Hi again my lovelies!

Okay, so I said on Twitter, (OH, by the way, I'm on Twitter! crokkk2...) that I was going to write the finale to "Double Date", which will be happy and smutty, to counteract some of the angsty stuff that's coming up with this story, and post it before posting this chapter. But, I didn't finish it. :( I have some written, but I want it to be really good and I just don't feel like it's there. So, I'm sorry. :(

But if you feel the need for lovey-dovey after you read below, there are LOTS of wonderful stories out there! And don't give up on this one, I promise, it'll get better! (Eventually...)

THANK YOU to all those wonderful reviews I'm getting! And on Twitter! I'm getting so much love and I really really appreciate it! :)

Another HUGE shout-out to Cynthia Salander! She really has done sooo much for me being my BETA. She really is AWESOME!

Thursday, May 6, 1999- 2:28 PM

Chandler moved back from hugging his mother and sighed deeply, "When do you leave?"

"My tour starts in a week." Nora replied, then grabbed his hands, "Sorry your trip turned out to be, well, what it was." Chandler nodded and she noticed the sad look that took over his face, "Are you going to be okay, sweetheart?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I'm gonna be fine."

She narrowed her eyes, "Tell her."

Chandler sighed and adjusted his bag higher on his shoulder. He looked away from his mother's piercing blue eyes, but then met them again and nodded at her, "I will."

Nora smiled, happy that she finally won that argument. "Your grandmother would've wanted you to, you know." He nodded again. "Okay, I'll stop by and see you when I come back to New York."

"Okay," he leaned down and kissed her cheek, "have fun on your tour."

"Bye son. Love you."

He smiled sadly at her, "Yeah, me too."

He pulled his bag up again, then headed for security. He sighed and pulled his wallet out for his ID.

He was ready to get home, ready to see her. He thought about calling her to talk to her again, mostly because he missed her voice, but he decided against it. He didn't know what she was thinking, how she was feeling or what she wanted.

"Thanks," he said to the security officer as she handed him his ticket and ID back.

"Have a nice flight," she said, and smiled politely.

He gave her a nod and walked over to the security check. It would be a nice flight if he could figure out what to say to her.

Thursday, May 6, 1999– 8:36 PM

Chandler walked into his apartment, tired, jet-lagged, and emotionally exhausted. He sat his bag down and rubbed his face, then took a deep breath. Despite his fatigue, he felt strangely exhilarated. Probably because it was time to see her, and he couldn't wait.

He stood outside of the door and listened to the voices on the other side. They were all in there, he knew they were. He did want to see them, but not tonight. He really wanted to talk to Monica, and only Monica.

He placed his hand on the door and took a deep breath, then opened it and looked around at all of the faces that turned to look at him.

His heart sped up when his eyes met Monica's, then the blood-pumping organ fell through the floor at the next face he saw, the person that sat next to her, on her right.

Richard Burke.

He swallowed and tried very hard to greet everyone as normally as possible. They smiled and said various hellos, but he couldn't think, he couldn't focus. He felt dizzy, sick to his stomach, and he was pretty sure his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

The seven people stood and walked to him, forming a line. He didn't even know what he said to Phoebe, Joey, Rachel, or Ross as he hugged each of them. His former college roommate introduced him to his new girlfriend, and Chandler hoped that his exterior was calm unlike the inner turmoil he was dealing with.

Then Richard stood in front of him.

He didn't understand. What was he doing here? Why was he sitting with Monica and holding her hand? They broke up over a year ago, and it devastated Monica, so what in the hell was happening?

Chandler grit his teeth together as Richard reached for his hand, "Hey, Chandler. I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother."

Chandler put his hand in Richard's but dropped it quickly. He cleared his throat and nodded, "Thanks," he managed.

"How are you holding up?" He asked.

Chandler scratched his nose, "I'm uh," he glanced at Monica, who stood behind Richard, apparently waiting her turn to speak to him, "I'm doing okay, I guess." He finally said.

Richard nodded and slapped Chandler's shoulder, "It's always hard to lose a grandparent."

Chandler nodded as the tall man moved to the side and moved back towards the couch.

Monica took a step closer to him, "Hey," she said.

He didn't know what to say to her, in fact, he didn't know if he could say anything. He couldn't believe the excitement to see her that he felt before had vanished so very quickly, but it had. He wanted to run from her as fast as he possibly could now.

His mouth was as dry as the Sahara, his heart felt as if it was broken into a million pieces. He attempted to swallow the lump in his throat as she pulled him into a hug.

He let go of her quickly, and she shut her eyes for a second, then opened them again and looked into his eyes, "How are you?" She asked, and took his hands, but he dropped them.

"I've been better," he said sharply and stared into her eyes.

She nodded once and looked away from him.

The rest of the evening was a blur. He sat around and listened to his friends update him on what they'd been up to the last week, how Emily and Ross met, Ross's rugby nightmare, and how uncomfortable very pregnant with triplets Phoebe was.

He'd glanced in Monica's direction several times, but she was always looking away from him. He felt anger permeate every ounce of his being when he saw Richard wrap his arm around her, or touch her, or smile at her, or stare at her.

When Richard moved his large hand to Monica's knee and squeezed it while Joey was telling them a story, Chandler couldn't take it anymore.

"Hey, uh, guys?" He called, stopping Joey's long story of one of his dates. He stood from the couch, "I'm gonna go to bed, I'm pretty beat."

He looked at Monica again, and this time she was looking back at him. He shook his head once at her as Ross spoke up, "Oh okay. Are you sure you're ok? Do you need anything?"

Chandler turned to him, "Yeah, I'm gonna be ok," He glanced behind Ross at Monica again, and she was still staring at him. "I'm still in shock, I guess," she looked away then. She knew he wasn't talking about being in shock about his grandmother, he was talking about Richard.

He swallowed and stuffed his hands in his pockets, "I just need some rest," he said, his attention turned back to Ross.

Ross nodded, "Alright," Ross stood too and slapped a hand down on Chandler's shoulder, "let us know if you need anything."

Chandler nodded back at him, "Thanks man."

About an hour later, Chandler sat in his room, his elbows propped on his knees, his head hung low.

How could she do this to him? How could she get back together with Richard right after they started…something? Or, at least, that's what he thought, that they started a thing, a relationship.

He supposed they weren't really in a relationship, but that was what he wanted.

Great, universe. Great.

He sighed, shut his eyes, and rubbed his face with both hands.

He heard the apartment door open. Joey must have come home.

He turned his head, puzzled, listening to the person walk. It wasn't heavy, clunky, like a man's shoe walking. It was lighter, softer, a woman's walk.

Monica.

He knew it was her. He knew that she wanted to talk to him, probably explain what happened to bring Richard back in her life.

She knocked on the door once.

Maybe, if he ignored her, she'd leave. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to talk to her now.

She knocked again, "Chandler?" She called. He looked at the door, but didn't say anything, "I know you're awake, I see your lamp on," she said, her voice muffled and quiet, but persistent.

He sighed and shook his head, "Just leave me alone, please."

"Chandler, no, please," she said, "I want to check on you, talk to you." He still didn't say anything, so she knocked again, "Come on, I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

He sighed, rubbed his tired eyes, and stood from the bed to walk to the door. He unlocked it and opened it, then stepped back and stuffed his hands in his pajama pants pockets.

"Hey," she said, somewhat lamely. She crossed her arms and stood in the door frame.

He stared at her, wanting to say so much of what he was going to say before. But now, none of that mattered. She chose who she wanted to be with, and he wasn't him.

He remembered the phone call she made to him on Tuesday, how he felt after they'd hung up, after he heard her voice. He couldn't wait to get back home so that he could see her again.

Now, all he wanted to do was to get back to the Colorado bubble, away from her. Away from her and her relationship with Richard that rekindled itself.

"So, you wanted to talk?" He finally broke the silence, his words harsh and sharp. She turned her head slightly at him and he shrugged his shoulders, "Talk."

She swallowed at the uneasy feeling that took over her entire body. "Um, how was the funeral?" she asked softly.

She knew that wasn't what he wanted to talk about. He wanted to talk about their night together, and probably Richard too.

He scoffed, "That's what you want to talk about? The funeral?"

She furrowed her eyebrows at him. He was acting so strange, cold, "Well, I know it was hard for you and I was hoping that it went okay," she replied.

He sighed, "You know, it was fine. At least one hundred people came up to me and told me they were sorry for my loss," he shrugged, "I didn't know but about 10 of them. It was a funeral. It was a goodbye to Nanna and yes, it was hard. I had to say goodbye to the person who practically raised me. She loved me."

She nodded and looked down at the floor. Silence passed over them.

Monica didn't see, but Chandler shook his head in disbelief. She was avoiding the Richard subject, so he would too. He was tired and angry and wanted to sleep, so she needed to go.

"So that's it?" He asked when too much time went by. He was being an ass, and he knew it. But he felt like she'd just ripped out his heart and stomped on it.

"Chandler…" she said, her face a mix of disappointment and shock.

"What?" He replied sharply, "You're just going to pretend that you weren't just sitting over there all cozy next to Richard?"

She licked her lips, sighed, and ran one of her hands across her forehead. She knew that this was what he was upset about.

He helped her through the breakup with Richard the first time. He was there for her, held her at night when she cried, reassured her that she would find someone one day when she needed to hear it, told her that she did the right thing by breaking up with him since he didn't want children.

Chandler told her then that she was better off without him.

But that was then, and things were different now.

"I know you're upset because you told me a year ago that I was going to be okay without him in my life," she finally replied, "and maybe…" she stopped and swallowed, "…maybe I was then. But he's thought about it and said that losing me wasn't worth it. He showed up at my apartment Saturday night and told me that he wanted to be with me. He wants to marry me one day and have kids with me," she finally said.

Chandler swallowed and shook his head in disbelief again, "Unbelievable."

"What is wrong with you?" He looked at her as if she had two heads, "Look, I know I went off the deep end a little when we broke up, but," she stopped and sighed, "I love him, okay?"

"Do you?" He questioned, his eyes narrowed.

"Yes," she said, though she didn't know if that was true, "he wants to be with me and he's willing to change, so I want to give us a chance."

"Well good for you," he said, his voice snarky now, "I just can't believe this is happening," he murmured to himself, but she heard him, and he knew she did.

"Look, Chandler, I know it's difficult for you to see me and Richard together again," she started, but stopped the rest of her thought when he shot daggers with his eyes towards her.

"That's what you think I'm upset about?" He said to her, incredulous.

She furrowed her eyebrows together, "What else is there?" She asked.

The look on his face broke her heart a little. It was the same look he had on his face on Saturday all over again.

Crushed.

"Chandler..." she started, but he interrupted her.

"When you left Saturday, I told you that we needed to talk, do you remember that?"

"Of course I remember that," she responded.

"So why did you think it was a good idea to get back with him before you had a conversation with me? Did you remember that I wanted to talk to you when you jumped back in his arms the very next day?"

"That's not how it happened," she replied softly. She had a hard time keeping eye contact with him.

He laughed sarcastically and crossed his arms over his chest, "Oh, then enlighten me, please."

She shot the same look back at him, then crossed her arms over her chest too. She leaned back on the door frame and sighed, "I saw him a month ago," she started, "we had lunch and he told me then that he wanted me back, but I said no. He's traveling and he's got a new job, and I didn't want that. And we broke up for a reason."

"I guess all of that doesn't matter now?" Chandler asked softly.

She sighed and ignored his statement as she continued, "He showed up at my apartment and said that he's giving up his new job and told me that he'd reopen his practice in New York." Chandler shook his head as she continued, "He wants kids with me and wants to marry me."

He resisted the urge to cover his ears like a child who didn't want to hear anything else, her words cutting through him. "I told him I wanted some time to think about the possibility of me and him being in a relationship again," she continued, her voice shaking slightly, "he agreed to let me think about it. On Tuesday he um," she took in a shaky breath then, "he took me out to a very nice dinner and reiterated to me that he was willing to do whatever he could to make this work. He loves me and wants to be with me."

Chandler felt his heart break even more. Naturally, superhero Richard would swoop in and beg her to take him back before Chandler even got the chance to tell her how he felt. That was just his life, his luck.

"I wanted to talk to you when I got home," Chandler said softly. He was having a hard time keeping his emotions in check, "Why in the hell didn't you wait so that I could talk to you?"

She sighed, "Chandler…" she uncrossed her arms and shifted on her feet, "talk to me about what? About the sex?" He looked away from her then and began to pick at one of his cuticles, "The sex was...unexpected," she finally said, and he looked at her. She'd said the same words the morning after, when he was lying next to her, promising him that she didn't think it was a mistake or that things would be awkward between them. Now, he had the feeling that none of that was true. He broke eye contact with her and shook his head again.

"I know you probably wanted to forget about it, right? Not ruin our friendship?" She asked when he didn't say anything.

Chandler rubbed his face and stood from the bed, walking further into his room and away from her. "You shouldn't assume things," he murmured.

"What does that mean?" She asked him.

"It means I wanted to fucking talk to you, Mon. I had things to say." Her eyes widened at his back as the sharpness of his voice surprised her. She felt a touch of anger bubble inside of her, because this wasn't the Chandler that she has known for all these years.

Being upset about her reconciliation with Richard was one thing, but he didn't have to act towards her like this. He was being ridiculous and mean, and she didn't like it.

"So, say them," she spat back, her arms open, her voice slightly louder. He finally turned around and faced her again but didn't move his body as if it was anchored to the floor. "I'm here, let's talk." He looked at her, put his hands on his hips, and shook his head again. She crossed her arms, "Say what you wanted to say, Chandler."

"It's not that simple," he whispered.

Monica stepped closer to him, "Since when can you not talk to me?"

"Can you please, just go?" He asked, suddenly nervous at how close she was to him now. He needed her to go.

"No, tell me what you wanted to say," she responded.

"Monica, it doesn't matter," he put up his hand, "I want to go to bed, so if you could please…"

"Not until you say what you wanted to talk to me about." She interrupted, her arms crossed, throwing up a barrier only she could make.

"It doesn't fucking matter," he said sharply. She widened her eyes at him again as he sat down on his bed and rubbed his face.

The silence in the room was deafening. She looked at his face when he moved his hands and swore she saw what looked like tears forming in his eyes.

Why was he so upset? She didn't understand. Sure, he only wanted what was best for her and she was sure he thought that Richard wasn't it. But that wasn't a valid reason to act the way he was acting. Something else was on his mind, in his heart. She knew him too well to think otherwise.

"Chandler, please tell me what..."

"You're with Richard now," he interrupted her again, his voice soft and quiet, mostly so he wouldn't yell. She uncrossed her arms and shifted on her feet again as he finally continued, "So if I tell you that I wanted to get back here and talk to you about going out on a date, if I tell you that all I've been thinking about is being with you, you are just going to tell me that you aren't interested in me and you're dating Richard." He refused to look at her. He knew what look she was throwing at him. "So, like I said, it doesn't matter what I had to say now. I heard your answer to my unasked question loud and clear. You chose him."

There it was. The exact reason for his mood, for his anger.

"You what?" She asked, and he sighed and finally turned to her. He studied the shocked expression on her face for only a second before he turned his head away again. It was quiet between them for several long moments.

She shook her head at him, still in shock over what he'd just said, "I don't know what to say," she finally admitted.

"I don't think there is much to say," he replied.

She sighed and took a step closer to him, "It would never work, Chandler," she said softly, "I care about you, you know that. You're my best friend, but us in a relationship? I don't want to lose you over a stupid fight or argument that makes us break up. You're too important to me."

He sighed, ran a hand through his hair and looked away from her for a second, "Why wouldn't it work, Mon? Because I'm not Richard?"

"Chandler, what if we got together for a month, maybe two, then break up? You're such a big part of my life, I don't want to lose what we have, our friendship. It's more important to me than just a... fling."

"So you just assumed that I wouldn't ever want a relationship and are now completely dumping me?"

"Dumping you?" She asked, shocked at that choice of words, "You think I'm dumping you?"

"That's what it feels like," he said honestly.

"We weren't in a real relationship," she said back to him, "we were pretending, it didn't mean anything."

He didn't think she could've hurt him more if she had stabbed him with a knife. He shut his eyes and looked away from her, not having anything else to say.

She sighed, "Most of my relationships have ended in a disaster. I don't speak to any of the men that I…"

"Except Richard, who just won't go away," Chandler cut in.

"God, please, stop it," Monica said, her anger rising. She shook her head at him, "I don't want to mess with what we have. I don't want to split the group with 'team Monica' or 'team Chandler'. You know, just like after the Ross and Rachel fiasco. It was nothing but awkward moments and fighting and arguing for months. You said out of your own mouth how much you hated that. You didn't want to choose between the two of them! I don't want that with us."

"How do you know it would be like that?" Chandler retorted, "Why are you so sure that one of us will screw it up?"

"You and I both know that all of your relationships, and all of mine for that matter, are such disasters."

Chandler scoffed and shook his head, thinking of the 3 serious relationships he had in the past.

None of them more serious than Dana Cooper. He was a lot younger then, but even so, he knew that she was the person he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. Even though his parents had majorly screwed him up, he had found love and was sure Chandler and Dana Bing would be a phrase that would one day be said as he walked down the aisle with his new bride.

When he walked into their apartment and found her in bed with Carlos, a man she worked with, his heart shattered into a million pieces. The aftermath of that relationship still haunted him, with Dana chasing him down the stairs in nothing but a bedsheet, grabbing at his arms and begging him to listen to her, but he didn't. It sent him into a spiral he still wasn't proud of, in which he lost his job because he didn't show up for weeks, drank too much beer and liquor, and generally wanted nothing else to do with love.

But eventually, he got his life cleaned up and moved on, his friends providing much of the happiness he once again felt in his life. Even after Janice making out and probably sleeping with her then ex-husband and Kathy sleeping with her co-star, he knew he'd be okay. He had a great group of friends, and he had Monica.

His collective dating record was mediocre at best, but he never cheated on any of them. He was the one that always got his heart broken, and here it was, happening again.

He never thought anyone would use his three cheating girlfriends as a reason that he was bad at relationships, because in the grand scheme of things, he thought he was a pretty good boyfriend.

But obviously, the person that knew him the best thought otherwise.

"Are you ever going to say anything?" she asked softly, snapping him out of his past relationship disaster thoughts.

"I don't really have anything to say to that," he admitted, "and you obviously have your mind made up about me," he finally said to her, "so you should just go. Go be with him if that's what you want."

"Chandler..." she started to say, but he put up his hand.

"Monica," he took in and let out a deep breath, "please. There's nothing else to say. You're with Richard, and you just told me that you didn't want anything else with me, so it's fine. You go live your life, and don't worry about me." He finally made eye contact with her, "I want you to leave, please. Just leave me alone."

She sighed, crossed her arms again and shook her head at him, "Are you really pushing me away from you?" He tilted his head at her as if that was a crazy question, "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I can't…" he closed his eyes. He was tired, emotionally exhausted, and heartbroken all at once. He didn't want to look at her or talk to her anymore. His mind was a blur, and he was tired of trying to focus it. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Are we going to be okay?" She felt tears in her eyes as she watched the look on the face as he kept his eyes away from her. That was the one question he couldn't answer because if he did right now, he knew she wouldn't like it.

He didn't see a way back. Not to Chandler and Monica, the way they used to be. He felt like that was all gone now, because she'd had chosen Richard.

He shook his head back at her, "Goodnight, Monica."

She shot him another look, then turned to leave the room, then the apartment.

Chandler flopped back heavily on his bed and put his hands over his face. This isn't how he imagined things. This isn't how he wanted this to go.

Of course, when he thought about their conversation, he didn't predict that he'd walk into the apartment and see her with Richard, either.

Damn it.

Dear Mondler fans: hang in there. ;-)