Gravitational

by magic-reeni

Shuichi wants to change but with changes come more than he expected and then a whole line of serious events unfold to a final, happy change with his and Eiri Yuki's relationship

2. Part Two

Part Two

Those two words snapped an invisible cord in the room. They echoed around the room and rang in the ears of all three occupants. Yuki himself didn't want to believe it. He wanted to take it back, to call himself a liar and that it was all some horrible joke and those two words were the punch line.

Ayaka gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. If anybody knew how much Eiri's happiness meant to her it would be obvious why. She may not have loved the stoic writer the way she used to, but she still wanted to see him happy. After all, she had given him up to the pink-haired singer.

The redhead was upset for entirely different reasons. He knew, just like Ayaka, who Yuki was talking about. His heart aches at the thought of his best friend hurting, even more so that Shuichi hadn't let on to his pain like he normally would have. A headache thumped like a hammer to a wall behind his eyes as he thought. First he wanted to accuse Yuki and yell at him to explain what he must've done to make Shuichi leave, but the words wouldn't form. Just looking at the broken writer sitting on his couch was enough proof the writer was just as hurt as he was about the singer's disappearance and didn't know what to make of it. Instead he thought of all the possible places Shuichi would've gone to in order to hide himself. His place seemed like the easiest, but no one had come to him that day except for Ayaka and now Yuki.

"Have you checked the studio? Mr. Sakuma's place?"

Yuki nodded at each question. "The people at the studio said they haven't seen him since yesterday. Nobody was home at Ryuichi's. Even Seguchi and K don't know where he'd be."

"What about your brother's place," Ayaka offered intuitively. "Mr. Sakuma spends most of his time there since they've gotten together. Mr. Shindou might've gone there."

The writer shook his head, hanging it between his shoulders in defeat. "I called there, but no one answered. I know better than to go over there if the phone isn't answered."

Ayaka looked at the writer with confusion. She sipped at her tea and then asked, "Why is that, Eiri?"

Beside her Hiro blushed, chocking on his soda. "That not the point," he rushed out after catching his breath. The redhead ignored his girlfriend's suspicious glance. "The point is that Shuichi is missing and it seems that no one knows where to find him."

"Well, this is the last place I could think of to go. Sorry to have troubled you." Yuki stood, making his way for the door. Hiro followed after him.

Holding the door open, the guitarist replied, "It was no trouble at all. If he shows up or if I hear anything I'll be sure to give you a call, Mr. Yuki." Ayaka nodded behind him.

Eiri nodded. "I'd appreciate it if you did. I'm going to drop by my sister's and see if she knows anything. I know Mika can be protective of him sometimes." He left with both occupants of the apartment staring sadly after him.

"I wish there was something we could do to help," Ayaka whispered around her tightly stricken throat. She hated to see her first love so down.

Inside the apartment the echo of the phone was heard and Hiro closed the front door.

"What do you mean he's not there," Mika shrieked. One minute she was sipping a glass of wine, listening to the radio, and wondering why Tohma was being so quiet. Now she's shattered the glass on the entrance hall's tile and spilt the alcohol all on the floor in a growing puddle.

Yuki stared directly into her eyes. "It's just what I told you: I woke up and all his things were gone. Nobody knows where he is." It was the hardest thing to do not to show how disappointed he was about his sister's reaction.

"This must be what has Tohma so quiet."

Nodding with agreement the novelist sighed. "I checked the NG building first and ran into him there. I asked him not to say anything to keep a panic from rising."

Mika leaned with exasperation against the wall. "That's going to be the first thing that happens if he's not ere for the CD release. Tohma told me last night that it'll be ready and out by next week. He already told the press about it too! The whole band has always been at the releases to sign them! If the leader singer isn't there than everyone loses!"

"Mika, calm down," Tohma ordered from the doorway. "There is no reason to panic yet. I trust Mr. Shindou to be responsible and do the right thing. Even if we don't know his current whereabouts there's the possibility he'll still show at the signing."

The woman sputtered for a moment at the sudden appearance of her husband. "B-but, Tohma, there's no way of knowing for sure. There's no guarantee."

"That is true, Mika, but that is where the trust lies. If you care for Mr. Shindou as much as you say, then you should have no trouble with giving him the same amount of trust that I have for him."

Yuki uncrossed his arms and straightened up. "I think I'll head home. I want to be there in case something comes up." He headed for the door.

The blonde musician stopped, placing his hand on his shoulder and clasping it tightly. He relayed all his hopes and good luck to Yuki in that small gesture. The writer thanked him silently, put his nimble-fingered hand over Tohma's for a short second. Without another sound Yuki left.

Hiro picked up the phone quickly at the third ring. He greeted the person and then said his name.

"Hiro, thank goodness you're home," the voice of Shuichi's little sister said, relief evident in her voice. "I just found out what happened."

That statement confused Hiro and it must've shown in his eyes because Ayaka moved closer and mouthed, "What is it?"

"Are you there," the girl on the phone sounded with panic.

Snapped out of his daze Hiro sputtered, "Yes, yes, I'm here." Another short pause occurred. "Did you need something, Maiko?"

"Yes, I just heard about what big brother did. I'm so sorry this happened."

"It'll be alright, I promise. I'll let you know as soon as we know where he is….but how'd you find out so quickly?"

There was another pause, only longer, in which Hiro took the time to share a look with Ayaka. A strange twisting and yanking sensation was starting to churn in his stomach and he wasn't beginning to like what was going to be said next. If the look on Ayaka's face was anything to go by then Hiro knew she must be feeling the same way.

Then a sigh on the other line caused the guitarist to strain his ears. "Hiro?" Maiko's voice had drastically changed. Rather than relief, like when Hiro first picked up the phone, it was shaky and quiet; almost dodging with the things she was saying. "I-I've got to go. My mother needs me. I'm sorry." Before Hiro could protest and find out her real reason for calling the click sounded from the other line and all he could hear was the dial tone.

"What happened, Hiro? What did she say," Ayaka asked when the guitarist stood with his mouth open. After waiting to be answered and nothing came she took the phone and listened. "Hiro," she asked again.

"Nothing," the redhead finally replied a few minutes later. "She just….hung up."

Ayaka stood limply with the phone in her hand, the dial tone continuously becoming louder with each passing minute.

After such a reaction from the missing Shuichi's sister neither of the two doubted she might know something about the pink-haired singer that nobody else did.

Shuichi sat in the dark room curled up on his side in a fetal position. The ticking of the wall clock echoed in his ears and his eyes stared with unblinking violet orbs at the blank wall.

He hadn't spoken but one phrase since he arrived at his destination. He'd already regretted he did though when his voice choked up as soon as the person left and hot tears slid down his already tear-stained face.

Yuki arrived at his apartment and collapsed on the sofa. He wasn't hungry or thirsty, but he knew he should eat something soon before he became too weak. The writer had been running on empty all day and he could just hear a Shuichi-like voice calling in his head.

The writer had been looking forward to the outing he and Bad Luck's singer were supposed to take. It wasn't only to get outside and away from his desk while also keeping Shuichi from bawling like a baby when he left. No, it was to spend time alone with his lover…..

Can I even still call him that after he left without warning or telling anyone where he was going Yuki wondered. He wanted to hit his head against the wall for thinking such things even though they were true. Shuichi was gone and, without him, the apartment was just dead.

Days passed with still no word from Shuichi. The album release was only a day away and everyone except Tohma was getting nervous; even Ryuichi was sweating buckets. The legendary singer had been biting his nails and cried the both times his fingers had bled from the action.

Mika was using all connections possible to find the lost singer, but to no avail. She couldn't believe how difficult one person was to find; and one as widely known and as famous as Shuichi was.

Hiro and Ayaka have been tying to reach Maiko, but no one was answering the phone and with CD's release soon K wasn't letting neither Hiro or Suguru go anywhere and Ayaka had no way of getting to the house.

Yuki's hope of finding Bad Luck's singer was quickly diminishing despite Tohma's efforts to keep them lit up. He wanted so badly to hold Shuichi in his arms and kiss his lips enough to daze the violet-eyed man. All the things he wanted to do to show how much he cared for Shuichi and loved him and he had no way of getting a hold of him.

"The release of the CD is tomorrow," Fujisaki shouted at his cousin. "You keep saying 'have faith in Mr. Shindou' but each minute is getting harder and harder to find any faith to believe in! He's the lead singer and he had a responsibility that he's not even upholding!"

Tohma Seguchi could only smile at his youthful relative. Anyone who knew him though knew that on the inside the producer was lost for words. He didn't believe Shuichi's vanishing act would go on for this long. He really did believe he'd have been back long before panic started to rise. Now the great NG producer and musician was starting to admit defeat….though he would rather quit his beloved job than say such a thing out loud.

"Would you rather I fire our Mr. Shindou?"

The question caught the keyboardist off guard. He sputtered and his mouth opened and then closed a few times before Suguru finally gave up. Collapsing into the chair behind him Fujisaki rested his face in his hands and heaved a breathy sigh. "No," he finally answered, a look of defeat written on his face. "That would only make things worse."

A smile shown on Tohma's face. "I'm glad you've decided to agree." He grasped his cousin's shoulder in his gloved hand. "Now, you should get some rest. It's a big day tomorrow."

Suguru stared into his bathroom mirror with a blank stare painted on his face. The black strands of his hair dripped with somewhat-warm water and he let loose a tired sigh.

Until tomorrow….He wiped his face with a hand towel and clicked the lights off.

Before getting under the warm and inviting sheets Fujisaki turned on some soft music to help relax him. He fell asleep quickly, but not without worries of what would happen the next day when the one person fans wanted a signature from wouldn't show up.

Hiro stared blindly into space as he struck random chords on his guitar that sat in his lap. His head was filled with an array of different thoughts and feelings, mostly centered around Shuichi.

He'd noticed that his best friend had been acting weird lately but he never would've guessed it would be something so drastic. Hiro wanted to blame his best friend's behavior on himself. He wanted to track him down, hold him close, and comfort him like he always had before.

Ayaka watched worriedly as the guitarist of Bad Luck continued to string together miscellaneous chords. His dark eyes stared unblinkingly at nothing. There was no doubt in her mind that Hiro was thinking about Shuichi. The guitarist was definitely worried for his best friend, and when Hiro was worried or hurt than so was Ayaka.

Glancing at the clock the young woman bit her lip and contemplated whether she should saying something about the time or not. Making a decision she spoke in a soft voice, "Hiro? Hiro, it's going to be a long day tomorrow. Shouldn't you get some sleep?"

The guitarist mumbled something incoherent and continued flicking his fingers across random strings, creating a rather unattractive tune.

Ayaka shifted forward and placed her hands over Hiro's twitching fingers. He looked up, startled, and stared in her soft eyes with a questioning look on his face. "It's almost one, Hiroshi," she announced. "You should get some sleep or you won't have any energy to function tomorrow."

"Huh? Oh….right," he murmured, but took no indication to standing.

Heaving a resounding sigh Ayaka took Hiro by both of his limp hands (setting the guitar aside first) and pulled him into the bathroom.

"Wash your face and brush your teeth. I'll be back in a few minutes," she ordered. She left the room with a distracted look in her eyes.

Hiro, no longer deep in thought looked at his ragged appearance in the mirror. His eyes had dark shadows underneath them, his long red hair that used to flow like water was now nothing more than a flat and dried up riverbed of a tangled mess, and his form reminded him of a gangly teenager who had yet to fill out.

"I need to find Shuichi," the musician told himself, staring with determination into his reflection.

"Mr. Seguchi's finest men couldn't find Mr. Shindou. What makes you think you, one person, can do better," Ayaka questioned. Thinking over what she just said her mouth fell open in a dainty 'o' and a light gasp escaped her.

"Couldn't," Hiro repeated, looking over his shoulder in the mirror at her form in the doorway.

"No-now you shouldn't get angry – "

Eyes narrowed; "Why would I be?"

"You were so upset. I didn't want you becoming depressed and leaving like Mr. Shindou."

"Depressed about what," he pressed.

"I begged Mr. Suguru not to say anything to you!"

Hiro spun on his heel and took two large, quick steps over to her and grabbed her shoulders rougher than he thought possible. "How long," he demanded. "How long has he called off the search?"

Ayaka turned her head down, unable to answer. Tears slid down her face in tiny streams and her cheeks pinked with the effort to hold them back. Brown, straight hair curtained her face, obscuring everything except the corners of her eyes and her small, pointed nose. Well-manicured nails imprinted little half moons in the palm of each hand.

The longer she was silent the more Hiro became upset. If such a simple question was met with such a pathetic response then there was most definitely a large gap between when the search was initially and unknowingly called off and the present time.

"How long," he repeated, louder. He shook her shoulders desperately. He needed to know just how long his longest and first best friend had been without something searching for him.

"A-a couple of weeks a-at best," she stammered pitifully.

Hiro's eyes widened in shock. He wanted – no – needed to go. He'd run around wild if the need arose; anything to get Shuichi back. However, one last question pushed itself to the front of his mind and he needed to know. "How many knew it was called off," he questioned, his voice much softer and his eyes downcast as tears clouded his vision.

"T-there was Mr. Seguchi, of course, and me," she replied. "Also, Mrs. Seguchi and the other members of Nittle Grasper. Mr. Sakuma wasn't pleased when he heard – "

Hiro cut her off from ranting. "Anyone else?"

She paused for a moment, ticking off everyone in her head as quickly as possible. "Umm….a few of the people who record for Bad Luck, Mr. K, and Mr. Sakano….then there was also…." She drifted off and looked away from the enraged guitarist once more.

Hiro glared and fumed. He couldn't possibly have ever been angrier in his entire life. There was only one time he remembered ever feeling this close to explosion and that was when Shuichi told him what the lead singer of ASK had done to him.

The guitarist pushed Ayaka against the wall, not even flinched at her pained and fright-filled cry. "Who else?" His demand wasn't needed, nor did the young and terrified lady meet it. For, as soon as the words slipped from his mouth he know who that last person was…."Seguru!"

Ayaka's sobs escaped her and her shoulders shook violently as she collapsed to her knees and cried on the floor like a crouched over slave begging for mercy. Her response was all the confirmation Hiro needed.

He flew out the door, not bothering to close it behind him, and flew down the street with a wild look in his eyes. "Shuichi!"

The lead singer of Bad Luck was currently lying on his bed and staring at the wall. Maiko had come by his room several times that day, but each time she was forced to leave in defeat.

Refusing to talk and finding his usually insatiable appetite gone, Shuichi just lay there without a care in the world.

The air was stale and Shuichi didn't notice. His hair was greasy and his skin felt rough with dirt. No matter how much he tried to deny it he knew he hadn't take a shower in weeks and the putrid smell growing in the enclosed bedroom was proof of that.

I know I should be happy, but I can't find it in me. The singer stretched his legs out in front of him and his eyes shifted to the calendar lying open on the floor. He'd moved it there to save him the trouble of standing. A black marker sat next to it. The Saturday after the currently x-ed out Friday was circled with 'CD' written inside it. He didn't know what to do about that Saturday.

Saturday morning came sooner than Bad Luck expected it would. Usually they were excited and wanted to rush in and begin the day, but this time they were dreading it.

In front of the largest music store in Tokyo a line of raving fans three blocks long was already forming and continuing to grow.

K escorted Hiro and Suguru around to the back to avoid being bombarded. Sakano followed them.

"What are we to do about Mr. Shindou though," Fujisaki voiced, causing the question in everyone's head to be said out loud.

K smirked, though everyone knew it was forced. "I've already thought of something for that. You needn't worry about it."

There were three seats set up in front of the table next to the cash register, though everyone knew the chances of the third seat being filled were close to none.

Sakano and K settled near the wall to overlook the activities. Suguru took the right most seat while Hiro took the left most. The tension between Hiro and everyone else, especially Suguru, was high. He'd spent a good hour and a half at the keyboardist's yelling at Suguru for allowing Seguchi to get away with letting the search for Shuichi end. Suguru just stood there and let it happen without a word of defense or agreement on his part. He was already ashamed of himself for letting it happen that he only got what was coming to him.

K coughed and made himself known. "Fans of Bad Luck, I regret to inform you the lead singer, Shuichi Shindou, will not be attending us today." There were loud, disappointed groans throughout the crowd. "He hasn't been feeling well and he is deeply sorry he couldn't make it." He sat back down and nodded to the employees of the store to allow the fans to the table.

About an hour into the signing there was a commotion near the front door and large, echoing squeals from fan girls were heard clearly. Neither band member felt like looking up. Their manager, however, had different plans and pulled each of their pens away. His action caused the two band mates to look up and find the source of the disorder.

There, shaking hands and laughing with a silly grin on his face, was the one and only Shuichi Shindou. His hair was clean, trimmed, and shining healthily. No bags loitering under his eyes, no smell from lack of bathing clung to him, and his smile rivaled that of Ryuichi Sakuma's ever constant grin.

Hiro stood up fast enough that it sent the plastic chair he'd been using crashing to the floor. He fumbled with his pants' pocket, yanking out his cell phone and almost dropping it in his eagerness to flip the cover open. As he punched the numbers in he shoved his way around the table and pushed through the crowd like he was crazed fan as well.

"Get to the music store now," he ordered into the phone, not waiting for an answer before he hung up. As soon as the cell was replaced in the back pocket of his jeans he latched onto his best friend and band mate. Hiding his face in the crook of the pink-haired singer's neck and shoulder, Hiro allowed tears of relief to slide down his cheeks.

It took a few minutes for everyone to calm down again. Hiro and the rest of Bad Luck's team had so many questions for the singer, but they knew it was neither the time or place. In the end the signing eventually continued , many of the first people returning to the line for Shuichi's signature added to Hiro's and Seguru's on their album.

After the signing was finally over, Bad Luck was allowed a half hour reprieve before the car arrived to pick them up. They were brought to a small back room and kept a good watch over from the outside. Shuichi had hoped to sneak out with the large, exited crowd but Suguru and Hiro had kept a firm hold on him.

Loud voices sounded in the hall and they kept getting louder. K peeked out to see what was going on.

"Sire, I've tried telling this man that the signing is over but he insists on coming in," the manager of the store explained.

K chuckled. "No, no, Mr. Tzuzuki, this is a very close friend of the band. I believe he's here to speak with our Mr. Shindou, correct?" A pause and K stuck his head back into the room. He gestured to Shuichi come over. "Please see to it that these two have a quiet place to speak in. We wouldn't want to have the conversation on front pages tomorrow," K said to the man.

"No, sir, Mr. K, of course no. Please, right this way, Mr. Shindou."

The door clicked closed behind the distant couple. They'd been led to the second floor board room. Shuichi's guest locked the door and turned to look at the singer.

In the confines of the room the silence was deafening and Shuichi's ears pounded with blood. "Yuki," he said to end the quietness.

"Shuichi," the blonde responded.

The strain of noiselessness continued.

"Where've you been," Yuki questioned.

Shuichi shrugged nonchalantly, staring at the wall rather than into the golden eyes of his lover. "At home."

Yuki couldn't believe it. His eyes were unblinking, mouth open, stupidity caving into his chest. Why, of all places, didn't I think of that? The blonde looked into Shuichi's violet eyes. "I've been worried about you."

The singer tried to keep his face blank, but he couldn't stop the sudden shift of his eyes. The pink-haired male never would've thought that his blonde lover would have ever admitted such a thing, especially to his face.

Does he really mean that or is he just saying that because someone told him to? His most recent thoughts caused a painful squeeze around his heart and Shuichi felt the burning of hot tears behind his dull, violet eyes. Starting in his chest and spreading throughout his limbs, fingers, and toes, the pink-haired singer could feel the ever present depression settling a numbing sensation within him. Before it truly settled, however, there was a swift rap on the locked door.

Yuki released an irritated groan, unlocked the door, and opened it barely a crack to look through. "What," he asked none too kindly.

It was a silent conversation to Shuichi. He couldn't hear anything of what was being said even if he were trying to pay attention to it. Instead, he stared emotionlessly at the wall. His heart pounded quietly in his chest and his eyes dried out from being open for so long. Despite the singer's best efforts, the previously hidden tears slipped from his eyes and streaked down his cheeks.

Shuichi didn't even notice he was crying or that Yuki was finished with who interrupted their vague-worded discussion until his name was called worriedly and warm hands grabbed at his shoulders.

"….'s wrong? Please, tell me," Yuki begged to his despondent lover. When Shuichi didn't react to anything he said or did the frazzled-with-worry writer wrapped his arms tightly around the stock still singer and dryly sobbed.

Hearing his lover's cracked pleas for him to 'say something, do anything' Shuichi blinked and was surprised by the sticky wetness he felt in his eyes. He lifted his hand to wipe away the salted water and his motion caused the writer to glance up.

"Shuichi," he whispered, his voice cracked.

Before he realized it, Shuichi was openly crying. Tear after salty tear fell down his cheeks. An empty, pressing sensation in his chest made more tears born behind the singer's wet stare. Knees feelings weak underneath, Shuichi collapsed and was thankful when Yuki caught him and pulled him close to his chest while he sobbed into the soft cloth of the writer's shirt.

Yuki lay his exhausted lover in his bed and covered him with a thick blanket to keep away the chills. To be honest with himself, Yuki had been shocked at the sudden switch of personality in the singer. First, he was stoic and resembled nothing than a wall and then he just broke down entirely. The writer had been relieved that Shuichi had fallen asleep only shortly after his sobs had slowed down to mere hick-ups. He wouldn't have known what to say to Shuichi if he hadn't.

Just as he was about to leave Yuki felt Shuichi's cold hand wrap around his wrist. He looked at his tired lover with a curious look.

"Don't go," Shuichi pleaded around a dry throat. "I don't want to be alone. I'm tired of being alone."

Somehow Yuki knew that if he left now Shuichi would break. So, instead, he smiled, kicked off his shoes, and slid in next to his lover. Shuichi scooted closer to him for warmth after he had settled.

It was silent for the next several minutes until Shuichi shifted under the covers uneasily. "Um…Yuki, would you…?" He drifted off, face barely pink and eyes downcast.

Yuki offered a sweet smile and wrapped his arms comfortingly around his waist. "What is it, Shuichi?"

"Would you….make love to me, Yuki…..please," the singer asked with a coarse whisper.

Shuichi wasn't sure what made him ask such a question. Technically speaking he didn't really know if he and Yuki were even together since he ran off and became a head case. The only thing he really understood was that he wanted – needed – Yuki. The writer was his constant, his everything. If he didn't have him now, at such a crucial point in his life, what did he really have?

The blonde was shocked. At such a time Shuichi wanted to do something like that? He just had an emotional breakdown and was probably physically as well as mentally exhausted.

Maybe I didn't hear right….

"Yuki," Shuichi questioned worriedly. Maybe he doesn't want to….Maybe we really aren't together anymore and he's trying to tell me in a way where it won't hurt my feelings.

Shuichi turned away from Yuki and tried scooting further away, but was unable to due to the arms still encircled around his waist. "I'm sorry," he mumbled "I'm sorry; that was rude of me. I shouldn't have asked that of you."

Turning the singer around to face him Yuki smiled warmly. "Are you finished?" The pink-haired singer nodded. "Good." Yuki leaned over and kissed Shuichi deeply on the mouth, pulling a surprised squeak from the younger of the two. When he pulled away Yuki said, "I would like nothing more than to make love with you, Shuichi." With that he rolled on top of the singer and began suckled at a sensitive point on his neck.

Moaning with delight at the attention Shuichi curled one arm around Yuki's back, grasping his shoulder and the other knotted into the soft, blonde locks tightly.

A sexy smirk crawled onto Yuki's face and he closed his eyes, suckling enjoyably on the delectable delicious-ness that was currently Shuichi's neck. When that patch of skin was darkly marked Yuki moved lower, licking and biting in the places he knew would drive his lover mad with desire.

The singer's shirt was the first article of clothing to go. It landed on the floor carelessly with a muffled flop. Neither male paid much attention to where as Shuichi was too busy gasping and breathing heavily as Yuki attached onto a dusty pink nub with his mouth, his hand teasing and flicking the other.

Sweat formed on Shuichi's brow and his head tossed and turned on the pillow. He cried out loudly when Yuki nipped at his hardened nipple while tweaking the other teasingly with his fingers.

"Yuki," Shuichi moaned desperately, lifting his hips and rubbing eagerly against the writer. "Please."

Deciding to take some pity on his young lover, Yuki pulled away barely enough to call it actual separation, blowing a quick stream of cool breath on the abused and wet nipple before suckling a trail down his belly. He stopped at Shuichi's navel, dipping his tongue and enjoying the uke's appreciative groan.

Yuki stopped his downward journey at the hem of Shuichi's tightly-fitted jeans. "Are you sure you want to now," he inquired with a breathy voice.

The pink-haired male nodded desperately. "I-I need you, Yuki," Shuichi cried, tears that he didn't know the reason for pent up in his eyes, some leaking down the corners of his violet eyes.

The wrier understood; not mentally, but emotionally. His distressed lover needed the kind of love that only he, as his lover, could give him. With a nod he popped open the button and slid down the zipper almost noiselessly.

E pulled on the pants' legs and revealed two smooth, creamy thighs. Yuki was mesmerized at how feminine and, yet, also how masculine Shuichi could be. He laid there, halfway exposed and solid black boxers concealing his true goal. Tossing the jeans behind him to join the button-down shirt (it also landed with a flop) Yuki started tugging on the under-shorts.

Shuichi whined, hiding his face in the pillow, as his half hard erection scraped against the semi-rough material of his boxers.

Yuki loved watching Shuichi's expressions when they were together like this usually, but now he reveled in them and the noises coming from his young lover. It had been so long since hearing something other than monotone and saw something other than a blank face.

Like a hunter to the hunted, Yuki stalked forward on hand and knees and a calm yet feral look in his eyes. As he moved forward he pushed Shuichi's legs apart, exposing the crease where his puckered hole lay.

"Beautiful," he whispered, not wanting to break the surreal moment by speaking louder.

Violet eyes met gold and Yuki offered a small grin at Shuichi's sweaty and heated face.

Shuichi's face burned with desire and his breath could never come fast enough. Sweat rolled down his forehead and neck, tickling his overly sensitive skin.

Yuki watched the musician's face for a second longer before engulfing his hardened length and moaning erotically around the mouthful.

Shuichi cried out, bucking up into Yuki's heated mouth. He was already so close and yet it was enough to tip him over the edge. He clenched his eyes shut tightly and could barely contain his moans of passion as Yuki began bobbing his head, moving up and along his engorged and pulsing erection. His lover knew the exact place to swallow or flick his tongue, it was all perfect. Shuichi fisted the bed sheets and tried to hold his hips down so he wouldn't accidentally choke Yuki.

"Come for me, Shu-chan; come hard," Yuki breathed over his tip, still moving his hand tightly enclosed around the length.

A prolonged moan followed by a loud whine escaped Shuichi and his head jumped and flipped on the pillow roughly.

"Almost," he panted. "Almost!" His voice was so strained he found it remarkable that one could understand what was being said.

By now Shuichi's hips had long won out on the battle between moving and not moving. After Yuki had breathed hot, moist air over his leaking top his hips started thrusting heavily into the blonde's fist.

Yuki watched the vivid expressions on his lover's face as they came and went. When he knew Shuichi was right at the edge he leaved forward and rubbed the rough of his tongue flat against the singer's sensitized tip, hearing Shuichi's loudening cries and whimpering.

It was too much to take. Hips lifting off the bed Shuichi released with Yuki's name moaning off his lips. The warm cavern around him told him before his mind shut down that Yuki had swallowed his load.

Yuki wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve before shedding the blue top. Just as the article hit the floor the phone rang and Shuichi's eyes snapped open at the sound.

A sudden desperation and unknown anxiety filled the singer when he saw Yuki move towards the door. "Yuki," he pleaded with a hushed voice as if Yuki were already speaking on the phone and he didn't want whoever on the other line to hear him.

Yuki looked back with a crushed voice. "I'm sorry, Shuichi. My editor said she would call and I promised I would be here to get it." He turned away.

Tears welled up in violet eyes and they quickly shadowed over with clouded doubt.

Is his work more important than my needs? No! No, I can't be selfish. I've already asked for so much already. Doubts and more flooded his thoughts though; rearranging and forming things that had no real base.

Yuki didn't even want to do that and I forced him. I basically raped Yuki! Is that how a person is supposed to treat someone they claim to be in love with? I'm a horrible person!

Openly sobbing, Shuichi curled into a small ball and soaked the sheets underneath him.

"Come back," he forced out through the ball in his throat. "I'm so, so sorry, Yuki…."

He pushed away from the bed when his tears began to slow and tip-toed to the hallway.

"….was horrible. I could hardly stomach it." Shuichi's ears perked up and tears crawled down his face as he overheard Yuki's conversation.

"No," Yuki said. "No, I didn't bother getting that far."

Eyes wide, the singer turned towards the bathroom. "It's his editor," he repeated. "Editor, editor, editor. He's only talking about his book, his book, his book….." Then all reasonable thought left him as he stood underneath the lukewarm water of the shower. "It's me…." His voice wavered and he cried louder, saltier tears that meshed with the clean water.

"Forgive me," he whimpered to nobody in particular. "Forgive me."

A glitter in the corner caught his eye and he saw the razor Yuki uses on his face. He didn't care that it would be too easy. Yuki would be happy without him, like he was before they even met. It would be worth it if that were the outcome.

He picked up the handle to the blade and held it tenderly to his chest.

"For you….Yuki…."

"You really think that book is good? You must be – " A loud clunk form the bathroom caused him to stop.

Shuichi? An unsettling feeling pitted in his stomach and he stared at the outside wall of the bathroom.

"Uesugi? Uesugi, are you still there?"

"I'm sorry. I'll have to call you back later." He hung up without waiting for a response. Making his way towards the bathroom, Yuki listened for any sounds other than water before he knocked. "Shuichi?"

Nothing.

"Shuichi? Are you okay?"

Again, nothing.

"Shu-chan?"

Still, nothing.

He loves it when I call him that Yuki told himself with confusion.

The writer tried the door and, true to Shuichi fashion, it was locked. The singer had gotten into the habit because he tired of Yuki telling him to be quiet after barging in when he sang in the shower.

Quickly fetching a thin wire, Yuki picked the bathroom's lock and headed straight for the stall when it swung open. Wheat he saw caused his stomach to churn uneasily, but act hurriedly.

Not bothering about his lower half, which was still clothed, he jumped into the shower stall, grabbed two hand towels, and pressed one towel to each of Shuichi's slit wrists tightly.

After shutting off the water Yuki carried his unconscious lover to the bedroom. He covered him with a blanket and, making sure the already red-stained towels were firmly around each wrist, he fetched the phone.

Not wanting to let his Shuichi to be left alone he went back to the bedroom before dialing 911. Seeing the pale, pink-haired singer lying helplessly and bleeding by the wrists caused his voice to catch in his throat when the other line picked up.

"This is 911. What's your emergency?"

Squeaky noises were all that made it past his lips for the longest time. His hands began to shake uncontrollably and tears burned his cheeks for the first time in who knew how long.

What have I done Yuki thought.

"Are you there," the voice operator questioned.

"Y-yes," the writer forced out in a stumbling voice. He averted his eyes from the sight on the bed and tried to relax himself. "Yes, I'm here. I need an ambulance in a hurry." He gave the address and then hung up with a large bout of relief. Shortly after he hung up though an image of Hiro appeared behind his reddened eyes. He picked up the phone once more and called the guitarist.

The waiting room at the hospital was filled with weary and worried people. Some people were coughing, others soothing, and the rest stared at the clock impatiently. This was how Yuki, Hiro, and everybody else for Shuichi sat.

It took hours upon hours before the double doors were pushed open and Shuichi's name was called. Yuki hurried over, his shirt clean while the top half of his pants were stained with his lover's blood.

"How is he," the blonde demanded.

The doctor, quite used to this type of behavior, spoke calmly. "Shuichi will be fine. We stitched his wrists, gave him some painkillers, and he's resting in the recovery room as we speak. Before I can allow you to see him though I will need you to answer a few questions for me." He brought up the clipboard he was holding and pulled a pen from his breast pocket. "Did you notice his behavior change for an extended period of time?"

Hiro and Yuki both nodded.

"He became quiet and withdrawn at home, but at work he pretended everything was fine. He stopped eating for a while too," Yuki noted.

The doctor bobbed his head as he wrote on his clipboard. He asked a few more similar questions about Shuichi's behavior and his recent habits. By the end everyone was anxious and getting irritated with the medical professional. They just about dropped to their knees in relief when he put the clipboard away at last.

"I'll take you to Shuichi's room now." The older man turned and let them through the door.

Surprisingly enough Shuichi was awake and staring out the window when everyone walked in silently.

"I'll give you a few minutes," the grey-haired doctor sad. He turned and left, closing the door behind him for privacy.

Yuki was the first to make a move towards the hospital bed. "Shuichi, how are you feeling?"

It was evident at this point that tears were sparkling in the musicians' eyes when he turned his head to look at the group, specifically Yuki.

"I failed," his voice cracked.

When K made a move forward Hiro and Tatsuha quickly stopped him, holding onto his arms tightly.

"Mr. K, let's leave them alone," Suguru suggested.

It took a little more convincing on the group's part before the manager finally agreed and left the room to the two lovers. After they were gone Yuki sat down the bed and gently took Shuichi's bandaged hands in his.

"What did you fail, Shui….Shu-chan?" His thumbs were sweetly caressing the backs of Shuichi's palms.

The singer glanced away to stare at the white-washed barriers of the room. He spoke in a soft voice that made it difficult for Yuki to hear. "I keep bothering everybody with my problems. I was selfish and asked so many things of other people and making their….you life miserable. I thought I could make it better by becoming another person. An opposite of who I once was. I don't even know how it got this far."

"You don't really want to die, Shu-chan, d you? You would leave everyone behind…leave me behind."

Quickly shaking his head, violet eyes met gold for the first time. "I only wanted to correct my mistakes and ridding everyone of my existence seemed like the best plan at the time." Tears slipped down his face and he hid his face in Yuki's shirt, fisting the soft material in his grip and ignoring the pulsing ache in his wrists as he did so.

"I love you so much, Yuki! So much that it burns in my chest constantly," he sobbed. "I can't stand begin away from you. I couldn't bear the though of you being with somebody else. I only ever wanted to be the one to make you happy, but it seemed like I was only ever hurting you or making you angry."

Yuki held his lover close, holding him only tight enough before it started hurting him. "Oh, Shu-chan, you've never hurt me. I'm a stressful person by nature and because I work a lot I naturally get irritated at being interrupted. You, yourself, have never angered me."

A nurse walked in at that point and ushered Yuki out rudely, practically shoving out the door while she muttered about people upsetting the patients that need rest the most.

"Patients need rest just like other people do. Out. Out. Out," she said with a bossy tone.

Before Yuki was completely out the door he smiled back at Shuichi. "Just ask yourself this, Shu-chan: Did you like who you were or do you really want to change?"

It was several days later that Yuki's phone rang. He'd visited Shuichi every afternoon and it was nearing the time where his lover would be released.

"Hello," he said into the receiver.

"Is this Mr. Eiri Yuki," a woman's voice asked.

"It is; who is this?"

"My name is Minako Shindou. I'm Shuichi's mother."

"I see." Yuki sat down on the couch. "What can I do for you Mrs. Shindou?"

"I'm calling from the hospital. My husband and I were supposed to pick up our son today, but he's been asking for you instead."

"Me," Yuki repeated with surprise. "Do you know what for?"

"No." The woman sounded just as confused as Yuki felt. "No, we ask him but he just keeps asking for you. We even offered to bring him over to you after checking him out, but he didn't want to."

"Alright then, I'll be over there in a few minutes. Thank you."

"Yes, thank you….Mr. Yuki." The line clicked and the writer put the phone down before receiving a jack from the closet hurriedly, sending the hanger flying. He could only hope there was nothing seriously wrong with Shuichi.

He arrived at the hospital around ten minutes later to find his lover sitting in a chair ignoring the two adults Yuki assumed they were his parents) and staring blankly at the floor.

"Mr. Yuki," a girl voice said excitedly. The writer looked and recognized the young girl standing a few feet away as Shuichi's little sister. He only met her once before and surprised himself by remembering.

At the calling of the famous novelist's name Shuichi and his parents also looked towards the front door. A small smile that spoke a thousand words and louder volumes broke out on Shuichi's previously placid face and he stood up, but his parents blocked him from going any closer.

"Look, mister, I don't know who you are to my son, but there better be a good reason he's refusing to go home unless he spoke with you first," the man, Shuichi's father, argued.

"I'm not sure what your son's problem is, Mr. Shindou, but I promise I am just as curious as you."

Everyone then looked at Shuichi, who was still staring at Yuki with stars in his eyes. Yuki felt it was almost looking at his same lover who would attack him after arriving home, excited by the simple task of just looking upon him after a few hours.

"Yuki," he whispered. One step, two steps, three steps and he was hugging the writer's waist tightly, reveling in the soft material of the shirt and the hard muscle underneath. "I've missed you."

Leading Shuichi back to the plastic orange seat Yuki sat the singer down and then kneeled in front of him.

"Why won't you let your parents take you home, Shui….Shu-chan?"

The musician looked away slowly, a slight tint of pink staining his cheeks. "I wanted to ask you something first."

His mother interrupted with a curt response. We told you w would bring you to his place after we checked you out."

Tears shone in the pink-haired male's eyes and Yuki scowled at the two adults. They immediately shut their mouths and didn't dare try uttering another word. Neither were very happy about the situation, but they had long ago lost control of what was going on in their son's life.

Golden eyes turned back towards Shuichi and their owner smiled encouragingly. "What did you want to ask me, Shu-chan?"

Like every other time he used that nickname a smile broke out on the singer's face. However, instead of replying his violet eyes shifted back and forth between his parents and Yuki .

The writer turned to the other two adults and asked politely, "Could you please excuse us?"

Huffing, his mother turned and walked towards the coffee machine. The father, however, grit his teeth and growled while cursing Yuki underneath his breath. He eventually followed his wife though.

"Yuki, I….I wanted to ask if I back?" Shuichi gave hi lover a sheepish look and bit his lower lip anxiously.

Smiling, the novelist wrapped his arms around Shuichi's shoulders and hugging him close. "Oh, Shu-chan, you don't even have to ask. You are welcome back whenever you want."

Pulling away only enough to look into Yuki's eyes Shuichi looked into golden eyes with violet. His question was clearly written in his sparkling dark orbs.

"Yes, Shu-chan, really."

A large smile broke out on the singer's face and he hugged Yuki tightly to him. "Can you take me home?"

"Of course, Shu-chan. Of course." Yuki stood to walk towards the front desk, Shuichi holding tightly onto his sleeve the whole way. When he picked up a pen though a voice that shout through his nerves echoed throughout the room.

"What do you think you're doing?" It was Shuichi's mother and her husband standing beside her, equally ticked off. Her outburst had everyone at the front desk and waiting room staring at them.

The writer smirked and wrapped an arm around the singer, enjoying how Shuichi sunk closer into him. "Upon his request, I'm taking him home."

"The hell he's going with you. We're his parents and it's our right to take care of him," the father shouted.

Yuki snarled at the couple and finished Shuichi's checkout papers while ignoring the angers noises coming from the angered couple. When he was done he took Shuichi's hand and started walking out.

"I'm not finished with you yet," Mr. Shindou snarled.

"Look, sir," he sneered the word, "I'm taking my lover home and if you don't like that then I couldn't give a rat's ass. Shu-chan asked me to take him home and that's what I'm going to do." Yuki and Shuichi walked out together oblivious to the stunned faces of the two Shindou adults.

In the car Shuichi looked back and forth towards Yuki and the road for several minutes. Before the writer had questioned about it though Shuichi spoke. "Yuki, about what you said hat first time in the hospital, whether I wanted to change or be who I was…."

"Did you decide?"

Shuichi nodded, a smile on his face. "I realized that I liked who I was, but at the same time I didn't. So, I want to be who I was before but with a few improvements."

The writer smiled. "I'm glad you decided on a coarse of action. What are your self improvements going to be then, if you don't mind my asking."

Biting his lip, the singer mulled over his answer for a moment. "Well, I realized that everyone at the studio was happier and easy to get along with when I arrived on time. So I guess getting up earlier is a good start."

Yuki replied with an agreeing sound. "I think that's an excellent idea. Anything else?"

"There's also the chores at home," Shuichi commented.

"About those," Yuki interrupted. "I think rather than only one of us doing them we should split them down the middle. Maybe even trade off so we're not always doing the same thing."

"Yes, yes," Shuichi replied excitedly. "I hadn't thought of something like that."

The writer smiled happily. Even as a novelist there were no words that could express how delighted he was at seeing the old shine and glow of his old lover beginning to appear.

Yuki parked his car in the garage and, along with Shuichi, packed himself into the elevator.

It took a few minutes for Yuki to take notice of the blush on Shuichi's cheeks. When he did though he inquired about it.

"Well, there was….one more thing I wanted to ask you."

"What's that?"

"You've put the past with Yuki behind you, right?" The novelist murmured a yes. "Then, I should too. I…that is…can I call you 'Eiri'?"

Yuki was surprised, but he nodded anyway. "I would love you too."

Shuichi smiled brightly. "Thank you….Eiri."

"You welcome….Shu-koi."