Well, the story is finally returned to the good ol' 'announcer-insults-character-with-random-cameraman-stupidity' concept. I hope you enjoy it. The cameraman is mine, Peppy and Dr. Hoshi are Yoshizilla's, and Yoshi is a green dinosaur of Nintendo.
"You're squishing me!" one person snapped to another behind him or her.
"It's not my fault that you're fat!" was the second's reply.
"At least my momma doesn't look like a taxi when she wears yellow!"
"I don't have a mom."
"Will you two stop it?" complained a third person.
"Dude, where's my doughnut?" an additional person asked dumbly. Just from the sentence, it seemed obvious who that was.
"He ate it."
"I will so kill you!"
"Giga Bowser is so hot!"
"That's not right…" numerous people agreed.
And so on went the extremely senseless arguing. After a few minor slaps and biting, it got rather physical. As physical as fights can get in a vent, anyway.
The constant collision with the metal combined with the excess weight caused the entire vent system to collapse-coincidentally none on the cameraman. Once on the ground, the sheets of dirt tainted metal tore and fell apart to reveal all of the Smashers that had been insulted before, from the three narcissistic sword wielders to the pink-loving princesses to the sly little electric mouse. They all stared at the cameraman, each with their own expression. Some felt sympathy, some were amused, some couldn't care less, and some just cared about getting to their manicure appointment on time.
"We have to help him," Mewtwo said calmly, shattering the silence that had filled the air like fog.
"Why is that?" Zelda asked saucily. "I wouldn't, not after how he criticized my singing." She turned the other cheek arrogantly. Link shifted awkwardly.
"Um, honey, I don't know how to tell you this," the swordsman in green began his head turned towards his russet boots. "But you can't sing. At all."
"What! Linkie boy, how could you? Doesn't someone disagree?"
"Actually, I second Link's statement," Mario voiced.
"Third," called out Ganondorf.
"Fourth," said Nana.
All the others had either been fortunate enough not to hear Zelda's singing, or they were too nervous to share their thoughts. The room was filled with awkwardness once more.
"Enough!" cried Mewtwo, rubbing his head as if he was going to get a migraine. "We must revive this man."
"Why is that?" Popo questioned as he messed with his wily ebony hair.
"We all want revenge on this 'announcer' person, do we not? Well, this cameraman is the most likely candidate to help us find out about him or her to do so. So no matter what it takes, we must awaken him and pump some knowledge out of him. I even have DK merchandise for bribery," Mewtwo explained thoroughly, walking over to a hefty bag and holding it up for everyone to see.
"Wow, Mewtwo, you're so smart," Peach commented hollow-headedly. She then resumed her finger twirling in her golden blonde hair and stared at a stain on the wall. Due to dust and the gloomy paint color of the wall, it was hard to tell exactly what that stain was from.
"And so," Mewtwo concluded after poking his body several times. "It seems he will need to be given CPR."
"The Crusty Pringles Revolution?" Young Link asked eagerly.
"He means CPR as in breathing into his mouth until he wakes up," an annoyed Samus replied, stepping away cautiously. Apparently, she didn't want to be the one to do so, and who could blame her?
"Let's make this short. You!" Mewtwo commanded, pointing at Zelda, feeling empowered. "You will give the cameraman CPR."
"What! No way!" the Hylian snarled disgustedly as her pale, tiny nose wrinkled. She shuddered at the very thought of doing that to anyone, excluding her little 'Linkie boy'.
"I'll give share my doughnuts with you," Marth offered, just before pulling out a perfectly glazed doughnut. His eyes gleamed with hunger and amazement, but not much later did the pastry end up in his mouth and down his throat. The prince smiled with satisfaction as he rubbed his now plump belly.
"Eww," the princess grimaced. "Do you know how many calories are in those, Marth? I mean, look! Your butt's bigger than your head because of those grease rings!"
Marth turned around in curiosity and glanced at his rear. Sadly it was true. He slightly frowned in displeasure.
"Oh well," he said simply. "It's worth it for those beauties!" Yet another was shoved into his mouth.
"Forget it, I'll do it. I can't stand watching Homer here eat doughnuts and listen to Mewtwo trying to be smart." She took slow, deep breaths, like she was in a peaceful yoga class. Nervously, she approached him, knelt down, and grabbed his head, which was moist from a colossal amount of drool. Shuddering, she used his sleek rose glove to wipe away the saliva and pressed her lips against his. Her breaths went into the cameraman, one by one, each bringing him closer to consciousness. Eventually, his eyelids slowly opened to reveal parts of his childlike hazel eyes. The cameraman was almost fully awake, but Zelda's eyes were shut tight so she wouldn't have to see herself giving CPR to an idiot. Somehow, both of their eyes opened in sync, causing both to instantly break away and scream as loud as possible.
"I can't believe I just did that!" the female shrieked, aghast.
"I can't believe she just did that!" the cameraman echoed in terror.
All of the other Smashers tried to hide their laughter as they went through pictures they had discreetly taken while Zelda wasn't looking.
"This will earn me mega bucks on the Internet," crooned Kirby greedily.
"Ah, cameraman," Mewtwo greeted, breaking the giggling. "Good to see you. We need your assistance, believe it or not."
"For what?"
"Well, in case we're being watched…"
The psychic Pokemon whispered the plan into the cameraman's ear. Afterwards, he signaled to everyone else to huddle around and discuss exactly how to do this.
"So our plan is to…"
Meanwhile, somewhere in the Eastern HemisphereThe announcer's robot violently rampaged after Peppy, Dr. Hoshi and Yoshi, crushing everything in its way. Unfortunately, two Germans, one Russian, eight Americans, and someone's overdressed poodle were stuck to either of the robot's feet. Whether they were living or not was unknown…
The trio ended up in Japan, frantically searching for an airport of some form of transportation. Much to their relief, an airport was in Tokyo. Peppy stomped along as the exhausted other two rested on his back. Despite that he swore he would break down into a puddle of yellow goop any second, Peppy was fuelled by determination to get his friend safe. He sneaked onto the next flight, which coincidentally took them close by the Know Your Smashers studio.
Hours after the flight…Once the plane landed, Peppy sneaked quietly out a small door and ran to the Know Your Smashers studio to see the cameraman. Yoshi and Dr. Hoshi began walking themselves beside the tired Ankylosaurus. With just a few more large steps, the three were back at the studio, assured that they were safe from the announcer, finally able to rest….
How far from the truth were they.
"Announcer!" Peppy exclaimed in panic.
"Oh, did I forget to mention my robot has a 'Teleport Back to Studio' button," the announcer, who was back in his/her/its studio, queried mockingly. "Because it does."
"YOU…must die!" Dr. Hoshi yelled, twitching with anger.
"Anyway, Yoshi. Have a seat. I've been waiting for you."
Yoshi was then somehow forced into the notorious chair, and Peppy and Dr. Hoshi were trapped in a cage. The other Smashers were either gone or hiding safely.
"Know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers, know your smashers," the announcer began.
"Yoshi…he's getting divorced for the forth time this week"
"From what?" Peppy asked curiously.
"From your momma!" the announcer snapped, feeling more authorized than ever before.
"Uhh…" Peppy stuttered, trying to come up with a comeback. Regardless of their inabilities to deeply insult the announcer, they were going to stand up for Yoshi and translate his sayings just as the cameraman had done fro DK. Besides, if karma existed, the announcer was in for it big time…
"Yoshi…his shoes are red from human blood."
"Really? I thought it was cranberries," the cameraman commented, back in his rightful place. Or as close as he could get to rightful, anyway.
"Not, silly cameraman, that's Mario's hat," the announcer reassured him.
Dr. Hoshi butted in with, "It's from PIZZA SAUCE!"
"Right…" Peppy trailed off.
"Yoshi…he was raised by Santa Claus before meeting his redneck band," the announcer proclaimed.
"I always thought that was Kirby," Dr. Hoshi murmured, thoughtfully contemplating that, followed by the meaning of string cheese and if pinkies were fingers or not.
"No, I even have a picture of it up here of Yoshi with a banjo," the announcer replied with hints of snickering. "Ah, I love these files…"
"So maybe," the cameraman analyzed excitedly, bouncing up and down in his chair. "His shoes are red from the rotten tomatoes thrown at them. It must have stained them permanently." The cameraman looked proud of himself.
"Good job cameraman!" the announcer squealed. "You get one of Donkey Kong's old ties."
Suddenly, a ripped garment of clothing fell. It seemed to have multiple banana pudding blotches of many sizes.
"Eehee!" the cameraman squeaked, holding it as it were as precious as a newborn infant to a mother. He ran back to his chair and promised to himself to eternally treasure it.
"Yoshi…he was a Barbie doll in a past life."
"Cool!" cried the cameraman, though no one knew why.
Peppy's face was a tomato. He scraped his foot against the dirty floor, ready to break out any second. Dr. Hoshi looked pleased.
For once, the announcer actually sounded frightened, scared, intimidated. The mighty announcer. Even the cameraman noticed and found it hard to believe.
"A-and no-now y-y-you know, Yoshi, the-the banjo-playing redneck with blood-stained shoes," the announcer concluded. Goodness knew what the announcer was doing up there, but it sounded like he/she/it was attempting to take cover.
With ease, the yellow creature ripped through the metal bars like they were construction paper. He roared, causing the studio to gently vibrate.
"It must be time," Mewtwo muttered from inside a secret room, where he and all the other Smashers were safely hidden. He smirked, as the plan was going as planned.
Next chapter…Never mind, I don't want to spoil it.
Cameraman: Save the unicorns!
Disregard that…unless you want excessive hugging from a mindless DK-loving freak…