The Accent
A/N Disclaimer:I do not own POTO, Time Camera, Moulin Rouge, Monty Python, or Pellergino (though I do buy fan paraphernalia from each! )THIS IS A HUMOR FIC! If you are, for some reason, a total fan of small headed Meg...I bash her a lot in this fic. It's onlyfor fun, and if you don't agree with something I say... that's too bad.
Anna!
Narrator: Meg Giry.
Meg: Hi!
Yes. The ditzy little ballerina.
Meg: I'm not a ditz! (angry pout)
Yes you are, shut up. A minor character, whose main duty in the movie was to scream!
Meg: Dude!
And you may have noticed her very small head…
Meg: (fires bazooka) Warning you!
Ahem. Sorry. Most likely, you know of her mother, Madam Antoinette Giry.
Madame Giry: The angel sees the angel knows.
Yes, you wise old broad.
Madame Giry: (swings lasso) OLD BROAD?
Umm…IM BEING POSSESSED! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS ME! (Splashes holy water on head) See? All better. Meg Giry speaks in a British accent.
Meg: It's adorable isn't it?
Yeah, whatever. Madam, however speaks in a French accent, which sometimes makes her difficult to understand. Or maybe, she's just retarded. We will never know. All this aside, they are related. Meg is the blood of her blood, the flesh of her flesh. What happened to the father? Why do they speak in different accents? It will all be answered here!
Meg: Oh, that's just silly. I could tell you that. You see my father was born…
(laughs) No Meg. That is exactly what they want you to think.
Meg: They?
Oh, that's right. You don't remember that either.
Meg: Remember what?
When you were brainwashed.
Meg: Brainwashed?
STOP REPEATING ME LIKE AND IDIOT, AND LET ME TELL THE STORY!
Anyhoo…Meg Giry was an illegitimate child born in Paris. You see, a radioactive chipmunk ate Antoinette Giry's ballet slippers, and she needed to buy a new pair. Turns out, Lefervre was a very, very, very good customer.
Meg: Not true! My daddy…
Would you rather we stick to the story that Erik is your true father?
Meg: That rumor is still going around?
Yup. And so is the ever popular rumor that he is your lover.
Meg: in shock I've never heard that one…
Have you ever been to fanfiction. But then again, you wouldn't remember that either.
Meg: Why not?
Let me tell the story! So, you were born, and you grew up in the opera house a perfectly happy, albeit stupid little blonde with a French accent just like your dear old mama. But then, there was that rather curious affair with the phantom…you see, after Christine left the opera house, Firmin and Andre were desperate. Erik was heartbroken. The two lovely managers got drunk and tried to pinch your butt. You ran like a scared little kitty into the bowels of the theater, where you found Erik...
(Flashback mode)
Erik: What are you doing here?
Meg: (eyes well with tears) D-Daddy?
Erik: Is that rumor still going around? I'm NOT you're dad! You're mother is a whore!
Meg: Is not!
(Erik bangs on organ so loudly that rocks crash around them, trapping them inside.)
Meg: AACK!
Erik: (sticks out tongue) Is too.
So Erik and Meg were trapped beneath the opera house for months and months before Madame Giry even realizedMeg was gone. Eventually,she sent out a search party. They tried to clear the rocks, without avail for a very long time. For those months, Meg had her period many a time. Erik had nothing else to look at and was depressed, and stuffed with unfulfilled lust. Yes, they went insane, and fell in love.
Meg: (non-flashback) Aww…I was in love!
Yes. But then, a little girl, not too much younger than you, intervened. Her name was Anna, and she lived in a horrible little place called the 21st century, where terrible things happened; global warming, avian flu, Tom Cruise…but she found solace in the Phantom, who had become famous. She, like you, loved the phantom with every fiber of her being. She was ditzy, and hyper, but she did have a significant advantage over you.
Meg: (non-flashback) Hmph! She couldn't perform the ballet from Il Muto, could she?
Not, but her head was a normal size.
Meg: (non-flashback) GRRR!
Her father gave her a very dangerous object for her birthday.
Meg: (non-flashback) A gun?
No, the book Time Camera, by Terence Lee.
Meg: A book? She brainwashed me with a book?
NO! SHE HAD AN OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION, AN UNHELATHY OBSSESSION, AND A COMPUTER JUNKIE THAT CAUSED HER TO CREATE A DEADLY COMBINATION! NOW LET ME TELL THE STORY!
Anna did not like the book Time Camera. It was written by a lawyer! It moved to fast, and it was nothing like her favorite book, The Phantom of the Opera. But she did find it quite useful in explaining to her how to capture the past on camera. She managed to convince her boyfriend Nick to help her build one, because he was so good with computers.
(Flashback to Anna's world. Nick is tied to a chair. Anna is replaying Moulin Rouge over and over again.)
Nick: OKAY, I'LL DO IT! JUST SHUT IT OFF! I CAN'T HEAR CREOLE LADY MARMALADE ONE MORE TIME! (A/N I love Moulin Rouge. Nick doesn't)
Anna: I love you too, Nick.
Meg: (non-flashback) Wait…If she had a boyfriend, then did she break Erik and me up?
BE PATIENT! Anna decided to take Sydney along for the ride, since she was the only one of her friends who had seen the genius that was The Phantom of the Opera
Sydney: Yay! Time Camera! Sydney likes Time Camera.
Anna: God, not the third person again. (A/N I dunno if this is right, don't kill me!)
Nick built the Time Camera, and Anna programmed it to tape the Opera Populaire, 1875. She saw you two cuddling, and got mad. Sydney was scarred for life.
Anna knew there was no way in hell she could have Erik, but she didn't want him to get stuck with a small headed brat.
She pondered for hours on how to stop you. Then Nick spilled Pellegrino on the camera, catapulting the three of them into 1857…but first, the time continuum took them on a bit of a detour.
(flashback. Anna, Nick, and Sydney are peering over Leonardo Da Vinci as he paints the Mona Lisa. Da Vinci winks at Nick. Anna gags. Sydney faints.)
Anna: NICK, HE'S COMING ONTO YOU! RUUUNNNNNN! drags Sydney's lifeless body out the door in panic, with a very pale Nick at her heels
Sometime afterwards, while the homophobic trio was running through the street, they were shot into the Opera Populaire, while you two were doing it.
Anna: Cool! I can stop Meg now!
Sydney: And see the Phantom naked.
Erik: ACK! I'm not decent! runs away
Anna overtook Miss Smallhead, and kidnapped her. Conveniently enough, the continuum took them back to their own century. While Nick tweaked the Time Camera, Anna tied Meg to a chair, and made her watch Monty Python's Flying Circus for three straight days (hence the accent,) while force feeding her enough sugar to equal seventy cups of espresso. It rotted her brain so much, that she was unconscious for days. Anna sent her back in time, once Nick fixed the device. She awoke before Christine got the role in Hannibal, with a British accent, and no memory of Erik's lovemaking, or Anna, or Monty Python. Or the real story of her father.
Meg: (cries) That's awful!
No freaking duh. Cheer up. I brought you a new pet. (pulls radioactive chipmunk out of her pocket. It bites Meg, making her head swell to normal size.)
Meg: Ow…HEY! My head is the right size! I might have a chance with Erik again!
(Anna appears, with the Monty Python and the Holy Grail DVD in her hand.)
Anna: Not unless you care for more absurd British drag queen humor!
Meg: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
THE END!