Oh goodie, it's DK's chapter! Of course, the cameraman is excited, but how far will his obsession go? Find out in this chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own the SSBM characters. I may own myself, but I think a kumquat minion of mine thinks otherwise…
So far in the Know Your Smashers studio, it was pretty dull. No one was going to arrive anytime soon, at least the announcer and the cameraman were convinced. Crickets were chirping for about an hour, but then left since their shifts were over.
The announcer was daydreaming of insulting every last Super Smash Brothers Melee character, then ordering the cameraman to make DVDs of them and sell them for the world to laugh at and enjoy. Then the announcer imagined becoming rich and buying a mansion with a hot tub.
The cameraman was daydreaming about DK and finally meeting him up close. He would bow down in front of him and worship the ground he walked on. They would go to ice cream shops and eat dozens of banana splits. Then they could pilfer Peach's bra, put it on, and then run around like maniacs. The cameraman drooled and grinned like a moron.
"Cameraman?" asked the announcer, making sure his employee hadn't fallen asleep with his eyes open.
A huge puddle of the cameraman's saliva was on the ground. His old leather shoes were drenched in it.
"Cameraman!" the announcer snapped sternly.
The cameraman returned from his fantasy and was now back in reality.
"Eww, what's that smell?" questioned the announcer, sounding disgusted.
"Oh, I think that's my drool. I'll just spray my banana air freshener." The cameraman pulled out a bottle, shook it up and down several times, and then pressed the lever to release the banana goodness.
Donkey Kong, who was trying to set a new record in the Homerun Contest, somehow smelled the banana air freshener and ran as quickly as he could to it.
"That's enough cameraman! I think I will die from the fumes!" the announcer screeched after the cameraman had sprayed the air freshener for 8 minutes straight. He shrugged and tucked his precious bottle away into a safe place.
Just then, Donkey Kong came bursting through the doors.
(A/N: Worshipping DK fanboy craziness begins…now.)
The cameraman gasped with excitement, then screamed as loud as he possibly could.
"Wooooooooooooooooooooooot!"
The cameraman pulled off his sweatshirt to reveal his "DK's #1 fan" T-shirt. " I love you DK! I'm your biggest fan!" He couldn't believe the very one who he worshipped was standing right in front of him. He just HAD to get DK's autograph, eben if it was the last thing he did.
The cameraman dashed up to Donkey Kong with a sheet of paper and a furry Donkey Kong collector's pen. "May I have your autograph Mr. Kong?"
Suddenly, a board fell from the ceiling and knocked out the cameraman. Donkey Kong scratched his head in confusion.
"You'll thank me for that later," the announcer reassured him. DK just shrugged and took a seat in the chair.
"Ahem, know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers."
DK stared at the ceiling aimlessly.
"Donkey Kong…his mother was an ape and his father was a donkey."
"That's not true!" came the cameraman's voice from under the board.
"Didn't I knock you out?"
"I'm back up! Don't you dare insult my idol."
The announcer didn't know what to say…
"Donkey Kong…he hee-haws every time he hears a joke."
"Stop with the stupid donkey jokes!" snapped an angry cameraman, still on the floor. Donkey Kong didn't even know he was getting insulted. He began to stare at the camera and drool.
"Donkey Kong…he steals bananas from grocery stores."
"Once again, not true! DK only buys the best organic bananas from Africa."
The announcer sighed. The cameraman sounded angry. Donkey Kong drooled with a clueless expression some more.
"Donkey Kong…he is Diddy Kong in a bigger suit."
"That's it! No more Mr. Nice Cameraman! Don't make me sing the DK rap then blast you with my powerful bananas with magical powers!" The cameraman stood up and attempted to make a heroic pose, but he just looked plain corny.
"Oh yeah, I'm afraid now," the announcer said sarcastically.
"You should be! Humph."
"Fine then, whatever…Donkey Kong…he raids Peach's closet and steals her bra on Saturdays."
"Really?" the worshipping fan asked his idol.
DK nodded vigorously.
"Today's Saturday! Let's go DK!" He grabbed the ape's arm and ran with him out of the studio and to Peach's room in the Smasher mansion. "And, on the way back, let's share a giant banana split!" DK's squeals ofhappiness were heard and the two of they shrieked joyously while running off.
The announcer was all alone, and no crickets could chirp to break the awkward silence.
"Now you know…Donkey Kong, the panty pilferer who hee-haws at jokes," completed the announcer. Hopefully the cameraman would return soon so they could insult the next victim without worrying about one of them worshipping the victim.
Next is Mewtwo, then Mr. Game and Watch. Please review! Thanks.