Hi my loves!
Sorry for the delay! Life, you know...
Hope you are all doing well!
Again I'll say, hang in there lovelies. We're getting close. ;)
Much love!
Monday, June 14, 1999 - 9:49 PM
Monica's apartment door opened, and Rachel rushed in, then glanced around the room. Once she made sure the apartment was empty except for Monica, she shut and locked the door behind her. Monica had just finished cleaning the kitchen with pristine and held the dishtowel in her hands.
Rachel felt a wave of sadness wash over her when she saw the tear-streaked face of her roommate. She sighed, shook her head and waved at Monica to follow her, "Okay, so, come over here and spill," Rachel said, walking over to the couch, "come on, it's just me and you. Tell me what's wrong, I'm worried about you."
Monica sighed and made her way over to the couch. Maybe, she thought, if she could tell Rachel some of this stuff and get it off her chest, she'd feel better. Even though she told Chandler she wouldn't.
She knew he'd understand, and she didn't think there was even a slim chance that Joey didn't know what happened in Colorado anyway.
She needed to talk to someone, and Rachel was one of her oldest friends. And, despite her gossiping reputation, Monica knew if she asked her not to tell Phoebe or Ross, she wouldn't.
"Monica, what happened?" Rachel prompted when Monica still hadn't said anything.
She pressed her lips together, took a deep breath and spoke softly as she began to tell the story from the beginning.
Rachel had to force herself to close her mouth when Monica ultimately reached the end, "Oh my God," she said, Janice-like, "honey, that is a lot," she said with a disbelieving laugh, then rubbed her forehead.
"Yeah," Monica said and nodded in agreement.
"You've been carrying all of this around for nearly two months now?" She asked, "How are you still standing?" Monica didn't know how to answer that, so she didn't. Rachel continued, "So, Chandler Bing is in love with you?" Monica nodded and expected the next words that came out of Rachel's mouth "Chandler doesn't fall in love," she said pointedly.
Monica felt chills form all over her body, "He insists that he is," she said, "and I believe him. He told me he loved me the night Ross told us he was marrying Emily."
"So that's why he's avoiding everyone and hardly ever comes over here?"
She nodded at her high school friend, "Yes. He said he wanted to stay away from me because I'm in a relationship with Richard and he didn't want to mess it up for us."
"Well, that's gentlemanly of him, right? I mean, don't you love Richard? Don't you want to marry Richard and have a family with him?"
Monica pressed her lips together at the question as she felt anger rise within her. How dare he lie to her like that just to get back into her life? She ran a hand over her face.
"I don't Rach," she said honestly, "I know I was in love with him a couple of years ago." Rachel nodded as she thought about the time and the happiness she saw on her friends face as she fell in love with Richard. The same happiness wasn't there now.
"I thought I couldn't be without him, but now," Monica continued and shook her head, "it's not there. The love I had for him is gone. And as much as I try, I can't seem to find it again."
"Why not?"
Monica tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "He doesn't want children," she said, more sharply than she wanted to, then let out a breath, "and I don't like that he told me he did just to be with me. I think we both have this idea of how our life could be together, and the two ideas are very, very different."
"Oh, honey..."
"It's not fair," Monica continued, "why would he tell me that he'd have kids with me if he never intended to?"
Rachel shook her head, "Are you sure that's how he feels?"
She shut her eyes as a response, hearing his words through the phone earlier echoing in her head, "Yeah, I'm sure."
Rachel reached up and tucked another piece of Monica's hair behind her ear, "Do you have feelings for Chandler?"
Monica felt her stomach flip and chills form all over her body, but of course they did because Chandler's name was mentioned. She took in another shaky breath and finally looked up at Rachel, "Yes, I do," she said, barely above a whisper.
"Really?" Rachel questioned in a whisper, then reached over and took Monica's hands, "Chandler? You have feelings for Chandler?"
Monica pulled her hands away, "Stop doing that," she said sharply.
"Doing what?" Rachel asked, backing up from her a little.
"Acting as if me having feelings for Chandler is weird or bad or wrong or crazy. He is a wonderful guy…"
"Mon, honey, calm down," Rachel interrupted, then reached for her hands again, "Chandler is a great guy, and I didn't mean it like that," she explained, "I meant that I just never knew you would think of him as a romantic interest."
Monica sighed and slumped, "I'm sorry, I just…"
"It's okay, I know that you have so much on your mind," Rachel replied, then sighed, "but Mon, sweetie, how do you know you have feelings for him?"
Tears pooled in her eyes when she looked into Rachel's, "I can't get him out of my head. Every time he looks at me, I get butterflies, every time I'm even a little bit close to him, I wish I could kiss him, and when someone even mentions his name my stomach flips. Something changed in me," she admitted, "and I think it was when he told me that he loves me. He's been my best friend for so long, and now that he's been staying away from me, avoiding me, I realize how much I need him and how much I…" She stopped, lifted a hand, and wiped her face, "God, Rachel, I want him in my life."
"Oh honey," Rachel said, trying to keep her mouth from falling open in shock, "damn, what a mess."
Monica had to laugh at the simple word that described her life so very perfectly lately. Mess.
She fell back on the couch, a tear rolling down her face, "What am I going to do?"
"Come here," Rachel said, and pulled Monica's arm until she lay her head on her chest, "you're going to figure this out, but honestly, Mon, it seems pretty simple to me. You're not in love with Richard, you're in love with Chandler."
"I'm going to hurt him," Monica said, her voice broken, "Richard wants to marry me," she sniffed and lifted her hand to wipe another tear away, "and even though I could stab his hand with an ice pick to injure him physically for what he did, I still don't want to break his heart."
"He told you that he wanted to marry you?"
She nodded, "He has said multiple times that he couldn't wait to ask me."
"Sweetie, you can't marry him if you don't want the same things. You'd be divorced within a year, and that's. It what you want either."
Monica's eyes fell to the couch, "I don't like hurting people, Rach," she managed.
"Hey," Rachel said, then backed up so she could see her roommate's face, "you can't stay in a relationship where you're unhappy just because you think you might hurt him."
Monica met her eyes, "I know it will hurt him," she said, "I have to figure out what to say, and that makes me queasy to think about. What kind of person does it make me, though, if I can't even be with him without thinking about Chandler?"
Rachel put her hand on Monica's leg, "It makes you the kind of person who made a mistake when you agreed to date him again, and that's okay. You're in love with someone else." Monica looked away from her as another tear rolled down her face, "And think about it this way, is it fair to Richard if you continue to be with him when you want someone else? Is it fair to Richard if you are in love with Chandler?"
Monica thought about Rachel's words. Of course it wasn't fair, none of it was. "I tried not to be," she whispered.
"I know," Rachel said, then pulled Monica's head back down to her chest, brushing her hair down with her hand, "believe me, I know how hard it is when you try not to love someone. You can't get them out of your head as much as you try. You think about them at night, during the day. It's just about impossible."
Monica lifted her head, then her hand to wipe another tear away, "If I'm going to tell Chandler, then maybe you should tell Ross why you flew to London."
Rachel sat back on the couch and rubbed her forehead, "No, I can't, and this isn't about me."
"You can't?"
"He married her, Mon."
"They're getting divorced," she said pointedly.
"If he had an ounce of any feelings for me, he wouldn't have married her."
"You didn't tell him how you feel!"
Rachel rolled her eyes and shook her head, "This isn't about me," she said again.
Monica rolled her eyes back at her and sighed, "Fine," she shook her head, "tell me something then, please, how do I do this?"
Rachel put her hand on Monica's arm, "You're going to have to talk to them."
Monica sighed, "Yeah," she said, then leaned back on the couch. Moments later, she sat back up and squeezed Rachel's hand, "Listen, please don't..." she sighed, "please don't say anything to Chandler. We said that we weren't going to tell anyone, and I don't need him to be upset with me. I already have enough of a hard time getting to talk with him alone, and I don't need that to be any more complicated than it is."
Rachel nodded, "Oh, honey," she sighed and shook her head slightly as her heart ached for her friend, "I wish I could wave a magic wand and get you through some of this."
Monica sighed as she fell back on the couch, thinking about how complicated her life had become.
A few hours later, Monica lay in her bed, unable to sleep, unable to get the millions of thoughts out of her head.
She wasn't at all sure how she was going to tell Chandler that he was all she was thinking about lately, all she dreamed about lately. A part of her wished that she could find a carrier pigeon or something similar. One of those tubes like at the bank that connected her apartment to Chandler's, which, again, was ridiculous. He lived ten feet away.
But lately, it felt like he was across the country.
She sighed as an idea came to her.
She turned over, reached for the lamp switch, and switched it back on, then stood from her bed and got a notepad and pen off her dresser.
She climbed back into bed, her back against the headboard. She pressed the pen against her lips and stared at the blank page.
She let her head fall back, then let out a deep breath. She could do this. She could put her thoughts down and get them off her chest. She put the pen to the paper and began to write.
Wednesday, June 16, 1999 - 5:39 PM
Monica sat down in the cab and called the address of the movie theater where she was meeting Rachel out to the driver. She ran a hand over her tired face, and while she didn't really feel like going out with her friend, she felt she needed an excuse to not see Richard tonight, and when Rachel suggested a movie, she jumped at the chance.
She rolled her eyes. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She wasn't supposed to feel this awkward about seeing her boyfriend, but since the overheard conversation with Michelle and the argument with Richard afterward, she felt she had come to a roadblock of their relationship, again.
Although, if she was being honest with herself, the entire thing had been mayhem. She let her head fall back against the seat of the cab as the dinner she had with him several weeks ago came roaring back to her mind.
Tuesday, May 4, 1999 - 7:54 PM
"How's your dinner?" Richard suddenly asked, making her jolt a little. He lifted an eyebrow at her questionably, "Are you okay? You seem like something is on your mind."
Monica put down her fork, finished chewing and smiled at him as she tapped her lips with her napkin, "Yes, I'm fine," she answered. She didn't tell him that she was thinking of her weekend with Chandler. She wanted to talk to him. She missed her best friend. "My dinner is very good," she answered, "and yours?"
"I think I'm enjoying the company more than the food," he told her, and she felt a blush come to her cheeks.
"That's nice of you," she replied softly.
"You Dad tells me that Allesandro's is looking to open up a franchise around New York and New Jersey."
She looked up at him again and took a sip of her water, "Yeah, that's the rumor," she finally answered, "you talk to my dad about me?" She asked.
He chuckled a little, "Of course I do."
She furrowed her eyebrows at him, "And you don't think that's a little weird?"
He turned his head, "Jack and I are friends," he said, "you're acting like that's brand new information."
"No I knew you and my father were friends, but I didn't think you would talk about me with him."
"I talk about you all the time," he said, "with everybody. All it does is just prove how much I miss you."
She looked down at the white tablecloth, then back up at him, "Okay, but, can I ask a favor?"
"Sure you can."
"My parents love me, and I know they do, but we have a sort of weird relationship. And if you and I start to date again, I'd really prefer it if you didn't talk about me or us with them, okay?"
His thick eyebrows knitted tighter together, "Well why not?"
"I just don't want them to know everything that goes on between us," she answered softly, "frankly, it's not really their business. And if I want to tell them things about our relationship, then I'll tell them. That's how it normally works anyway."
"I'd be really happy and want to share the news with my friends, though," he shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know why that's weird to you."
"They are my parents," she said slowly, "did you share every single detail of your relationship with your parents?"
"Well, no, I guess not," he finally responded. She rolled her eyes just slightly as she took a sip of water, "Okay, you're right," he finally agreed, "I won't say anything to them."
"Thank you," she said to him, then picked up her fork again and resumed eating.
"Can I ask though, why you think your relationship with your parents is weird?"
She wiped the corner of her mouth again with her napkin, "It's a complicated mess in my head," Monica said, waving at him a little, "but they're putting a lot of pressure on me to get married and always have. I don't think they really mean anything by it, but it's always bugged me."
"I think you should tell them that then," he mentioned, and took a sip of his wine. She only lifted her eyebrows in a response, "And anyway," he continued, "marriage for you might be right around the corner if I have anything to say about it."
She looked up at him, his brown eyes staring right back into hers. She sighed and blinked, her heart racing and her gut churning.
She sat her fork down on her napkin and shut her eyes for a moment, then opened them and looked up at him, "Richard, I…"
She stopped when he reached across the table and took her hands, "Wait, may I say this first?"
She swallowed and nodded slightly, then fell silent as she waited on him
to continue.
"I love you, Monica. I've loved you for a long time now, and I've never stopped. When you ended things with me that night after the wedding, I," he sighed, "I was crushed. I thought, 'good going Richard, you just screwed up the best thing that has ever happened to you'.
"Then we tried the 'friends with benefits' thing, and while it thrilled me that I got be with you again, it just wasn't enough. And, if we're being honest, it wasn't fair to either of us, and I knew that." She nodded in agreement because it was true. All that that friends-that-sleep-together business just brought fresh waves of pain to her. She was just getting her life back on track and then that one stupid weekend just set her back again. She was her own worst enemy sometimes. Always making stupid decisions that in the end only hurt her. And others. One person came to mind, like he always was recently.
She snapped out of it when he continued, "So I tried to move on without you. I tried a new career, several dates, and nothing worked. I have, and always have, wanted to be with you. You were and still are always on my mind."
She swallowed as her stomach flipped again. She was so nervous she could feel herself shaking, and she hoped he couldn't, because he still held her hands.
"I know I told you that I didn't want more kids, but that's changed. I want to be with you, and I want to marry you, and I want a family with you. You're my future. It doesn't matter about the rest. I don't care about my job, I don't care if it takes a lot of begging on my part to get you to see that I am ready to start a family with you. I'll do it. I want to do it."
"I don't know if…"
"Please, Monica. Please let me win you back. I want to take you out on dates, I want you to fall in love with me again. Because I have never fallen out of love with you. I want you to feel this way about me."
She squeezed his hands and smiled at him, her mind a complete whirlwind. She tried to picture herself in five years, with a baby in her arms and a wedding ring on her finger. But she couldn't, for the life of her, put Richard as the one that put the ring on her finger, which scared her the most.
She felt him squeeze her hands, "I promise I'm going to win your heart again, Monica Geller. No matter what it takes."
She swallowed and nodded just slightly at him, and that was enough for him to finally release her hands.
He held up his wine glass and waited until she held up hers, a small, nervous smile on her face, "To our future."
She nodded slightly, "To the future."
"Ma'am?" The cab driver called, and waved a hand in front of her face.
"What?" She asked, then looked up at the blonde man, who chuckled at her.
"We're here ma'am," he said, then pointed at the movie theater.
Monica swallowed and chuckled nervously, "Right, sorry," she said and picked up her purse, "kind of lost in thought there."
"I can tell," he responded.
She lifted her eyebrows and began to look in her purse, shifting the items inside from side to side, "Oh, crap," she mumbled, then shifted more, "I'm so sorry, I left my wallet in my apartment," she said, then used her thumb to point backwards, "let's go back and I'll get it."
He lifted his eyebrows at her, "That'll be double fare, you know."
She chuckled, "Yeah, I assumed that, but I can't pay you unless I have my wallet, and I don't have it."
He clicked his tongue against his teeth, "Well, all right then," he said, then looked up and down her body again before he turned back to the windshield.
The cab parked in front of her apartment building and she leaned forward towards him, "Will you wait here for just a moment? I'll run up and grab it."
"Sure lady," he said.
Chandler climbed the apartment stairs next to Phoebe, holding her arm to help her balance, because her big belly surely had to be causing her some trouble in that department by now, he was sure of it.
"You feel okay Pheebs?" He asked softly. They turned the corner to climb the final set of stairs.
She shrugged just a little, "Yeah, I guess so. I love peeing every 2 minutes. I think the babies take turns grabbing my bladder and squeezing it with their tiny hands. I plan to let them know how I feel about that when they get here."
He chuckled lowly, "Well you're towards the end now," he commented.
Phoebe nodded happily, "Yes, only 4 more weeks to go."
"You are such a great person for…" He trailed off and his walking slowed to a stop when the door for apartment 20 opened and Monica appeared in front of them, seemingly to be in a rush.
"Hey Monica," Phoebe said, and watched curiously as Monica tore her stare from Chandler and looked at her.
She smiled at her, "Hey Pheebs," she replied, then turned back to Chandler, "hey," she said to him.
"Hey Mon," he answered softly.
She lifted her purse strap higher on her shoulder, "I'm off to a movie," she said, then cleared her throat, "I should um…go, I've got a cab waiting."
Phoebe looked between the two of them again as Monica stared at Chandler and Chandler stared at Monica. The sudden tension in the air would've been noticeable to a four-year-old.
"Bye guys," she said softly.
"See ya later Mon," Phoebe said as Monica finally looked away and continued walking.
Phoebe waited until she was sure Monica was out of ear shot, "Okay, that's it," she said, and grabbed Chandler's suit jacket, forcefully pushing him into his apartment.
"Phoebe hey, what are you doing?" Chandler asked as he stumbled backwards and nearly fell over. He caught the counter and stared at her in disbelief, his eyes wide.
"What is going on with you and Monica?" Phoebe replied as she slammed the door behind her. Chandler stared at her, wide-eyed, in disbelief at what just happened.
"Did you just man-handle me?"
"Technically, I woman handled you, but yes. I want to know what is going on with you and you won't tell me, and Monica won't tell me, so I'm ready to force it out of you."
Chandler pushed himself up with the counter to stand up straight again. He slowly loosened his tie and sighed, crossed his arms, and lifted his eyes to hers.
He opened his mouth, but she lifted a finger and wagged it at him before a word was said, "Do not tell me there's nothing going on," she said quickly, "I've seen it for weeks now. I know something is up, and you both keep saying 'we're fine,' or 'nothing is wrong,' and you both are lying! Now spill!"
He sighed and rubbed his eyes, and he knew he was unable to get out of telling her the truth anymore. It was pointless anyway.
"I fell in love with her, Phoebe," he finally said, and he felt goosebumps all over his body. He turned and got himself a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, and one for her too.
He only looked at Phoebe's shocked face for a suspended moment before he cleared his throat.
"You-you what?" She asked, her voice breaking, "You don't fall in love!"
"Yes, I do," he said, and shook his head, "and I did."
"You're in love with Monica." He just looked at her in response. Her reaction had become customary to whenever he revealed his less commitment phobic nature. He now knew to expect that. He didn't blame them of course, he had always hidden this side of him from the world, too afraid of getting hurt.
Huh, he thought, how ironic.
"How did it happen?" She asked.
This story that he had gone over at least a thousand times in his head was now feeling a bit like a song that was on replay that he desperately wanted to stop.
He took in a shaky breath, closed his eyes, and prepared himself to tell it yet again. Oh, how he wanted it to have a different ending.
"I started to have feelings for her after Kathy and I broke up," he followed her with his eyes as she moved around the counter and sat down in the Barcalounger so she could get some relief for her swollen ankles. He moved around the counter and jumped up onto it, then turned towards her.
He cleared his throat, took a sip of water and continued, "I kept trying to talk myself out of it," he admitted, "'it's just a crush,' 'she'd never feel that way about you,' 'get over its Chandler,' but nothing worked. I was…" he sighed and shook his head at himself, "I am in love with her."
Phoebe shook her head, "That's not all, there is more to this story. Keep going."
He met her eyes for a second and chuckled once at her, "Oh Pheebs, this is a long, complicated story with a ton of drama that just…"
"I don't care, I have time," she interrupted him, "I wasn't doing anything important tonight anyway."
He gave her a look, mostly one of disbelief, because they had planned to hang out tonight. He rolled his eyes slightly, but continued, "In Colorado, we kissed a couple of times for the benefit of my grandmother," Phoebe nodded, "and I just felt something when I kissed her. A feeling I've never really felt before. I didn't think there was any way she didn't feel it too because it was just…incredible. But she didn't, apparently, and I guess I was kind of oblivious to that."
He sighed and continued, "We were getting along so great, the husband-and-wife thing we were doing was working perfectly for Nana, and I was so thankful to her for coming with me."
Phoebe reached down and put up the leg rest and made a wincing face when she looked down at her ankles. Chandler saw her and seemed concerned, "You want a pillow or something?" He asked, pointing to his bedroom, "I'll go get it for you."
She shook her head, "No, no, I'm fine," she said, "continue."
He sighed and nodded, "We were on the way to go skiing and I looked over at her when she smiled and I…" he swallowed, "I decided that I was going to tell her what I'd been feeling for her while we were out together, alone, but then my phone rang."
"Your grandmother," Phoebe said for him.
He affirmed with his head again, "Yeah." He looked down at the bottle of water in his hands, "That night I um," he shook his head and took in a deep breath, "I couldn't sleep so I got up and started drinking. She eventually got up and joined me, and she wanted to hear stories about Nana, and I told her that I was so glad she was there, and things kind of…" he swallowed and looked away from her again.
"You slept together," Phoebe said, but it wasn't a question.
He nodded, "Yeah," he said, and ran a hand over his face, "So when she was leaving the next morning and I told her that we needed to talk when I got home, and she agreed, but then when I got back, she was dating Richard again."
Phoebe nodded slowly, "So you never told her how you really felt and now you're just miserable?"
He met her eyes, "I did tell her," he said softly.
"You told her you're in love with her?"
"Yes," he said, trying to read the look on her face, but continued, "she told me that she just wanted to be my friend."
"And what did you say to that?"
"I told her that I didn't know if we could continue being friends, because I didn't really know how to do that anymore."
"Do what anymore?"
He rubbed his face with both hands now and groaned, "Just be her friend," he said, then hopped down off the counter. He sat down in the other recliner, and she turned to him, waiting on him to continue.
"She sat next to me on the way to London," he explained, "and I told her that I didn't hate her, but she needed to give me space. I needed to figure out a way to be her friend without wanting her. And of course, while we were in London, we were together a lot. Yes, a part of it almost felt normal again, but then Ross said Rachel's name when he was marrying Emily and something inside of me snapped, and I realized that I would never be able to get over her. She's going to marry Richard, and have kids with Richard, and I will always be the guy that's alone and still in love with her."
"So you told her what?" Phoebe asked.
Chandler furrowed his eyebrows together at her slightly sharper tone, "That I needed to stay away from her, and that my best bet would be to move away from her, from New York. I told her that my company has other locations I could go to."
Phoebe was practically gaping at him now, so he held up his hand, "But my boss offered me a giant promotion, so…"
"Are you kidding me?" She interrupted him.
He turned his head in confusion, "What?"
"You're going to run away from her?"
He swallowed nervously and started to respond, but she cut him off again, "No, wait. Just let me get this straight," she started, then put the leg rest down and slowly stood from her chair, "you had a crush on Monica, asked her to go to pretend to be your wife with you, and she does, you guys get drunk and sleep together, and you didn't tell her how you feel. Then you get home and now she's with Richard. So you tell her that you love her, and she says that she doesn't want to lose you as a friend, and now you don't know if you can be her friend anymore and plan to get away from her?"
Chandler only stared, dumbfounded as a response.
"Give her a break!" She said hotly, "She didn't even get a chance to think about a relationship with Richard again before he takes her out to dinner and insists that they should be together, then you get home and tell her that you're in love with her, and then you tell her you can't even be her friend? How in the hell is she supposed to feel?"
"Phoebe if she doesn't have feelings for me, then what is the point?" He asked her.
"The point is, Chandler, that you need to give her a chance to figure things out for herself. No, I didn't agree with her getting back with Richard either, but she was in love with him two years ago, and you know as well as I do that she was devastated when that relationship ended. Now he's back, and he's telling her that he's going to give her what she wants. Do you blame her for wanting to see if she can work things out with the man she loved so much?"
"I thought that she felt something between us, and she didn't."
"Did she say that to you?"
"Yes!"
"After you told her you loved her?"
"Yes!"
"And you don't know the reason for that?"
"What?"
"Chandler, damn it, she can't tell you that she has feelings for you when she's dating Richard! How fair would that be to you? To her?"
He shook his head, "Phoebe," he chuckled in disbelief, "I don't know what you want me to do," he said honestly.
"You stay here," she said quickly, "you stay here, be her friend and support her. She wouldn't do any of this to you."
"Because she doesn't love me," he responded.
"You honestly think that?"
"It's obviously true, Phoebe!" He almost yelled, "She's with him, and she's not going to leave him. I don't think I'm strong enough to sit around and watch them be together. I missed my chance, she's with somebody else. And I can't do it."
"Yes you can," Phoebe argued.
"No, I can't. I don't know why you're not understanding what I'm saying."
"You haven't given her any time. All of this got poured on her within a span of a few days. No wonder she's been in a daze. She probably has no idea how to get her feelings and thoughts in order."
"She doesn't have any for me, Phoebe."
"It's not all about you, Chandler!" She replied hotly, "What about her?" Chandler rubbed his eyes and looked up at her, then watched as she returned to the chair next to him, her voice softer now, "Put yourself in her shoes. She had no idea of your feelings for her, she has Richard in her ear, and she thinks she's going to lose you as a friend. How is any of that fair?"
Phoebe watched as his face began to soften and he looked as if the wind was knocked out of him just a bit.
Chandler scrubbed a hand through his hair, then shook his head gently, "It's not," he finally agreed.
Phoebe smiled just a little and patted Chandler's knee, "You shouldn't give up on her, Chandler. Even if she does end up marrying Richard. You should be there for her."
The words made another shiver run up and down his spine, and he felt his stomach flip at the thought. How did he not see it before?
He tried to think about how it was before he fell in love with her, how he would act if they were still the best friends they used to be. He'd be standing up for her, just like Phoebe was. He'd be telling himself to get a grip.
"I should apologize," he finally replied, his voice soft and full of emotion.
She nodded at him, licked her lips, and placed a hand on his forearm, "I just want you to be happy again, Chandler." He looked up at her and she sighed, "And I want Monica happy too."
"Yeah," he said, then swallowed the lump in his throat. He had to ask, he had to, "Do you uh," he stopped and ran a hand over his face, "do you think she's truly happy with Richard?"
Phoebe turned her head just slightly, moved her eyes from his, then sighed, "I don't think it's really fair for me to answer that for her, Chandler. You should ask her."
He closed his eyes at that response, ran a hand through his hair and nodded at her, "She should be happy."
Phoebe grabbed his arm, causing him to open his eyes again, "You should be too."
As he watched Phoebe stand from the chair and grab the bag of pretzels down from the refrigerator to help herself to some of them, he felt another wave of emotion take him over. He sat back in the chair and shook his head at the ceiling.
"Yeah, happy," he murmured.