Title: Dying Inside
Summary: Cruelty, betrayal, abuse, neglect; these are all of the foundations. The foundations of self destruction. This is a tale of Inuyasha's past. His past and the beginning of a new future.
Pairings: This is sort of a prequel for InuKag
Disclaimer: I do not own or claim any of the characters of Inuyasha. Do you really think that my first name is Rumiko? Nope, didn't think so...
A/N: I am SO, SO sorry for taking a little longer than expected! See, I didn't finish Chapter Four of 'The Depths of Your Love' until Sunday! And only then did I have time to work on this Chapter! Thank you for being patient, here is Chapter One!
Chapter One
Cruelty
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The warm, golden sun began to emerge over the vast horizon. The night sky illuminating with rays of light. It was a chilly morning. The kind of morning where your breath becomes visible as smoky puffs of air. Almost all of the colorful leaves had fallen from the many trees. Covering the ground with a colorful quilt. The cold grasp of winter was slowly creeping upon the last remnants of autumn.
Light filtered through the numerous windows of the Dog General Inumaru's castle. The castle was gigantic in size; more rooms than you could ever imagine. Inumaru Taisho was the most powerful and prestigious demon of the Western Lands. Any demon who dared challenge him fell to their deaths almost instantly.
He had become extremely cautious after the death of his first mate, Kaiyo. She had been killed out of vengeance toward the Dog General.
Brutally murdered.
Her mangled body had been tossed out onto the streets of the main village.
Taking pride in slaughtering his beloved.
He had killed the one responsible slowly and painfully.
Inumaru had been out of his mind with grief for an extremely long time. His only son, Sesshomaru, had been devastated. Inumaru's heart had shattered time and time again; watching his son cry oceans of silent tears for his dead mother.
He hadn't known what to do for Sesshomaru.
He had pushed him away; closing up.
Becoming blank.
The current occupants of the castle consisted of Inumaru, Sesshomaru, Izayoi, and little Inuyasha.
The powerful demon had eventually fallen in love again. With a human.
Creating a half demon child, by the name of Inuyasha.
His two sons would become powerful one day; maybe even stronger than he.
That, he was positive of.
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Tiny footsteps pitter pattered down the lengthy hallway. A small boy of only four slowly cracked open the door of the master bedroom. Inuyasha's parents were sound asleep; spooned within each other's arms.
A large toothy grin spread onto the young hanyou's face. He swung open the door; barreling down onto his parents' bed. The sleeping couple was sprung awake by their youngest son.
"Mommy! Daddy! Up, Up!" Inuyasha exclaimed.
Inumaru and Izayoi glanced at each other wearily. Inumaru sighed. An amused smile forming on his masculine face. He groaned; trying to sit up with Inuyasha resting on his stomach. The little boy slid into his lap with an 'oomph.'
"Inuyasha, exactly what is the reason for this early visit?" Inumaru asked with a yawn.
"It's morning, Daddy! You promised you'd show me the Toshima! Did you forget?" Inuyasha asked with large puppy eyes. (1)
"Oh Inuyasha," Izayoi said, "no, we haven't forgotten, darling." she sighed. Inuyasha smiled; giving her middle a bear hug.
"Although," Inumaru smiled, "maybe we shouldn't show Inuyasha my sword. After all, he did wake us up at the crack of dawn." he said; grabbing Inuyasha. He tickled his son without mercy. The little hanyou laughed uncontrollably; tears of mirth leaking from his eyes.
"St—stop! Da—daddy!" Inuyasha choked in between giggles.
Inumaru picked up his son and hoisted him onto his broad shoulders.
"To the kitchen, Champ!" he said; walking out of the room to get some breakfast.
"To the kitchen!" Inuyasha imitated with pride.
Izayoi shook her head with a soft smile as she stood up stretching; following her husband.
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Inuyasha sat at the kitchen table; gobbling down his breakfast. He quickly spooned his miso soup into his mouth; creating a filthy mess on his face and clothes. Inumaru and Izayoi were slowly enjoying their own breakfast; discussing the matters of the Dog Demon Army. They were recruiting and training male demons of age to join the force.
Inuyasha threw his spoon down into his bowl. "I'm done! Let's go!"
"Stop annoying Father, half breed." Sesshomaru said, walking into the kitchen; his expression showing a little amount of annoyance. Sesshomaru had just turned sixteen that summer. He was quite tall; even a little bit taller than Inumaru. His long white hair flowing down his back. His demonic crests on his face had matured to full; signifying that he had grown into a man.
Inumaru and he had encountered countless arguments over the summer. Sesshomaru had wanted to join the Army and fight along side his father.
Inumaru's argument had been that he wasn't ready yet.
But the true reason that remained within the middle aged demon's heart; was that he didn't want to lose his son any time soon. Even if he was a grumpy and depressed teenager; he still was his son.
Kaiyo's son.
Sesshomaru gracefully sat down next to his younger brother.
"Mommy, what does half breed mean?" Inuyasha asked with a curious expression.
Izayoi glimpsed at her step-son wearily. Would he ever accept her or Inuyasha? She could understand his resentment of her; but Inuyasha had the same flesh and blood as he. He was his real family.
"Nothing to worry about, dear. Let's go out and see Daddy's sword, Inuyasha." she said taking hold of his hand and walking outside.
Inumaru gave his eldest son an angry glance. "Sesshomaru, why can't you just accept them? It has been almost five years."
He scoffed. "They are humans father. Humans. That disgusting child is weak; a little nuisance."
Inumaru slammed his fist down on the table; shaking the dishes. "Sesshomaru! Don't you ever repeat those words again! He is your brother! And Izayoi has only acted motherly towards you since day one! Even after all of the countless times you are cruel to her and Inuyasha!"
"That human is not my mother! She never will be! Can't you see how barbaric they are?! Humans killed Mother! Hell! Even humans taunt that half breed son of yours!"
"Well then why don't you protect him?! He is only a child, dammit!"
"Because he's one of them! God dammit, he doesn't deserve to be alive at all!"
Inumaru wasn't the type to blow his lid like this. He took a deep breath; keeping his voice even. "Sesshomaru, he is of your own flesh and blood whether you like it or not. He's your brother. It doesn't matter if he is half human; he is still a Taisho. If you can't accept that; then I don't think that you are suited for the Army. You sure aren't showing me maturity, Sesshomaru." he said in a deadly calm tone.
Sesshomaru shrugged; standing up to head toward his room.
Inumaru closed his eyes; disposing of his anger. He wiped his mouth; standing up.
He walked outside. Inuyasha was jumping up and down; waiting for Inumaru to show him the Toshima. Izayoi gazed sadly at her husband.
By that look he knew that she had heard their conversation. His heart was being ripped in two. And he had a dreadful feeling that the outcome in the long run wouldn't be a very pleasant one.
He wiped the troubled expression off of his face; replacing it with a smile. He walked over to Inuyasha; scooping him up into his arms. "Now, you can't touch it or else it may cause serious bodily damage." he mock warned.
Inuyasha's eyes grew round in awe as Inumaru carried him down the steps to the Weapon Chamber.
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Inumaru and Izayoi sat out on a stone bench in the East Gardens. Inuyasha was out in the fields; chasing after an airborne insect that had caught his attention.
Inumaru gazed at his mate. She held an air of sadness around her beautiful being. He squeezed her hand in reassurance, telling her that everything would be alright without using any words.
She returned the gesture; weaving her fingers through his own. Her brown eyes never leaving Inuyasha.
Her heart tugged painfully at the cruel words Sesshomaru had said. 'He doesn't deserve to be alive at all' reverberated throughout her mind. In her heart she understood. Inuyasha wouldn't have a very tranquil life. He would face many harsh troubles, this she knew. But as long as she was around; she would protect her son from harm.
No matter what.
'Remain young and unaware, my darling. Cling to your youth, Inuyasha.' she thought as she watched him pounce onto the unsuspecting butterfly. Catching it within his tiny grasp.
Inumaru wiped a lone tear from her cheek; embracing her tightly.
He perked up when he heard the rickety squeak of the Garden Gates opening.
His heart plunged even deeper as he saw his best military official running toward him. The man's countenance was that of great haste.
"General Taisho, a colossal dragon demon by the name of Ryukotsusei has intruded on our military camp in the north. We are trying our hardest to ward him off, but even the best of our men are struggling. We need your assistance immediately, sir." the man stated.
Inumaru nodded; rising to stand. "Send the message to the East and West military camps that we need them to prepare for battle immediately. Go now!" he shouted.
The man nodded his head in understanding. "Yes, sir!" he hopped over the high fence; climbing onto the back of his black stallion. He nudged the horse in the side; riding away.
Inumaru sprinted down the steps of the Weapon Chamber; opening the large metal doors with the touch of his claw. The locking spell disintegrated; the doors swinging open. He quickly ran over to his battle chest. He slipped on his royal armor; grasping his sword, the Toshima.
Inumaru raced into the Gardens.
Izayoi was standing up with a trembling Inuyasha within her delicate arms.
His eyes softened as he gazed at his family. Urgency was coursing through his veins; but he squelched it for the moment. He walked over to Izayoi, placing a warm; affectionate kiss onto her lips. He ruffled Inuyasha's hair. "Now, I expect a big welcome home dinner and I hope that you'll help Mommy. Won't you?" he smiled at his youngest son.
Inuyasha nodded his frightened head.
"Okay, Champ. Be good for Mommy. Tell Sesshomaru that I said goodbye, Izayoi." he called as he pushed off of the ground; transforming into his demonic structure. His form was that of a humungous brown, vicious looking dog. He had blood red eyes and the blackest of wings.
Izayoi watched as her husband flew away into the morning sky.
Her eyes full of worry.
Inuyasha tugged on her sleeve and gazed up at her with watery eyes. "Mommy, when's Daddy comin' back?"
Izayoi sighed. "I don't know, Inuyasha. I honestly don't know."
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Keiji Ya was a hardworking and devoted man. He was also a wonderful father and mate. He had a wife and three kids waiting for him back at home. He wasn't allowed a vacation leave for another two months.
He hadn't seen his family for over a year.
Keiji galloped faster; speeding into the West military camp. "General Taisho sends the message to prepare for battle! We need your forces up North immediately!" he yelled repeatedly.
Once he was satisfied that everyone had gotten the message; Keiji turned his horse around; galloping toward the East.
He only hoped that he would make it home to his family alive and breathing.
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Inuyasha stood on the road in front of the Taisho Castle. He bounced from foot to foot, waiting for his mother to catch up. "Come on, Mommy! The village market opens at mid sky!" he called.
She smiled brilliantly at him. "If you insist, my lord Inuyasha. I shall come quicker at your beck and call." she laughed as she ran to catch up to him.
Inuyasha giggled at his mother. "I'm not the lord, Mommy! Daddy is!"
She swept him up into the air, spinning him around. "That's right, you are my little prince, Inuyasha." she said, giving him butterfly kisses. "Come on, we might be able to visit the play area for a while before the market opens." Izayoi said, putting him down.
"Really?! Let's go!" he shouted, grasping her hand in his, pulling her forward.
Izayoi struggled to keep up with her half demon son, for he was running extremely fast. She stopped and put her hands on her knees; taking deep breaths. "Inuyasha... slow...down...for...Mommy..." she called out.
He sighed. "Mommy...we only have a little ways left." he huffed.
She smiled. "Yes well Mommy is a human which means that she can't run as fast as you."
The small boy puffed out his delicate frame with pride. "Well, I guess that I could slow down—since you can't run as fast as me and all..."
"How gracious of you, Inuyasha." she breathed, taking her son's hand in hers and walking the rest of the way.
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Inumaru arrived at the bloody battle field. Numerous bodies lay on the ground; their souls moving onto the great beyond. More than half of his men had been slaughtered. He clutched his fists in anger.
A humungous violet dragon demon was sending fatal blasts at his practically defenseless men. It's glowing red eyes laughing at the vast amounts of dead soldiers laying before him.
Inumaru growled as he flew toward the despicable demon, Ryukotsusei. He drew back his paws as he swiped the dragon demon with the rapid velocity of his deadly claws. The demon howled in pain as Inumaru's poisonous claws sunk into its side.
The creature's skin was that of one of the strongest metals. His blow barely sinking in by an inch.
Inumaru quickly moved out of the way of an energy wave.
The attack fell on another couple of his men.
He gazed at what was remaining of his recruits. Only about a fourth remained. He had to get them out of here before it was too late for them as well.
"All men leave now! Tell the troops on their way to turn around! This is an order!" he bellowed.
Thunder cracked throughout the sky as dark clouds slowly rose overhead. The bright sunshine of the morning sky dimming into that of dusk. The clouds began to lightly rain; washing the blood of his soldiers away.
He watched as his fellow demons retreated.
Ryukotsusei laughed darkly. "I see that you have spared many lives, Dog General. But you will not be so lucky!" he shouted as he sent another attack in his direction.
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Inuyasha sprinted over to the small play area secluded for children to hang out at. He picked up a small ball from the toys bin; bouncing it up and down. "Catch, Mommy!" he shouted; throwing her the yellow ball. She caught it with ease, passing it back to him.
Inuyasha went on his own way, doing tricks for Izayoi. She laughed and clapped her hands every time he successfully completed one.
Izayoi noticed that the sun was starting to hide behind multiple grey clouds. The bright sunshine fading into night.
It would rain soon.
She needed to get to the market and back to the castle before they became stranded in the storm. Her gaze returned to Inuyahsa. He had lost his grip of the ball; bouncing away. He chased after it; running into a small group of villagers that were talking.
They all held expressions of great scorn.
"Go away!" an elderly woman shooed.
"Don't touch me you filthy monster!" a man yelped as Inuyahsa backed into him.
"Disgusting vermin!"
"Vile creature!"
"Burn in hell, half breed!"
Inuyasha's innocent face grew frightened as his large eyes welled up with tears. He ran back to his mother; burying his watery eyes into her warm embrace. She slowly rocked him back and forth whispering comforting sweet nothings into his sensitive ear.
Izayoi shot a glare at the villagers who had upset her only child. They were pointing at them, whispering malicious insults.
Inuyasha slowly looked up at her troubled face. "Mommy, what does half breed mean?" he whispered through his scratchy throat. The very same question he had asked her only a few hours ago.
Izayoi's very spirit shattered from the strained expression on Inuyasha's young face. Even though he wasn't old enough to even understand some of those insults; he understood the feelings that radiated from them.
"Oh baby, don't worry about it. Let's go to the market now." she whispered standing up with her arms wrapped securely around him. Her grasp on Inuyasha tightened as they walked past the crowd of villagers. She trudged straight ahead, not giving the cruel people the satisfaction of responding to their shouted verbal attacks.
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Ryukotsusei laughed viciously as his blast of energy took out a fatal chunk of Inumaru's side.
Inumaru howled in pain as he thrust his fist through the demons stomach; his counterattack pulling out some flesh of his enemy. Ryukotsusei's eyes glowed dangerously.
"You have pushed this too far, mutt! Now you've gone and made me angry!" he shouted, charging at him; a demonic aura glowing around his being.
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Inuyasha held onto his mother's hand as she browsed the different cooking herbs and spices. The market was a series of merchants who came around every seventh day of the week; with tents full of foods and goods.
Inuyasha caught the glare from the merchant they were dealing with. It was only for a second, but he didn't miss it.
Why does everyone hate me?
What did I ever do?
These thoughts were running through the four year olds youthful mind. No child should ever have to feel those horrible feelings, but Inuyasha wasn't a regular human child from the local village.
He spotted a little girl, about his age, two tents down. She looked extremely bored as she clung to her mother's palm. Inuyasha let his hand slip out of Izayoi's. His mother was heatedly arguing with the middle aged merchant about a price.
Inuyasha wondered away toward the small girl. She watched him as he made his way over to her. "Hi," he shyly greeted.
"Hi." The girl answered bluntly.
"I was wondering if you knew what half breed meant." he said softly, looking at his feet.
The girl giggled. "Why would you want to know that?"
Inuyasha just shrugged.
"Well, I'll tell you anyways. A half breed is a really gross person that should die because they have a demon and a human mom or dad. My Papa says that half breeds aren't even s'posed to live. Why?" she said in a childishly high voice.
Inuyasha's eyes widened as he ran away from the little girl. He ran back to where his mother was. He didn't run into her arms; he stood there watching her.
His Mommy was a human.
And his Daddy was a demon.
Was that bad?
Was that why everybody hated him?
His mom grabbed his hand and huffed in irritation. "Come on, Inuyasha. Let's go." Izayoi said with a scowl.
They slowly sifted through the vast crowd.
It was lightly raining; thunder roaring over the distance.
Inuyasha slipped on the wet ground. Muddy water splashing in all directions. Many of the villagers getting splattered with the dirty mess.
Izayoi gasped as she bent down to help Inuyasha up. He was on the verge of tears again. Izayoi tenderly wiped the mud from his face.
A disgruntled man slowly walked over towards the two. He pushed Izayoi to the ground; grabbing Inuyasha by the collar, spitting in his face as he shouted, "What the hell was that for, you fucking monster?!"
Izayoi sprung to her feet. "Leave him alone! He is only a child! He hasn't done anything!" she shouted into the man's face. He smirked as a gang of burly looking men surrounded them.
"Is that so?" he spoke; slowly walking over to her. He grabbed her chin tightly within his grasp. "Is that how you feel?" he asked coldly.
She spat in his face. "Of course! He is my son! Y—you—you're despicable!" she shouted.
"Says the bitch of the Dog General." he countered. His cronies laughed at his ridiculing remark. The other villagers seemed to walk away; not wanting to get in the middle of anything.
"Inumaru is a better man than all of you would ever be combined! He protects your village!" she yelled.
The man snickered. "Izayoi, dear Izayoi. You used to think the world of me, baby."
"Yeah well that was a long time ago, Fah." she mumbled crossly.
"Tell me this one thing," he whispered into her ear, "does the mutt fuck you better than I did?"
Izayoi punched him in the jaw. He staggered backwards clutching his bruising chin. "How dare you! You have absolutely no right to speak to me like that!" she screamed.
His eyes grew maniacal with a mixture of rage and amusement. "Unfortunately honey, I can speak to you like that now or any other time for that matter. You are a disgrace to our village." he said deadly quiet as he approached her.
Her eyes grew suspicious. She took a step backwards.
He chuckled. His men formed a circle surrounding them. "Maybe we should show little Inuyasha how good you are in the sack, Iza." he snickered.
Izayoi's eyes widened in fright as she stumbled backwards. "N—no! Don't you dare take another step!"
Fah cornered her to the wall between two buildings. He violently ripped open her kimono. Izayoi slid to the ground pathetically, tears streaking her dirty face. "P—please! N—not in front of Inuyasha!" she begged him.
Inuyasha watched the scene unfold with fright. He saw his Mommy struggle against the big man. He charged at his back in anger. An onlooker stopped him from collision, throwing him onto his face on the cold ground.
It was pouring now.
"I—Inuyasha! Go to Sesshomaru! Leave now and get help!" Izayoi yelled as the man slid his top off.
"But—Mommy!" he answered.
"Dammit Inuyasha! Leave!" she shouted with plea.
Inuyasha hesitated before he jumped over the heads of the men, running back toward the castle. He had to get help.
His mommy needed help.
Izayoi watched Inuyasha sprint away as fast as his little legs could carry him. Her salty tears mixed with the crystal rain droplets as she waited for her fate. She knew that she most likely wouldn't survive this.
Inuyasha didn't need to watch.
She sobbed as the man nibbled on her ear. She weakly tried to push him away. All strength had deserted her. She felt like a drenched dish rag. He punched her in the mouth as punishment; small streams of blood leaking from her delicate lips.
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Inumaru snarled at the dragon demon. He put all of his energy behind his paw as he punctured Ryukotsusei just above the heart. The demon spluttered; staggering backwards with Inumaru's gigantic claw stuck within his chest.
Ryukotsusei fell against a humungous Sacred Tree, its powers leaving the body, rendered dormant by the powerful Dog General.
Inumaru fell to his knees; clutching his bleeding side. His vision was becoming hazy, unfocused. His surroundings began to spin. Inumaru's eyes rolled back into his head as he collapsed into his own puddle of red demon blood.
Rain poured down onto his lifeless body.
Keiji galloped onto the bloody battlefield. His eyes widened at all of the dead bodies. Including that of Ryukotsusei and General Taisho.
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Inuyasha stumbled over his feet as he ran toward the large castle. The place that held countless memories of happiness. Tears streaked down his face as he burst into the castle. He ran into Sesshomaru's room. "Sesshomaru! Sesshomaru! Mommy needs your help!" he shouted.
Inuyasha received no response.
Sesshomaru was no where in sight. In fact, most of his belongings were missing. A large scroll hung on the wall. Inuyasha didn't have very much experience with reading, but his mother had taught him quite a lot.
Father,
I feel that I no longer need to remain here. I have grown into a man and am fully capable of surviving on my own. I apologize for our many rows, but I have my beliefs. Maybe one day we shall meet once more. Tell Izayoi and Inuyasha that I said goodbye. It is the least I can do for an apology. I've contemplated what you said and I have decided that I shall watch over Inuyasha if need be. Not in body, but I shall make sure that he lives to a ripe age. I hope that I have matured in your eyes, Dad.
Farewell Father,
Sesshomaru
Sesshomaru left?! Inuyasha didn't understand most of the note, but it was clear that he had left for good. Inuyasha sobbed in frustration as he headed back to the village at neck breaking speed.
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Inuyasha skidded to a halt in front of the alley where his mother was.
Izayoi was lying on the ground naked.
Brutally beaten.
Inuyasha's small form trembled as he fell to his knees; crawling over to his mother. He grasped her cold hand. Her blood streaked body was drenched in water.
She wasn't breathing.
Inuyasha screamed.
A villager walked past the horrifying sight; a smirk plastered on his face.
Inuyasha ran away.
He had to get away.
He hid within a storage barn; crawling over into the dark corner. He curled up into a fetal position; crying himself to sleep.
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And there was Chapter One!
(1) No pun intended ;)
You do not know how hard this is! I just finished this Chapter Wednesday night. Now, I have to start Chapter Five of 'TDOYL' and I promised to have it posted this weekend! I am in a dilemna here! But I've done it before, so I can do it again! So due to my sanity and what is left of my life where I am not constantly writing; I won't be posting Chapter Two until maybe...next Friday. Sound good? I think it does. I think that Izayoi is Inuyasha's mom's name...I heard it somewhere...
kagomerules: THANKS! Don't worry, I plan on it...
Kellen: Thank you! Actually, I wrote the prologue during a very boring English class. I hope to see you this weekend for Chapter five of 'tDoYL'!
Skittles the Sugar Fairy: Thank you! Here was Chapter One!
Koinu-Chan: THANKS! I'm glad that you liked it!
Turdle: Thank you for reviewing! Read and Review Chapter One to tell me how I'm doing! And one more thing...don't forget about my other fic!
Mizz Breadstyx: I'm glad that you like my second fic! Thanks!
Immortal-Vengence: Really??? Thank you I.V! Please read and review Chapter One!
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Well, George W. Bush has been re elected...who were you rooting for? I won't say who I was rooting for, for fear of flames ;) But anyway, the Chapter is really over now. See you next Friday!
-Alyssa