Know Your Smashers
This is my first Super Smash Brothers fanfiction. This is based off of Know Your Stars from All That. I know it's been done before, so I'll try to make it more original. Note that this chapter has been completely has been rewritten.
Disclaimer: -insert hilarious sentence about not owning Super Smash Bros. here-
Note: The potrayals of the characters do not reflect my opinion on them. It's just for fun.
A large, plain gray building stood in the middle of nowhere. No one had seen it or entered it before, perhaps because the few people to pass by were afraid to do so. One day, a shady, villainous figure chose to claim it as its own. Thus, the "Know Your Smashers" studio was born.
"From now on, I'll go by the announcer," the unknown figure decided, setting up a personal office in a cramped room on an upper floor. It was perfect for viewing the whole lower floor without being seen by the victims.
The announcer was on one mission: to humiliate the Smashers. First was going to be Mario, Nintendo's mascot. After using some mystical powers, the announcer transported the plumber to the studio.
"Mamma mia, what-a happened?" Mario asked, wincing in pain.
"Why hello there Mario!" the announcer gushed in an eerie voice. "Have a seat."
Mario hesitantly crawled towards the black chair and sat in it, awaiting his doom.
Suddenly, the lights went dim, and some unfamiliar background music echoed through the studio.
"Know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers…" narrated the announcer.
The petite protagonist squirmed unnervingly and shielded his eyes from the flashing lights.
"Mario…he cheats on Peach with a Playboy bunny."
"Actually, that's my brother, Luigi," Mario replied matter-of-factly. He became a little more relaxed. "But he doesn't really cheat, seeing as how it's nearly impossible for him to talk to women, usually…"
"Well then, Mario…he uses Lysol as perfume."
"Sometimes, because of the fresh lemon scent!" Mario grinned.
Awkward silence…
"Anyway, Mario…he was once engaged to a cheese block," the announcer said flatly.
Mario replied, but in body language instead of words. He stared into the ceiling and cross his small arms, showing he was not amused.
The announcer muttered something softly and jumbled through a stack of files and other scattered papers. After coming across a certain file, the announcer snickered darkly.
"Mario…he raids Daisy's underwear drawer and sells them on eBay."
"Um, why would I ever do such a thing?" Mario asked apprehensively, pulling on the collar of his shirt.
"I knew it! The records don't lie!" The announcer cackled.
This confused Mario. "What records? Do you stalk me?" He raised an eyebrow crossly, awaiting the announcer's response.
"Maybe, maybe not."
"Fine then! I'm leaving!" And with that, Mario jumped from the tall chair and exited the studio, pouting along the way.
"And now you know Mario, the underwear-collecting cheater that loves Lysol."