Definitely not one of your better ideas, Jessie, I muttered bitterly. I had no idea where I was going - I'd been running for a good 15 minutes, weaving through alleys and wandering down back streets. I knew it was stupid, but I was mostly doing it out of spite - if my brothers knew where I was they'd be out of their minds with worry. I guess I was an attention seeker in that way. I'd taken being the baby of the family for granted when my parents were still alive. I was the girl, and the youngest, a winning combination. We weren't well off by any stretch of the imagination, but my brothers and I never did without. I always felt like I got the better end of the deal though - Darry's hand-me-downs went to Soda,
Soda's to Pony, and on and on.
Being the only girl, all my clothes were brand new. My mother couldn't sew to save her life, so all my clothes came straight from the department store still smelling of starch ...and then the car crash happened and things changed in a big way. Darry took over and the only person he'd ever had a soft spot for was Soda - anyone could see how proud he was of that kid. Actually, people couldn't help but be proud of Soda. Tulsa wasn't one of the most booming cities in America, so when Soda would walk down the street you could almost see people glow with pride. He was so handsome and alien to our small cops-and-robbers town and people expected him to go far. I think he let a lot of locals down by starting work at the DX station, but he seemed to like it fine and that was all that mattered.
Anyway, no longer was I the apple of my family's eye. Now that mom and dad were gone, Darry was adamant about Soda's job and Pony's grades - he cared about my grades, too, but I was an average student and I don't think he expected much out of me. So I tried week after week to grab my brother's attention.
One night I ran away from home and spent the night at Buck Meril's place. I'd been scared out of my mind, but it got me the attention I wanted. Darry had stormed into Buck's house, ranting and raving about Buck letting a 14-year-old girl stay at such a shady place. Buck had been too wasted to know what the hell was going on, but he got a few good punches in and Darry took me home with one heck of a bruise on his right cheek. I thrived off things like that. It made me feel wanted in some twisted way.
"Hey, Curtis!"
I turned around to see Tim Shepard of all people jogging up to meet me.
"Yeah, what do you want?" I asked, aware of how vulnerable I was in my unfamiliar surroundings. Tim Shepard was certainly not someone I wanted to interact with in an alleyway.
"Calm down, I ain't gonna hurt you. I'm on my way home. Walk with me?"
I was aware at how completely random and out-of-character this meeting was, and getting more suspicious by the second. "Um,
sorry Tim, I can't. Darry'll be really worried."
"To hell with him. Come on. It's just a block over."
On the other hand, I definitely didn't want to piss off Tim Shepard. "Okay, uh. Sure, I guess."
We walked for a couple minutes in silence, but I was too anxious to figure out why we were walking together in the first place to keep my mouth shut. "Um, so. Why'd you want me to walk with you?"
He shrugged, "No real reason. Why, are you scared of me or somethin'?" he smiled at me - a cold, unfeeling smile that gave me the shivers. I was now supremely aware of how dark it was getting and how far from home I was. I made a decision to get out of there - fast.
As much as I wanted to piss my brothers off, I liked myself in one piece, thank you.
"Look Tim, I'm real sorry but I really have to get home."
He stopped and I froze, afraid he was going to hit me, but instead he just gave me a look of pure disgust and walked away. The whole thing was so bizarre I almost didn't believe it had happened. I still had a cold, somethings-not-right feeling in my stomach, so I turned and bolted all the way home. I definitely did not have Pony's knack for running, nor did we share much else. Our hair color was identical (reddish/goldish - a lot of ish's), we both had the same gray eyes, small noses, and a tendency to freckle in the summer - but that was where the similarities ended. Pony was a dreamer, I was logical. He had a tendency to be reckless, caution was my middle name. He was passive aggressive, I was known for being mouthy. It was amazing to me how two people who'd shared a womb could be so completely different. I was thinking about this as I approached our house. I was aware at how stupid I would look waltzing in after 45 minutes, but I was still thrown off by my encounter with Tim to care. I braced myself for the yelling as I swung open the door and stood in the front hall.
Darry and Soda were sitting on couch, but both sprung up as soon as I walked in.
"Don't!" I said sharply, as Darry opened his mouth to assault me with some form of verbal whiplash. "I know what you're going to say but just ...don't.
I'm a horrible person, I'm irresponsible, I'm a whore, I'm worthless, I was out of line, I lied to you. Did I get it all?"
"Jessie I -"
"Darry, please. I just want to go to bed."
"Jessie, let him talk." Soda said, his voice soothing. Somehow it struck a nerve, and I began to cry for the second time that day.
"I'm really sorry, Darry. I'm sorry I lied to you and everyone about Johnny, and that I ran away, and that I'm always mouthing off to you. I'm just really sorry." I was as shocked as Darry and Soda looked, mostly because I hadn't expected to say any of those things. Maybe it was my subconcious speaking. I blinked a few times, "Can I go to bed now?"
Darry said nothing, just walked over and gathered me into his arms. He rested his head on mine, and began to rub my back. "It's okay, Jess.
It's okay. You had us so worried."
"Darry?"
"Yeah?"
"I really miss him."
"Miss who, Jellybean?"
"Johnny. I miss him so much." My heart felt like it was going to explode. Darry rarely showed any affection to me and that paired with my longing for Johnny had completely unhinged me. "I just want to die, too. I want to see him again. And I want you to be proud of me like you are Soda. And care about my grades. And not yell at me - I really try to obey you, Darry. I do. I'm sorry."
Darry gave me one more tight squeeze and then held me at arms length. "I love you, Jellybean."
"Love you, too."
Soda was still standing in the same spot by the couch, his expression solemn, and his eyes looking teary. I pulled out of Darry's embrace and wiped my eyes as best I could. "I love you too, Soda."
He pulled me into his arms and squeezed me tight, "I love you too, Jessie."
Darry laughed, "Shoot, we sound so ridiculous! Imagine if the guys were here. We'd never live it down."
Soda and I grinned back at him. And then I realized something, "Hey, where's Pony?"
"Out with Two-Bit, probably picking up girls." Soda answered.
Not two minutes later, the screen door slammed open and Two-Bit bounded in, looking hysterical. "Pony and me got jumped by some Soc's! I got away alright, but Pony got the brunt of it. He ...he was stabbed. He looks pretty bad you guys"
He winced, as if expecting Darry to beat the hell out of him - a thought that crossed my mind as well.
"Where is he?" Darry asked.
"Outside. I carried him here - I ain't strong enough to carry him to the hospital."
The atmosphere in the room changed instantly - fear rippled through all of us, and in no time flat we were out the door and at Pony's side. I gasped when I saw his face - a large bruise was covering his left eye, and the rest of his face was bloody and unrecognizable. His shirt was torn open around his hip, and blood was oozing out the hole - a stab wound.
Soda was listening to his chest. He looked up, horror in his eyes. "He's not breathing."