As you see, you encouraged me a great deal, here are the next chapters. Enjoy! Marie
Chapter four – Fight
And everything she had had to hold back for days broke ot of her: "What are you thinking? Or are you thinking at all? Have you ever, once considered where this will lead to?"
Harry stared at her, but he didn't exactly seem surprised "Where what will lead to, Mione?"
"The things you tell him, the stuff you tell Sirius."
"I didn't tell him anything else than I did from the beginning."
"Oh yes, Harry, you did. This time it was different. Before you just left out the less cheerful parts but today you lied!"
Harry shrugged "And? It won't hurt if Sirius knows how courageous he has always been."
"Of course he was courageous, I don't doubt that at all, but he never had the chance to act the hero, because he was imprisoned!"
"But he would have done anything to catch my parents' killers and make sure to land all the Death-Eaters in Azkaban."
Hermione couldn't help but raise her voice: "But he didn't. He was in a cell in Azkaban himself. And you made that stuff up, you LIED TO HIM!"
"What's the differnce? He is certainly happier with my version."
"There is no version, there is only the truth! And this is the only thing that will make him happy at long sight!"
Now it was Harry's turn to get loud: "Oh yeah? You don't happen to remember him, do you? Suffering, haunted and brooding here in those dark rooms. Never free of his memories. And look at him now. He even likes the house."
"The house that stands for everything he had turned his back on! All that pure-blood-rubbish. He had experienced that and he had made his decision, not to become a part of that. He decided to become… himself!"
"But he doesn't KNOW what it was like here. He can make a whole new start, what's wrong with that?"
Hermione angryly flung her hands in the direction of Sirius' bedroom two floors above them: "This is not a new start, because he doesn't have a clue what it was like before. To be really free, you have to be free of something. He has nothing to be free of, he doesn't know."
"And he doesn't need to. It would only make it harder for him! Do you want that? Do you want the old unhappy Sirius back?"
"No, I just want SIRIUS back!" She hadn't intended this to come out that vehemently "I – I mean I want him to know, to understand what has happened to him before. To give him a chance to get over it, to deal with it. Remember, he was getting along better each day, especially when you were around. He was strong, he would never give up."
"And that's OK, Hermione, but he was also never really happy. I mean look at him, you can even see, how good he is now without the Dementors swirlig in the back of his head!"
"Oh yes, that's what counts!" she said sarcastically "He looks good. Brilliant, Harry, a happy looking shell around a shallow spirit, who has lost everything he was!"
"I don't know why you're getting so worked up about that, you didn't even like him very much, you even said he was getting SOFT and tried to live through us, if you are so kind to remember, Hermione!"
"I never, never in my life disliked Sirius! How dare you say something like that? Sure, I disagreed with the way he was edging you on sometimes, how he tended to be reckless. But I always liked him for the way he was passionate and true to himself, I even admired the way he would willingly give everything up. He was so unbelievably brave, Harry, he broke out of Azkaban to save YOU. He lived like a dog for almost a year! He knew that it was worth to give his happiness and twelve years of his life, just because of that he was able to worship live and friendshi and love like he did, because he knew what it was like to have lost al of that! He loved you, despite everything he had been through!"
"He loves me now!" Harry shouted.
"But it is NOT the same! Harry, and you know it! If you don't tell him what he survived to become who he was, to become that brave, strong man, who defeated all his fears just to be with you, he will never be like that again, he will never be Sirius again. But I think he deserves to come back as who he was, his soul deserves that, and if that means to confront him with all those things, than that's what it takes!"
"You don't get it, do you, I just want him to be happy! And besides, everybody agrees with me. Even Dumbledore said, that it was my decision how much I let him know, because I am the one who was closest to Sirius!"
"But, but they can't do that, they are lying!"
"Who is lying?" With a shock, Hermione and Harry turned towards the door, just to see Sirius stand there in T-Shirt and boxers, his long black hair ruffled, his grey eyes puffy. He looked from one to the other, asking again: "What is this about? I heard you shout down here. Who is lying?"
Hermione came to her senses first. For a fleeting moment, she was about to tell him everything, because she could't take the look of him anymore, how he looked so young and faithful, depending on the information others gave him. Her eyes locked with his and in that small second she wanted to rush over to him, comfort him, tell him everything. She couldn't lie.
But she couldn't expose Harry either. "We were fighting about Fred and George and about their plan to smuggle disguised love potions into Hogwarts, pretending they were ink." How hard it was to take her eyes from his.
Harry stared at her, then he quickly joined in: "Yeah, Hermione thinks, they should not do that, because it's against about every school-rule there is."
"Well, hm, I don't think that's such a big crime, could have some interesting effects, though." Sirius grinned and Hermione couldn't help but role her eyes in a very prefect-like way. "If that's all, goodnight, you two!"
"Goodnight!" Harry and Hermione smiled at Sirius and waited until his footsteps had died away. "Thank you, Hermione, I appreciate that you respect my decision."
"Harry, I didn't want to cause a disaster in the middle of the night, but I still don't agree wih the way you treat him."
"OK, but you have no right to interfere, Hermione, he is my godfather. Now goodnight."
Very long after Harry had climbed the stairs to his and Ron's bedroom, Hermione was still standing in the kitchen and thought about those last words. Did she have no right to interfere? Wasn't this about Sirius' sake and not about Harry's? But then she decided to stay loyal to her friend and to try and feel positive about Sirius' happiness, because after all, it was not about her own sake either.