Hi my friends!
I don't think I'll have another fic to get out before Thursday (but, hey, you never know! *wink*), but, if not HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I hope you all have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving with your families and/or friends!
I'll let you get to the good stuff now.
Much love!
Monday, June 21, 1999 – 3:30 PM
"She just fainted," Rachel explained. Monica sighed and shut her eyes. "We were sitting on the couch and talking, and all of a sudden she just…"
"Oh God," Monica groaned and buried her head in her hands, "what is going on around here lately?"
Rachel wiped her face and shook her head, "I don't know."
Chandler leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his mind in turmoil. Now two of his friends lay in a hospital bed.
Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler sat in a row, silence between them, as much from the tiredness that took over their bodies as the situation their friends were in.
"Did somebody break a mirror?" Joey suddenly asked. He leaned forward and looked to his left, then to his right at his other friends, "I mean, why are we having such bad karma?"
"She's going to be okay, Joe," Chandler said, "they both are."
Monica sighed and shook her head, then stood from the chair, "Maybe it's time we stop saying that," she snapped.
The trio looked up at her, "What?" Chandler asked.
"Monica…" Rachel started.
"No, I'm sick of this. My brother is still laying upstairs unconscious and now I've got to sit here and worry about one of my best friends and her babies too? Maybe it's time we stop pretending that they're going to be ok. We don't know that. And clearly, all this positivity is not working."
She stood from her chair, began to pace a little in front of them and continued, "I mean, what in the hell is happening to us? What happens if my brother doesn't…" she trailed off, then wiped her face, "…and what if Phoebe loses those babies? Oh God," she began to sob, "what about Frank and Alice? What are they going to do?"
"Mon," Rachel started, but her roommate moved further away from her.
Chandler shut his eyes and shook his head again at her.
Joey tried to grab her hand, but she moved it away from him and pushed gently on Rachel's shoulders when her roommate tried to comfort her too. But Monica shook her head, "No, please, just, leave me alone. I'm just going to…" she shook her head again and pinched the bridge of her nose, "I'm just going to go over here," she said, motioning with her hands, then walked away from the group.
Rachel watched her roommate walk away, and ran a hand through her hair, "I should talk to her."
Chandler shook his head and stood, "No, Rach," he sighed, "I'll go."
Rachel looked over at Joey, who looked back at her, then up at Chandler, "Ok," she nodded.
Joey looked over at Rachel again, "So, what do you know?"
She shook her head, "I know that they love each other," she whispered softly, "but they can't get things figured out."
Joey nodded, then his face turned into disbelief, "Wait, Monica loves Chandler?"
Rachel sighed, sat back in the chair, and crossed her arms, "Yes, she does, but I think it's pretty complicated."
He furrowed his eyebrows together, "What's so complicated about it?"
Rachel lobbed her head towards him, "Um, well, Monica is in a relationship," she said pointedly, "at least, I think she's still in a relationship. Even before I left to take Phoebe home, I haven't seen Richard in a while, have you?"
"No," Joey waved a hand, "and he's not right for her," he answered.
She sighed and nodded, as she agreed with that, "That's true."
"Rach," Joey said softly, and she turned her head to look at him, "I've never seen him like this."
Rachel nodded again, "He really loves her, huh?"
Joey confirmed what she already knew with a shake of his head, "Yeah. He's been so…" he sighed and searched his head for the right word, "…broken, I guess. I keep seeing him stare at her."
"She stares at him too," Rachel replied.
"Chandler told me they talked a little the other day, and he said they are better now than before, so I think that's a good sign."
Rachel nodded, "Maybe they'll end up together. At this point, I think they both need it."
He smirked at her, "So, since you and I are on the same page about this, you go stand behind Monica and push her towards Chandler and I'll go stand behind Chandler and push him towards Monica and make them be together."
Rachel chuckled softly and patted his knee, "As much fun as that would be, I think we've gotta let them get all of the kinks worked out between themselves."
Joey watched as his roommate turned left in the direction Monica went moments earlier, "Well, for his sanity," he started, then shook his head, "I hope it's soon."
She chuckled softly again and looked over at her friend, "Her sanity too."
Chandler looked to his left, then his right down the hallway, looking for her. He took a right and began to walk down the corridor when he saw her out of the corner of his eye. He turned slowly and walked to the room with vending machines, where she stood and stared at the one with snacks in it. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her hands holding tight to her arms.
He hated to see her like this. Upset, distraught, worried. He missed happy Monica. And he missed happy Chandler too.
He ran a hand through his hair, and took a couple of steps closer to her, but kept his distance. He needed to do that so that he wouldn't wrap his arms around her.
"Monica," he started softly.
"What, Chandler?" She answered sharply.
He paused; his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. It was unlike her to not be in control of any situation, even though he knew why she wasn't, "Are you okay?"
She let out a sarcastic chuckle, which he expected. It was kind of a stupid question.
"You know, I'm really not."
He nodded and put his hand on the back of his head, then returned it to his pocket again. "Yeah, I know," he finally agreed softly, "I know this is hard."
She shut her eyes and shook her head, and lifted a hand to wipe her face again, "None of this is fair."
He nodded again because she was right, "You're right," he confirmed verbally, "it's not fair." He took a few steps towards her.
"I'm not strong enough to do this," she finally whispered. If he hadn't moved closer to her, he was sure that he wouldn't have been able to hear her, "All of this is too much for me."
He licked his lips and shook his head, "Mon, that's not true. You are one of the strongest people I know." He crossed his arms over his chest, "I know without a doubt that you can handle this."
She still didn't meet his eyes, "No, I can't. Between Ross, and now Phoebe and the babies…" she trailed off, then finally looked at him, "…and you."
He furrowed his eyebrows together, "Me? What about me?" He asked, then stuffed his hands in his pockets. He waited a few seconds, but she was still avoiding his face, "Monica," he pushed, "What are you talking about?"
She wiped her face and sniffed, then looked away again, "I saw you."
He took a step backward, "Saw me what?"
She met his eyes, swallowed, and let the touch of anger she felt for him take over, "I saw you kiss that woman."
He pressed his lips together at the thought and shook his head as he shrugged his shoulders, "So?"
"I didn't like it, ok?"
"You didn't like it?" He questioned.
"No, I didn't," she said sharply.
He crossed his arms now, the anger inside of him starting to rise, "Why does it matter to you?"
"Are you kidding me?" She asked with disbelief.
"No, I'm not," he said hotly, then let out a breath and tried to calm himself down. He shut his eyes for a second, then lifted his head to look at her, "You said no to me. Multiple times. I'm doing what I have to do to move on from being miserable."
She crossed her arms and shook her head again at him, "I didn't say no, Chandler," she sighed, "it's just the timing…"
"None of that matters," he interrupted, "you're not with me," he pointed out.
"Damn it, I know that," she replied, tears in her eyes once again.
"Yeah, so, why should anything I do with any other woman bother you?"
She rolled her eyes and turned her body away from him, "I think you know the answer to that."
"No, I don't think I do," he countered, "you're in a relationship."
"You and I both know that there's something between us," she said softly, "and I felt like you were just kissing her out of spite to get back at me."
"I didn't do anything out of spite, Monica," he said, his voice calm but annoyed. She could tell.
"I didn't like it," she said again, her voice breaking with every word.
"I don't understand you, I really don't. You're in a relationship with someone else…"
"No, I'm not," she said quickly, interrupting him.
He snapped his eyes to hers, "What?"
As badly as she wanted to, she couldn't do this right now. Ross was still unconscious, and now they had the added stress of Phoebe. It wasn't the time to tell him her feelings, and this wasn't the way she wanted to do it.
She let out a shaky breath and shook her head at him, "I don't want to do this right now," she voiced and rubbed her forehead.
"Do what?" He questioned, now desperate for some answers as to what she was thinking.
"Have this kind of discussion," she said loudly. He groaned in frustration and threw up his hands.
"Monica…" he said with a sigh and put his hands on his hips.
"Look," she started and took in a shaky breath, "I-I don't know what's going to happen with us in the future, but seeing you kiss her…" she trailed off, unsure how to put that gut-wrenching, sickening feeling into words.
"You shouldn't worry about that," he said, shaking his head.
"Worry about what?" She asked.
He looked into her blue eyes, "The kiss."
"Who was she?" She needed to know, "And how long have you been seeing her? Why didn't you tell me you were with someone?"
He shook his head, "Mon…"
"Just go, Chandler," she responded, interrupting him, "I can't do this right now. If you've moved on from me, then just…"
"Why do you think that?" He asked quickly.
"You kissed her!" She snapped, louder than she really wanted. She groaned quietly to herself and buried her face in both of her hands.
He stepped closer to her, "Stop," he said softly, and lifted a hand to touch her arm, "it was nothing." She moved her hands from her face and looked at him then, her eyes full of tears and confusion, "You ended things with Richard?"
She gathered what tiny bit of courage she had left and stepped closer to him and reached down and hooked her pinky finger with his. Chill bumps covered her entire body as she looked right into his eyes, "Are you still in love with me?" She asked, barely above a whisper.
He swallowed nervously and glanced down at her lips. He shook his head and moved back a little, "That wasn't my question," he replied, frustration in his voice.
She licked her lips and looked down at his, "I didn't like seeing you kiss her," she said for the third time, "I just…I need you to…"
"To what?" He whispered, the air between them incredibly thick and full of tension.
She looked at him again, and just as she opened her mouth to speak, Joey and Rachel rushed into the room, nearly out of breath, but with relief on their faces.
"Phoebe is ok," Joey said, a wide smile on his face and relief also evident in his voice.
Chandler sighed deeply, as much from the Phoebe news as to the frustration he felt with Monica.
"Are the babies ok too?" Monica asked, then wiped a tear away that had finally escaped her eye.
Rachel nodded as she grabbed Monica's arm, "Yes, the babies are fine. Apparently, her blood pressure dropped and that's what caused her to faint," she said, breathless, "she's going to be on bed rest until the babies are born, but she is okay, they all are okay."
"Oh, that is such good news," Monica said, clutching her chest, her voice breaking.
Rachel nodded and opened her arms as she stepped up to the three of them, wrapping them all together for a group hug. Monica's left arm went around Rachel's back and her right around Chandler's. She felt Joey's hand land on top of hers.
Rachel wasn't ready to let them go yet, so she gripped them tighter.
To keep from falling, Chandler's left arm moved down to around Monica's waist. He shut his eyes and leaned his head against hers as his hand touched the skin of where her shirt didn't meet her pants.
She shivered and moved her head against his. Just as she looked up at him, his lips tantalizing close to hers, Rachel and Joey moved back and broke the group hug.
She let out a sigh and crossed her arms over her chest.
"The nurse said we can go visit her," Joey said, "but, not all of us at once. Only two are allowed in at a time."
"I'll go in and see her," Monica said quickly, then looked over at Rachel, "then I should head back upstairs and check on Ross."
Rachel nodded, "I'll go with you," she said, and hooked arms with Monica as they headed out of the vending machine area.
Phoebe's face lit up when she saw them, and Monica and Rachel glanced at each other as relief coursed through each of their bodies, "Hey, Pheebs," Monica said as she attempted to keep her emotions in check.
"Hey!" Phoebe said as brightly as she could.
Rachel went to her left, Monica to her right, each of them taking her hands, "Are you okay?" Rachel asked brokenly.
"Yes, guys, I'm fine," she said, squeezing each of their hands, "Hey, now, what's the tears for?"
Monica quickly wiped at her face and joined Phoebe in looking over at Rachel, who stood and sobbed as she squeezed Phoebe's left hand, "Oh, Rach, honey," Phoebe said, a small smirk on her face, "come on now, I'm ok. I'm sorry I scared you."
"You just…" Rachel choked out, "you just were there, and then…"
"I know," Phoebe soothed, "but hey, I'm ok, I promise. The doctor said I probably haven't been getting enough rest and the stress of worrying about Ross, it's a lot for me and them." She gestured down to her huge belly.
Rachel nodded and used her free hand to wipe some of the water from her face, "I'm so glad," she said. Monica wiped her face too.
"Aw, come here," Phoebe said and pulled both of their arms onto the hospital bed. She wrapped her arms around them and squeezed them tightly, "I love you guys," she said to them.
"Oh Pheebs," Monica said, as she let out a sigh of relief.
"Any change with Ross?"
Monica licked her lips, "No, but we haven't got an update in a while." Monica said, her voice shaking.
"Go, please," Phoebe insisted, "go check on him and then come and tell me how he is because I have to stay here."
"Ok," Monica said, then lifted Phoebe's hand to kiss the back of it, "you sure you're okay?" She asked brokenly.
Phoebe nodded, "Yes, Mon, I'm fine," she insisted, "please go."
Monica nodded back at her and lifted her hand to brush her hair away from her forehead. Phoebe nodded at her again and Monica smiled, then began to walk towards the door, but stopped when she didn't hear Rachel following her, "Rach, are you coming?"
Rachel took a couple of steps towards her, but shook her head at Monica, "I think it's easier for me to stay here with Pheebs," she said, her voice shaking. Monica nodded as Rachel continued, "I just think it's easier for me to be here with her instead of waiting around for the love of my life to wake up, you know?"
Monica felt tears flood her eyes again, "The love of your life?"
Rachel ignored the tears that rolled down her own face as she lifted a hand and tucked a piece of Monica's hair behind her ear, "Yeah," she whispered, then glanced at Phoebe, who nodded and wiped a tear from her eye, "I think life is too short," she added quietly, "and I love your stupid brother, and when he wakes up, I have to tell him."
Monica began to cry again, but it wasn't anything that her eyes weren't used to these days.
She cleared her throat and attempted to pull herself together, "I'll um," she cleared it again when her voice broke, "I'll go get an update on Ross and come back to let you guys know what is going on, okay?"
Rachel nodded and smiled slightly at Monica, "Life is too short," she whispered again.
Monica nodded back, staring right back at her, "I know," she whispered back.
Jack and Judy both looked up as their daughter approached them several minutes later. Monica had always been able to tell exactly what they were thinking, particularly her mother, whom she had learned to read years ago.
But now, she couldn't.
"What's wrong?" She asked, looking between her parents.
Judy sighed, but shook her head, "Is Phoebe okay?"
Monica furrowed her eyebrows together, "Yeah, they put her on bed rest until the babies are born," she answered, and Judy nodded.
"That's great," she said.
"Mom, what's wrong?" Monica asked again, "Did you talk to the doctor?"
Judy shook her head, then looked over to her husband for help, "No, not yet," Jack answered, "we were in there with him and he um…"
"He what?" Monica asked.
Jack looked to the ceiling for any sort of help, then looked at Monica again, "He stopped breathing, honey," Jack said, and Judy began to sob, while Monica covered her mouth and sunk in the chair beneath her.
Jack cradled his wife's head as she sobbed into his shirt. He reached down to the chair and pulled on Monica's hand for her to stand again. Monica folded into her dad too and the three of them cried together until someone approached them several minutes later.
The doctor sighed and ran a hand over his face as he approached them.
Monica tried to harden herself to prepare for the news she was sure was about to come out of the doctor's mouth: that her big brother was gone and not here anymore.
She shut her eyes as the tears continuously trailed down her face, as well as her mother's.
The doctor looked down at the stethoscope he held in his hands for a second, then lifted his head again, "Mr. and Mrs. Geller," he started, "we got him back."
Judy gripped Jack harder as she let out a sob, "Oh, thank God," Judy cried. She grabbed Monica again and held her tightly.
The doctor nodded but then sighed, "But we had to put him back on the ventilator," he shook his head, "you know we like to keep our heads up here," he said, then scratched his forehead, "however, this is not a good sign. We thought we were making progress when he was breathing on his own, but it seems he's going backward."
"What happened to make him stop breathing?" Monica asked, her voice broken and full of worry.
The doctor sighed again and began to explain things in a lot of medical terms that none of them understood. The doctor put his hand on Judy's shoulder when he finally finished, "I know this is a lot," he said but shook his head at her, "but don't give up. Ross needs all of your positivity and encouragement."
Monica nodded at him, then squeezed Judy's arm again, "Thank you, doctor," she said wearily.
He smiled sadly at them and turned, walking away from them again.
The Gellers watched in silence among the three of them as the doctor walked out of their view. Judy sat down next to her daughter and Monica moved her hand to Judy's back, rubbing it softly.
About half an hour later, Judy turned to Monica and put her hand on her daughter's knee. "You should go see him," Judy said, looking over at her and breaking the silence that had fallen over the three of them.
"What?" Monica asked.
Judy tilted her head at her as another tear fell from her eye, "You haven't been in to see your brother," she pointed out softly, "maybe it will help him to hear your voice."
Monica felt chills form on her body. Every time she started the walk to her brother's hospital room, she stopped again and made an excuse not to go in. She wanted to see him, but not like that. She wanted to see him as Ross, not as the unconscious guy in a hospital bed with machines essentially living for him.
She licked her lips and swallowed, "I don't think I can, Mom," she whispered hoarsely.
"Yes, you can," Judy said softly, "I'll go with you. You heard the doctor, sweetie. We've got to keep talking to him. Come on, let's go see him."
Monica sighed and nodded slowly as she stood with her.
"Hey," the nurse said to the duo as they took a few steps into the room, "I just turned off the overhead light, but would you guys like it back on?" She asked.
Judy shook her head, "No, thank you. The lamp is fine."
The young girl nodded back at her, "Okay, let me know if you need anything. I'll be back in a few minutes." She responded, and the two women nodded at her. The room door closed again, and Monica and Judy walked around the bed and closer to Ross.
The eerie sound of the heart monitor beeping and the constant breathing of the ventilator at perfect intervals was all that could be heard in the room, along with sniffles from each of them
"He looks so small," Monica whispered.
Judy nodded and took her daughter's hand again, "He's still your big brother."
Monica stood and stared at him, all the memories of their childhood flooding her brain.
Oh, how she hated him back then. She loved him, but hated her big brother at the same time. He never did anything wrong in his parent's eyes (and still didn't, come to think of it), and always got his way. He was the perfect student, a perfect, well-behaved child who never got into any trouble, and that annoyed her to no end.
But now, her older brother was one of her best friends. Sure, he still annoyed her sometimes, because that's what siblings are supposed to do, but he was always there for her and was a big, irreplaceable part of her life.
She needed him.
Tears began to stream down her face again as she stepped to the bed and took his left hand, "I need you, Rossy," she whispered.
Judy smiled sadly at her children and covered her mouth as she began to cry again.
Monica let go of Ross's hand and turned, taking her mother into a hug.
The two of them stayed like that until the hospital room door opened once again, and the nurse walked back into the room to take some blood.
Monica stepped back up to him and took his hand again, squeezing it gently. She ran a finger over the scratch on his face, wondering for a second how banged up the rest of him was.
He had a long, full-length leg cast on his left leg. He looked pale; Monica guessed it was because of the lack of air he had earlier.
The door opened again, and Monica stared at the blue eyes that were staring at her. The nurse shook her head and put up her hand, "I'm sorry guys, but I can't allow all three of you in here. The hospital is very strict about that rule and I…"
"Oh, it's okay, I'm sorry, I…" Chandler started, "…I'll go."
"No, Chandler," Judy said, and let go of Monica's arm as she walked away from her, "You stay, and I'll go. Like I told Monica, Ross probably needs to hear from his friends right now, and I need to go check on your father," she said to Monica. She lifted her hand and cupped Chandler's cheek gently, then moved past him and out of the room.
Monica wiped her face and shook her head softly at her mother. She knew exactly what she was doing, leaving her alone with Chandler.
She squeezed Ross's hand again, hoping her brother would give her the strength to figure out how to get past the tension between her and Chandler.
Chandler sighed and took a few steps toward the hospital bed, the only sounds of the room came from the heartbeat monitor and the ventilator that was breathing for Ross.
"Come on, buddy," he murmured, then shut his eyes.
Monica looked at the side of Chandler's face, the hurt that she saw on it shooting straight through her heart. He loved each of them, she knew he did.
A tear streamed down her face, and she sighed and shook her head, "He stopped breathing again," she whispered.
Chandler nodded, "Jack filled me in," he told her softly, then stepped closer to the bed and touched Ross's forearm.
She watched him as he stared at her brother, a look of sadness and disbelief on his face. She knew it was hard for him to see his friend like this, just like it was hard for her.
"I keep telling myself that he's just sleeping," he said, breaking the silence that had formed between them, "but hearing these machines beep and breathe for him hits differently."
"It's like he's not even there," Monica replied in a breathy whisper.
Chandler nodded, then sighed and gripped his college roommate's forearm tighter, hoping that would suddenly wake him.
But no such luck.
"Come back, Ross," he whispered, and Monica looked over at Chandler again, "we really need you, buddy," he added.
"It's not working," Monica replied brokenly, "nothing is working." She wiped furiously at tears that streamed down her face, "he's not in there. He's already gone."
Chandler looked over at her, those words prompting his heart rate to speed up, although a tiny part of him wondered if it was true. But he couldn't believe that and try to hold himself and her together all at the same time. He let Ross go and stepped back from the bed a bit, then shook his head at her, "Mon, no, we can't think like that," he said softly.
"Yeah well, if he was here, maybe I wouldn't," she said sharply.
"We've got to…"
"Just don't, okay? I know what you're about to say, and I just," she sighed, "I can't do this," she finally said, shaking her head at Chandler. "I told you earlier that I'm not strong enough to do this, and it's true," she added in a broken whisper, "here's the proof." She let go of Ross's hand and walked past him, avoiding Chandler's attempt to grab her hand as she left the room.
He sighed again and followed her, down the hallway and into the stairwell, "Mon, wait," he called and grabbed her hand to stop her, but she yanked it away from him as the door slammed closed behind them, the sound echoing through the empty, concrete stairwell.
"No, don't touch me," she said hotly, her exhausted body at the breaking point, "I need my brother, Chandler," she spat, "I need my fucking big brother! I don't need this."
He took another step towards her, but she surprised him and put both of her hands on his chest and pushed him backward, "Stop," she said, shaking her head, "how am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to go downstairs and tell Rachel that the love of her life isn't waking up? How am I supposed to look at Ben knowing that he doesn't have a father? My parents are losing a child! I can't…"
She lost her breath then, bending over at the waist as she gasped for air and began to sob even more. His body ached as he watched her, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around her, just like earlier in the vending machine room.
"I stupidly got my hopes up," she finally continued, gasping as she tried to catch her breath, "Phoebe is okay and I thought…" she cried, gripping her knees as she tried to speak, "I thought, now it's Ross's turn," she finally stood upright again and let her back and head hit the concrete brick wall behind her, "but he's only getting worse."
He reached for her again, but she pushed his arm away, "No," she bent over again, "I want to go, I need to get out of here," she managed, then shook her head, "but what kind of person does it make me if I leave him? He wouldn't leave me!" She added brokenly.
"Mon," he started, but she shook her head.
"Don't, just stop."
"Monica, I…"
"I don't…" she took in a deep breath, "I don't want to hear it, Chandler." He put his hands on his hips, and tilted his head at her as she continued, "I've got this bullshit with my brother dying on me and then there's you, this thing with you. I can't get you, the thought of us, out of my head, and it's the last thing I need. I need to be here for my brother and not worry about you, Chandler."
He opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted him, "No, don't say anything. I don't need this now! Okay? I don't. So, if you could please just go? Leave me alone and go!"
Her voice echoed a bit as she stared at him, her eyes full of tears as they continuously streamed down her face.
"No," he responded, his voice even, but firm as he stared back at her just as intensely, "I'm not going anywhere," he told her.
"God, Chandler," she moaned weakly as she began to fall apart again.
He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand to see her like this, sobbing and having trouble catching her breath, literally heartbroken, in front of his eyes, yet again. He put his hands on his hips for a second, shook his head, then gained the courage to step up to her.
He placed his hands on her shoulders, "Come here," he whispered softly.
She attempted to push him away, "No, just go away," she cried, but he stubbornly pulled on her shoulders until she stood up straighter. She extended her arms, trying to avoid going into his, "Chandler, goddamn it, stop," she moaned as she tried halfheartedly to pull away, but he was having none of it.
Chandler wanted to hold her and help her through this, even if she didn't think she wanted or needed his help. "You stop," he said sharply, then finally managed to wrap his arms around her, "let me hold you," he whispered against her hair.
"Let me go," she cried, still trying to get out of his arms.
"No," he said again, tightening his hold on her.
"Let me go," she said again, only this time in a whisper. She was losing the battle, and honestly, she didn't want to fight anymore. She felt good with his arms around her, and for the first time since she got the phone call about Ross, she strangely felt relief through her entire exhausted body.
She finally gave up the fight and wrapped her arms around him, allowing him to pull her up against his body, and she didn't know how, but she instantly felt better.
"I need my big brother," she whispered again softly, into his chest. He shut his eyes, trying to avoid the tears that were threatening to form just beneath them.
"I know you do," he whispered to her, not sure if that would provide any sort of comfort, but he had to try.
She moved her hands from his back to his chest and grabbed onto his t-shirt, holding it in both of her fists. She continued to cry, letting out everything she'd been trying to hold in.
He lifted a hand and tangled his fingers in her hair, holding her head against his chest. He sighed and pressed his cheek against the top of her head, tightening his other arm around her even more.
The two of them stayed silent for a while. He listened as she tried to calm herself down and felt her abdomen move against his as she took in and let out deep breaths.
"He's not gone," he finally said, breaking the silence, shutting his eyes for a second. He took in a deep breath himself, "You know that Ross has always done things his way, Mon. And he's probably in some sort of Jurassic Park dinosaur alternate universe and he's soaking in all that knowledge that he loves, and he doesn't want to leave."
She let out a watery chuckle, listening to the vibrations in his chest as he spoke. She tightened her grip on him and he smiled just a little, glad that he could still make her laugh, even if it wasn't much. "He'll wake up and be back in this world when he's ready," he continued softly, his eyes pressed shut, praying to God what he was saying was true, "you've just got to hold onto that, for your sanity, okay?" He swallowed and took in a breath, "As long as the doctors have hope, then we need to have it too. Ross wouldn't give up on us, we shouldn't give up on him."
She stayed quiet so long that he wasn't sure if she was going to respond, but she finally took in a shaky breath and nodded against his chest. He moved his hand from her hair as she tilted her head up, finally meeting his eyes.
Tears still swam in them, blurring the blue, and he was baffled that they still shined so bright. She loosened her hands from fists clenched around his t-shirt to flat on his chest.
"I just…" she swallowed the persistent lump in her throat, "I need him," she whispered again, her voice shaking. A tear ran down her cheek and he lifted a hand and wiped it away.
"I know," he nodded and moved his eyes from hers. She was staring at him in a way that made the hair stand up on the back of his neck.
She moved her hands up and to his face, "I need you," she murmured, and he looked at her again. This time his eyes locked with hers as his heart thumped loudly in his chest. She rubbed her thumb against his cheek, then licked her lips, and glanced at his mouth before she looked into his eyes again. "I need you, please, Chandler," she repeated, her voice now matching the desperate look in her eyes.
"Mon, we shouldn't," he whispered, then groaned in frustration because he knew. He knew exactly what she wanted. And good God, he wanted to give it to her.
The fact that this was a carbon copy of the situation in Colorado wasn't lost on him. She wanted to comfort him then, and all he wanted was to do the same now. But they were in this tangled mess of drama, and it was weighing heavily on his mind. He took in a shaky breath, trying to make himself pull away, but he couldn't do it. It was as if they were two magnets drawn to each other and there was no stopping this.
A part of her knew that he was right. They shouldn't do this, not now. There were so many things that they had to figure out, discuss and admit to each other. But to her, it wasn't enough, and none of that mattered now. She wanted him, she needed him, and of course, he was there for her, like always. She didn't care about anything else at that moment.
"Chandler," she whispered, swallowed again, then moved her hands to the back of his head and pulled it down until his forehead touched hers.
He slowly moved his hand to her face and cupped it, his thumb stroking the slightly damp skin from her tears. She could feel his warm breath on her lips, and she felt a fire grow within her as it usually did when there was any sort of interaction with him. She used what little ounce of courage she had left and pulled on his head, her lips meeting his for a brief, searing kiss.
How was he supposed to stop this now? He couldn't, and they both knew he couldn't. One little taste of her and he was done, completely at her mercy.
She moved back a millimeter from his lips, but the tiny space between them didn't last but a second before he pressed his lips against hers harder and moved his hand from her face to rest on the curve of her neck.
She moaned when he used his lips to open hers, then slipped his tongue into her mouth without any further hesitation. She moved her hand from the back of his head and wrapped both of her arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer.
He heard her moan again and there was that all too perfect feeling that shot through his entire body yet again. God, he missed her. He missed this.
He slid his hand up her back and into her hair, holding her head against his as he explored her mouth fully with his tongue, taking advantage of every second of doing this with her.
She had chills all over her body, even as the warmth she felt from him spread through her. This was exactly what she needed, what she craved and had craved since the moment he kissed her in Colorado.
She was delirious with desire again for him, her head spinning as his mouth rocked her entire world.
The moan that left the back of her throat only pushed him more, his entire body now pressing her into the wall behind her. His hands left her hair, then moved down her shoulders and continued down her sides, the edge of his palm brushed against her breast, and she gripped his shoulders tighter in response.
She pulled back, but not very far, as she slid her hands to the back of his head and gripped his hair. She felt him looking at her, and she slowly opened her eyes, and the look she found in his eyes almost took her breath away.
She pulled his lips back to hers, and the kiss intensified, with even more passion than before. As hurried as it was, he still somehow held it to a slow, purposeful pace.
He buried his hands in her hair again, and she moved hers to his back to ensure that he was as close as she could get him. She moaned and it only pushed him to continue his assault on her mouth, his head turned from one side to the other as he kissed her with all his might.
His lungs began to burn, but he ignored them, as he didn't want this to end. A few more intense moments passed, and he reluctantly pulled back, quietly gasping for air as soon as her perfect pink lips left his.
He rested his forehead against hers again and she moved both of her hands to the juncture of his neck and shoulders as they both took deep breaths.
"Yes," he said, his eyes still closed, "I'm still so in love with you." He answered her question from earlier in the day, "I've never stopped," he added softly.
The emotions that ran through her at his words made her weak in the knees. "Chandler," she gripped his shoulders as she tried to get her thoughts in order. It seemed harder now, as she was dizzy with desire.
Desire for him.
Tears began to stream down her face, and she swallowed as she moved her forehead against his, "I can't do this," she managed, but barely.
He shut his eyes at the pain that rippled through him. "I'm sorry," he said.
"No," she said quickly to stop his alarm, then looked into his eyes and shook her head, "don't be sorry," she replied, "it's not your fault." He sighed and nodded, then looked down at her thoroughly kissed lips. She paused for a moment as she tried to control her tears, but to no avail. "I want this," she said softly as lifted her head and looked into his eyes, "but I can't be happy kissing you like this, being with you while my brother…"
He nodded and cupped her face, "I know," he shut his eyes, "I know."
Silence fell between them as they both attempted to regain their composure. She ran her hand down his chest, "I should go back," she said, barely above a whisper.
Chandler nodded and leaned up to kiss her forehead, "Okay," he murmured softly, "let's go."
He moved away from her and she shivered as the warmth of his body left hers, "Chandler…" he shook his head and took her hand.
"We'll talk about this later," he promised, "there is a lot going on right now, and this," he gestured between them, "this can wait, okay?"
Her stomach turned a somersault and she nodded at him, then took his hand, "Thank you for being here," she squeezed his hand, "I don't know what I would do without you. It was true before everything that happened between us, and it's still true."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else," he told her, and he meant it.
She smiled, even as another tear left her eye, and cupped his face with her free hand, "I know."
Chandler squeezed her hand and pushed the door open, "We're going to get through this," he promised, then turned his head and kissed her palm. She nodded at him and moved forward.
Chandler watched her walk down the hall for a moment before he sighed, "We're going to get through this," he said again.