A/N: Here's the one you've all been waiting for. Audrey discovers the truth. Bet you all thought someone was going to have a slip of the tounge and accidently tell her but nope I had to deal from the bottom of the deck and let her find out on her own. Congratualtions to all of you who caught on to my Baby-Sitters Club tie in. Annie McGill-Thomas is the daughter of Stacey McGill and Sam Thomas.

Thanks again for all my girls: pixiekid, bluedaisy05 (Update Beautiful Smile will ya!), primesetter31, izzpuppy. Keep reading things are going to get good.

Chapter 42: Someone Else's Dream

Luke Danes had noticed after his daughter became Miss Connecticut she seemed to have shut herself off from the family. Her seventeenth birthday was a week away. Lorelai and he had discussed things and had decided that they would tell her on her birthday about Chip. What they both didn't know was that Audrey already knew. By no fault of their own she had discovered the box in the attic just before Christmas. The only thing she hadn't done yet was read the letter addressed to her mother with the Fort Worth postmark.

She was sitting in her room, on her bed with the letter lying in front of her. She stared at it for several minutes before the curiousity finally got to her. Opening the yellowed envelope she pulled out the Holiday Inn stationary and began to read the scratchy handwriting that was her father's.

Lorelai, I am so sorry. I can't believe that I did what I did to you. I need to take time. I don't know where I'm going or when I'll be back. I am coming back. Please believe that. I love you. Please know that. I love all my Gilmore Girls. I'll be in touch. Love Luke

The mystery about the boy in the box just got darker. Audrey began to wonder who all knew about her brother. She put on her coat, hat and scarf and walked into town. Walking up the steps to the library she digs into the town records. She decided to start with the town meetings. She pulled all the minutes from 2008 and began reading. It was mostly Taylor blabbing on about some nonsense thing. But one particular meeting caught her eye. The meeting in question fell on January 19th.

Luke and Lorelai Danes called a special meeting to discuss a senstive family matter. They have requested that no one tell their year old daughter Audrey about her twin brother, now deceased, until they tell her themselves.

"The entire town knew? Gypsy, Babbette, Miss Patty?"

Audrey's eyes welled up. She felt so stupid. She felt lied to by her entire community, her parents, her family. Closing the book she left the library running for the trail to Raudrey's Place. Climbing up the stairs and the ladder to the loft, she threw herself onto the bed and began to sob. Her entire life had been a lie.

"Luke honey? Audrey?" Lorelai called into the house later that afternoon. The only answer came a sigh from a cocker and the whirring of the fridge. She walked out to the garage and peeked in. The bright blue 1967 Vette sat up on jacks with it's hood up. Two sets of feet stuck out from under the car.

"Jess!" Luke growled. "You just spilt oil all over me!"

"Hey! You asked me to help you finish Audrey's car," Jess snapped back. "If you don't want my help, I can just go home!"

"Luke? Honey?" Lorelai called.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"Have you seen Audrey around today? She's not in the house."

"I've been out here most of the day. She might have gone to Camille's. Why?"

"I just have this feeling that she'd not happy. Have you noticed a change in her behavior lately?"

Luke crawled out from under the car and wiped his dirty hands on a dirtier cloth. "She's been quieter lately. Something's bugging her."

"How's the car coming?"

"It'll get done. Let me know when she gets home."

Audrey spent most of the day hiding in the tree house. It started to get dark around fourish but still she stayed. Back at the house Lorelai was getting worried. It wasn't like Audrey to take off without leaving a note or anything.

"Cammie it's Lorelai. Have you seen Audrey today?"

"No Mrs. Danes I haven't," Camille answered.

"Well if you see her can you send her home?"

"Yeah Mrs. Danes."

Lorelai hung up the phone. She held her hand over the phone and thought of who else she could call. Picking up the phone she punched in her daughter's number.

"Rory it's Mom. Hey have you seen Audrey today?"

"No Mom. I haven't. If she stops by do you want me to send her home?"

"Thanks hon." She hung up the phone. "This is crazy. Where would she go?"

"This isn't like her," Luke said with a hint of panic in his voice. "She just doesn't disappear."

Lorelai pulled out an address book and began calling.

"May I speak to Annie please?" Lorelai asked.

"This is Annie," the girl on the other side said.

"Annie this is Lorelai Danes. Audrey's mom," Lorelai said. "Has Audrey contacted you today? She hasn't. If you hear from her could you send her home? Thanks Annie."

"Do you think she went to Ryan's?" Luke asked.

Lorelai called Holly but she hadn't seen or heard from Audrey either. Now Lorelai was getting worried. She could be anywhere, she could be hurt, lost, cold or sick. She quickly dialed Ryan's number.

"Ryan it's Lorelai. Is Audrey with you?"

"No. Why?" Ryan asked.

"No one has seen her all day and she didn't take her phone. I'm getting worried. Has she called you at all?"

"No. She does like to go to her tree house to read and study. Have you looked there yet?"

"No. Thanks Ryan."

She hung up the phone and wandered into her daughter's room. A cardboard box stuck out from her closet. Lorelai figured it was the last of the things from the Ryan box. Upon further investigation, Lorelai discovered her worst nightmare had come true.

"Oh my God! Luke!" she screamed. "Luke! Luke!"

Luke came running into Audrey's room. Lorelai sank down onto the bed, buried her head in her hands and began to cry. "Lorelai? Honey? What's--Oh no!" he sighed as he saw the box. "Well that explains a lot."

"She must think we've been lying to her all her life," Lorelai cried. "She must hate us."

"We knew this day would come. Honey, we have to tell her the truth," Luke said softly. He knelt in front of her, encasing her hands in his. "We have to."

They heard the front door open. "Mom? Daddy? I'm home," they heard Audrey called.

Lorelai wiped at her eyes and her and Luke walked into the living room.

"Where have you been!" Lorelai cried. "We have been worried sick!"

"I went to the library and then to Raudrey's Place to get some reading in. I'm sorry. I should have left a note. Mom are you all right? Have you been crying?"

"Audrey we need to talk," Luke said. "I have a pretty good feeling that you have some questions for us."

"Oh I have a few...thousand," Audrey snapped. She walks to her room and returns to the living room carrying the Chip Box. "Who the hell is Christian Lucas Danes?"

"I think we should sit down," Lorelai said going to a chair in the living room. Audrey drug the box over to the couch and sat down. "Christian, Chip, was your twin brother. The two of you were absolutely darling. Emily bought you guys all sorts of matching stuff. All of yours was yellow and Chip's was blue."

"What happened to him?" Audrey asked.

"Christian suffered from sleep apnea, a condtion where you stop breathing while asleep. It's the leading cause of SIDS," Luke explained. "Because of it he wasn't getting enough oxygen throughout his system and it led to heart failure and he died.

Lorelai blinked and the memory camera in her head began to play that awful night, the awful night that she lost her son to.

"This is the night and the heavens are right on this lovely Bella Notte," Lorelai sang. "Christian Lucas Danes you listen to Mama. We are going to miss you so much. We really aren't ready to let you go. But Mama knows she has to. My precious little prince, I love you."

As Luke said goodbye he and Lorelai kissed the top of his head. Together they rocked him until his eyes shut and his breathing ceased. The silence in the room was broken by the heartbreaking sobs from Lorelai.

"Time of death, 2334," Dr. Gregory said quietly to the nurse.

"Christian. My boy. Christian. No, please come back. Come back."

Lorelai blinked again and returned to her living room. She looked into her daughter's eyes staring back at them.

"What about this?" Audrey asked, producing the letter. "It was tucked in with the photo album. What happened? Why was it written from a Holiday Inn in Texas? Jiminy Crickets, I want the truth!"

Luke took the letter from his daughter's hands. Opening the letter he read the words that he wrote when he was half drunk in a cold hotel room. He read them for the first time in seventeen years. He read the words out loud.

Lorelai- I am so sorry. I can't believe that I did what I did to you. I need to take time. I don't know where I'm going or when I'll be back. I am coming back. Please believe that. I love you. Please know that. I love all my Gilmore Girls. I'll be in touch. Love, Luke

"Mom, Daddy, you've gone to great lengths to keep all this hidden from me. I just want the truth."

Could he do it? Could he tell his precious little girl, his only child, that he raised his hand in anger at her mother? Rory knew and had forgiven him. Would Audrey do the same? He had no way of knowing until he told her.

"After Chip died, I blamed your father for his death. I had gone home to check on you and to give Rory a break. She and Marty had been taking care of you while Chip was in the hospital," Lorelai began. "We had agreed to not allow Chip to be put on a ventilator. But-"

"Dr. Gregory came to me and told me that Christian wasn't getting any better," Luke continued. "I promised your mother that I wouldn't allow the doctors to put him on a machine. I broke that promise."

Lorelai blinked again and the camera began another memory.

"You promised! You promised me that you wouldn't let them put him on a machine! This is your fault! If you hadn't let them put him on that damn machine Christian would still be here! This is all your fault!" she screamed.

"Lorelai don't do this please. I'm hurting just as much as you are," he countered. "He was my son too!"

"No! This is your fault! You killed Christian!"

Audrey's voice broke Lorelai's thoughts. "Mom you look like you're ten thousand miles away."

"I haven't thought about the nightmare that time was for me," Lorelai said. "In a very long time."

"In the days that followed Chip's death we didn't talk, touch anything. We couldn't even be in the same room with each other," Luke said. "Finally I just got so angry at your mother for shutting me out. We argued. Loudly."

Luke was dancing around the issue. He hadn't vocalized the fact that he had hit his beloved friend, wife. The memory cam played in his head. This time he couldn't stop the tape and keep himself hit Lorelai.

"Damn it Lorelai! Don't you push me away. Don't you do it! We're in this together. You and me. Forever. Damn it Lorelai! Christian was my son too! He was my son too!"

"A lot of good that did him!"

The playback in his head showed twelve different angles as it slowed. He saw his hand fly out and make contact with Lorelai's delicate porcelin face. Her head snapped sideways with the force of the motion. He hung his head in shame.

"Before I realized what had happened I couldn't undo it," Luke said, looking down at his feet. He couldn't do it. He couldn't tell his Audrey that he hit Lorelai.

"What couldn't you undo Daddy?"

"I-I hit-I hit your mother."

It was the first time in seventeen years that he had vocalized his most shameful moment. Every time he thought of his son he was slammed with the memory. Even now, seventeen years later a look of terror shone in Lorelai's eyes when their aruging got too intense. She still tensed when he brought his hands towards her face. In her mind she knew that at one time the kind, gentle, coffee and burger making hands had caused her a great deal of pain.

Things started to make sense to Audrey. The stirngs were coming together. She now realized why she never saw her parents argue. She leaned against the back of the couch. She had wanted the truth and she got what she wanted. Now she wished she didn't know.

"I couldn't stay in the house after what I did. I got in my truck and drove. About a month later I sent your mother that letter," Luke continued.

"Audrey, honey, you have to understand why we never told you. You were six months when Chip died. You wouldn't have had any memory of him. So we all erased him from ours," Lorelai said reaching for her daughter's hand.

Audrey pulled away sharply. She was angry. She was hurt, betrayed. "If I hadn't found the box in the attic would you have ever told me?"

"Yes. We had planned on telling you when you were older but we could never find the right moment," Luke said. "We were going to tell you after your coming out ball but it wasn't right with everything you were dealing with. With Rayn and Andie it didn't seem right."

Tears were pooling in her eyes. She stood up and ran from the living room.

"Audrey wait!" Luke yelled. "Audrey come back!"

Audrey grabbed her coat, whistled to Katie and ran from the house of lies. Luke allowed her a five minute head start before following her. Following the footprints in the snow he arrived at the tree house. The stairshad been pulled up. Music blared from inside.

"Audrey! Audrey, may I come up? Please kiddo?" Luke begged.

"Go away! I don't want to talkto you!"

"Fine!" Luke yelled back. "I'll just wait down here until you're ready to talk."

Audrey turned the radio up louder, calling her father's bluff. Luke leaned against the tree and waited. He would wait there all night if he had to. He put his hand in the pocket of his black leather jacket and pulled out the contents. There was a few dollars worth of change and a envelope with Audrey's name on it. After about an hour or so of waiting in the snow and cold, Audrey lowered the stairs. Luke climbed up into the tree house.

"How can I believe anything that you and Mom tell me now?" Audrey snapped, still very angry. "You've been lying to me for sixteen years. How do I know what to believe?"

"Because you also have 16 years of me and your mother, sister, brother-in-law and cousins always in your life, loving and encourgaing you. We hated not telling you. We never knew how to tell you. We never, ever wanted you to find out the way you did. On your own, finding out through town records," Luke paused and held out the envelope. "Here I want you to read this."

Audrey took the pristine white envelope from her father's cold hands.

"Daddy what is this?" Audrey asked.

"When I ran away after I hit your mother, I was gone for five months. I wrote you a letter explaining why I left. I've slowly added bits to it as you've grown up."

Audrey sinks to the floor and opens the letter. She begins to read.

My darling baby girl, Audrey Avery Danes,

The last time I saw you, you were barely crawling. Now, I have no idea what you are doing. I don't know if you're walking, talking or have stayed the same. I don't know because I'm not there. I'm not there.

You have no idea how happy I was the day your mother told me I was going to be a daddy. I went crazy. Take your mother onnormal day with coffee and multiply it by ten thousand. I went baby safe crazy. I sold my truck which your mother bought back for me. The day I found out that I was getting two for the price of one my craziness increased by a factor of like a million. There was nothing I wouldn't do for you and your brother.

I am Mr. Fix-It. That is who I am, I fix things. I can bulid a chuppa, a diner, even a tree house. But I didn't have a single tool in my toolbox to save your brother, Christian. Christian was a sickly baby. We feared he would go deaf by the time he was a year old. He suffered from sleep apnea, a condtion where you stop breathing while you're asleep. In adults we have the brain power to wake ourselves up but not Christian. He would stay asleep. There were nights that Lorelai would fall asleep in her rocking chair with her hand on his chest making sure she could feel it rise and fall.

A little after your sister Rory graduated from Yale, Christian got very sick. He wasn't getting enough oxygen circulating in his body which caused his heart to work harder which led to his death. I had made a promise to your mother that I wouldn't allow Christian to be put on a ventilator, a machine that would help him breathe. While she had fone home to check on you and to get some much needed rest, Christian's conditon worsened. I thought quickly of how I could keep him here with us for a while longer. I allowed Dr. Gregory to put Christian on the machine.

As it turned out it, even on the machine he wasn't getting better. His heart was failing. Your mother, grandparents, sister and I all got a chance to say goodbye. Aunt Liz and Uncle TJ were unable to be there because they were at a fair in Maine.

In the days that followed Christian's death your mother and I were seperated by the stairs. She wouldn't speak to me, look at me otr even acknowledge the fact thatI was even in the same house. One afternoon about three days after we buried Christian next to my parents, I came home and found Lorelai cleaning the house like a mad woman. I tried to get her to talk to me again.

We fought and angry words were spoken. An action happened that I wish nightly that I could take back. In the course of our argument I pleaded, begged your mother to remember that Chirstian was my son too. In a voice so full of anger and hatred, that I hope you never have to hear she screamed at me, "A lot of good that did him."

Something inside my head snapped at that very moment. The countless nights of being on the couch, listening to Lorelai crying, knowing ful well that she wouldn't let me comfort her, to that final comment that I wasn't a good father blinded me. Before I could stop myself, I had already slapped your mother. Her cheek was a bright red from where the back of my hand had come into contact with her porcelin face. Ashamed of what I had done, I left. I got in my truck and drove away. I couldn't believe that I had rasied my hand to my best friend, my lover, my wife, my Lorelai. I had to get away.

I stopped in Texas aftera month of aimless driving. I wrote your mother a quick note telling her that I was sorry and that I was coming back. I reminded her that I loved her, you and Rory. I never meant to be gone for five months. Being away I cried and mourned over Christian, cried about being away from you, and mostly over what Ihad done to Lorelai.

I look at you now and see what a beautiful young woman you have turned into. You have always been my darling baby girl and you will continue to be my darling baby girl. I love you so much Audrey Avery Danes. I would do anything for you. Anything for you, Lorelai and Rory. You three are the best things that ever happened to me.

Love, Daddy

Audrey sat on the floor of her tree house with her companion and best buddy lying on her right knee and her other best friend, the giver of the one on her right, sitting on her left being quiet. She carefully put the letter back in it's envelope and set it on the floor in front of her. She was quiet, still processing everything that had happened in the last few hours. Audrey had a twin, her parents had seperated. Nothing in her life would ever be the same again.

She began to wonder if she was living two lives. Her own and her dead brother's. Audrey didn't know any other girl who knew how to porperly calibrate an engine or change the oil in a car. Did she love baseball because she loved it or did she beacuse her father wanted a boy? Now she began to doubt herself. Who was she really? Audrey Avery Danes, daughter of Lucas and Lorelai Danes, sister to Rory Danes-Hanson, was just a technicality, a name.

"I don't know who I am anymore," she said finally, whispering.

"What do you mean kiddo?" Luke asked. "You're Audrey Avery Danes. The best second base girl the Stars Hollow Little Leauge ever had. You were the belle of your coming out ball. Your're my daughter, my Audrey. You always will be."

Luke pulled his daughter into his side hugging her tightly.

"That's not what I mean Daddy. All the things I do, do I do them because I want to or am I doing them because you don't have Christian anymore?"

"What things Audrey? Give me some examples."

"Baseball, camping, working on the car, fishing," Audrey listed on her fingers.

"Audrey I taught you how to fix the car so you wouldn't be dependant on me to fix it for you, like your mom and sister. I had always planned on teaching both you and Christian to play baseball. Camping and fishing was something I could never get your mom to go with me. It was a chance for us to spend quality time together. Audrey even as a little girl you never did anything because someone said you had to. You're like your mother and my mother in that sense. Audrey Avery Danes you are not living two lives."

Luke held his daughter close and kissed the top of her head. This was what Lorelai was afraid of. Afraid that Audrey would think she was living two lives. But he thought he had made it clear that she wasn't.

"So, is this why you're so mean to Ryan? Because I don't have my big brother to protect me anymore?" Audrey asked.

"Yes and no," Luke chuckled. "I'm mean to Ryan because I'm the Dad. You, Lorelai, and Rory are all I have. So, if I'm mean to the boy it's because I'm trying to hold onto you just a little bit longer."

"Is there anything else you're not telling me?" Audrey asked. "I'm not heir to some remote country in Europe? Have an aunt who's a Contessa?"

"Other than your birthday present?"

"Can I go see him tomorrow?" Audrey asked.

"We'll all go. You, me, Lorelai and Rory."

"I love you Daddy."

"I know Audrey. I know."

A/N: Ok I've decided to make this a two parter. I figured I've teased y'all enough about telling Audrey about Christian that I had better let you know before you all fly through the computer and kill me. Please review, especially the letter from Luke. Enjoy ladies and I'll be awaiting your reviews.