I made it before 12 (est!). I'm quite proud of myself. This chapter was a bit of a struggle! So, I'm sorry about its tardiness! :(
Oh, and hey, Monicourt and I co-wrote a hot and steamy one! Our "joint name" is MoniRokkk (you know you love it!)! AND if you haven't read Monicourt's other stories, CHECK THEM OUT! She really is fantastic! So go check our steamy one "At The Stroke Of Midnight" out if you like M-type stuff. It'll set you on fire! And you mightttt need it after the angsty-ness.
Hang in there, Mondler lovers, I know I keep repeating this, but happy days are coming for our dynamic duo!
THANK YOUUU again for ALL of the love!
Thursday, May 27, 1999 – 9:10 PM
"Hey," Richard said as he put the hotel key card back in his wallet. He held the leather in his hands and flipped it around a few times before he looked at her again. He threw it casually on the hotel dresser when she looked up at him.
He hated the way seeing Chandler walk away from their hotel room made him feel. He knew there was something special between him and Monica, no matter how much the two of them denied it.
"Hi honey," Monica replied, then stepped over to him and gave him a quick kiss to try and fight some of the guilt she felt for dreaming about sex with another man, then desperately wanting a goodnight kiss from that same man, moments earlier, "did you enjoy the game?"
Richard glanced around the room, first over at sleeping Ben, then at the other double bed. It was neatly made as if no one had slept in it.
Or…did anything else in it.
"Yeah," he said, and nodded, "we had a good time." He narrowed his eyes a bit at her, "What did you do tonight?"
She met his eyes briefly, then turned to her suitcase again, "Chandler and I watched Ben so Ross could get some stuff done for the wedding," she said.
Richard lifted his eyebrows a bit and wondered how many people it took to babysit one child for a few hours.
"Oh," he said, but she detected a tone in his voice.
Monica stopped looking for her nightgown in her suitcase to look up at him, "What's wrong?"
Richard shook his head, his hands in his pockets, "Nothing."
She stood to her full form and crossed her arms, "Something is."
"I just think it's odd seeing Chandler leave your hotel room just before I get here."
She let her mouth fall open in shock, "What?"
"You and Chandler," he said, "what's going on there?"
She scoffed, rolled her eyes, and walked further away from him, "Nothing is going on, Richard. We're friends."
"No, there's something more than that," he shook his head, "you used to be friends. But now there's this vibe between you. I don't know if it's good or bad, mostly because you won't tell me anything."
"There's nothing to tell," Monica argued, "he came over here to put Ben in the bed. The three of us, Ben included, watched half a movie. When Ben fell asleep, he carried him in here and put him to bed and left."
"If Ben wasn't here, would he still be in your hotel room?"
Monica felt anger rise within her, "Seriously?"
"Yes, seriously, Monica. I think there's something between you and him."
"There's not!" Monica said loudly, then covered her mouth as she looked over at Ben. He didn't stir.
"So you're telling me that you don't have any feelings for Chandler?"
She tilted her head at him, hoping her face was conveying that she thought that was a crazy question.
Because it was not a crazy question.
If she was being honest with herself, she did have feelings for Chandler, and they were the strong, want-him-now type of feelings. And she didn't know how to get rid of them.
"No," she finally answered him, "Chandler and I are friends. He's one of my best friends. I've known him for years." She swallowed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "I love my friends, but you already knew that about me."
He nodded and looked away from her, "All right, well, I'm sorry." She scoffed at him, then squatted back down to her suitcase and started to dig for her nightgown again. He stepped over to the side of the bed and sat down on it, "Sweetie, I'm sorry," he said again, and placed a hand on her back, "I think he has feelings for you, though."
Monica swallowed and turned to look at him, shaking her head, "No he doesn't."
He tilted his head at her now, "It's all over his face."
She finally found the nightgown she was looking for and stood up. She put both of her hands on each of his knees and leaned down, so that her face was directly in front of his, "Listen to me," she said softly, "Chandler and I are friends, good friends, best friends. But he doesn't have feelings for me, I don't have feelings for him, and whatever you think you see on his face isn't there. I think you're making things up in your head because you're being paranoid for no reason. Please, stop it, ok?"
Richard pressed his lips together for a second, wondering if he should ask the question on the tip of his tongue, but decided against it. She was already agitated with him, and if he asked her if Chandler was the reason for her not wanting to sleep with him, he didn't think that would go well.
He finally nodded as a response, "Ok honey, I'm sorry."
Monica lifted one of her hands and cupped his cheek, then gave him a quick kiss, "I'm gonna go shower and get ready for bed, ok?"
"Ok," he said, then leaned forward and captured her lips again, surprising her. She let him kiss her for a few seconds, then pulled backward, "Want me to join you?" He whispered.
She chuckled nervously, "Richard, no," she said, "Ben is in the room. We can't have sex with him in here." She hit him playfully on the cheek, "What if he woke up?"
Richard glanced over his shoulder at the sleeping child in the other bed, "Oh," he said, chuckling, "kids can sleep through anything, though." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.
Monica shook her head and gently hit his arm, "I'm not doing that," she said, then kissed him again before she turned and moved into the bathroom.
Richard watched her, wondering if Ben was in their room for a convenient excuse for Monica not to have sex with him again.
He had to wonder if Chandler was the reason she was holding back.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Monica turned on the water and shut her eyes, her heart pounding in her chest. She took off her clothes, stepped into the shower, and let her mind wonder what it would be like if Chandler, not Richard, was standing in the shower with her.
She groaned and let her head fall backward, allowing the hot water to run down her body, hoping it would wash all of her troubles away.
Sunday, June 20, 1999 – 1:04 AM
Monica shifted in her seat and tried to adjust her formal dress to a more comfortable position beneath her legs again, sighing deeply. Richard looked over at her, then put his hand on her back, "You ok honey?" He asked.
She turned to him, "Yeah, it's just easier sitting in a hospital when you have more comfortable clothes on," she told him.
"Would you like me to go to your place and get some clothes for you to change into?"
Monica smiled at him as relief took over her, "Oh, would you do that? Please?"
"Sure, of course, I will," he said. She leaned over and kissed him.
"Okay, I'll be back in about an hour," he told her after she'd given him a list of stuff to collect from her apartment. He leaned down to hug her, then glanced behind her at Chandler, who sat across the lobby, his head turned as he flipped through a magazine.
There was still a part of him that felt uneasy about leaving Monica alone with Chandler.
He met her eyes again when she spoke, "Thank you so much," she said, and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, "I don't want to leave in case..."
"I know, honey," Richard said, then squeezed her hand.
She gave him a closed smile and he nodded at her again before he turned to head out of the hospital.
Monica reclaimed her seat and glanced across the lobby at Chandler. He was surrounded, Joey on his right and Rachel to his left, so she couldn't sit by him and talk to him. She wanted to, bad.
She sighed and let her head fall back against the wall behind her. She had so much on her mind: Richard, Chandler, and now Ross. She was mentally exhausted.
Friday, May 28, 1999 – 6:47 PM
"Alright, so, bridesmaids and groomsmen will wait here, Emily, you, my dear, of course, will be the last. Ross will enter from the front…" Sandy, Emily's wedding planner, was in full force during the rehearsal before dinner. "And go, cue the music!" She yelled to the front of the venue.
Sandy walked through the door and walked with Ben, so he could practice walking with Hanna, Emily's five-year-old cousin who was the flower girl. She returned moments later, "Okay, which of you is the best man?"
Chandler and Joey looked at each other, then shrugged, "Uh, we both are," Joey said lowly, and Chandler nodded in agreement.
"Okay well, you walk with this bridesmaid," Chandler looked over to Monica, the person Sandy was pointing to, "and you walk with that one," she pointed to Joey and Felicity, she clapped her hands together excitedly, then pushed on Chandler's shoulder, "you two are next."
Chandler sighed and put his arm out for Monica to hook her arm into his.
"Sorry," Monica murmured as they walked through the archway and towards the altar.
"Sorry for what?" He asked, but they were interrupted when Sandy clapped loudly behind them.
"Slow your steps please, to the pace of the music! Come back, we'll start again."
The duo turned and walked back towards the archway, then hooked arms again and headed towards the altar, this time slower, "Better, much better!" Sandy said proudly.
"I'm sorry we keep getting pushed together," she said.
He chuckled lowly in his throat, "We've had the same friends for years," he said back to her, "it's going to happen, I guess."
She glanced up at him just as they reached the front, "Yeah," she agreed softly.
He gave her a closed smile as he let go of her arm and moved to stand behind Ross, and she moved to stand behind Emily.
Chandler tried hard, very hard, to not look across at her during the practice ceremony. But the few times their eyes did meet, he let his stare linger on her, as it did a lot these days.
She was right earlier, though. They were going to be pushed together, a lot. He still had the same friends, and so did she, and unless that changed, they probably would be together a lot.
More often than not.
Maybe he should move.
His company had locations all over the United States: Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles, San Antonio…those were just a few that he knew of, and he knew there were more. "And you may kiss the bride," the pastor said, and Ross smiled as he grabbed Emily and kissed her on the lips.
"Okay, now, bride and groom," Sandy said, waving them towards her on the aisle, "best man and maid of honor," she continued, and Felicity and Joey moved towards her, "and groomsmen and bridesmaid," she said, a giant smile on her face.
Chandler moved towards Monica, and she moved towards him, and she hooked her arm into his again as they made their way back down the aisle. "You guys did a great job on the venue," he said to break the silence between them, "it is really beautiful."
Monica smiled at him widely, "Yeah, you think so?" She asked.
He nodded, "Yeah, I really do," he told her.
She sighed happily, "Thank you. It was a lot of work, but the crisis was avoided."
He smiled back at her, but not nearly as wide. They made it back to the hall where the rest of the wedding party waited.
"One more time and then we're done!" Sandy exclaimed.
Two hours had passed, and Chandler had given a speech that he thought belonged in the speech comedy hall of fame, but the locals thought no such thing. Nobody laughed, and he was pretty sure it was the worst 4 minutes of his life, or at least near the top of the list.
The dinner was finished, and the crowd dispersed into small groups as they stood around talking. Joey had disappeared with Felicity, of course he had, and Chandler grew tired of making small talk with Emily's family and friends. Ross was busy trying to calm the choppy waters between Jack and Stephan and dividing up the cost for the wedding, and Judy had taken Ben back to her room to put him to bed.
Chandler made his way to the bar on the opposite side of the room, picked a stool and flopped down on it, then ordered himself a drink. The thought he had earlier in the night echoed in his mind again. Maybe he should move.
Monica's mother was driving her insane, literally insane, about marriage and how happy she was for Ross and questions about when she and Richard were going to tie the knot.
She was sitting next to Richard at a table now, their chairs turned outward. She licked and pressed her lips together as Richard sipped on his drink and talked with some of his new friends he'd met last night at the bar with her dad. Turns out they were some of Emily's cousins and were also here for the wedding.
So, Richard was exactly in his element, joking and laughing with these guys. Monica sighed, rolled her eyes slightly with annoyance, and looked around the room.
She shut her eyes and shook her head at herself, knowing exactly who she was looking for. Of course she was. Why wouldn't she look for the man that she dreamed about?
She spotted him on the other side of the room, at the bar, his attention on the woman that he was engaged in conversation with, his right hand holding a cocktail with ice and two stirring straws.
Her gut clenched and she moved her eyes from him, then smoothed the hem of her dress down with her palm.
She glanced over at Richard, who was still talking and laughing with one of those guys, so she slowly turned her head to glance at Chandler again. The lady wasn't there anymore, and she felt another wave of relief.
"…when we get home, right honey?"
Monica tore her stare away from Chandler's back and turned it quickly to look at him, "Hm?"
Richard lifted an eyebrow at her, "I said we were going to see Phantom of the Opera when we get home, right? Isn't that what you wanted to see?"
She swallowed and smiled at him, then placed her hand on his leg, "Yes." She smiled up at the man he was talking to, "Yes, I can't wait," she reiterated.
The stranger smiled at her and patted Richard's shoulder as he said goodbye and walked away from them.
"You okay?" Richard asked and squeezed her shoulder gently when he wrapped his arm around her.
"Yes, I'm fine," she said, smiling at him, "long day, you know? I'm pretty tired."
"Oh, from the dress alterations?" Richard asked, then sipped on his drink.
Monica nodded, "Yeah, and Ross and I worked really hard to make the venue look nice," she told him, "it was a lot of moving bricks with wheelbarrows, climbing ladders, moving chairs…" she stretched her shoulders a bit, "just wore me out a bit."
Richard lifted his eyebrows at her, "I didn't realize you helped with all of that."
She pressed her lips together, then nodded at him, "Yes, Ross and I did it. We wanted Emily to be happy with the venue she wanted to be married in and of course postponing the wedding wasn't an option, so," she shrugged, "we dressed it up a little." She smiled to herself because she was proud of the job she and Ross did earlier. It looked like a fairy tale.
She hoped her own wedding looked just as magical.
He moved his arm from her shoulders and pat her knee, "Well it looks nice in there," he said flatly, and Monica felt like he'd lost interest a long time ago about the wedding hall.
"Yeah, thanks." She said.
"Well, I think I'm going to get me another drink," he said, then frowned at her empty hands and pointed to them, "Would you like me to get you something?" Richard asked, "Maybe it'll help you relax a little. You seem tense to me."
Monica sighed, "No, thank you. I've got a little bit of a headache and I don't want to add alcohol to that and make it worse tonight and tomorrow."
"Can I get you anything?" Richard asked, now a bit of concern on his face.
She shook her head and smiled gently, "No, I'm okay. A good night's rest and I'll be good as new."
He nodded at her, "Okay."
They both looked up at the guy that had stumbled up to them, a drink in his hand.
Richard glanced at Monica at the stranger's somewhat disheveled appearance. She lifted her eyebrows slightly and shrugged her shoulders.
"I just wanted to say that Ross is a wonderful young man," the man slurred slightly as he spoke.
Richard smiled and so did Monica, and both of them nodded just a little, "Thanks, we like him." Monica said, gesturing between her and Richard.
"My God," the man looked up and down Monica's body, "you must have been a teenager when you had him!"
Monica's eyes grew big as Richard chuckled beneath his breath, "Um, no, sir," he said, "this is Ross's sister, and his father is actually over there."
The man looked at the couple again, then focused in the direction Richard pointed, "Oh, sorry," he said, then moved away from them.
Richard began to laugh quietly again, and Monica aimed a scowling look towards him, "I look like Ross's mother, and that's funny to you?" She asked sharply.
He turned his head towards her, his laughter continued to grow, "Oh come on, honey," he said, "he's drunk and I'm sure if you had a few drinks, you would think it's funny too."
"You know what, I think I will have a drink," she said with a scoff, then stood abruptly and walked away from him.
"Aw honey," Richard called behind her, but when Jack called his name, he redirected his attention to his friend.
Monica was glad. Her annoyance with her boyfriend had only progressively grown as the night continued. She rolled her eyes again and pulled out a barstool, then sat down next to Chandler.
He looked over at her, his blue eyes heavy with fatigue.
"Scotch on the rocks with a twist," she told the bartender, who nodded and turned from her to begin mixing the cocktail.
"Hey," he said softly.
"I know, sorry," she murmured, "I just…" she sighed, then rubbed her forehead, "I need something."
He lifted an eyebrow, "You okay?"
She nodded and looked down at the drink in front of her, "Yeah, I guess," she murmured. She stirred the drink a little with the straws and closed her eyes.
"You don't seem okay, Mon," he answered, then sipped on his own drink as he looked over at her.
She chuckled once at that and let go of the straw, then turned to him, "I'm not," she said, shaking her head, "apparently I look old enough to have a 30-year-old son," she started, "my brother is getting married and my mother is pestering me to death about the reason I wore my hair like this and when I'm going to get married, and I just…" she shook her head, "…I don't like feeling like this."
"Don't let your mother get to you like that," he said, shaking his head, "and whatever bastard made you feel like you look old enough to have a 30-year-old son was clearly plastered."
She rolled her eyes, "Yeah well…"
"Monica, stop it," he said sharply, looking at her again, "You are the most beautiful woman in this room tonight, in fact, you are the most beautiful woman in every room," he said, and she felt tears come to the surface of her eyes, "don't let that drunk idiot or your pushy mom tell you otherwise."
Good God, what a wonderful, kind, sweet man he was. He didn't think the guy telling her she must have been a teenager when she gave birth to her older brother or what her mom said to her was funny, but rather tried to fix her aching heart. Of course he did. He was Chandler, and she didn't know why she expected anything else.
"That's so sweet of you," she whispered, looking down at the drink again as she stirred it around in the glass.
He shrugged, "It's the truth."
"Chandler, I know you said that I should give you space and I said that I was going to try, but it's hard for me when you are just about the only person I want to talk to," she whispered.
He sighed and looked away from her, shook the ice around in his glass, and motioned to the bartender to refill it, "Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking when I said that I needed to stay away from you," he said, shaking his head, "it's not possible, particularly when we're not at home."
She nodded and looked at the side of his face. He must have shaved early this morning because she could see just a hint of a five-o-clock shadow appearing on his face. She resisted the urge to lift her hand and feel it with her fingertips.
He sighed when he continued, "And, yes, I feel like I need space from you, it's not something I want, Mon," he murmured. He waited until the bartender returned with another drink, then took a sip of it before he spoke again, "You're my fucking best friend too," he said, still not looking at her, "and I think while I'm trying to forget that I fell in love with you, the hardest part will be to not forget that you've been my friend for a long time."
She swallowed and tried desperately not to let the tears that had formed fall down her face, "More than ten years now," she whispered softly.
He shut his eyes and nodded once, "Yeah," he whispered back.
She glanced over her shoulder in the direction of Richard's last known location, and he was still at the same table with her parents. When he caught her eye, he smiled at her and waved her to come, but she couldn't think of a worse place to be at that moment. When she turned back to the front, she licked her lips and poked the lemon in her drink with the straw, "I don't know what to do," she admitted.
He ran a hand over his face and took another sip of his fresh drink, "About what?"
She chuckled once at his question, shook her head at herself, and pushed the glass away from her, some of the contents of it spilled over the sides and onto the bar.
He looked down at it, then back into her eyes as she stood. Her mouth fell open to tell him exactly what was on her mind: him. Chandler was on her mind.
All the time.
Monica rolled her eyes, shook her head, and lifted her hand to wipe a tear that spilled over to her cheek, "Nothing, never mind," she finally said to Chandler, "I'm going to say goodnight to my parents and go to my room to lay down, I have a headache and I don't need to complicate that with alcohol. I'll see you tomorrow."
He nodded at her slowly and turned his head to watch as she walked away. Richard was sitting at the table as Monica walked towards him, and he narrowed his eyes at Chandler when he saw him looking at Monica. Chandler turned away again and rubbed his forehead. The bartender looked down at the untouched drink, then over at Chandler, "Is she returning?"
Chandler shook his head and stood from the barstool, then pulled his wallet from his back pocket, "No, I'll cover her. How much do I owe you?"
Saturday, May 29, 1999 - 5:46 PM
"Oh, Emily," Monica said, running her hand down her very soon-to-be sister-in-law's arm, "you look beautiful!"
Emily beamed, "Thank you," she said, then sighed, "it's almost time."
Monica nodded at her, "It is," she said, "how do you feel?"
Emily grinned at her, "Excited," she said, "a little nervous, " she added.
"That's understandable," Monica agreed, "all of this happened so fast."
Emily's smile faded just a little, "Yes, it did," she said, then grabbed Monica's wrist and led her to the other side of the room. She sat down on a bench and motioned Monica to sit next to her.
"Are you alright?" Monica asked when she hadn't said anything for a long, suspended moment.
"Monica, I need you to tell me something."
She swallowed nervously and looked into the dark brown eyes that were staring back at her, "What is it, honey?" She asked softly.
Emily reached down and grabbed Monica's hands, "I know your brother loved Rachel, and I know that a part of him still loves her," Emily started, shaking her head just slightly, "but do you think he will ever truly love me like he loved her?"
Monica's heart rate sped up dramatically and she felt her stomach turn somersaults.
No, she didn't think Ross would ever love anyone like he loved Rachel. But how could she possibly tell that to Emily, who sat next to her in a wedding dress, ready to marry her brother in less than thirty minutes?
She couldn't. She couldn't crush this woman like that.
Monica licked her lips and squeezed Emily's hands that she still held in her own, "Em," she started, "I know that Ross loves you, and he loves you wholly and he wants to spend his life with you, otherwise, he wouldn't marry you."
Emily swallowed and looked away from her, so Monica looked down at the floor in front of them too. It was silent for several moments, so long that Monica was about to get up and check on her makeup and hair one last time, but Emily sighed and began to speak again.
"I know that if two people are meant to be together, they will eventually find their way back into each other's arms," Monica looked over at her, and an unexpected sadness washed over her, "it doesn't matter if we are married or not."
Monica sighed and put her hand on Emily's leg, "I'm sure that you and Ross will be very happy," she said softly, "I know it's daunting for you to think about marrying Ross and moving to the States and starting a new life, but you love him, don't you?"
Emily nodded, "Yes, very much," she said.
Monica squeezed her leg and nodded, "That's all that matters."
She sighed and smiled again, then leaned over and hugged Monica tightly, "Thank you."
"Hey," Monica said and backed up from her, "come on, no tears. You're going to mess up your gorgeous makeup." She smiled and chuckled a little, then wiped just a little bit beneath her eye, "Let's go get you married to my brother so you can officially become my sister-in-law and my mother will like you better than me."
Emily laughed again as they stood and walked to the door.
"There you are!" Sandy said, waving the duo over as they approached the rest of the wedding party, minus Ross.
Monica looked up and spotted Chandler as he stood, his hands in his pockets, talking to Joey.
He looked so incredibly handsome in his suit. The gray did nothing but make his stunning blue eyes just that much more stunning, and that damn smile of his that he wore on his face just about made her faint. Just then, Ben ran up to him and he squat down and adjusted his tie. Monica smiled as he brushed Ben's shoulders, "Okay, you ready big guy?" He asked.
Ben nodded enthusiastically, and Chandler smiled, "Hey, don't forget what we talked about. Make sure you walk at the same speed as Hanna. Don't leave her until you get to your dad, okay?"
Ben nodded again, and Chandler held up his hand for a high five, then stood to his full form and looked towards Emily, then he spotted her, and good God Almighty, the woman knew how to wear red. She looked so beautiful, the bridesmaid's dress hugged her perfectly in every way, and he still didn't know how he'd managed to get her in his arms, even if it were only for a night.
Sandy clapped excitedly and walked out of the hall and into the room where the ceremony was being held. Emily began talking with Felicity, so Monica continued to stare at Chandler, and he hadn't moved his eyes from her either.
She stepped towards him slowly, a smile on her face as she approached him.
"Hey," she said finally.
"Hey Mon," he replied softly.
She pressed her lipsticked lips together, "How was your day?" She asked, her voice shaking just slightly.
He nodded, "Good," he said, "just hung out with the guys," he added, "and yours?"
Damn, this sounded like a conversation between two strangers, and not two people that had known each other more than a decade, "Just hung out with the girls."
"Did you know that Rachel is here?" He asked softly, attempting to keep his voice low.
Monica's mouth fell open in shock, "What?"
Chandler nodded, "She got here about half an hour ago," he said.
"Oh God," she shot a panicked look towards Emily, "has Emily seen her?"
He shook his head, "I don't think so. Joey and Phoebe were worried that she was going to tell Ross that she still loved him, but she just came in, hugged him, and sat down. Nothing else happened." He shrugged.
Monica let out a sigh of relief, "She's worried that Ross still loves her," she motioned towards Emily with her eyes.
Chandler lifted and dropped his eyebrows, "Well, he does," he said quietly, but shrugged, "but I guess that doesn't matter these days," he said under his breath, but she heard him.
She glanced over at Joey, who was flirting and laughing with Felicity. She looked back at him and hooked her pinky finger with his and squeezed his pinky in her hand.
He swallowed nervously, nodded and quickly dropped her hand when Sandy called for their attention as she stepped back into the hallway, "Okay, line up ladies and gentlemen!" She said, "It's showtime!"
Chandler chuckled again, "I wish I had that woman's energy," he murmured.
Monica laughed a little and moved behind Ben and Hanna, then took the bouquet from Sandy. Chandler moved next to her and watched as Sandy guided the young children out onto the aisle when the music began to play.
Chandler looked over at Monica, then quickly hooked her pinky finger with his again, causing her to look over at him, "I don't know if I should say this to you," he whispered softly, and just then, Sandy waved them forward and he dropped her hand and she hooked her arm with his, "but you look beautiful, Mon," he finally said.
She looked up at him just before they stepped out onto the aisle, "Thank you," she barely managed, her voice broke and she felt butterflies multiply constantly in her stomach.
Richard smiled at her as they passed him, and she smiled back, but not nearly as wide. When they finally got to the front, she felt her body shake just slightly when he let go of her arm and turned to stand behind Ross, who slapped him on the shoulder as he passed.
Monica tried her hardest to focus as the bride walked towards her after Joey and Felicity joined the party at the altar, but she couldn't. She only heard his voice echoing in her head, she only saw the look in his eyes, she only thought about him.
She tried not to look at him, she did, particularly when she looked out and caught Richard's eyes staring right at her. He smiled and winked at her, and she lifted the corner of her mouth to respond to him.
She felt tears spring to her eyes, and she shut them quickly and took in a deep breath. She definitely didn't want to begin to cry as she stood in front of all these people. When she opened her eyes, she found Felicity looking at her, so she clamped her teeth together and smiled widely.
Felicity smiled back and turned towards Emily and Ross again.
"I, Emily, take thee, Ross…"
Monica turned her attention back to the ceremony. She had to get a grip, and she knew it wasn't fair to either man to have these kinds of feelings at war in her heart and her mind.
"Ross, repeat after me…"
Her older brother nodded and she watched him exhale. She then let her eyes drift to behind him and Joey again, where Chandler stood, and Emily's words from earlier echoed in her head, "I know that if two people are meant to be together, they will eventually find their way back into each other's arms".
"I, Ross, take thee, Emily," the minister started, then paused for Ross to repeat the statement.
Chandler's eyes caught hers, and she felt her heart rate speed up just slightly. No one had ever had this much effect on her before.
"I, Ross, take thee, Rachel…" Ross said, then turned into a statue along with every single person in the room.
Monica's eyes grew big as she stared in disbelief. Did Ross just say that? Her heart pounded hard in her chest as her brother choked out a chuckle and tried to correct his absolutely-the-wrong-time-to-say-the-wrong-name blunder, "Emily!" He said, laughing at himself, "Emily," he said again.
The minister, also in complete disbelief, looked over to Emily, "Shall I go on?" He asked her.
Monica shut her eyes and shook her head lightly. She let herself think about what she would do if she were in Emily's shoes right now. Would she go on and marry a man that obviously didn't love her like she loved him?
No, that seemed ridiculous to her at that moment. But, honestly, so did walking away from the man that was to marry you in front of all of these people.
"Yes, do go on," Emily said, and even though she couldn't see her face, Monica could picture Emily's nervous smile.
Monica took in a deep breath and looked on, along with everybody else at her brother, "I think we better start again," the minister suggested.
Ross exhaled and nodded, still trying to smile past the newfound awkwardness.
"I, Ross," the minister said slowly as if Ross didn't understand the English language.
"I…Ross…" Ross repeated.
"Take thee, Emily…"
Monica watched as her brother cut his eyes at the minister, and she swallowed nervously, worried for a second how her older brother might react. Thankfully, he only gritted his teeth when he responded, "Take thee Emily…" he looked at Emily again and chuckled nervously, "Like there would be anyone else…"
The rest of the ceremony continued, with an uncomfortable, weird, strange kiss on the cheek after "you may kiss the bride".
Monica swallowed hard as she clapped, the flowers in her hand shaking as she watched the new bridge and groom walk back down the aisle together.
Joey grinned as he linked arms with Felicity, and Chandler walked towards her again. She swallowed hard, put on the bravest smile she could come up with, and moved her arm to link with his.
She looked up at him as they slowly made their way through the crowd of people, "That was um…"
He sighed, "A train wreck?"
"To say the least," she mumbled.
He nodded in agreement. They got to the end of the aisle and followed the crowd as they made their way out of the wedding hall.
About an hour later, Chandler stood at the door, his hands in his pockets, along with Monica, Richard, Joey, and Rachel as they leaned towards the room Emily had disappeared into and listened to the argument with Ross.
Richard winced, "This doesn't sound too good," he whispered to Monica.
She looked up at him and winced, "No, it doesn't."
Chandler just looked down at the floor, then ran a hand through his hair. What a disaster, he thought.
He felt so bad for Ross. His friend still loved Rachel, and Chandler knew that, everybody knew that. And he said it before, and he'd say it again, this 'marriage' to Emily shouldn't have happened.
He glanced over at Monica as Richard wrapped his arm around her.
He shut his eyes and groaned inwardly, shaking his head. Just like some other things shouldn't have happened, he thought.
He snapped his head up again when Ross came out of the room, chuckling nervously and trying his damndest to act as if he didn't just say another woman's name while he was standing at the alter.
"I hate you!" Emily's muffled voice came through the door.
"And I love you!" Ross said happily, then groaned lightly as he walked away from the room, "She's just...fixing her makeup," he explained to the small crowd of people as he made his way through them.
Chandler rolled his eyes a little, yeah, right.
He looked down at his watch, and even though only 20 minutes had passed, he couldn't believe people were still hanging around this disaster of an event.
He sighed as he stirred the drink he had in his hand around in a circle, the ice making noise as it rubbed against the glass. Monica slowly approached him, her arms crossed as she suddenly felt nervous and cold.
"Some party, huh?"
He looked at her and brought his drink to his lips, "Yeah," he said simply.
"I hoped it wouldn't happen, but, I'm not really that surprised," she continued softly, looking towards the bedroom door that Emily was in earlier, but an open window and an Emily-less room followed.
He looked at the back of her head, "Yeah, well, me either," he murmured softly, "because he's in love with Rachel."
She met his eyes again, swallowing nervously, "He always has been."
He nodded back at her, "And when you love someone like that, it doesn't just go away. No matter how much you…" he shook his head, "...how much you pretend that it does."
He put the glass down on the table that was next to him and poured himself another. Her heart thumped in her chest and she felt tears spring to her eyes.
"You know," he continued softly, looking down at his melting ice cubes again, "I can't…" he groaned, "that's going to be me," he said.
"Chandler, no it's not," she argued softly, then put her hand on his arm, "stop that."
He shook his head and moved away from her, "It is," he argued, "I'm going to be standing up there with Betty and about to marry her and I'll be thinking about you."
She stared at him as the tears could no longer be held back in her eyes, so one of them streamed down her face, "I don't believe that's true," she whispered.
"All I fucking do, Monica, all I do is think about you." He ran a hand over his own face, shaking his head, "I've got to get out of here."
"Chandler, stop," she pleaded, "I thought we were making progress," she said.
"Progress towards what?" He asked sharply.
"Being friends again!" She said loudly.
He shook his head, "I told you before, and I'm telling you again. I can't do this. It's too much for me. And when we get home, I just…" he shook his head, "I gotta move on. I gotta get out of here, and out of New York. I can't do this to myself." He walked past her, but she grabbed his arm gently to stop him.
"What do you mean?" She asked, her voice shaking, "What do you mean out of New York?"
He stopped walking and put his hands on his hips, turned to look at her, then shook his head, "My company has positions available in other states," he started.
"No, Chandler, no!" She replied quickly, "You can't just leave like that!"
"Well, I can't do this either, Monica! So tell me, what's the fucking solution? How in the hell do I get past this? You're going to marry him, you are going to have children with him! I'm just supposed to sit around and watch this? I can't do that."
"So you just run away? From Joey? And Phoebe? And Rachel? And Ross?" She asked hotly, "And me?"
"Why are you acting like I don't have a valid reason to do so?" He asked her, his voice low, but sharp and stern.
"Because you don't," she fired back hotly, "we are your family, Chandler. And no matter what, that's always been true."
He shook his head back at her again, "Nana was my family," he said in a whisper, "and she's gone. And yes, you're right. I do love Rachel, and Ross, and Joey, and Pheobe," he fought the tears in his eyes and tried to swallow the lump in his throat, "And you. But I've gotta move on, for my sanity. And the only way I can do that is to get away."
"No," she said again, "please don't do this."
He backed away from her slowly, "I have to," he responded, then shut his eyes, "I have to." He said again, then turned and walked away from her.
"No," she said as she fell into a chair behind her, buried her face in her hands, and broke down completely.