32. Dolores Umbridge
Callie woke up in her bed in at Hogwarts a few weeks later, happy to be in the Slytherin Dungeon for once. Her mum had allowed her to return to school, though the woman had also refused to leave Britain for the time being. Callie had decided not to fight her on the subject - for now. Despite You Know Who's return, everything was actually rather quiet in the wizarding world. As far as she knew, nothing major had happened since Cedric's death. On the other hand, Hermione was sure the Ministry was doing their damnedest to make everyone believe all was as it should be.
"And now they've sent this Umbridge woman here to keep an eye on things," Hermione complained during lunch on the first day back. When Callie gave her a puzzled look, the girl explained, "She works for the Ministry, she's here on their behalf. They're planning to interfere at Hogwarts. Try to keep Dumbledore in check."
"Nobody's going to tell Dumbledore what he can and can't do," Callie commented, feeding Bela a banana. "He could slaughter them all if he wanted to, just like he did Grindelwald."
"Grindelwald's alive," Hermione said.
"Yes, but I'm sure he's not looking too good up there in Nurmengard," Callie replied. "Anyway, to hell with the Ministry. Useless gits couldn't do anything to stop You Know Who the last time. Worst case scenario," she went on thoughtfully, "Fudge doesn't accept that he's back. If the Ministry won't acknowledge it, then they won't be prepared to fight back. Think You Know Who isn't going to go for the them too? Try to take over the government? He'll have his own people in there, make himself Minister, maybe. Then it won't be Fudge and his cronies we'll have to worry about."
They all sat in silence for a moment, before Neville said, "Really put an optimistic spin on things, you did."
"Well," Callie said, "best case scenario he pulls his head out of his arse and gets a militia together."
"You're just dying to enlist, aren't you?" Neville smirked.
Bela had finished Callie's treat, and now he was sniffing at Red's plate of watermelon. "Oi, bugger off!" the boy said, shooing him away. Bela flew up in the air twenty feet, but was stopped by a cord that Callie had tied around him and her wrist.
"What'd you bring that ugly thing in here for, anyway?" Red asked in annoyance.
"He needs to get some exercise," Callie replied. "I can't leave him locked in a cage all day. And he's isn't ugly, he adorable."
"He?" Hermione asked. "I thought it was a girl. Bela?"
Callie explained the connection to the Dracula film, smirking when Red cut in to ask what a movie was. She left it to Hermione to explain it to him.
"She's got a thing for vampires," Neville informed his two housemates. "Tell 'em what you made me do."
Callie smiled to herself and said, "You know that healer in Diagon Alley that offers free treatments and such? Well, when we went for our school supplies, she was there with a representative from the Society for the Tolerance of Vampires. They were asking for blood donations."
"Blood?" Red exclaimed. "For what?"
"For the vampires," Callie explained. "Gotta get it some way, haven't they?"
Hermione remarked, "I had no idea there was a Society for the Tolerance of Vampires." She looked as though she might want to consider joining the cause.
"So they just... take your blood to feed to them?" Red asked.
"Yeah," Callie replied. "Think about it. Lupin had his Wolfsbane to keep him in check. Vampires ought to have some way of satiating their thirst without having to harm humans. Everybody wins."
"Bloody hell," Red breathed.
"That's fantastic!" Hermione exclaimed.
"So," Callie went on, "I had to do it. Donate, I mean."
"And she insisted I do, too," Neville said.
Hermione and Red both gaped at him. "You did?" Red asked. Neville nodded. "Blimey, Neville, wouldn't have figured you to be the type to go bloodletting with this lunatic."
"She's not a lunatic," Neville said defensively.
"It was just an expression," Callie told him. The boy just couldn't stand to have anyone talk badly about her.
Even so, Red muttered, "Sorry."
Callie reached into her bookbag and said, "Here's a card if you ever want to make a donation." She slid it over to him.
"I think I'll pass," he replied. But Hermione had already snatched it and was studying it.
Callie and Neville left them to go return Bela to his cage before the next period. "That Draught of Peace was awful," Neville remarked as they made their way down to the dungeons. "Tell me you got the hang of it. Snape said it'll come up on the O.W.L."
"Yeah, I got it," Callie replied. But his mention of the potions master suddenly turned her thoughts back to the previous night, when she'd been rather surprised to see him sitting at the head table. "Really thought he wasn't going to come back this year," she mused.
"Who?"
"Snape. Considering..." she looked around, checking for eavesdroppers. There were none, but she still dropped her voice and spoke in code. "...what we know about him," she concluded.
"That he's a-" Neville began, but stopped himself. "What, did you think he was going to... re-enlist?"
"No," Callie sighed. "Quite the opposite actually. I thought he would flee."
"Flee?"
Callie shrugged. "Karkaroff did." Apparently nobody had heard from the Durmstrang headmaster since the third task.
Neville pondered it and suggested, "Maybe he thinks it's safer here than anywhere else. Gran said Dumbledore was the only person You Know Who was ever afraid of. Maybe Snape figures You Know Who won't be able to get at him here."
"Yeah, that makes sense," Callie agreed. They came to the Slytherin common room, and she said, "Well, I'd invite you in, but..."
"Hmph," Neville huffed, smirking. "Have fun in Charms. See you at dinner."
"Good luck with Umbridge," Callie replied as they parted ways.
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The next day it would be her turn to meet the woman, and from what everyone had said at dinner, Callie had absolutely nothing good to look forward to. Barty Crouch, Jr. as Moody would've been better than this twat, according to Dean Thomas. Apparently the class wouldn't get to practice any defensive spells or counter-curses; it was going to be strictly theoretical with Umbridge.
"Well that's... useless!" Callie exclaimed.
"That's what we all said," Dean informed her.
"She also denied You Know Who's return," Neville cut in. "Of course."
"And said Cedric's death was a 'tragic accident,'" Parvati added.
"And Harry stood up and said You Know Who did it," Neville said. "Then she sent him off to McGonagall."
Callie rolled her eyes and said, "McGonagall's not stupid. She's not going to side with Umbridge on this, I'm sure."
"Shoulda seen Harry, though," Dean said, shaking his head in wonder. "Never seen anyone have a go at a teacher that way." He paused, looking at Callie. "Well, except for you with Snape."
"I'll have a go at Umbridge too if she pulls that 'tragic accident' rubbish tomorrow," Callie said.
"So you believe him?" Seamus piped up from a few seats away. It was the first time Callie had heard him speak all through dinner. "You believe You Know Who is back?"
How could she not? Snape had confirmed it, and he would know better than anyone else, what with the Mark. But she couldn't explain that to anyone here, except Neville.
To Seamus, she replied, "Yes, I do. Trust me, I'm sure of it."
"And how would you know?" Seamus spat at her. Rising to his feet, he added, "Oh, I forgot - you're a Slytherin lass. What are you, one of You Know Who's Death Eaters, too?"
Callie's mouth dropped open in shock, but it was Neville who jumped up from the table and screamed, "Don't you ever accuse her of that again, or I'll hex you!"
"Go ahead and try it, Longbottom," Seamus dared. "You'll only backfire on yourself, ya witless git."
Callie stood up and pulled her wand from her robes, turning it on him. "How 'bout if I hex you, ya Irish bastard," she said.
However, the wand suddenly flew out of her hand and off to the side, as if of its own accord. Everybody looked to see Snape standing near the end of the Gryffindor table, holding it.
"How about you return to your own table, Warbeck," he said, "if you can't even play nice with your Gryffindor chums."
Neville and Seamus returned to their seats, but Callie remained standing. "I'll go you one better, Professor," she said. "I'll leave." She grabbed up her bookbag and approached the potions master, nodding towards her wand. "You're not going to give that back, are you?" she said.
He looked to be considering it for a moment, but then he held it out for her. "Five points for Slytherin," he said, and then glanced at Seamus. "He did look rather terrified for a second. Good job, Warbeck."
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Callie and her housemates sat in Defense Against the Dark Arts the next morning, looking up at the infamous Dolores Umbridge as she smiled back at them.
"Slytherin, my own house," she cooed, an expression reminiscent of a proud mother on her face. "Welcome, all of you, to Defense Against the Dark Arts. I invite anyone who'd like to hear me reminisce about my time as a Slytherin student to join me in my office for a cup of tea. Anytime at all, dears."
Yeah, sure, Callie thought, rolling her eyes.
The woman went on, "I believe I owe my illustrious career with the Ministry of Magic, in part, to my seven years in Slytherin House. Provided me with a solid foundation and instilled in me the values of hard work, ambition, and resourcefulness. As I'm sure it will continue to do for all of you."
Christ, get on with it.
"One day," Umbridge continued, "you too may head up the Improper Use of Magic Office, or sit on the Wizengamot, or serve as senior undersecretary to the Minister for Magic."
Nobody cares about your God damn career!
"And it is a great honor to help you on your way." She hadn't dropped her smile once throughout all that, but it became even wider as she gave them all one last motherly look. "Now," she went on, "we are going to be following a Ministry-approved curriculum in our study of defensive magic. I've written the course objectives up on the blackboard. Please, take out your quills and copy them down. Go ahead and put your wands away, you won't be needing them."
Callie stuck her hand up in the air and said, "Professor?"
Umbridge met her with a friendly smile. "Yes, dear, Miss...?"
"Warbeck, ma'am, Callie Warbeck."
"Yes, Miss Warbeck?"
"Ma'am, it's my understanding that we're not going to practice any defensive spells in your class. Only theoretical learning."
"You understand quite well, dear," Umbridge replied.
"Perhaps that's not the most effective way for us to learn, ma'am. I imagine it would be like learning potions without ever brewing."
The woman's lip twitched ever so slightly, but her smile didn't fade. She had a sort of maniacal look about her, Callie realized. "Well, dear," she said, "potion-making is a useful skill to have for many professions. Proficiency in defense against dark magic however, is quite unnecessary for the average witch or wizard."
"Is it, ma'am?" Callie asked. "I believe defense against dark magic is one of the most necessary skills a witch or wizard can have. Life-saving, in some cases."
"'Life-saving'?" Umbridge echoed. "And what, may I ask, might you need to save yourself from?"
"Anything," Callie replied. "Or anyone. The world isn't all roses and sunshine and loveliness. That's why we have Defense, to learn how to protect ourselves."
Despite the ever-present smile, the woman looked as though she'd like to Tongue-Tie Callie. After a moment, she said, "You will learn defensive magic from Slinkhard's text, my dear. I assure you, the Ministry is perfectly capable of deciding what's best for the students of this school."
But Callie argued, "It isn't just of matter of knowing how a spell works, ma'am. You have to practice it. The first time you ever try a spell it usually doesn't work. What are we supposed to do if faced with Dark Magic in real life?"
"Well," Umbridge said, "you don't have to worry about that, dear. You're only a fifth-year student. There's nothing at this school that you'll have to defend yourself against."
"We're not going to be at Hogwarts forever," Callie argued.
The woman studied her a long moment, before she checked her watch and said, "My, we've eaten up quite a bit of time on the subject. This is a lesson, not a debate. If you'd like to discuss the matter further, Miss Warbeck, please see me in my office after class."
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Callie didn't see her after class. She did see her later that night though, at dinner. The woman walked into the Great Hall and spotted Callie sitting at the Gryffindor table, as usual. "Miss Warbeck," she said, "perhaps I'm mistaken, but didn't I see you in my fifth-year Slytherin lecture this morning?"
"Yes, ma'am, you did," Callie replied, returning the woman's phony smile with her own.
"Well," Umbridge said, "I expect you weren't there by accident. You are a member of Slytherin House, are you not?"
"I am, ma'am." Umbridge stood silent, obviously waiting for some further explanation, but Callie simply smiled up at her expectantly.
"In that case, I'm confused as to why you're not having dinner with your housemates."
"No need to be confused, ma'am," Callie said. "My housemates and I don't get along very well. I'm much happier having my meals with my friends in Gryffindor, and my housemates are happy to be rid of me."
"Hmph," Umbridge squeaked. "In my day, students took their meals at their own tables. It was understood that our place was with our house."
"Professor Snape is well aware of the seating arrangements and he's fine with it, ma'am. If you'd like, I can bring you to him to confirm."
The woman considered it, then held out her hand and made a come-with-me gesture. Callie got up and followed her to Snape's place at the head table. "Hem hem," she chirped, getting his attention.
"May I help you, Dolores?" he asked in his quiet, uninterested voice.
"Miss Warbeck, here, has informed me that you've given her permission to dine at the Gryffindor table, rather than her own."
Snape simply stared at her a moment, and then replied, "And?"
"I do believe it is tradition for students to dine with the rest of their housemates," she explained.
"It is," Snape agreed, and said nothing more.
"Well," Umbridge said after another moment, "I don't believe we ought to make any exceptions for Miss Warbeck. Do you, Severus?"
Snape looked from her, to Callie, and back. "None of the girl's housemates like her," he said airily. "They practically begged me to send her somewhere else. In any event, there's no official rule dictating where students can and can't sit in the Great Hall."
That was good to know, Callie thought. She also took note of the fact that he had just lied to Umbridge on her behalf. No one had ever "begged him" to remove her from the Slytherin table. She'd done that of her own volition.
"Right, then," Umbridge said, clearly unsettled by the fact that she hadn't won this argument. Nevertheless, she nodded to Callie and said, "Carry on."
"Thank you, ma'am," Callie replied, and her smile was genuine this time, but only because she was happy to have gotten the better of the bitch.
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"Just when we need all the defense practice we can get, the Ministry takes it away." She and Neville were working in greenhouse three one day at the end of September. "Think at this point, I'd prefer if they gave Snape the damn job already."
Neville looked at her in disbelief and horror.
"Well," Callie said, "he is the lesser of two evils."
Just then, Hermione came in and said, "I've been looking for you two."
"Come to collect our donations for S.P.E.W.?" Callie guessed.
"No. But now that you mention it, I could use some help knitting hats."
"I don't know how to knit," Callie replied. "I'll buy the damn hats."
"Never mind that for now," Hermione said. Then she looked around before whispering in a conspiratorial tone, "I've got to talk to you both about something."
"You're marrying Red and you want us both in the wedding," Callie joked.
Hermione's expression went blank. "Wh- No!" Callie and Neville both chuckled, but the girl went on, "Come on, now, this is serious."
"All right, get on with it," Callie said.
Once again, Hermione checked for eavesdroppers. "Harry and Red-" she corrected herself "-Ron and I have been talking. This 'theoretical' rubbish is getting us nowhere, and what with... everything going on, we thought it was about time we took matters into our own hands."
"Ooh," Callie said excitedly, "you're going to murder Umbridge! Let me be in on this, please, let me be!"
Hermione chuckled as the Slytherin clapped her hands in merriment. "No," she replied. "We're thinking of starting up... a club of sorts."
"What kind of club?" Callie asked.
One more furtive glance, and then, "A defense club. So that we can practice spells ourselves, without Umbridge knowing."
"How are we supposed to do that?" Callie asked.
Hermione shrugged. "We'll have to find a place somewhere that she won't find us."
"Such as?"
"I don't know. Haven't quite figured that out yet. For now I'm just checking around to see if anyone would be interested."
"I am," Callie replied.
"What if we got caught?" Neville asked.
"We won't," Hermione said. "I'll make sure of that."
"What are you going to do?" Callie asked.
"I'll figure something out. In the meantime, the first Hogsmeade weekend is coming up. That'd be a good time to meet and discuss things. Know that pub, the Hog's Head Inn?"
"Yeah, the one no one ever goes in," Callie said.
"Exactly. Perfect setting for a private conversation," Hermione explained. "Meet us there first thing."
"All right."
Hermione nodded, then turned to leave. "Oh, Callie?" she called back.
"Yes?"
The Gryffindor girl had a strange, apprehensive sort of look on her face. "Don't mention any of this to... ya know... the others."
"What others?" Callie asked.
Hermione was hesitant as she explained, "Your housemates."