Chapter 12, featuring the princess who is too peaceful and gets on everyone's nerves because without violence video games as we know it would be boring. Zelda! And now I shall make it rain the sugary treats I promised. On with the chapter! Oh wait, there's that annoying disclaimer.
Nothing belongs to me! Except for this candy bar that is next to me as I type…Oh, and the insane cameraman, who is making his debut. Why now? Who knows…
Zelda was square-dancing with Yoshi when Young Link came in and handed Zelda a note that told her to come to the Know Your Smashers Studio to claim her free coupon for makeup that would last a year.
"Why didn't Pichu deliver this?" the princess asked.
"He is in the hospital because Mewtwo fried him with a Fire Flower," he answered.
"Oh." Apparently our Hylian princess doesn't care about the little electric, suicidal rat, and I don't either, so let's go to the part where she finds the studio and gets insulted.
"Now where is that coupon? I am nothing without my daily allowance of makeup!" Zelda thought aloud. Then she spotted the chair in the distance and thought that if she sat there, the coupon would be delivered to her.
Zelda took a seat in the chair. Then the stage went from dreary and shadowy to vivid and bright. She scanned the room anxiously and spotted a sparkling camera lens and some guy sitting behind it. It was hard to see him due to poor lighting, but he appeared to be wearing a loose navy janitor's suit and tacky, dusty shoes. His hazel eyes flashed with childish innocence, the kind a five-year-old had. He hummed while playing with an old banana peel.
"Who are you?" the Hylian princess questioned.
"Huh? I'm the cameraman. I was recently hired to…uh…uhh…I forgot," the mindless man replied.
"Operate the camera!" barked the aggravated announcer. "Anyway, know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers…"
"Oh, hi there!" screeched Zelda in an annoying, high voice, completely forgetting about the oblivious cameraman. "Do you happen to have my coupon for my makeup?"
"No, I have something even better."
"What's that?"
"Random insults to get on your nerves! Starting with…Zelda…she uses lemonade to keep her hair yellow."
"That's absurd! A princess does not fiddle with her hair in such an un-lady-like manner! Besides, I don't even think lemonade can do that." She crossed one leg over the other and crossed her arms.
"Ah, but it can."
"How would you know?" she scorned.
"I know everything. Fear me!"
Zelda rolled her eyes.
"Zelda…her hairspray smells like rotten eggs mixed with toilet water."
"That's a big lie! My hairspray is lemon fresh." Zelda haughtily ran her fingers through her golden locks. "And how can something smell like toilet water?"
"It just can."
"Whatever. And why do you keep saying things about my hair? You did the same thing to my Linkie boy as well."
"Linkie boy?" the announcer asked, trying to hide his snickering.
"Yes, my nickname for Link."
The cameraman and the announcer cracked up.
"Be quiet!" Zelda ordered, waving her hand at the camera.
"Who's gonna make me? Zelda…she has a crush on Ganondorf."
Before she could object, the warlock ran on stage. "Really, Zelda? Oh, I'm so happy! We can get married and rule Hyrule together! Then we-"
She cut him off with a wave of her hand. "Get out of here! I could never like you, and the announcer is just some rude person with no life."
Ganondorf walked away hopelessly, muttering something about buying some chocolate.
"Okay…" whispered the cameraman to himself.
"Zelda…her singing is so bad that all glass around her breaks when she tries."
"My singing is actually good, believe it or not!" snapped Zelda, now officially annoyed.
"I choose not to believe it."
Zelda's cheeks were flushed with anger.
"Zelda…she learned her tricks from a cheap magician."
"What! That is the most unbelievable thing I have heard of!"
"You just can't admit the truth."
"That's a lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" The princess shrieked so loudly, the camera's lens cracked.
"Great, now I have to go shopping for a new camera," complained the cameraman. "Thanks a lot Blondie."
Zelda transformed into Sheik and got some needles ready. She chased the cameraman out of the building as he cried like a young girl.
The announcer was left alone, but concluded anyway. "Now you know…Zelda, the glass-breaker who has a crush on Ganondorf."
Next I'll make Jigglypuff a chapter and then maybe Fox. So how was the cameraman?
Cameraman: Rainbows are pretty.
Random person: Stupid, of course...
There you have it. The cameraman is a moron.
Cameraman: YAY!