Hi lovelies!
Woo, made it on Friday! *pats self on back*
Thank you for your patience my friends! This chapter is long, so this A/N will be short and sweet. :)
Enjoy! Much love!
Sunday, June 20, 1999 - 7:03 AM
"Oh, I feel so much better," Monica said, sighing with relief as she walked back out to the lobby, "thank you so much for going all the way home for my clothes."
Richard gave her a closed smile and passed her a cup of coffee, "No problem."
"Thanks," she said and furrowed her eyebrows at him as she noticed his mood was different from what it was in the first hours of the morning when he'd left the hospital to get clothes for her to change into. She didn't think he would've taken as long as he did to return, but assumed he laid down for an hour or two to get some rest.
"Are you ok?" Monica asked.
He chuckled a little, "Why would you ask that?"
"You just seem…" She paused and tried to think of the correct word, "…different."
He breathed in and out through his nose, "I'm fine," he said, then sipped his coffee.
Monica turned her head just a little, "You don't seem fine," she watched the side of his face as he only lifted his eyebrows in response, "Richard, what's wrong?"
"I really think we should talk," he said, then finally looked into her eyes.
Something was off. She didn't know what, but his mood had changed.
"About what?"
He looked into her eyes and his heart broke a little as he tried to find the love through them that he used to see, but only found worry for her brother and exhaustion from the long several hours in the hospital.
He couldn't bring this up, not here. Not when she was worried sick about her brother. And her friends were around. And her parents were around.
And Chandler was around.
He glanced at the subject of Monica's love letter before he looked at her again. He put his hand on her knee and squeezed it gently, "Later, honey. It's not the time."
She fell silent for a few moments, her tired mind racing with questions. He seemed different, tense, and she wanted to know why.
She could use the distraction.
She looked over at him, and he felt her eyes on him and turn his head to look at her. "What's on your mind?" She asked again softly.
He sighed, lifted his eyebrows and shook his head, "Your brother is hurt, and we're here for him. That's all that matters right now. We can talk later."
She watched him as he glanced across the lobby at Chandler.
She swallowed nervously and had a gut feeling that he was what Richard wanted to talk about.
"Do you want to take a walk?"
He looked over at her again, his expression pensive. She patted his forearm, and set her cup of coffee down on the floor next to the chair she was sitting in. "I want to stretch my legs and, honestly, some fresh air would be nice."
He sighed, nodded slightly, and stood from his chair, "Fine." He would have preferred to wait and talk about this later, when he had a chance to cool off about what he found in her dresser drawer. Not to mention the fact that his girlfriend that he wanted to turn into his fiancée, then wife, was in love with someone else.
He walked beside her in silence, sipping on his coffee periodically.
The large glass hospital doors slid open, and Richard stuck his free hand in his pocket as they walked out into the brisk air. "What's on your mind?" She asked, then looked up at the trees as the wind began to blow.
She shivered, but she didn't know if it was from the breeze or if it was because she was nervous about what he was going to say.
He sighed, but still didn't say anything as they walked to an area of picnic tables outside the hospital, then sat down next to her, his elbows on his knees.
After several more moments, he cleared his throat and turned to her, "Monica, what is going on with you and Chandler?" He asked slowly. When she looked over at him, he shook his head and held up his hand, "Please don't dance around the question," he said firmly, "tell me the truth."
She kept her eyes away from him as she thought of a response, "Richard, I…"
"I know something happened," he interrupted her. He'd known for a while now, and he was tired of the excuses she'd given him, "Be honest with me."
She pressed her lips together for a long, silent moment. Her heart pounded so loud that it was all she could think about. She'd wanted to do this before, but somehow, now, she wasn't ready.
"Ok," she finally started, then turned to him, "ok," she said again, and crossed her arms against the unseasonal cool breeze. Her stomach began to turn somersaults.
She knew the day this conversation came with Richard that it would be a hard one, but she never thought he would be the one to bring it up.
"Uh," she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, "I'll start at the beginning," she said, and looked into his eyes. "A few weeks ago, Chandler needed someone to go with him to Colorado to see his grandmother."
Richard furrowed his thick eyebrows together, "Why?"
She shifted on the bench, "She got pretty sick a couple of years ago, and he told her that he got married and was happy to keep her happy. She got better, and he knew that if he told her the truth, it'd break her heart."
He nodded as she continued, "He asked Rachel, Phoebe and me if we could go with him. They were both busy, and at first I told him no too, but," she sighed and shook her head, "I thought about how much he's been there for me over the years, and I knew if I had asked him something like that, he'd never tell me no."
"So you went with him," he confirmed.
She nodded slightly, "Yes."
Richard looked away from her as he thought about all the things that Monica and Chandler would get into if they were alone together.
"The night we got there, Nana wanted to hear about our love story," she said, the last two words with air quotation marks, "and we um, made up a great story that thrilled her, about how we met, how we," she lifted her hands again and made more quotation marks, "fell in love, and how he proposed to me. She was very interested."
Richard cracked a tiny smile, "Sounds a bit like my grandmother."
She let the corner of her mouth pull up in an equally small smile, and both pairs of eyes looked up towards the sky when thunder rumbled in the distance. Monica took in a shaky breath and continued, "She wanted us to kiss," she finally said.
He narrowed his eyes at her a bit, "A kiss between friends isn't a big deal," he said, but he knew it was for the two of them. "And I remember you told me that you have kissed him before."
Monica nodded as she thought about that night the first time she and Richard dated. He'd asked her if anything had ever happened between her and Chandler or Joey. She told him the story of her and Chandler making out in a closet years ago at Joey's birthday party when he had too much to drink, but nothing else.
She nodded, "Yeah," she cleared her throat, "this kiss was a little different."
He nodded in agreement, "I'm sure it was."
She shivered as chill bumps covered her body at the thought of Chandler's mouth on hers, "The next day was supposed to be the birthday party for his grandmother and book release party for his mom, but his grandmother passed away that morning."
He nodded because he knew that part of the story, "How awful."
She nodded back and continued, "Chandler was sad, of course, and I was sad for him. He was extremely close with his grandmother. That night, I wanted to comfort him, make him feel better, be there for him like I knew he would be for me."
He leaned forward, completely into the story now, "We um, we started drinking and…" she shivered again, the memory of that night making her heart beat quicker like it always did.
She attempted to pull herself together as much as she could when she finally continued, "…he told me stories about her and both of us laughed and cried. I hugged him and he asked me if he could kiss me, and I let him."
"You wanted to kiss him?"
She nodded, finally admitting it to herself as much as she was to him.
When she didn't continue right away, he looked over at her, wanting to ask what had been on his mind a long time now. "And you slept with him?"
She wasn't looking at him, but he was looking at the side of her face. She nodded slowly and shivered as thunder rumbled above them again.
"It seems a storm is approaching us," he stated as he looked at the sky.
Monica nodded, the metaphor not lost on her at all, "Seems like it," she responded.
As it grew quiet between them again, Richard watched as a couple exited the hospital. The young duo laughed and giggled as they walked towards the street, his arm around her.
He thought that's how it used to be between him and Monica, the first time they dated. When they fell in love, were crazy about each other.
But it wasn't like that now.
And he wondered if it would ever be again if their current situation continued.
He looked over at her again, placed his hand on her forearm
"Chandler wants more with you, doesn't he?" She looked away from him for a moment, "A relationship?" She returned her eyes to his and stared into them for a few seconds until he broke the contact and looked away.
She swallowed and cleared her throat, "Yes, he does."
He nodded because he suspected that was the case. It had always been the case.
He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a yellow piece of paper that was folded into a square. He held it over to her, "And you want more with him?"
She looked down at it, took it from his hands and flipped it over a few times. She didn't need to open it. She knew what it said inside.
She sighed, shook her head again and looked at him, "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Is the reason you can't be intimate with me because of him?" He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to that, but something made him ask anyway.
She met his eyes for a brief second, "It's some of it," she finally said, then sighed.
"Will you tell me the other part of it?"
She shook her head and thought about her answer for a long time before she vocalized her response, "I think you're a great guy, Richard. And I did love you," she shut her eyes for a second, "a year ago. I loved you with all my heart. Do you believe that?"
"I believed it then," he said, nodding at her.
"I wanted a future with you, a family with you. But since you told me you didn't want kids, something changed in me then, and I think I knew deep down that it was still true when you said you wanted to date me again."
"Monica, I would've had kids with you," he responded lowly.
She chuckled in disbelief, "You don't want that, though. You know it, and I know it too. I can't pretend that it's okay that we want different things anymore."
He sighed, "I wanted a life with you."
Monica licked her lips and shivered again from head to toe. She shut her eyes and tightened her arms around herself as the wind blew more and the thunder continued to rumble.
She wanted to be honest with him, but at the same time, she didn't want to hurt him. She'd never wanted to hurt him.
"It isn't fair to either of us if we go through life like that. If I were to agree to the life you really want of travel and no children of our own, I wouldn't be happy. And if you were to agree to a life with kids and the whole white fence life that I want, you wouldn't be happy."
"I'd be with you though," he responded quickly, "and that would be my happiness."
She shook her head and fought tears that wanted to come to her eyes, "It's not what you want."
He pressed his lips together, then took her hand, "You're what I want," he insisted. She groaned in frustration, "Richard, we're going in circles!" She said, holding her arms open now as she stared at him, "It will never be enough. I won't be enough for you, and you not for me."
"You seem like you're forgetting the fact that I'm in love with you," he said, and took her left hand. She watched him as he traced his finger up her ring finger. He shook his head and let out a hard breath through his nose, "And I've got the ring to prove it."
"Richard…" she shook her head, but he interrupted her.
"I was going to ask you to marry me in London, but it was somewhat chaotic over there and I just didn't think it was the right time."
Monica's heart thundered in her chest, "I um…"
"And I thought I'd take you out for a romantic getaway this weekend and ask you there, just the two of us," he added, "but of course, your brother is more important than my plans. He needs you now and I understand that."
She shut her eyes and nodded as the gut-wrenching worry for Ross returned like the lightning flashing in the distance.
"I think I know the answer to this," he started, "but if we went on the trip and I asked you to marry me, would you have said yes?"
She fought tears in her eyes. Shaking her head, she finally let a tear fall as she turned her head to look at him, "No," she managed softly, "I'm sorry," she added.
Richard nodded at her and stared down at his shoes, "You're in love with him, aren't you?"
Monica shut her eyes and pressed her lips together, and if it was possible, her heart rate increased. She lifted a hand and wiped a tear away from her face and nodded once at him.
He shut his eyes as the answer he expected still cut through him like a knife.
"And you're not in love with me?"
She shook her head and quickly swiped at another tear, "I'm sorry."
He nodded and let out another breath, "I'm sorry too," he replied softly.
Both of them looked up as lightning flashed and thunder immediately followed, "You should head inside." He stood from the table and held out his hand to help her stand. She placed her much smaller hand in his and stood to her feet, then looked up at him, "I'm going to head home. I've got a trip tomorrow and I need to get packed."
"Okay," she responded.
"I hope Ross gets better soon. I truly do."
Monica nodded, "Thank you."
"I'll get an update from your parents."
"Okay."
He narrowed his eyes a bit at her, "And Monica, I really hope he makes you happy."
Monica looked up at him then, "I hope you find someone that wants what you want," she whispered.
He pressed his lips together and nodded, "Yeah."
After another warning from the thunderstorm above them, she stepped up to him and stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around him, and he hugged her back. When he pulled away, he kissed her forehead, "Take care of yourself."
She nodded and let him go, "You too."
Richard stuck his hands in his pockets, turned, and walked away from her.
He turned and glanced back again as she ran into the hospital, the rain falling harder now. He shut his eyes and shook his head.
After he told the cab driver his address, he ran a hand through his sopping wet hair and looked over at the hospital once more.
"Bye Monica," he said to himself.
Sunday, June 20, 1999 - 10:49 AM
"Mom, are you alright?" Monica asked as she sat down next to Judy, who seemed to be staring into space. When she didn't immediately answer, Monica put her hand on her mother's and squeezed it, "Mom?"
Judy snapped out of the trance she was in and looked at her, "What?"
Monica licked her lips, "I'm just worried about you," she said softly.
"Oh, honey, I'm okay," she said, but tears pooled up in her eyes, "I just don't know what I would do if Ross doesn't..."
"No, Mom, don't think like that. Ross is going to be okay."
Judy smiled at Monica slightly and nodded slowly, "You're right." She paused and took in another shaky breath, "It's just hard to remain positive sometimes." Silence passed between them, and Judy placed a hand on her daughter's leg, "Oh, my sweet Monica." Monica's blue eyes met her mothers, "I hope when you have a family you never, ever have to know what having a child laying in a hospital bed, and not able to help them feels like. It's so…" she paused as she tried to think of an accurate word, "You just feel so helpless."
Monica nodded, "I know," she leaned over and pulled her mother into her arms, then rubbed her back gently, "Ross is going to be okay," she said again.
Judy shut her eyes and a tear rolled down her face.
Monica pulled back from the hug and looked across the lobby at Chandler. He had switched chairs, now his back was facing the wall and his head lay against it, his eyes closed as he tried to find a moment to get a few minutes of sleep.
Judy wiped her face and lifted an eyebrow at her daughter, "So I haven't seen Richard in a while," she said, and Monica finally turned to look at her.
"Hm?" She answered, her lips pressed together.
"Where's Richard?" Judy asked again.
Monica shivered slightly, "Oh, he's um," she cleared her throat, "he's at his house. He has a business trip tomorrow and needed to go get packed and ready for the trip."
Judy nodded slowly and narrowed her eyes at her daughter, "I see." Monica nodded and glanced at Chandler before she turned her head to look at the magazine in her hands. Judy looked at Chandler, then over at her daughter, "So now you can spend more time looking at Chandler," she said, causing Monica's head to snap towards her again.
"What?"
Judy turned her head, "Monica, sweetheart," she said, and shook her head, "you have watched that man practically all night long."
Monica chuckled nervously, "Mom come on, I have not. I've been checking on them, all of them."
Judy took a second and looked around at Ross's other friends. Phoebe had her feet propped on a box, her arms crossed next to her big belly, her head to one side as she slept. Joey sat next to her, a magazine still in his hand, his mouth wide open as soft snores escaped it. Rachel was awake, but barely as she leaned to one side on her hand.
"There's something about him that's different," Judy responded, "I can't put my finger on it, but you look at him differently, and he looks at you differently."
Monica chuckled and scratched the side of her nose, "Mom, I know you're tired, but…"
"It's all over your face," Judy interrupted, then crossed her arms, "why don't you tell me the truth?"
She sighed, shut her eyes, and pinched the bridge of her nose. She loved her mother, she did, but she'd never had that kind of relationship with her. Her Mom only butted in when the relationship wasn't going so well, and only when it was time to remind her that she wasn't getting any younger.
"Mom, I don't know how to," she sighed, "and you and Dad are…" she groaned in frustration. She was exhausted.
She took in a shaky breath, "It's complicated," she said to answer her, "and I don't think we should be worrying about anything but Ross."
Judy nodded and glanced over her shoulder at Jack who sat behind her, watching the lobby TV mindlessly. "Honey, listen to me," Judy started, then moved a little closer to her, "don't let the relationship your father and I have with Richard…," she reached over and took Monica's hand and rubbed her knuckles with her thumb, "I just want you to be happy," she said, and tears filled her eyes again, "we both want you to be happy. And I can tell you're not right now," she looked over again at Chandler, then back at Monica, "but maybe you could be."
She nodded slowly, took in and let out a deep breath, "Richard and I broke up," she whispered softly.
Judy reached over and took her hand, then gave it a squeeze, "Are you alright?"
Tears came to Monica's eyes, "I'm okay," she told her softly, "I didn't want to hurt Richard," she whispered brokenly, "but I know that he doesn't want the same things I want."
Judy nodded, "And your feelings for Chandler have complicated that even more."
Monica looked at her then as a tear rolled down her face, "Yes," she whispered, in awe that her mother figured all of this out so easily.
Judy nodded, "Well when are you going to tell Chandler?"
Monica glanced over at sleeping Chandler again, then raised her eyebrows, "I don't know."
"It should be soon."
Despite how broken she felt, Monica chuckled at that, "I wish it was that simple."
Judy gave her a closed smile and wrapped her arm around Monica's shoulders, "I love you, sweetheart."
Monica turned in her chair and hugged her mother tightly, "I love you too, Mom."
Sunday, June 20, 1999 - 4:30 PM
Chandler was listening, well, half-listening, to Joey tell him about his day on the set on Friday. He kept glancing across the lobby at Monica, who was sleeping in what looked like an extremely uncomfortable position.
"…and I know I need to be here for Ross, but my director keeps calling me and telling me that I need to get back to set, you know?" He sighed, "What do you think I should do, man?"
Chandler looked over at him, slapped his hand down on Joey's knee, "I think you should go," he said.
"But I…"
"Joe, there's nothing you can do for Ross," Chandler said, "and we're here. Ross would understand."
Joey nodded, "I'll talk to Monica later."
Chandler nodded, "She'll understand too," he said softly.
He glanced over at Joey again, and then stood and walked over to where Monica was sleeping.
He hadn't seen Richard all day today, and he wanted to know why he wasn't around to help Monica, but he guessed it really wasn't his business. He stripped his hoodie that Joey had brought to him on one of his trips back to their apartment.
He balled it up and put it on the arm of the chair, then lightly placed his hand on her shoulder, and tried to adjust her without waking her, but it didn't work. She woke up, startled, and it made Chandler jump back a little too.
"What? What's wrong? Is it Ross?"
"No," Chandler said quickly, "nothing has changed," he assured her.
"What are you doing?" She asked, breathing hard from her brief moment of panic.
"You were sleeping weird," he said, and lifted the corner of his mouth in a small smile, "and I figured with the stress your body is going through already you didn't need the addition of body aches and severe pain from your neck and back."
She looked down at his hoodie that fell on the floor. He looked over at it and picked it up again, then turned it back into a makeshift pillow.
"No, it's okay," she said, waving him off, "I'm fine, I don't need to go to sleep anyway. I need to be awake in case they…"
"Monica," he interrupted her, "you do need to sleep. You haven't slept at all, and you're exhausted."
"I slept," she argued.
"Dozing off for 15 minutes isn't sleep, you know that." She looked at him, "I'd insist that you go home, but I know that you won't, and I get that."
"Chandler, I can't…"
"Yes, you can," he countered quickly, "I'm here, and Joey's here, and Phoebe's here, and Rachel," he unconsciously lifted a hand and brushed a piece of hair from her forehead, "why don't you try to get a least a little bit of sleep? And I promise, if the doctor comes and talks to your parents, we'll wake you immediately."
She didn't have the energy or willpower to argue with him any further, and honestly, she didn't want to. He was right.
A few minutes of sleep did sound wonderful.
"Okay," she finally said to him.
He stared at her, right into her eyes, his question as to where in the hell Richard was on the tip of his tongue. But he resisted, and she broke eye contact as she yawned and curled herself up as much as possible.
She lay her head on his jacket that smelled wonderfully like him, "Try to rest," he encouraged, then gently rubbed her shoulder. He watched as sleep almost instantly took over her.
"Thank you, Chandler," she mumbled softly. He nodded as he stood to his full form and walked back to his seat next to Joey.
Sunday, June 20, 1999 - 5:49 PM
"Ross Geller family?
Jack, Judy, and Monica, who had woken from her short nap moments earlier, all stood from their chairs and walked over to the doctor, a nervous, worried look on each of their tired faces.
"Well, I'll start off by saying that I've got some good news," he said, "we were able to take Mr. Geller off the ventilator. He is breathing on his own."
Jack, Judy, and Monica all smiled with relief as he continued, "That's the good news," he sighed and shook his head, "the not so good news is that we have another MRI scheduled for later this afternoon. We hope that it will give us some more answers as to why he hasn't woken up yet."
"Is he in any pain, doctor?" Judy asked, a small tremble in her voice.
The doctor took his eyes from Ross's chart to look at the three people staring back at him, "We don't know," he said, "we need him to wake up to tell us."
"Oh son," Judy said, shaking her head and grabbing onto her husband.
The doctor gave them a sympathetic look, nodded at them, and put a hand on Monica's shoulder, who stood and hugged herself, "We're optimists here," he said, "just keep your heads up, ok?" Monica's eyes met his and she nodded slightly, "I'll be back in a few hours with another update."
He nodded again and turned to leave them. Monica shivered and turned to return to the rest of the group, who waited for information.
She updated them, with only a few stolen glances towards Chandler.
Susan, who was holding Ben in her arms, joined the circle along with Carol. Ben reached for Monica and Susan passed him over to her.
"Aw, hey kiddo," she said and squeezed his small body to her own.
"What's going on with Ross?" Carol asked, worry in her voice.
Monica began to explain what the doctor had told them again, but Ben became restless and began to squirm in Monica's arms. She put him on the ground, and he went to Chandler and held up his toy that he held in his small hand, "Look!" He said loudly.
Chandler looked down at him and smiled, then squatted down, "Hey, you got a new one!" He said softly, trying not to interrupt Monica as she spoke to the rest of them.
Susan looked down at them when Monica finished speaking and smiled, "He couldn't wait to show you," she said softly.
"Come on big guy, let's go over here," Chandler said and picked him up to sit in the lobby chairs.
"I'm so sorry about your brother," Susan said to Monica, "he and I have a very strange relationship, but I want you to know that I do care about him, and I know he's a great Dad to our son, and he's a good person." Monica felt tears well up in her eyes as she turned from Susan's face to look at her nephew, "There's a lot of Ross in Ben, you know," she added when she turned to face Ben too.
Monica nodded and smiled when Chandler made Ben giggle, "I know," she whispered, and smiled when Ben laughed again. Chandler smiled and looked up at the two of them, catching Monica's eyes again.
"Have you told Ben about Ross?"
Susan sighed, "We tried to explain it to him," she said softly, "I think he thinks his dad is sleeping. Carol doesn't want him to see Ross while he's unconscious, she thinks it will be too hard for him."
Monica nodded, "She's probably right." She briefly thought about her own decision to avoid seeing her brother on machines and lying helpless in a hospital bed.
"I think that if he doesn't wake up soon, though, we may have to let him see him anyway," Susan added sadly, "I wouldn't want Ben to resent us later in life because he didn't get to say a proper goodbye to his dad."
Monica shivered from head to toe and shook her head, "No, I don't want…"
"I'm sorry," Susan interrupted her, "I don't mean to make things worse by putting thoughts like that into your head."
Monica took in a shaky breath, "I think I'm in a little bit of denial," she looked down at her shoes, "but it's easier for me to keep myself together if I keep it that way."
Susan nodded at her, "I completely understand, and you're doing a great job."
Monica swallowed nervously and smiled when Ben reached up and made the toy dinosaur bite Chandler, who acted dramatically and fell out of his chair, "They look like they are having fun," she said, trying to stop staring at the scene in front of her.
"Oh, gosh, yes," she said, waving a hand, "Ben adores Chandler," she flipped her long hair from her shoulder, "he asks for him all the time."
Monica nodded and cleared her throat when she managed to tear her eyes away from Chandler and Ben, "Chandler loves him too," she finally said.
Susan smiled, placed her hand on Monica's shoulder for a second before walking over to join Carol in one of the chairs.
She couldn't blame Ben for adoring Chandler.
Because, if she was honest with herself, she did too.
Monday, June 21, 1999 - 1:18 PM
Chandler groaned and stood from the lobby chair that had become his bed, and his recliner, and his dining chair.
He was sick of seeing these four walls of this hospital.
He put his hands up in the air as he stretched, trying to get some of his stiff muscles loose again.
He looked around at the mostly empty lobby. Joey had gone to set after Monica had assured him it would be ok to leave.
Monica had also sent Phoebe home because an eight-month pregnant woman with triplets needed to get some rest, and she was right.
Rachel took Phoebe home but had planned to return soon. Jack, Judy, and Monica had gone to the cafeteria in search of something to eat, and Susan and Carol left with Ben to get some rest.
He let out a sigh and walked over to the window, looking outside at the somber day.
It had been raining most of the morning, and with the ominous clouds that permeated the sky now, it seemed more rain would fall soon.
The gloom of the day was appropriate, he thought. Ross still hadn't shown any signs of more improvement. While the doctors tried to show and encourage continuous positivity, Chandler could tell that the optimism had started to falter just a bit.
He ran a hand over his tired face, thinking now of how impossibly hard it would be to watch Monica if she learned that her brother wasn't going to wake up.
God, he hoped and prayed that moment wouldn't come.
"Come on, Ross," he said to himself, shaking his head, "we need you here, buddy," he added. His mind drifted away again to times with Ross, their old college days when they tried to pick up girls, had that stupid band and incredibly dumb hairdos. Back at the beginning of their friendship when he knew this nerdy, goofy, smart guy would become his lifelong friend and more like a brother than anyone else he'd ever known.
"Chandler?" He snapped out of it and turned around, surprised at the voice.
"Annie," he said and tried to keep the shock from his tone, but he thought it probably snuck in anyway. He smiled a little and took a step towards her, "Hi."
"Hey," she said with a smile, then moved her hand that held a cup of coffee towards him, "I thought you could use this."
"Oh, thank you," he said, then raised his eyebrows at her, "how did you know I was here?"
"Well since you weren't at work this morning, I thought I would come by and see if you were still here," she said sweetly, "how is your friend?"
At that moment, the Gellers returned to the waiting area, and Chandler's heart began to beat rapidly. Monica glanced at him as she picked out a seat and sat down.
He looked over at Monica for a second, then turned back to Annie and stuffed his free hand in his pocket, "Uh, well, he's um…he's hanging in there. He hasn't woken up yet and there's some concern about that," he said sadly, "but we're trying to keep our heads up."
Annie put her hand on his forearm, "Oh, I'm so sorry," she said, "I hoped he was getting better."
Chandler nodded as a response, "Yeah, uh, me too," he said, then took his hand out of his pocket to run over his face, which caused her hand to fall from his arm. He took a long sip of his coffee, "This is great, thank you."
"You're welcome," she replied, a smile on her face.
Chandler glanced over at Monica again and found her eyes on him, watching the interaction between the two of them.
He swallowed nervously and turned back to Annie, "Would you like to go grab something to eat at the cafeteria?"
Her face lit up then, "Yes, that would be great."
"Okay," he said, then looked over at her again as he put his hand on the small of Annie's back as they took a left and headed down the hall.
Chandler passed Annie the salad she ordered from the red plastic tray and placed his sandwich in the spot across the table from her, "Thank you," she said as he sat down.
"Sure," he answered. He watched her as she poured the dressing all over her salad and lifted her head to look at him.
"So, you and Ross must be pretty close for you to be willing to wait around in the hospital for this long."
Chandler nodded, "Yeah, he's my best friend," he said, "we're like family."
"He wasn't easy to find in here," she giggled, "I had to ask four or maybe five people where some guy that was in a car accident was and all I knew was his first name."
He chuckled at that, then nodded, "I wondered how you found us."
"So, tell me about your other friends, you mentioned that there are six of you in the little group, right?"
He nodded, "Yeah, Joey, my roommate," she nodded, "he's an actor. Rachel and Monica live across the hall from us, Rachel works at Bloomingdales as head of menswear, and Monica is a chef."
"Oh, I bet you eat well," she commented.
He chuckled, "Oh yeah, she is a magician in the kitchen."
"I'm a foodie, so I'm sure she and I would get along very well."
Chandler grew nervous at the thought of Annie and Monica spending any sort of time together. He shifted in his seat and took a bite of his sandwich.
"So that's four of you, right?" She asked.
"Oh right," he took a sip of coffee, "and Phoebe is a massage therapist and lives a few blocks away. She used to be Monica's roommate. And then there's Ross, and he has a doctorate in Paleontology. He lives a few blocks away too."
"Oh ok," she nodded and took another bite of salad, "so you and Ross were college roommates," she said, then looked up at him for verification, "and you know Molly and Rachel from just being a neighbor?"
"Monica," he corrected.
She blushed a little, "Right, sorry, Monica."
Chandler shook his head again, "And no. Ross and Monica are brother and sister. Monica and Rachel were best friends in high school, and I met them when I went over to Ross's house for Thanksgiving our freshman year."
"Oh ok," she said again, "so you all are kind of entangled together."
"Very much," he replied, "they are a great group of friends."
"Count yourself lucky," she said, looking down at her salad, "there are not a lot of adults that have such a tight-knit group of friends like that."
Chandler nodded in agreement, because he knew that was true, "Yeah, well, I know." He thought about Monica telling him over and over that she didn't want to lose what they had, and he understood that.
But at the same time, he couldn't imagine a world where being with her would upset the connection he had with his other friends.
They'd be great together; he was sure of it.
And the way she'd been looking at him over the last few days, he wondered if she thought the same thing.
"Are you alright?" Annie was asking, "You've hardly touched your sandwich."
Chandler looked back up at her and sighed, "Yes, I'm fine, sorry."
"Chandler," she said as she studied his face, "I know we've only been on one date, but I think you're either not really into me or that I'm stepping on some toes by being here."
"No, it's fine that you're here," he said softly, "I just um…"
He heard Rachel's words echoing in his head. Wait on her.
He shut his eyes and rubbed them with his forefinger and thumb. He didn't even exactly know what Rachel meant or what Monica told Rachel to make her say that. But he knew he needed to stop this whatever-it-was with Annie before things became more and more tangled in his cobwebbed brain.
"You're worried about Ross?" She asked because he hadn't finished his thought.
He nodded, then looked away from her, "Yeah," he sighed, "look, Annie, I'm sorry," he took in a shaky breath, "but I don't think I can do the dating thing right now."
She looked down at her salad again, then lifted a hand to close the plastic lid, "Ok," she said softly.
"I'm sorry," he said again, shaking his head, "I don't want to hurt you, and I hate this feeling, but it's not fair to you if I'm not giving you my full attention."
"That's because you're a nice guy," she replied, a sad smile on her face.
"I've just got so much on my mind," he told her. She nodded again, then narrowed her eyes slightly as he looked away from her.
"Which one of them is it?"
He snapped his eyes to hers, "What?"
"The other person besides Ross that's on your mind."
"How do you uh," he chuckled nervously, "how did you know that?"
She smiled at him and shook her head, "Your face changed," She smirked, "You're in love with one of them, aren't you?"
Chandler had to force himself out of the haze in his mind she just caused. He allowed a moment's thought to wonder how many other people knew his feelings just from the look on his face, because the number seemed to be growing rapidly.
He chuckled in disbelief and let his head hang, his elbows on the table as he put both of his hands on the back of his neck, then interlaced his fingers together, "God, Annie, I'm so sorry," he said without looking at her.
She leaned forward and touched his arm, "Chandler, there's no reason to be sorry," she replied, "I truly believe that the heart wants what it wants, and it's obvious that you are crazy about her. I'm guessing she doesn't feel the same way?"
He lifted his eyes to her and shook his head, "I don't know," he said, because it was the truth, "I didn't think so, but she said something…" he sighed and stopped. He decided that he was sharing entirely too much on this subject that he honestly didn't know anything about.
He looked up at Annie again and let out a frustrated groan, "I just…" he sighed, "…I don't know."
She nodded and placed her hand on his, "I understand."
Chandler felt so bad at the sad look on her face, but he felt he was doing the right thing to end this tryst with her before either of them began to get too attached. He liked her, he really did, but not enough.
It was silent until she cleared her throat, "I should probably get back to the office," she said.
He nodded and stood with her, "Ok," he said softly, "I'll walk out with you."
She gave him a sad smile but didn't say anything else as they walked out of the cafeteria.
Once they were in the elevator, she turned to him again, "Did you tell her how you feel?"
He glanced over at her and swallowed, "Yes, I have," he said, then stuffed his hands in his pockets, "but she's in love with…" he groaned, not even able to say the words, "it's complicated."
She chuckled softly, "Sounds like it," she said. They walked through the hospital lobby and towards the sliding glass doors. He walked with her a little down the sidewalk and stopped midway.
"Thank you so much, Annie, for bringing me the coffee, and checking on me."
She smiled and adjusted her purse higher on her shoulder, "You're welcome."
"Again, I'm so sorry I…"
"Chandler, it's ok, really," she said, then chuckled, "I just hate that I didn't get to know you better because you seem like a great guy."
He ran a hand through his hair, then put them in his pockets, "I think the jury is out on that," he said as he chuckled.
"I don't think so," she argued gently, "you are sweet, handsome, kind, and a gentleman. Those types of guys are hard to find, believe me."
Chandler's heart began to thump faster in his chest as he realized just how much she liked him.
"Ok, well, I guess I'll see you around at work," she said, "I hope your friend gets better very soon."
"Thank you," he said softly, "and thank you for making this so easy. You're great."
She stared into his eyes for a few seconds, "Just promise me something," she said, and placed her hand on his arm, "I really want you to be happy, and if she makes you happy, then I want things to work out between the two of you. But if for some crazy reason she doesn't want to be with you…"
He smiled wryly at that and put his hand on the back of his hair, then met her eyes again, "I'll make sure I call you first," he promised gently.
She smiled at him, "Good. Then maybe I could get one of those kisses from you that I've daydreamed about."
"Maybe so," he said with a slight smirk. She giggled and held out her hand for him to shake.
He put his hand in hers, "Goodbye, Chandler Bing." He held her hand tightly, even when she tried to pull away.
"Bye, Annie," he said softly, then pulled on her hand a little more. He took a step closer to her and leaned down to press a soft, quick kiss on her lips.
He pulled back, then smiled at her as a blush came over her cheeks, "Wow," she said, a smile on her face, "best goodbye kiss ever."
"I might have to agree with you," he said and smiled as he finally let go of her hand.
She didn't say another word as she turned and left him, walking down the sidewalk. He looked up at the clouds above. He shut his eyes and took in a deep breath as he prayed to God that Rachel was right about Monica.
Upstairs, in the third floor waiting room, Monica felt her heart drop to the floor as she watched Chandler step up to the woman she'd seen him with earlier, kiss her right on the mouth and then look up at the clouds as she walked away.
She suddenly felt sick to her stomach and tears sprang to her eyes.
Fair or not, she didn't want anybody else kissing Chandler.
Her Chandler.
Her cell phone rang in her pocket, startling her just a bit. She still stared at him as she flipped open her phone and put the device to her ear, "Hello?"
"Mon," Rachel said, her voice in a slight panic, and Monica turned from the window as her heart continued to race.
"Rachel, what's wrong?"
"It's Phoebe."