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Chapter Twenty: What Happened in the Christmas Holidays

Two days into the Christmas holiday, Sirius came down the steps to the common room, stretching and yawning. Looking around, he saw it was totally empty, and remembered it was now the holidays; practically everyone had gone. The few staying included himself, James and Remus from the sixth year, and a selected handful from the other years.

He sprawled himself in a chair before the fire, looked around again and jumped in surprise. Remus was sitting next to him, silently staring. Sirius hadn't seen him before, because the back of his chair was so high.

"What's up, Moony?" he asked carefully. "You look a bit... broody."

Remus looked round at him. His eyes were glazed, with dark circles under them; his skin was pale. "Well, that would be because Lily's decided she prefers James to me." His tone was light, even jokey, but there was an almost imperceptible hint of menace underneath which Sirius didn't like the sound of. "I suppose I can't blame her," he went on, eyes boring into Sirius'. "I mean, who'd want a pathetic werewolf, a monster, when she can have the captain of the Quidditch team, the handsome, popular James Potter?"

Sirius looked away from the eyes; he was completely unsure of what to do or say, and taken by surprise. He shifted uneasily, and tried to smile, appearing friendly. "Hey, Remus," he said, "I just got up, man, I'm kind of confused, don't know what, um... what did she say?"

"She said that we were a mistake, that she was sorry, that she realised she loved James, and that she'd see me after the holiday."

Shit. I don't really want this hanging over my holiday, Sirius thought, then felt guilty. Lily really had taken his advice to heart, shattering Remus' heart and his friendship with James, and then flitting off home for a lovely, carefree break. After thinking over this new situation, he turned back to Remus, who didn't seem to mind that he'd had no answer or comfort.

Sirius opened his mouth, and tried to think of something intelligent or useful, or perhaps both, to say. Just when he gave up, James came bounding in through the portrait hole, all smiles and energy.

"Padfoot!" he cried, running over to shake Sirius' hand. "You've woken up! We thought we'd lost you, didn't we Moony?"

Remus grunted, not looking up.

"Why, what happened?" Sirius asked, removing his bewildered hand from James' grasp.

"You were asleep all of yesterday – it's Sunday, mate!" he laughed. "I nearly woke you up I was so excited, but Moony told me not to, you'd be cranky and kill me."

"Why were you excited?" Sirius asked slowly.

"Lily!" he shouted out to the otherwise empty common room. "Before she left, she came up to me, saying 'see you next year, have a good holiday' and all that, and" – he looked about to burst – "she kissed me!"

"What?!" Sirius asked, trying to sound excited and pleased for him, yet at the same time being all too aware of Remus' prone form beside him.

"She kissed me, right there!" James said, pointing a quivering finger at his cheek. "Didn't I tell you – didn't I tell you she loved me?" he pushed his face right up close to Sirius', still pointing to his own. "Didn't she kiss me, Moony?" he turned to Remus now, apparently still not noticing the atmosphere.

"You know what?" Remus put his hands on the arms of his chair, propelling himself up. "I think I'll start on the homework early this year. See you guys later." He walked quickly out of the common room.

James took his place. "What's with him?" he asked.

"Oh, just... werewolf blues, I think," Sirius answered lightly. Obviously neither Lily nor Remus had told James the full story, and he didn't feel he should, if they hadn't. "So I slept for a full day?" he asked, grinning and eager to change the subject.

"More than that, if you've just got up now," James said. "But you seem to have escaped a hangover from our... late-night Quidditch."

Sirius smiled gently at the dim memory he had of it. "Yeah," he said, "But I missed everyone going home. I wanted to say bye to Bethan."

"Branson wouldn't have let you near her, Padfoot," James answered, causing Sirius to scowl. "I tell you, that guy doesn't even need a bat to hit those Bludgers, he could do it with his bare hands."

The holidays passed in the same vein, Remus being depressed, James being excited and Sirius trying to act as both would need him. To avoid confrontation before Lily returned, Sirius tried to keep them apart, and actually spent a lot of time with Remus in the library, doing homework, much to James' dismay. He wanted to have fun all the time, and do lots of pranks, but, as Sirius pointed out, there was no one there to play them on. They kept busy annoying Filch, though.

Sirius felt quite strained during those two or three weeks, and not Christmassy at all. He didn't like to see Remus like this, so quiet. He was used to him being quiet, but in a calm way, not a depressed, heartbroken way. To make matters worse, James was exchanging a lot of owl post with Lily, and he insisted on sharing his excitement and sometimes reading the 'best bits' out to his two best friends. It seemed to Sirius that now Lily had realised her feelings, she didn't want to waste any time being awkward or embarrassed. He felt desperately sorry for Remus, who threw himself into his schoolwork, spending hours on perfecting each essay. Sirius hadn't forgotten those first bitter words: "Why would she want a werewolf, a monster?"

Gradually, as the holiday went on, things got slightly back to normal, when Remus picked himself up a bit and joined in with their joking and pranks. After all, he thought, these two are my best friends, they don't deserve to be poisoned with my black moods. Although James didn't seem to notice anything around him except the owls delivering the post any more.

The last day of the holiday came, and the three Marauders were glad all their friends would be joining them again. The castle had been very quiet for three weeks; so quiet, in fact, that Sirius and Remus had felt put upon on several occasions to release huge fireworks within the school, sending them jumping and banging down the corridors. This worked very well to dispel the silence, but James always got annoyed that he wasn't involved. Remus told him he should come to the library with them more often, because that was where the silence and work drove to the edge. James winked and asked what a 'liberry' was, and did it taste nice. Remus didn't laugh.

James forgot all about that, though, with the prospect of seeing Lily again, maybe as a girlfriend. In her letters she had not shied away from this possibility, and he had great hopes of them being the perfect Hogwarts couple. In the library, Sirius had seen Remus come out from his dejected shell, and return to almost his normal self, and he hoped that he was getting over her fast. And he said he loved her, Sirius thought with a smile. How over-dramatic Moony could sometimes be, beneath that cool exterior!

On Sunday morning, the day before lessons began again, the three friends made their way down to the Entrance Hall to await their friends. James was uncharacteristically nervous, more than he had ever been before a Quidditch game, and kept checking his hair, ruffling it up to make it messy, even though Lily had made fun of him many times before for doing that. Sirius and Remus sat on the stone steps, playing rock-paper-scissors.

"You'd think with magic and stuff," mused Sirius, as he got scissors and Remus got rock, "That there'd be a more exciting game than this for us to play... But this one just beats 'em all, eh, Moony?"

"If you say so," Remus replied, boredly, as they counted 1-2-3 again. This time Sirius got paper and Remus got rock again.

"That's fourteen-eight to Padfoot!" Sirius crowed, wrapping Remus' fist with his palm. "You lose!"

Remus shrugged. "Story of my life," he said unconcernedly. Sirius let his hand drop.

Luckily at that point James, who had been pacing worriedly and ignoring them, turned to them and cried, "They're here! Can you see?" he pointed out the door at the approaching vast group of students, his face a mixture of excitement and panic.

Remus and Sirius stood and dusted off their robes. "You ready, Moony?" Sirius asked in a low voice, as James practically jumped up and down with anxiety.

"Yeah," was all Remus said in reply. Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. "Bring 'em on."

The sixth year girls were at the front of the group, as Lily had been so eager to get to James. She couldn't believe how long it had taken her stupid brain to fully appreciate James Potter; she was so ashamed that she told herself she had known all along, but pushed it to the back of her mind because he was so vile – in some ways. But in other ways he was completely perfect, she smiled happily.

Suddenly, as they drew nearer to the castle, she saw a dark figure waiting at the open doors, and her face broke into a joyful grin.

"James!" she cried, running the rest of the way and up the stairs. Her friends laughed at the sight of her, black robes and red hair flying out behind her; they'd never seen her run so fast. Like Sirius, they had guessed her hidden feelings long before she had herself, and had had fun teasing her about it throughout the holidays.

Lily threw herself up the last few steps and into James' arms, wrapping her legs around his middle and planting a huge kiss on his face. They fell over in a laughing heap at Sirius' feet. Sirius steered Remus away to greet the others, to give the couple some space.

"I'm so sorry I was such a bitch!" Lily said, when they came up for air.

"You were never a bitch, I was a bitch!" James replied, delirious with happiness.

"Yeah, that's true," she agreed as they got to their feet. Her smile faded only a little when she saw Remus, standing with his back to them, saying hello to the other Gryffindors. Taking a deep breath, she tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, a slow smile on his face.

"I'm sorry," was all she could think to say. "Are you okay?"

"Of course," he smiled still. "I'm stronger than I look." He wrapped her arms around her, bringing her close in a big hug. Lily smiled happily, and he whispered, "I knew you loved him anyway."

"Remus, you slut!" she joked, hitting him on the shoulder. They broke apart and Lily joined James again. Sirius whooped and clapped as they kissed again in the Entrance Hall.

(Cheesy...)