Nagini POV

"Eww! Eat you? Why ever would I want to do that? The only thing you've got going for you as a meal is that the grease on your head would make you slide down easier."

I hear my master laughing. Severus turns red. No wait, make that Severus is turning blue. "You don't look so good. I mean, you look way worse than usual. Are you sick or something?"

Severus wiggles, and says "ign uv emey" very weakly. I check my mental catalog of languages. If it means something, its not in any language I know.

"Sorry," I say kindly. "Didn't catch that. Could you try again, please?" Severus just gives a very pathetic whimper and goes limp. I swear I had no clue what was wrong with him, honest. I didn't realize I was squishing him, or that I was holding on too tight. Anyway, when he stops breathing, I get off him in a hurry.

"Quick fix him!" I beg my master. "I think I broke him."

"My dear Nagini, why did you not get off when he asked you to?" he teases me as he waves his stick and Severus gasps for air.

"I thought he was speaking gobbledegook or something." I defend myself huffily. I mean, really, how was I supposed to know that it could be fatal? It just makes more sense, you bite something, it bleeds a lot, and it dies. Not my favorite favorite thing to do, mind you. Self defense only, except critters. I have to eat something. Though, I probably should look into vegetarianism. I might loose some weight. Anyway, who ever heard of killing somebody by sitting on them. I mean, really, Colonel Mustard, in the Drawing Room, with his BOTTOM! Its ridiculous.

Unfortunately, Severus comes around at the exact moment I am thinking this.

I sit up and clutch at my head. Nagini is hissing with evil glee. Yes, ha ha, very funny. One more narrow escape from death for Severus. I long ago realized that my own personal hell would involve being a teenager eternally at the mercy of Potter, Black, the werewolf, and Wormtail, with the occasional treat of being tortured by the Dark Lord, or TWINKLED at by Albus Dumbledore for days thrown in for variety. Considering the small difference between that and my daily life, I am only marginally glad to still be alive.

" I apologize for the delay my Lord," I say, composing myself as quickly as possible.

"Next time you wish to spend time with Nagini," he admonishes me "set up a dinner date that does not interfere with your responsibilities."

I gag slightly. A date? With Nagini? The serpentine monstrosity? Even with her in human form, I doubt I will ever be that desperate. The female in question is snigering loudly. The sound I hear cannot possibly be giggling, I tell myself firmly.