Sirius tried to stay away from Hermione after that. When they were busy during the day or preparing breakfast in the mornng, this was easy, but in the evenings, when everybody gathered toghether around the fireplace in the living room, he found his eyes travel toward the young woman far too often.
He caught himself watching her when she was engaged in conversation with one of the others or sitting in her favourite deep armchair a bit in the background, deeply concentrated on a book. He saw the fireshine light up her hair and bring out the beautiful shape of her face. And each time when he reached that point, he turned his gaze away, feeling terrible, guilty and unnormal.
She was his godson's friend after all. Clearly she was too young. Young enough to be my daughter.
Which painfully
reminded him once more of his wife-and-kids-free life and he got even
deeper into the swirl of doubts that tortured him now. He doubted the
person he seemed to be, someone who had never manged to truly fall in
love and was now hitting on a sixteen-year-old?
Suddenly all the
tales Harry was telling him about his past life with the work for the
order didn't sooth him like they used to do. What had he, after
all? A life full of darig adventures, friends, yes, but there was
something lacking. The stories everybody was telling him weren't
enough anymore, there had to be more, he felt it and he wanted to
know.
On the other hand, every time he asked for more information, he was told the same things, in variations of course, but they didn't satisfy him anymore. He sighed and looked into the fire until his eyes started to water and he could close them to shut out everything around him.
Hermione looked up from her book. He was brooding over there, by the fire. With his eyes closed, Sirius had sunken into his armchair. She didn't know what made her watch him over and over again. Sure the incident in the corridor had confused her, but after some thinking, she had come to the conclusion, that she was simply refelecting about Sirius Black too much, especially after the fight she had had with Harry and that this had caused the feeling of wanting him close. Even closer than he had been, with his deep, warm eyes and that gentle touch of his hands on your face? "No!"
Ginny turned her head and looked questioningly at Hermione, who had just realised, that she had spoken out aloud. She shook her head, hoping that this would make the irrational thoughts go away. I have to distract myself, she told herself, this can't go on like that, I'm clearly getting confused and this has to stop.
So she rose from her chair, abandoned her book and sat down on the couch next to Bill Weasley.
Half an hour later,
Sirius was streched out his armchair now, he had resurfaced out of
his dark thoughts. His eyes immediately travelled over to Hermione's
armchair, to find it deserted. His eyes wandered over the
scene.
Harry and Ron were playing a game of wizard chess – with
one of Harry's Knights experiencing a rather violent defeat at the
hand of Ron's queen, while Tonks, Kingsley Shakelbolt and Remus
Lupin were looking through some paperwork for the Ministry.
But Sirius' attention was caught by a conversation that had grown increasingly hot during the last twenty minutes. Ron's brother Bill was gesturing wildly towards Hermione Granger who sat, still calm, but even more upright and tense than usually, on the couch next to him.
"So
you want to say that he shoud have been released?"
Hermione
shook her head: "No, of course I'm NOT saying he should have been
released, but I say that one should have given him a fair trial in
order to find out whether he was really guilty."
"But he was.
Barty Crouch was guilty and everybody knows that now. He would have
gone back to Azkaban anyway." Sirius felt goosebumps an his
forearms. A sudden cold was creeping over his skin.
"But he
deserved a fair trial, even after his confession in Dumbledore's
office!"
Bill shook his head impatiently: "What good would
that have done? There was nothing to ask anymore."
"I think
you're wrong, Bill! I think one should have investigated why he had
done those things, how it could have come so far with him!"
"Oh,
so you wanna say that you have to search in the past of every
criminal and every murderer until you find the reasons why they have
turned into villains?"
"Basically, yes." Hermione had
chosen to overhear the sarcastic tone in his voice.
"But,
Hermione, honestly, don't you think this would be far to much fuss
for people like that?" –
"This is exactly what I'm saying!
People like that. Do you hear yourself? They aren't all the
same and everybody deserves to asked for his reasons anyway. And if
it's only to understand and to prevent others from doing the same."
Bill hissed angrily: "I do hear myself talking, don't worry.
So let's say you caught You-Know-Who, and now tell me that you
would question him about his childhood first instead of handing him
to the Dementors straight away?" Cold, creeping through Sirius
body again.
Hermione said, perfecty calm: "Yes, I would."
Bill stared at her. "You must be kidding. He deserves Azkaban,
if not worse."
"What he deserves or not is not to be decided
by you, or me, but by impartial judges. And no, I'm not kidding. I
simply think that every soul deserves justice. No matter how evil and
twisted it may be."
"But him, he killed so many innocent
people. One should get rid of him, instantly and for all
times!"
Hermione seemed to be pondering her words: "I'm not
saying Voldemort is innocent, I would never say something like that!
But it is my believe that everybody deserves a fail trial. Imagine
you have someone, who's case isn't as clear as Voldemort's. If
you don't stage a fair trial, do you know who you could throw into
Azkaban? An INNOCENT MAN!" Sirius felt her eyes sweep past him for
an moment, but she quickly looked away, trying to calm herself.
Bill had fallen silent after her last word, obviously in thought. Then he said. "In this point, you may be right, Hermione. But I still think, that there are some things that cannot be forgiven or understood, no matter how much you research about the person's reasons."
"So we disagree here." Hermione had a slighly sad look an her face. In this moment, Mrs. Weasley appeared and shooed the younger ones to bed. When Hermione said goodnight, Sirius once more had the impression that she was looking at him, with a dark sadness in her eyes.