A/N: Sorry I abandoned this story, but I watched the Wizard of Oz…uh…last week, and now I have ideas!

Disclaimer: BWAHAHA, it's public domain but I didn't write it. Cause I kinda wasn't born in 1900. But whatever.

(Dorothy, the Lion, the Tinman and the Scarecrow all skip along the road for a re-al-ly long time with the Tinman whining about needing to pee)

Tinman: I really, really, really have to pee! If I wasn't tin and I had a bladder, it would burst!

Scarecrow: Drip…drip…drip...-trips and falls-

Tinman: Haha you stupid klutz.

Scarecrow: At least I don't have a phantom bladder. Weirdo.

Dorothy: Hey, Tinman, maybe you should ask the Wizard of Oz for a bladder.

Scarecrow: Yes, cause then he wouldn't have a heart and he'd die!

Tinman: No, I wouldn't. The Wicked Witch turned me into tin.

Scarecrow: Finally, he gets it.

Dorothy: Which Wicked Witch?

Lion: Can we not talk about witches? They scare me.

Scarecrow: What doesn't scare you?

Lion: Ice cream. In fact…I want some ice cream.

Tinman: I have to pee.

Dorothy: My shoes pinch.

Scarecrow: Oh my God. You weirdos are more annoying than the freaking Munchkins!

Dorothy: Gee, thanks.

Scarecrow: Whatever. Hey, look, a poppy field, that, like the Witch's castle, I HAVE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD OF BEFORE IN MY LIFE!

Tinman: Um, okay.

Dorothy: Ooh, flowers! (she runs into the field, stops abruptly and falls over)

Tinman: Hey I have phantom reactions to opiates too! (he falls over and makes a really loud clanking noise)

Lion: I'm scared of poppies…(he falls over and crushes the Tinman's left leg)

Scarecrow: Haha losers. You fell for that so easily.

(snow comes pouring down)

Scarecrow: Dammit Glinda! Quit with the snow and STOP CALLING ME!

…

(in the Witch's castle)

Witch: Dammit, Glinda! Get over it! He's with me now so you can give up this stupid game and give me back my sister's shoes!

Glinda: (randomly appears) How about no. I'm hotter than you and plus I can't figure out how to get the shoes off.

Witch: You idiot.

Glinda: Yup. Pretty much. –pause- This is all my fault, isn't it?

Witch: Um, yes.

Glinda: Oops, sorry.

Witch: That's okay. My sister was kind of a bitch anyway.

Glinda: Yeah, she was.

Witch: You're not allowed to say that! Only I can call my sister a bitch!

Glinda: Sor-ree!

Witch: Whatever. Can you please kick the annoying kid and her annoying- what is that, a giant rat?

Glinda: It's supposed to be a dog.

Witch: Ew. Anyway, can you get them back to Kansas or wherever?

Glinda: Oh, if she clicks her heels in the shoes three times, she'll be back there.

Witch: (steam comes out of her ears) WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER THAT?

Glinda: Um…I forgot?

Witch: God you're a ditz.

Glinda: (giggles) I know. (she disappears).