I should be asleep. LOL...See my dedication?
Thanks, as always, for all of the kind words. You guys really push me to continue! I love that you're liking the story. And I know we all don't like the non-Mondler moments, but just hang in there. ;-)
Chandler just said, "I'm not crazy about babies, I'm crazy about us." on the continuous Friends loop that plays on my TV. *SWOON* He's the best, and I just love them.
Oh yeah, I mentioned that I'm now on Twitter, so if you didn't catch that before it's crokkk2. Come follow me! :)
Anyway, I'm going to bed. I hope you enjoy!
Monica swallowed the lump that suddenly appeared in her throat and tried to make words form as she stared up at Richard, her heart beating rapidly in her chest.
"What are you doing here?" She finally managed.
He pressed his lips together, "I was hoping we could talk," he replied. His eyes scanned four of her friends and some other woman he didn't know behind her, just as shocked as she was.
Her mouth flapped open and closed a few times, "Well I..."
"These are for you," he said and offered the bushel to her.
"Th-thank you, they're beautiful," she said as she took them from him. She stood there awkwardly holding the flowers, not sure what to do with them or what to say to him.
Monica swallowed and looked away, and over to Rachel. Rachel lifted her eyebrows and Monica cleared her throat nervously. She didn't know what he was doing here either.
She had seen him a month ago, when she went on an errand to the bank and ran into him, literally. He convinced her to grab a bite to eat, during which he'd told her then that he missed her and wanted to be with her. He had a new job that required him to travel all over the world to promote and teach other ophthalmologists how to use new equipment that he helped develop.
He wanted her to come with him then. He was heading out for Paris the next day and pleaded with her to quit her job, pack a bag, and get on the plane with him.
But while she thought traveling for a month, maybe two, would be fun, it wouldn't fill the void she felt in her life. It wasn't what she wanted, and she told him that. And while yes, she loved him more than anything a year ago, and the breakup with him was harder than anything else she'd ever done in her life, she didn't want to travel with him and just be his companion. 'It wouldn't be like that,' he had said, but she wasn't sure she believed that.
The fact was simple: she wanted a family. A husband, a house in the suburbs, a dog, and a kid. Or two kids. Or four.
And he didn't want any of that.
"Um, do-do you want to come in?" She asked and hoped he couldn't hear the shake in her voice.
"If that's okay?" He asked a smile beneath his mustache, his palms flat.
"Yeah," she cleared her throat, "yes, please, come in." She moved out of the way and stepped to the side to give him room to walk into the living room.
"Hi everyone," Richard said and lifted a hand to wave at them.
All of them greeted him, a look of wonder on each of their faces. When it was Ross's turn, he shook his father's best friend's hand firmly, narrowing his eyes a bit at him, "Hey."
"How are you, Ross?" Richard asked, giving the same look back at the paleontologist.
"I'm good," he said, wondering, along with the rest of them, what he was doing there. Emily tapped him on the arm and snapped him back into reality, "Oh, right." He wrapped an arm around Emily's shoulders, allowing her to step forward, "Richard, this is my…" he stopped. He didn't know what Emily was to him, "Um, this is my..." he tried again.
Emily turned and lifted an eyebrow at him, "Girlfriend," she said to Ross.
Ross let a smile take over his entire face, "Really?" He said, his voice higher and full of surprise. Emily nodded and chuckled at him.
"Okay, well, Richard, this is my girlfriend Emily," he said proudly, "Emily this is Monica's ex..." Richard and Monica both looked at him, because he was making this even more awkward. He let out a laugh, "Sorry, um, this is Richard."
Richard shook his head at Ross but smiled warmly at her as he shook her hand, "Nice to meet you."
"You too," Emily returned.
"Ah, where are you from?" Richard asked, as he noticed her accent immediately.
"Just outside of Bristol," she responded.
"Oh, Bristol is great, I've been there before," he glanced over at Monica then, "in fact, I'll be going back in just a couple of weeks."
Monica shifted on her feet and adjusted the roses in her arms.
Emily smiled and nodded at him, "Oh, well, I hope you enjoy it. I love it there," she said with a smile, "but, I also have taken quite a liking to New York."
Ross and Emily shared a look and Monica glanced over at Rachel, who rolled her eyes dramatically.
"Mon, do you want me to put these in water for you?" Rachel asked, and Monica was grateful that she took the cumbersome bushel out of her hands.
"Um, yes, please. Thank you, Rach." Monica said as she passed them to her and cleared her throat nervously. "Richard, would you like to sit?" She asked, gesturing to the couch.
He nodded, "Yeah, but uh, do you want to go to the coffee house? I was hoping to talk with you alone for a few minutes," he said, lifting an eyebrow at her.
Monica tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked down at her outfit. She'd changed into sweats and an oversized t-shirt to nap in, and she knew she wasn't going out in public like that. "Oh, well, no. I'm not dressed for any public setting," she replied with a nervous chuckle, "could you guys maybe go across the hall?" She asked her friends.
She looked at Richard, who nodded his approval. Ross, Emily, and Phoebe all stood from their seats and headed towards the door. Rachel finished with the flowers and joined them, then everybody looked at Joey, who hadn't moved.
"Uh, Joe?" Monica said, and when he looked at her, she motioned with her head towards the door, "Please?"
"Sure," Joey finally said. Monica winced as he walked over to Richard slowly and opened the pizza box, "Pizza, Richard?"
Monica shook her head at her overprotective brother and friend. After the breakup, Ross, Joey, and Chandler all promised to give him a piece of their mind when they saw him again, but Monica eventually assured them that it wasn't necessary. She didn't hate him, and she didn't want them to hate him, particularly Ross, who would no doubt have to be around him when their parents had any sort of event.
Richard furrowed his eyebrows together at the harsh tone, "No, no thanks, Joey. I'm good."
Joey slammed the box shut and took the two pizzas with him as he followed the rest of the group out the door. Richard waited until Monica's door closed, then listened for the other door to close before he said anything.
"That was weird," Richard commented.
Monica adjusted her shirt and chuckled nervously again, "Yeah, well, Joey is weird, sometimes."
"So uh, where is Chandler? It's odd when one of you is missing," he said, chuckling a little.
Monica gestured for him to sit on the couch, and she followed. The mention of the man she slept with yesterday made chills form all over her body. She rubbed her arms and wished she had her sweater, "He's in Colorado," she said as she sat down on the other end of the couch from him, "his grandmother passed away."
Richard furrowed his eyebrows together, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Will you pass along my condolences when you talk to him again?"
She nodded, "Of course."
"How are you? How is the job?" He asked.
Monica nodded, "I'm doing good," she started, "my job was hard at first. It took some time for the others to get to know me and I'm still not sure they care for me much, but I like it."
"Well, it's just another steppingstone until you can own your own restaurant, right?"
Monica smiled at that. Oh, what a dream that was, "Maybe, one day."
He pressed his lips together for a second and nodded, "It'll happen for you. You're too good for it not to."
Heat rose to her cheeks, and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "I hope so."
Richard moved down the couch a little so that he was within arm's reach of her, "Monica, listen," he sighed and ran his thumb and forefinger over his mustache, "I've spent the last year without you."
She nodded at him and looked down at her pants, "Yeah."
He shook his head, "But I don't like that. I find myself sitting and thinking about you a lot. Even when I'm on a date, I think about you. I've called two different women Monica," he said.
Monica's eyes widened at that, "You what?"
"I did, seriously," he shook his head in disbelief at himself, "and I wonder why I can't find a woman to date me."
"Well, unless their name is actually Monica, I wouldn't call them that. It's not exactly the greatest first impression."
"I lied both times and told them that Monica was my first wife's name, and I was married to her for so long that it was just a habit," he said.
Monica chuckled, "And they didn't want a second date?"
He smiled, "No, they did not. Can't say I was surprised."
"Me either," she responded.
"It's all because I can't get you off my mind," he finally said, "and I think that means something." She licked her lips and kept her eyes away from him, not sure what to say. A deafening silence fell over them.
He pressed his lips together and reached for her hand, "I'll do it."
She furrowed her eyebrows together and felt her heart rate speed up dramatically, "Do what?"
He turned his head, a smirk on his lips, "The whole kid thing. I'll take it to soccer practice or ballet or band or whatever he or she is into. I can be that guy again. I've decided that if that's what it takes to be in your life, then I'll do it."
She swallowed and felt tears come to her eyes. She still didn't know what to say.
She did, though, remember what a heartbroken mess she was after their dance at Barry and Mindy's wedding. She felt like she'd never love anyone as much as she loved Richard.
But, over time, and with the help of her friends, she got over him. She didn't want to go through that again, she couldn't.
And of course, now he sat in her living room, telling her that he'd have kids with her, that he'd marry her, they could have a life together. She would've killed for those words a year ago because it was all she wanted. A life with him.
"Richard…"
"Monica, I know. I know I scared you away before when I told you that I've already done the kids thing. And I have, but I had a lot of time to think about it, and I want to be with you."
"You shouldn't have to change for me," she said softly, "I shouldn't ask you to have kids with me if it's not what you want. Just like I can't change myself to not have kids."
He squeezed her hand, "But, I'm willing to change."
"What about your job?" She asked, "You've got a fantastic, new and exciting job that you love, and I told you that I didn't want to travel everywhere, not all the time. I love my career and I just don't want to push that aside."
"I'm not asking you to push it aside," he said softly, "I want you to keep working towards your goal."
"Then how do you ever expect this to work?" She asked with a sigh, "How are you going to 'do the kids thing' with me when you're traveling the world?"
He shook his head, "I told them I'd do it for 6 more months and I'm done."
"What?"
"I want to be with you, Monica. I don't care about the job or anything else. I'll reopen my practice here in New York and I'll be with you. We'll be together, and that's what I want."
She was glad she was already sitting because if she wasn't, she was sure she'd fall over. A tear rolled down her face, "But why now? Why are you suddenly okay with a family when you were so against it a year ago?"
He turned his head a little, "I wasn't so against it," he sighed, "I just, I think I'm too old to start over. But, as I said, I want to do it now. Being with you means more than anything else."
She sighed and wiped another tear away, "I just..." she stopped. A million things were running through her mind, including her weekend with Chandler. "I don't know."
He nodded slightly, "Okay, well. I didn't expect you to jump into my arms and say yes right away." He squeezed her hand, "I was just kind of hoping you would." He smiled and chuckled at his little joke.
She only raised her eyebrows, " Well I…"
"It's okay," he interrupted her, "you don't have to answer me now. I've had time to think all of this out, I suppose you need a little bit of time too."
She nodded at him, then lifted her eyebrows at him as his beeper started to beep on his belt.
"Ah, man," he said, then pressed a button on the device, "could I use your phone for just a second, please?"
"Yeah, sure," she said, and picked up the cordless behind her, "here you go."
She watched him as he dialed on the phone and spoke to whoever was on the other end. The way he moved, the way he spoke, how he sounded. He was a handsome, sexy man.
He was also successful, sweet, kind, caring, smart, and funny. Everything she wanted in a man, a husband.
She shut her eyes and turned her head.
Did she still love him? She didn't know anymore.
He was comfortable, familiar, what she wanted before.
"Is everything all right?" Monica asked. She rubbed her hands over her arms.
He sighed and shook his head, "I've got to get to the office, one of my patients has something in his eye."
"Oh, okay," she replied.
"So, I should go," he said. He placed a large hand on her knee, "Will you think about this? Us?"
She swallowed nervously, "I will," she said.
He smiled and stood from the couch, and she did too, her head swirling. She followed him to the coat rack behind the door so that he could add it back to his body, "Can I ask, though, what you're thinking right now? I mean, do I have a chance with you?"
She licked her lips and sighed, "I just need some time," she said to him, "this is a lot for me to take in, especially when I didn't expect it to happen, ever."
Richard stuck his hands in his pockets after he got his jacket on and nodded at her, "I hope you don't take too long, because God, I forgot how beautiful your eyes are and how much I love to get lost in them."
She smiled as memories of how good he was with words, poetry, literature returned to her mind, "That's nice of you."
He nodded and looked into those eyes again. He placed a hand on her shoulder, then leaned down and placed a kiss on her cheek. "When is your next lunch shift?"
Monica crossed her arms and pressed her lips together before she answered. "Tuesday."
"Can I take you out to dinner?" He asked, rubbing her forearm slightly, "Hopefully none of my patients will stick things in their eyes and call me away again."
She chuckled nervously, "Dinner, um," she sighed, "sure. That sounds nice."
"I'll call you tomorrow," he said, then squeezed her hand as he turned and walked away from her.
She watched him as he walked down the hallway, down the stairs, and out of her field of view. She crossed her arms and leaned against the door.
Rachel opened apartment 19's door moments later and crossed her arms, eyeing her friend carefully, "So, what did he want?" Ross and Joey had joined her, looking over Rachel's shoulder.
Monica ran a hand through her hair, "What, did you guys have your ear pressed up against the door listening?"
Rachel turned her head, not seeing the problem with that, "Well, of course, we did."
Monica rolled her eyes and walked back into her apartment. The other 4 people followed her.
"Wow, you guys sure do move a lot," Emily said. Ross laughed and wrapped an arm around her.
Rachel groaned and stepped away from them. She walked over and joined Monica on the couch, who looked as if she was in a daze.
"So, what did he say?" Rachel asked again.
She shook her head, still in a state of shock, "He uh…" she brushed her pants a little, "he told me that he wanted to be with me."
Rachel's eyes grew big, "What? But what about the whole kids thing?"
"He said he was willing to change for me. He told me…" she sighed and shut her eyes, "He said that he wanted to marry me and have children with me."
Joey's face lit up then, "Well, that's good, isn't that what you wanted?"
"Well, yeah," Monica replied, "but, I had such a hard time when we broke up before. I don't want to go through that again. I don't know if I can."
"Maybe you won't break up," Ross chimed in, "if he wants to marry you then maybe he's in it this time for good."
Monica met her brother's eyes, "Yeah, maybe, I-I guess."
"You loved him before," Rachel pointed out, "do you still have feelings for him?"
She lifted her eyebrows, "Uh, well," she tucked a piece of hair behind her ears, "I know that I care for him," she admitted, "but, I don't know what else is there. I think after everything that happened with him, I buried a lot of that so I could move on, you know?" Rachel and Phoebe nodded at her, "And now, honestly, I think it will probably take some time, a lot of time, to figure out how I feel about him again."
"Well, did you agree to see him again? Maybe if you get a complete, fresh start with him you might, you know, fall in love with him all over again?" Rachel suggested.
Monica nodded at her roommate. She didn't know why Chandler crossed her mind then, but he did. She wondered what he was doing, how he was holding up. She rubbed her forehead, "I don't know. I think I'm too hungover to process this."
Rachel squeezed her knee, "I can't believe you and Chandler drank that much," she said with a chuckle, "that's not like you."
Monica swallowed and licked her lips, "Yeah, well. We were talking and the drinking just kind of happened." She bit her bottom lip when she thought about what else kind of…happened.
Goosebumps formed on her arms again, man, she wished she had her sweater.
"So, what are you going to do about Richard?" Ross asked.
Monica shut her eyes and lay her head on the back of the couch as she fell onto it, "I don't know," she said again.
Tuesday, May 4, 1999-11:46 PM
Monica gripped her phone tightly as she dialed the first nine digits of his cell phone number slowly. She wanted to talk to him, check and see how he was doing, wanted to make sure he was okay.
She'd just finished a dinner with Richard that pretty much cemented the fact that they would start to date again, and honestly, she had an uneasy feeling about it.
She was so crushed the first time they broke up that she didn't want to go through that again, ever. She wanted to be sure that she wouldn't.
But she wasn't a fortune teller, so she had to go with her gut and hope that Richard wouldn't break her heart into a million pieces all over again.
These feelings she had made Chandler stay on her mind, mostly because he was the one that she would've talked to about all of this. He usually could calm her down, reassure her that she was going to be okay. But he wasn't home.
It was late, almost midnight in New York, ten o'clock in Colorado, but she wanted to make sure that he would be alone when she called. She didn't know why, but she wanted a minute to talk to him when she was alone and when he was alone too.
The nervousness that she felt confused her. Sure, they had slept together, and yes, she thought about it often, but they agreed that things would not be awkward between them. She missed him, his voice, his stupid jokes, his smile, his laugh…Chandler. She missed Chandler.
During dinner with Richard, she thought about Chandler, a lot. So much so that Richard asked her if something was bothering her. She wondered if he was thinking about her too.
It was silly of her, she decided. Whatever that feeling was had set up camp in her head and heart about her best friend was something that would go away, eventually. She just needed to channel all of her energy on working on her relationship with Richard and try and forget about the weekend with Chandler.
If she could.
She let out a shaky breath and finally dialed the tenth number to finish. The phone rang three times, and she was just about to pull the phone from her ear and hang up when the line connected, "Hello?"
"Hey," she said as a smile crept across her face.
"Hey Mon," he replied.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
He smiled to himself. What was he doing? Thinking about her. That's all he ever did lately.
"Oh, just reading." He cleared his throat, "While this place is beautiful, there isn't much to do when you're here by yourself."
She smiled at that, "Oh, where's your mom?"
He chuckled, "Well, she's here," he said, "she's already asleep, though. Has been for a while. She was tired."
"Not everybody can be late night people like you and me, Chandler."
He chuckled again, which made her smile. She loved it when she could make him laugh, "Ah, well, I gotta say that I liked being up late with you," he said softly.
Chills formed on her body and she cleared her throat nervously, "I liked it too," she murmured softly.
"What about you, what are you up to?" He turned his head and looked at the clock on the table next to him, "It's late there," he said.
She nodded, "Yeah, I um, I wanted to check on you. I know the funeral was today and you've been on my mind," she said. It was the truth, he was on her mind, but not just because his grandmother's funeral was today. He was on her mind because of the fantastic, mind-blowing, sex they had together. She licked her lips.
He swallowed, "Oh, well, thank you. I'm doing okay. Sad, of course, but I'm okay. I'm kind of ready to get home," he said. He couldn't wait to see her.
"I bet you miss your bed," she said softly, "it doesn't matter how comfortable the bed you're staying in is when you're away from home, your own bed is always better. Although, I did love that bed there."
He nodded and pressed his lips together, "Yeah, I do miss my bed." He smiled like a kid going on a first date and he was kind of glad she wasn't there to see the goofy grin on his face, "There are some other things I miss too," he added.
Monica felt heat rise to her cheeks and cleared her throat to cover it up, "Do you think you can bring that bed I slept in back with you?"
He chuckled once, "Yeah, I'll see if I can slip it into my carryon."
She laughed slightly and moved the hairbrush around that was on her dresser, "And your mom is doing okay?" Monica asked.
Chandler nodded, "Yeah, she's holding up okay."
She cleared her throat, "So um, when are you coming home?"
He smiled again. She sounded like she was as ready to see him as he was to see her, "I have a flight on Thursday."
"Good, it's strange without you here," she said with a chuckle.
He swallowed and smiled at the ceiling, "Oh yeah?" he responded, "I'm sure Joey doesn't mind having the apartment to himself."
Monica smiled, "Nah, he's having to bird sit all the time. He said that it was too hard to be a single parent."
Chandler laughed at that, and Monica was glad to hear it. She smiled as she sat down on the end of her bed, "So, um, do you need a ride from the airport?"
"Um, no, that's ok. I land late in the evening, so I'll just grab a cab, so I don't mess up anybody's dinner plans. Are you working on Thursday?"
Monica shook her head, "No, I'll," she stopped and pinched the bridge of her nose. She just told Richard she'd see him on Thursday too, "I'll be home."
"Okay, good," Chandler replied, then paused for a long moment, "I think we should um," he sighed, "talk when I get back."
Her heart pounded so hard that her vision became blurry. Maybe this wasn't a good idea to call him. She only stirred up her emotions and confused herself more.
Feelings for Chandler, feelings for Richard…it all was a mess of a haze in her head.
"Yeah," she replied, "we should. I need to…" she sighed and licked her lips, "…tell you some stuff," she said, her voice shaking slightly.
Chandler clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, "Well, uh, I've got some stuff to tell you too."
She licked her lips and nodded, "So I'll see you in a couple of days."
"Yeah," he said, nodding his head, "a couple of days."
"Okay," she responded, taking a breath.
"Get some sleep," he said.
"You too."
"Goodnight Mon," he said softly, "thanks for calling."
"Of course," she said, "goodnight Chandler."
The call ended and Monica groaned as she fell back onto her bed.
What in the heck was that? Since when did she have butterflies when she talked to Chandler? Since when did hearing his voice make her so happy and excited to see him?
She shut her eyes, letting out a deep breath. Chandler was a great guy, and she loved him-like she loved all her friends.
But Chandler was different. She always knew that he would be there for her, no questions asked. That was why she ultimately went on the trip with him and pretended to be Mrs. Chandler Bing. And, not to mention that she got great kisses and fantastic sex during that adventure.
"God, stop it, Monica," she said out loud. She put both of her hands on her face and ran them down it. She couldn't be thinking about sex with Chandler when she'd just finished a romantic dinner with Richard during which she said they could start to date again.
There was a problem with thinking about the night with Chandler anyway. He didn't want a steady, committed relationship, he never did.
She wasn't getting any younger, and her internal clock was ticking. She was ready to be married, she was ready for a family, and Richard was offering all of that to her now.
If she could just get past this sickening feeling that had set up camp in the pit of her stomach whether or not Richard actually wanted what he claimed he wanted, or was it all made up just so he could get back with her?
She threw her arm over her eyes and groaned. What a pickle.