Malina was no longer angry. All the anger had drained out of her during her furious tirade at Kuzco. Now she was tired, and a little embarrassed. She hadn't meant to yell like that, but Kuzco made her so angry that sometimes she just couldn't help it. Why did she even bother with him?

Her thoughts were scattered when she saw Pacha approach. He was heading home for lunch after working in the fields all morning.

"Hello Pacha," she said gloomily.

"Hi, Malina," said Pacha. "I take it Kuzco asked you to be his empress again?" He had heard all about what happened at the graduation from Chaca and Tipo.

"No, and that's the problem. Kuzco never ASKED me to be his empress," she said. "Right from the start, he just took it for granted that I would be. That I would just drop everything and jump at him once he gave the okay."

"That sounds like Kuzco," said Pacha, hiding a smile.

"Yeah, well, I told him I had other plans. Like going to Kuzford University. So what does he do? Forces Kronk to forge a rejection and swaps it with my acceptance letter!"

"You got into Kuzford University?" asked Pacha. "Congratulations!"

Malina smiled. "Thanks. But I'm sure Kuzco is plotting at this very moment about how to prevent me from going," she said, rolling her eyes.

"He sure has gone to a lot of trouble to get you to be his empress," Pacha observed.

"He has, hasn't he?" said Malina. She had not thought much about it, but she realized it was true. "Can't think why, though. I'm not the only girl around – he could pick anyone. He could marry a princess! I don't know why he wants a villager."

Pacha smiled. "Isn't it obvious, Malina? He likes you. Something about you has caught his eye, something that he's never seen in any other girl."

"Yeah, probably the fact that I never expressed any interest in being an empress," said Malina. "Kuzco only wants me because he can't have me. If I gave even the slightest hint that I liked him, he'd lose interest immediately."

"So then you DO like him," said Pacha, grinning.

Malina clapped her hands over her mouth and felt herself blush. She hadn't meant to let that slip.

"Don't worry," said Pacha kindly. "Your secret's safe with me. I won't tell anyone."

Malina gave him a grateful look. She knew she could trust Pacha. He was so kind…If only Kuzco were half as kind as Pacha…

"So if Kuzco had asked you, instead of just taking things for granted, would your answer have been different?" asked Pacha quietly.

Malina thought about it for awhile. "No, I don't think it would be," she said. "If he was nicer, I would have confessed my feelings for him years ago. But he's so arrogant and full of himself."

"That's why he needs you, Malina," said Pacha. "You're the only one who can keep him in line."

Malina shook her head. "I've tried for years to get Kuzco to see that it's not all about HIM. But he's still as self-centered as ever."

"Well, he's not as bad as he used to be before Yzma turned him into a llama," said Pacha.

Malina smiled. "Yeah, I heard all about that story. But he's still insufferable."

"You're the only one he listens to," said Pacha. "You even got him bow to Kronk, of all people!"

"He barely dipped his head!" Malina protested, but she laughed.

Pacha laughed with her. "Yeah, but at least he did it. And thanks to you, the empire was saved. He needs you. The empire needs you."

Malina had to admit that Pacha was pretty eloquent. "Did Kuzco put you up to this?" she asked half-jokingly.

"Of course not," said Pacha, laughing. "I'm just tired of seeing him mope around. That's all he's been doing since you refused him."

"Moping, huh?" said Malina.

Pacha nodded. "It's terrible. Almost makes me miss the loud, annoying Kuzco."

"Well, perhaps I'll reconsider," said Malina thoughtfully.

"Wonderful!" said Pacha.

"But only if he asks me. In a humble manner. Which he'll never do."

"You might be surprised," said Pacha.

She shook her head sadly. "He'll never change."

"Give him time," said Pacha reassuringly. "He'll eventually come around."

"I have given him time," said Malina. "Four years. And the clock is almost down to zero."

XXX

"Okay, I grabbed every love potion I could find," said Kronk. He held out a vial.

Kuzco eagerly grabbed it. "What? That's it? One vial?"

Kronk shrugged. "Yzma says she doesn't have much use for love potions."

"Yeah, I suppose she was always able to get by on her beauty and charm," said Kuzco sarcastically. He shuddered at the mental picture of Yzma trying to seduce someone. "Okay, THERE'S a sentence that I never should have said, even sarcastically! Ick, ick ick! Make it go away! Make it go away!" He ran around in circles, slapping his head frantically.

Kronk held up a picture of Malina in her cheerleader outfit. Kuzco instantly reverted back to normal.

"Whew, thanks Kronk," said Kuzco, relieved. He wiped his forehead with his hand. "That was a close one! Now let's get on with my plan."

At that moment, Kronk's brain caught up to Kuzco's sarcastic retort and he got the mental picture of Yzma trying to seduce someone. Kronk ran out of the room screaming.

"Make it didn't happen! Make it didn't happen!"

Kuzco sighed. This might not be as easy as he thought.

XXX

"So, what's the plan again?" asked Kronk once he had calmed down.

Kuzco sighed. How many times did he have to go through this? "It's easy. I invite Malina to lunch to 'celebrate her acceptance to Kuzford University'. You will make the lunch."

"Great!" said Kronk brightly. "I was thinking we could start with a nice mixed-greens salad, followed by a hearty lobster bisque, and then – "

"Yeah, that's nice," said Kuzco dismissively. "Now what I need you to do is – " and he whispered the plan into Kronk's ear. "Once you do that, Malina will fall head-over-heels in love with me, forget all about stupid Kuzford University, and become my empress."

"Can I cook the wedding feast and bake the cake?" asked Kronk excitedly.

"Sure, whatever," said Kuzco. "But first help me get Malina to be my empress. Then we'll talk about catering for the wedding."

XXX

Malina, who had continued walking by herself after Pacha had left her, groaned when she saw Kuzco approach.

"What do you want now, Kuzco?" she asked wearily. "Going to try to get me to fall for another of your little schemes to make me your empress?"

"You mistake me, Malina," said Kuzco, offended. "All I wanted to do was to get your mail for you. Can't a person do a favor for his friend?"

"You only do favors for someone if there's something in it for you," she said.

"Of course. Isn't that what a favor is?" asked Kuzco.

Malina sighed. "Never mind."

"Well, moving along, I came to invite you to eat lunch with me," said Kuzco.

"And me," put in Kronk.

"Fine. And Kronk," said Kuzco. "I sort of wanted to apologize about earlier and, um, celebrate your acceptance to Kuzford U."

Malina's stomach growled. "Well, I am kind of hungry," she admitted.

Kuzco's face lit up. "Great! Right this way!"

He looks far too happy for someone who's supposedly been moping around, thought Malina. I wonder what he's up to now?

XXX

Malina and Kuzco sat at opposite ends of a large table that had been set up in the gymnasium at Kuzco Academy, per Kuzco's orders. Kronk was busy in the cafeteria kitchen, making sure that his spinach puffs didn't burn. So Malina and Kuzco were alone, for the moment.

They didn't say much – they were both feeling a bit awkward about what had happened earlier.

"Sooooo….Malina," Kuzco began.

"Yes, Kuzco?"

Kuzco came right to the point. "Do you really 'loathe, despise, and abhor' me?"

Malina sighed. "Of course not, Kuzco."

"Aha! I knew it!" he said triumphantly. "You DO like me!"

"As a FRIEND," she said firmly. "And I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. I guess I just kinda freaked out when I thought I was rejected – getting into Kuzford University really means a lot to me."

"I know," muttered Kuzco, rolling his eyes. Enough already with Kuzford University! Is that all she could talk about? If he had known Malina was going to go so gaga over it, he never would have paid for it to be established.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that," said Malina, glaring at him.

"I know!" he said in a much more cheerful voice. "Which is why I'd like to propose a toast. Hey, Kronk! Could you bring me and the lady some wine?"

"Coming right up!" Kronk rushed out of the kitchen with two goblets filled to the brim with jewel-red liquid.

"To Malina!" said Kuzco. "Bottoms up!" He drained his glass in a single gulp. "Mmmm, tasty."

Malina looked suspiciously at her wine. Did Kuzco have Kronk spike her drink with something?

Kuzco looked questioningly at her. "Everything okay down there?"

"Fine!" said Malina with a big grin. "Why do you ask?"

"You're not drinking your wine."

"Oh! Well, I'm not really a big fan of wine," she lied.

"You've got to at least try it," Kuzco insisted. "After I went to all this trouble for you. I'll have you know that getting the gym reserved for this lunch wasn't easy, even if I do own the school."

"All right, if you insist," she said. She put the goblet to her lips and pretended to taste the wine. "Mmmmm. It's good."

"Isn't it, though?" Kuzco waved his empty goblet. "Hey Kronk, be a pal – get me some more wine?"

As Kuzco watched Kronk scurry over and pour him another glass, Malina put her hand to her lips where the wine had touched them. She breathed a sigh of relief – they were still there, and they hadn't turned into anything weird.

Perhaps the wine was okay. After all, she'd eaten the salad, and the soup, and nothing had happened. But Kuzco had made such a big deal over it…she'd avoid just to be on the safe side, even if it meant she'd have to go thirsty.

But once again, Kuzco noticed. "Problem with the wine, Malina?"

"I'm just not that thirsty," she said. "What's the big deal? Why are you so eager that I drink the stupid wine?"

"Hey, whoa, settle down, Malina!" said Kuzco. "Who said there was a biggety-big deal about the wine? Not me. Unless…you think I spiked it, don't you?" He gave her an accusing glare.

"No, of course not!" she lied.

"Come on, Malina," said Kuzco, putting his hands on his hips. "I'm not stupid. You think I did something to it!"

"Okay, maybe I do," she admitted.

Kuzco looked very offended.

"Well, do you blame me after the 'rejection letter' stunt you pulled?" she asked.

"Oh, sure, bring up ancient history," he sniffed, crossing his arms and sticking his nose into the air.

"Ancient history? That was this morning!"

"Yes, and 'this morning' was over an hour ago. At least."

Malina raised her eyebrows disbelievingly.

"You're not going to believe me until I prove it, are you?" he sighed.

She shook her head.

"All right, fine," said Kuzco, uncrossing his arms. He stood up and walked over to where she was sitting. Before she could say anything, Kuzco picked up her wine goblet and took a very long swig.

"There," he said, and put the goblet back down on the table. He stood in front of her for a few moments, and then said, "Now, am I still Kuzco?"

"Yes," said Malina.

"Do I have any toucan beaks, rabbit ears, frog legs, bug antennae, or other animal parts that don't belong?"

"No," said Malina sheepishly. Figures that the one time she didn't trust him, he hadn't done anything wrong.

"See? I told you," Kuzco said, vindicated. He turned his back to her and said in a maudlin, weepy voice, "After I go to all this trouble for you, I get unfairly accused..." He put his head in his hands.

"Listen, Kuzco, I'm sorry," said Malina, feeling guilty.

"Forget about it," he said, still overly weepy. "I know you really don't care."

"Yes, I do," said Malina, her guilt fading fast. She truly was sorry, but if he didn't stop milking this for all it was worth, she was going to hit him. She looked around for Kronk so she could get a fresh goblet of wine, but he seemed to have disappeared.

"I even got you a present!" Kuzco went on. "But if this is my thanks…"

Malina's curiosity was instantly piqued. "Present?"

"Yes, present," said Kuzco. "But you don't want it, you don't TRUST me…"

"Kuzco, snap out of it!" said Malina, giving him a smack.

Kuzco dropped the act. "Owww, you really hurt," he said, putting his hand to his cheek. "Maybe I don't want to give you a present after all."

She gave him the Malina Stare.

"Oh, all right," he said, cowering. He motioned to the guards to bring in Malina's present.

The crate that held Malina's gift was very large and very heavy. Four guards carried it in, grunting, and dropped it to the floor with a thump.

"What on earth did you get me?" asked Malina. "A block of lead?"

"Ha, ha," said Kuzco sarcastically. "Why don't you open it and see, Miss Smarty-pants?"

Malina stood on the step-ladder than had been handily provided and pried open the crate. Before she could look inside, however, Kronk popped up and sprayed her with a face-full of potion.

"What the…!" Malina started coughing, and when the smoke faded, she went into a trance-like state. A dreamy smile spread across her face.

"It worked!" cried Kuzco triumphantly. "She is totally gone." He waved his hand in front of her and she didn't move. "Yup. Complete space cadet."

"High-five!" said Kronk, raising his hand.

Kuzco gave him a withering look. "I don't DO 'high-five'.

Kronk lowered his hand sheepishly.

"And give me that potion!" Kuzco said, snatching it from Kronk. "I might need this later, to refresh the spell." He pocketed the potion and turned his attention to Malina. "So my little schmoompsie-pooh, how do you feel about being my empress now?"

Malina ignored him and continued to stare dreamily ahead. To Kuzco's horror, she was staring at Kronk. Kuzco glared at him. How dare Kronk steal Malina from him!

Kronk became conscious of both of them staring at him. "What? Do I have spinach in my teeth?"

"Kronk…did anyone ever tell you how handsome you are?" asked Malina.

"Not that I can remember," said Kronk honestly. "Oh, wait! Yes they have. Second grade. Zola Guacamano. She passed me a note in class that said 'Kronk you are handsome'. But the teacher caught us and we both got in trouble. I was whipped, and she was sent to a convent. Very strict religious school, you know. I never saw her again. Good times."

Kuzco looked at Kronk like he was nuts, but Malina laughed and walked up to him. "Well, you are VERY handsome," she purred. "And those muscles! May I touch?"

"Malina!" cried Kuzco, devastated.

"Oh, hi Kuzco," said Malina vaguely, barely turning her head. "I didn't see you there."

"You're supposed to be drooling over ME, not him!" said Kuzco.

Malina started laughing. "You?! You can't hold a candle to my darling little Kronkie."

"Darling little Kronkie!?" Kuzco made gagging noises.

"Uh, Malina," said Kronk, trying to dodge her attempts to feel his biceps, "I'm flattered, but I only like you as a friend."

Malina's eyes watered and her lower lip trembled. "Oh, please give me a chance, Kronk! I just know we're meant to be."

"Well…" said Kronk, considering it.

"Don't even think about it," said Kuzco threateningly, giving him a death glare.

Kronk snapped out of it. "It's a very tempting offer. But frankly, I just don't see it working out between us. There's Kuzco's feelings to consider, and anyway, it'll be kind of hard to maintain a long distance relationship when I go to Kuzford Culinary Institute and you go to Kuzford University."

"I'll transfer!" said Malina instantly. "I'd follow you anywhere. Me, at Kuzford Culinary Institute with you – we'll be together forever!"

"Forever?" asked Kronk nervously. "Well…uh…I…uh…I think I left the spinach puffs in the oven for too long! Bye!" He ran out of the room.

"No, Kronkie! Don't leave me!" cried Malina. She tried to go after him, but Kuzco restrained her.

"Let me go!" she said, struggling furiously.

"No, you're not in your right mind!" said Kuzco, just barely managing to keep hold of her.

"How dare you!" She slapped him across the face.

"OWWW!" Kuzco was forced to let go of her, and she instantly ran off to hunt Kronk down.

"Well, I don't see how things possibly could get worse for me," he said dejectedly.

Kuzco heard cackling coming from a dimly-lit corner of the gym.

"Scratch that," he sighed, and turned to see Yzma standing there.