape. He wanted to stay here, with Seishirou, with their work.

"Lord Healer," Yami said, bowing his head formally. "Madame Sumeragi respectfully asks that her grandson return to his duties as clan head." His eyes flicked upwards. "If you would tell him that this arrangement is more suitable, for all of us, we would certainly make it worth you while."

"You should be more subtle with your bribery, boy," Seishirou said, just as formally. Subaru never thought he'd come to love that cold smile—but then again, it wasn't directed at him this time.

Yami glared. "We will take Subaru with us." Hikari nodded next to him.

"If Subaru wishes to stay here, he will stay here," Seishirou said pleasantly, but not without the barest hint of a threat. "You see, it will take quite a long time to train another assistant," he continued blithely, smiling as if this were a normal talk about the weather.

"But even longer to train another clan head," Hikari said, smiling. "So you see our problem."

"I'm sure Madame Sumeragi must have other candidates. It would be…very foolish not to have backup plans. You know, just in case anything unexpected should happen."

"But nothing has happened to our candidate." Yami was obviously getting fed up. "Aside from that, Madame Sumeragi has already been quite lenient with Subaru. Four years is quite the long vacation."

"And Subaru worked so hard to be clan head," Hikari said quickly. "He and his sister spent so many hours making themselves stronger, all to please their grandmother."

Seishirou smiled. "Is that true? I'm afraid, then, that I don't understand why Madame Sumeragi did nothing to stop her granddaughter from leaving the family."

Both twins narrowed their eyes. "Who told you that, Lord Healer?" Hikari asked.

"Why, Subaru, of course." He curled his arm around the boy's waist, and Subaru leaned in, feeling immensely secure. "From what I've heard, you didn't treat his sister very well at all. Forcing her to elope. Disinheriting her. And not even acknowledging her death. Hardly the sort of thing I'd expect from such close-knit family."

"Hokuto made her own decision," Yami said shortly.

"And Subaru seems to be making his."

"Subaru is coming with us."

"Subaru, do you wish to go with them?" Seishirou asked gently. He smiled at Subaru, that hopelessly fake-looking smile Subaru had seen innumerable times.

"I…" he swallowed. "I want to stay here." Casting a look at the twins and remembering his grandmother's harsh rule, he added softly, "with you." He felt so absurdly young, like a child hiding in his mother's skirt. But he felt safe. He knew he wasn't going to leave, not now.

"There you have it," Seishirou said. "Subaru will stay here, with me."

"You have no right," Hikari said, and even her cheerfulness was beginning to fade.

"Subaru is an adult. I don't think you have any right over his life either."

"He is a member of the clan, and subject to the clan leader."

Seishirou brought a finger to his chin and tapped it thoughtfully. "But aren't their certain…relationships that free a person from the clan control?" He paused. "Like marriage, perhaps?"

"Subaru hasn't married anyone," Yami said. "Besides, only the wife changes her affiliation when she marries."

Even Subaru looked up at the comment. What was Seishirou saying?

"But a person could change clans that way?" Again, the thoughtful tapping of his finger. "Then, perhaps, if I were to say that Subaru is, by his relationship with me, a member of my clan, you couldn't do anything to him, could you?"

"What relationship?"

"Why, he's my assistant, of course. If I were to die the next day, only Subaru could take my place. He's my only heir." Seishirou smiled. "And unlike the numerous members of the Sumeragi family, I have no other candidate to turn to. Surely you wouldn't put the welfare of one family above the needs of all these poor, sick patients."

It was, surprisingly, Hikari who laughed. "How foolish. As if no other healers exist in this land." Her voice dropped. "Or no other murderers."

Subaru stiffened, but Seishirou's arms only hugged him closer. "There is one other thing," Seishirou said, his voice a little more reserved. He looked at Subaru, just for a moment. "But I'm not sure Subaru would approve of my saying…"

"It's alright, Seishirou," Subaru said, trying to hide his confusion. But… "Say anything, if it means I could stay here."

"If you really want me to," Seishirou said, sighing as if he were being forced. His drew his hand up to Subaru's face, causing the boy to stare back, confused. But when Seishirou leaned forward to kiss him, he remembered, almost too clearly, the sweet sensation. And that alone allowed him to lean forward instead of jumping back, sealing the illusion perfectly.

He was still slightly dazed when Seishirou pulled back. "As you can see," he said, not even gasping for breath, "Subaru and I would rather not be split up." The twins glared. "Tell Madame Sumeragi that I claim Subaru, by virtue of the fact that he is my lover, as a member of my clan. She has no more power over him." When the twins made no motion to leave, or even accept the message, he repeatedly, in a much more threatening note, "Did you hear me? Subaru is mine."

"We will give her your message," Hikari said finally. "But don't expect her to give up her heir lightly."

"Neither will I."

They glared once more before turning heel and disappearing down the road. Subaru spoke first. "Thank you," he said simply. He looked away. A thought raced through his mind, and yet…for once, he didn't want to analyze it.

"Perhaps I should be thanking you instead, Subaru?" Seishirou respectfully looked at the ground. "After all, you are the one kind enough to stay here and assist me." He couldn't hide his smile for long, though. "And, if I may say, very few handsome young men would allow their teacher to kiss them so passionately."

Subaru blushed. "You saved me," he said. "I never would have thought…"

"To destroy your reputation and make your family even angrier?" Seishirou finished.

"To pretend we were lovers," Subaru corrected. "It was so obvious. I should have…"

"Should have what, Subaru? I doubt someone so highly-bred as you would think of such a vulgar lie."

"I should have resisted more. But…" Subaru shook his head. "They're right. She won't leave me alone. I never thought about it, not in all these years. I never thought about…about what trouble it must have caused them, my simply running away like a spoiled child. Especially after Hokuto…" he trailed off.

"Subaru, do you want to go back?"

"No. But…"

"But?"

"What if Grandmother sends more people next time? They won't all listen to you. They won't all believe." Subaru felt the tears returning to his face. Here he was, almost an adult, and he still felt as helpless as a child.

"I won't let them take you away." Subaru looked up, startled. "You're useful, after all." Seishirou leaned over to flick the tears away with his thumb. "And it would take several years to find another person suitable for your job."

Subaru blinked. Even if it was only logic, only need, Seishirou still wanted him there.

Maybe that was why he leaned forward. Maybe that was why he couldn't stop himself from leaning far, far closer than he should have. Maybe that was why he couldn't help but enjoy another kiss.

It wasn't awkward, or strange. "I might have known," Seishirou said when he pulled away, "that you weren't the type to lie."

Subaru smiled. "It wasn't a lie," he said, almost sad. "I remember…"

"You were one of many." Seishirou's voice was emotionless.

"I might have guessed." Truthfully, he'd blocked the night out from his memory. He knew, vaguely, what they'd done, but the thought of death was so much stronger in his mind, and the memory was ignored until it faded away. Payment. That was all it was. "You never did kill me," he said simply. "So there wasn't much point."

"No point?" Seishirou pouted. "Certainly it was better than that."

"Seishirou…"

"You know, Subaru, you've cost so much more alive than dead," Seishirou said, teasing.

"Do I…" Subaru blushed. "…do I owe you very much?"

Seishirou blinked, almost surprised. "Oh, so much, Subaru," he said, and there was no mistaking the perverted tone he was using. "Many, many nights worth of payment."

"Then...we wouldn't be lying, now would we?"

Subaru hated the way his voice sounded, so uncaring, so cold. But, then again, there wasn't much point to telling the truth, now was there? How to say that he enjoyed their fake kiss? Their loveless payments? Their nights sleeping side by side?

How to say that…he was just starting to be…happy, here?

…he might have cursed his fate.

He'd ignored it for so long, that warm feeling within him. He was happy here. He loved his life. He'd do whatever it took to protect it, even if it meant destroying his family's unbroken line.

And for what?

…just so he could stay with this man, this murderer, who only wanted him as an heir? As a bed partner?

Subaru couldn't deny his own longing. And Seishirou was part of that longing. He wanted to feel that warmth again, that warmth that had drawn him up, like a newborn, into his new life. Maybe the warmth would keep him from ever plunging back into the ice. Maybe…he could stay happy.

"Thank you, Seishirou," he said finally.

"For what, Subaru?"

"For keeping me."

…it wasn't what he wanted to say. Thank you for letting me stay here. For giving me a home. For fighting off my family. For letting me be your lover. For…

…for…

Seishirou took his hand, leading him back inside. There were still many hours of daylight, many tasks to do.

And Subaru couldn't think of a better life to have.

Author's note: This is not the end.

Heheh.Actually, this scene was only supposed to be a brief space-filler, but it kinda took off on its own.

There's definitely one more scene I want to write, involving Subaru and Kakyou. There's only one last little angst Subaru needs to deal with, but it's one that should be addressed. And Seishirou needs to make a couple of realizations as well.

Anyway, there should be at least one more full chapter, then maybe an epilogue. I'm still debating the happy/tragic ending bit…but I should have a decision by the end of the next/last chapter.

In fact…ah, here's an idea. If anyone has any preference, please make a brief note of it in your reviews. The ending I originally had planned involves a character death...but also an eventual re-finding of love. I thought that an ending like that would more fully explore the theme of choosing life, even a life without loved ones, over death.

On the other hand, perhaps the current direction of the story is enough. Subaru is already well on his way to being happy, and maybe he doesn't need to prove himself again.

Please give it some thought before you answer. After all, if I have to think, so do you. ;)