Judging by the chapter title, you can guess who's next.
Link, who was running a comb through his golden hair, came on stage and took a seat in the chair.
"Oh look, another guest!" the announcer gushed, causing the startled Hylian to release his comb in fear.
"Don't do that!" whined Link as he reached to the floor to grab his comb.
"It's my job, elfy. Know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers…"
Link was too busy staring at himself in a mirror, trying to fix a cowlick and clean the dirt off of his comb. Unfortunately, he wasn't skilled at multi-tasking, so the comb slipped out of his fingers once again.
"Link...he once tried on Zelda's dress."
"That was one time, and that was because Pikachu dared me to in Truth or Dare," he justified.
"Oh sure, I believe you," the announcer said sarcastically.
"Really?"
"Yes, Pikachu told me all about it, and he told me you enjoyed it."
"Well, I didn't. It's tight and too itchy."
"Link…he stole that sword from a drunk man in Okalalanahry," the announcer broadcasted.
"I don't steal. Does such a place even exist?" Link pondered, scratching his head in confusion.
"Yes."
"Where?" Poor Link was unable to keep up, as he was apparently mentally slow.
"In Zelda's dress! You stole it while you had it on! That's why you enjoyed it!"
Link blushed furiously while the delightful cackling echoed in the background.
"Link…" the announcer paused. "He teaches math to first graders."
"Huh?"
"Link…he washes his hair with vinegar and olive oil."
"WHAT?" Link screamed so loud the earth might have shaken. "I only use the best salon shampoo! How dare you insult my hair."
"Link…he got this 'salon shampoo' from an Eskimo in Antarctica."
"No way man! My hair dresser only whips up the best for me!" He waved his head like a model and an unimportant fangirl squealed.
Link winked and waved his hand in her direction. "Call me," he simply said. With that, the fangirl fainted and an ambulance came to take her away in a pearly white van.
"As I was saying…Link…He is a weak elf in a miniskirt."
"Dude, first you insult my now my hair, now my clothes! It's a tunic!"
"A tunic that he is too hot for!" shouted yet another unimportant fangirl. She wore a shirt that read, "I am Link's #1 fan!" She even had a tattoo of the male Hylian on her left arm.
"Guards…get her out of here," demanded the announcer.
Two muscular male guards picked her up and took her to the town's best therapist. The therapist who specialized in the study of fangirls, their reasons for being one, and prevention from becoming one.
"Oh yeah, where were we? Ah yes, I was saying how dumb that outfit looks." The announcer snickered ruthlessly.
"That's it! I am done with hearing these lies! I'm outta here!" shrieked Link, still blushing a deep shade of red as he exited the building.
"Now you know…Link."
"No they don't!" he wailed after opening the door again. Afterwards, he slammed the door behind him and scurried away.