Severus POV
I informed Dumbledore I had been called for by casually remarking that I had assigned a detention to Tom after the staff meeting. There was in fact, a student named Tom I frequently give detention. A frequently Confunded student. Of course, considering his usual state of confusion about everything except his name, I doubt anyone will ever notice.
That particular bit of code originate by me remarking that the detentions I serve with the Dark Lord are my source of inspiration for the ones I gave out. Dumbledore thought it was amusing. Minerva did not.
"Be sure you don't traumatize the young man too badly, Severus." Albus chided me. "I would hate for him to spend another weekend in the hospital wing."
What this really meant was "Be careful. I'd hate to have you spend another weekend in the Hospital Wing."
Anyone who heard the exchange might think we two were merely joking. My sense of humor is notoriously nasty. I myself would consider my sense of humor to be merely dry. Nasty perhaps form time to time, but I do not find muggle baiting amusing, as do so many supposedly possessed of a healthier sense of fun.
I was in fact, quite apprehensive. I had no idea why I had been summoned. I haven't done much of anything lately for either the Order or the Dark Lord. Perhaps I am to be chastised for his inactivity? Maybe the Dark Lord has a task for me. I sincerely hope that... evil wizard wasn't simply bored as that means it is going to be a long and painful evening.
I was beset upon at the gate to the old Riddle House's walk. Within seconds I was thoroughly wrapped in something scaly and very heavy. Nagini poked her large nose right up in my face and and hissed frantically at me. I staggered under her considerable weight for a moment and fell over. At first, as I was trying to disentangle himself from her, I wondered if perhaps I had forgotten how to speak parseltongue, as I couldn't make out a word. Then, as I began to have trouble breathing with quite such a lot of snake on my chest, I wondered if she was merely hissing as she prepared to eat me. I seriously considered, as I began to feel a bit dizzy, whether I merely imagined she was saying "Pleasssssssssse don't shrink me! I don't wanna be a teeny wienie Nagini again! WHHHAAAAAAA! Pleassse!"
I decided to use the last of my air to cry for help, considering how likely it seemed that him myself almost being eaten was the Dark Lord's idea of a joke. I should like to take the opportunity to point out someone with a nastier sense of humor than myself.
"She's eating me! Help!" I gasped. Not my most profound utterance in time of danger, but it worked. Sort off.