Aki-Hey, just a warning, this chapter is shorter, shabbier, and less interesting than usual, thier is one good part in the middle, but the ending kind of just dies. I didn't have the heart to fix, your lucky your getting this at all, because my pop pop just died Friday morning, the viewing was all day Saterday and the funeral was today, so this is the best I can give right now. Though this is really of littel consequence compared to that peice of news, no one reviewed my little Lorelei-Rory one-shot poem, so check that out.

Chapter 11

Jess and Amber left Star's Hollow for New York early the next afternoon after saying their farewells to Luke, Liz, and Lorelai. The father and daughter weren't supposed to leave until the next day, but Jess wanted to leave as early as he could after the incident of the night before. Amber didn't protest, in fact she had been strangely quiet since they left the Christmas dinner the night before, though Jess had just assumed it was tiredness.

The radio was playing dully in the background of the silent, long car ride. Amber had long ago fallen asleep, her head leaning against the cold window, her eyes closed. Amber always fell asleep on car rides, she had since she was little which made Jess fear the time she would learn to drive.

Amber wasn't really asleep. She usually fell asleep in the car, but not this time, sleep evaded her. She pretended to be though, that way her father wouldn't try to talk to her. She needed to think right then about…everything. What she heard last night. She had already gone over it a million times in her head. There was no mistake, it all made sense now.

But she didn't know how she felt, it was such a shock. Was she mad at her father for not telling her? Or was she mad at Rory for leaving? Both? It was crazy, her emotions were all mixed up. That's why she couldn't talk to her father…not yet.

Jess began flipping through stations on the radio as the one they had been listening to was filled with static as the dove out of range of it, the best he could find was some generic mix station, which, of course, the day after Christmas, was filled with Christmas music.
After the weather report ended, "All I want for Christmas is You" started playing. Jess listened to the first few stanzas before reaching over to the dial and turning the radio off sharply. She sighed in the silence and after a moment turned it back on

Rory lay in bed late into the day. She was bundled up in coves, wide-eyed, thinking. She went over her and Jess's conversation, more like argument, from the night before. She couldn't believe all the stupid things she had said. She couldn't believe all the stupid things she had done, not just last night, but in her life. She couldn't believe…how beautiful her daughter was. She had seen her in pictures, but that didn't do her justice.

Rory didn't know how much longer she could keep up this façade. How many more holidays would they, Jess and Amber, come here. How many more times would she have to hide the hurt inside. How many more times could she lie…to Lorelai, to Luke, the town…her daughter. Rory sniffled, it was getting cold, and she was about to cry.

A knock on her bedroom door tore her from her thoughts, "Rory? Are you okay?" asked Lorelai.

"I'm fine," called Rory from inside, cursing the quiver in her voice, "Just tired from last night."

"Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine," Rory answered in a lie. She heard her mother walk away, and then rolled over in bed, turning on the radio. She sniffled again as she heard her what the song was. Never had a song seemed to be playing what she was feeling as accurately before. She had heard it a million times before but, "All I Want for Christmas is You," never seemed so true.

They had just finished bringing all their bags in from the car. Both father and daughter being procrastinators left them lying on the living room floor. Amber curled up on the couch, sitting silently, not wanting to do what she was about to do.

Jess sorted through the mail that had accumulated at his apartment in the days of their absence.

"Dad?" asked Amber softly.

"Hmm?" he answered, throwing some junk mail in the crash.

"When- When were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" asked Jess distractedly.

Amber took a shaky breath, "When were you going tell me that Rory was my mother?"

Jess looked up at her shocked, "What- How did you-!"

"I figured it out. Eavesdropping in a nasty habit you know…"

"So you heard…?" he didn't need to finish his thought. She heard him and Rory fighting Christmas night. Talk about a Christmas present.

Amber nodded, sniffling, some silent tears running down her face.

"Are you okay?" asked Jess, his own voice cracking as he asked.

Amber thought about. Was she okay? She bit the inside over her bottom lip and shook her head no. Jess sat down next to her placing an arm around her shoulders.

Amber began to sob as she spoke, "I always wanted to know who my mom was. I thought it would give me…I don't closure, maybe. But it didn't…it made it worse." Amber paused, wiping her tears away with the cuff of her sleeve. Jess pulled his daughter closer.

"But now that I met my mother, its horrible because she is nice, and pretty and smart and funny and it-it makes me wonder why I wasn't good enough for her-," Amber broke into full sobs as rounded off that sentence. Jess pulled his little girl into a tight embrace, rubbing her back as she weeped into his shoulder.

"Don't think that, Amber," whispered Jess into her ear, "'Cause it's not true. You're the best daughter in the world."

Amber didn't hear him, or, at least, didn't listen, "Why?" she whimpered, voice hitching, "Why? Why did she leave? Why wasn't I good enough for her to stay? Why doesn't she love me?"

"Oh, Amber," said Jess quietly kissing her on the top of her head, "It's okay, I'm here. I love you…"

Then they just sat their, no words being said between the too, Amber still crying into Jess' chest as he rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back to soothe her. He hated seeing her like. He hated seeing his daughter, the thing he loved most in the world, so pained without him able to anything to stop it. It made him feel helpless. It made him feel like a bad dad. It made him feel…powerless.

Eventually Amber's sobs turned into hitching breath then silent cries, then it finally stopped. It was amazing how this little girl had changed him so much. From an irresponsible, unreliant, lying, hurting, running, unstable, selfish teenager to a dependable, reliant, loving, caring, established, rooted, selfless individual. The day she was born he had to sop living for himself because another person's life was in his hands. He remember how scared he was, how reluctant, how unsure. Now he wouldn't trade her for the world, and he'd trade the world for her to be happy.

Even after she stopped crying, they sat their on the couch together, television on, but neither actually watching. Amber's head was laid in Jess' lap as he gently stroked her hair. After what seemed like hours later Amber finally spoke.

"I wasn't asleep in the car you know," said Amber matter- of- factly, still staring at the TV.

"No?" questioned Jess, looking down at her.

Amber looked up into her father's eyes, "Nope, I was just pretending to be, I had to think."

"About what?"

"Whether or not I was mad at you…" Amber trailed off, staring back at the TV.

"Oh," it wasn't a question it was a statement.

"But I'm not. You were just trying to protect me, right?" asked Amber glancing up at her father for confirmation.

"Right," Jess smiled.

Hours later she had fell asleep. Her face was peaceful now, hopefully she would get some rest. Jess picked her up lightly in his arms and carried her to her room, laying her down on her bed.

He pulled Amber's covers over her and kissed her forehead.

"Night, Amber," he whispered.