Chapter 2

I will not smile.

The Jedi academy is large. Full of students like myself. Force Sensitive and eager.

Luke Skywalker. I have heard mother and father speak of him. I know his exploits. I know he was chosen before my father. The man who could have been my father. The man who mother intended to be my father. I do not know how to feel about that.

I do not smile to shake his hand. I cannot. I answer as I have been taught. With polite coolness. Even Jedi may be suspect.

He is small. Smaller than my father, but has power. It is not visible, it is not in my reach, but he is to be respected.

I would not be here if my mother did not respect him. I would not be here if she did not trust him.

I have met his niece and nephew. I find them to be strange. Children of powerful parents, yet they smile. How curious. They feel no qualms about sharing their joys and fears. They are not shy or controlled. How curious.

The boy, Jacen Solo, is younger than I by a year, yet he has told me he intends to make me smile. A futile aspiration. His twin sister, Jaina, does not appear to like me. I have done nothing, but she does not wish my company.

I am not an easy person to know. I must be wary of intent, wary of people who would harm me for gain. I am not to trust; why should either of them trust me? I have not earned it, but deed or action. I have not done anything to gain that trust. Yet.

Their parents are Han Solo and Leia Organa-Solo, heroes of the New Republic. Are they a threat? Could they be a threat?

Everyone is a threat. My mother's mother has taught me to trust no one. Not high level senators or representatives. Not children of hard done by or well off families. I can trust no one beyond my family. But my father's mother is family and I do not trust her. I dare not. To do so would be suicide; I have no desire to die.

I trust my parents but I cannot go to them. I have no aids, no servants, no trusted confident.

I am alone.

Alone to face the fears I cannot voice or show. Alone to face the joys I cannot celebrate. I am alone to face my nightmares and my triumphs.

But here, at the temple, there is a feeling of unreality. A feeling of peace I have not felt since leaving Dathomir and my mother's mother. There is a sense of purpose, of doing something important.

Building the future Jedi.

Do I belong here, among these students, learning to rely on skills beyond my physical capabilities?

I am determined to find my place her. I will belong, I will become a part of this future. I will be more focused then any other student and they will not know of my background. They will not know I am royalty; I do not want their pity and their awe. I want their confidence in my abilities, in my proven strengths. I will earn this.

I am confident I will be the most diligent student Master Skywalker has ever had. I will earn my place among the New Jedi Order through hard work and merit. I will not open myself to their weaknesses.

Yet, weakness brings to mind Jacen Solo. He is strange, different from any boy I have met. He is open, honest, in his feelings and thoughts. He shares without reservation, heedless of the consequences to himself and others. Is this a weakness? Perhaps his strength? His gift to make people smile? No matter.

Whatever it is, he will never understand that I cannot smile.