Author's Note: Whoa! Here it is, the long awaited and massively anticipated anniversary special!

Before we get to it, let me answer a few questions:

"Oooooo an anniversary special? Would love to see that...

Also are the updates monthly?"

Mostly they are. Sometimes, I post a week early, and sometimes I post a week late.

"I was scrolling down - and noticed my name :D Am I a nurse then?"

Yeah you are, you're also in chapter 12.

You are about to read the anniversary special of Little Wizard Academia. The language is real, the out of character-ness is real, the feels are final! This is the Anniversary Special!

All of us, Akko, Lotte, and me, of course, are lounging around in our dorm room. I sit in my bed, reading "The Alchemist." Day one has passed, and things have gone relatively smoothly. I got through my classes, and even got some poor sap to try out my potion.

Speaking of which, why is a boy in an all girls school, anyway? I can only thing he's in it for his own sexual gratifications. I eye my two dorm mates. Akko is busy tonguing her Shiny Chariot poster, and Lotte is communing with a spirit. I sigh as they won't address the elephant in the room.

"What is it, Sucy?" Lotte asks, breaking away from her spirit communications.

"I just can't shake the feeling that that guy is up to no good." I admit.

"What do you mean?" Lotte asks "Theodore seems like a nice guy. He even spent time with us during brunch." She points out.

"Wait, what are we talking about?" Akko asks, butting into our conversation.

"We're talking about the big nosed Jew, who thinks this school is nothing more than an all you can eat pussy bar, and he eats for free." I say bluntly.

"S-Sucy!" Lotte stutters out in shock.

"But, I thought he was Italian." Akko says.

"Even worse! Italians are notorious for being greasy skinned, sex offenders."

"Now that's enough, Sucy. You can't assume he's a pervert based on a stereotype." Lotte says.

I close my book and set it aside, being fully into this conversation.

"Let me ask you something, Lotte. When you first met that spaghetti bender, didn't your face turn red, huh? You went weak at the knees, and ran away from him?"

"Well yes, but I was shy-"

"See, what did I tell you?" I ask, cutting him off. "He wasn't going for small talk, he was trying to get into your pants."

She goes red at this claim.

"Alright Sucy, that's en-"

"Wait Lotte…" Akko says "…I think Sucy's onto something. I mean, think about it! That guy, Theodore Soprano, or whatever his name is, was behind me during the opening ceremony, probably trying to sneak a peek. Oh, I feel so violated!" She grunts, red faced, and full of rage.

"Ya see, Lotte? Even Akko has noticed foul play."

"Well…I-I don't know…" Lotte says, her faith in the boy beginning to waiver.

"Just look at the facts, why else would a teenage Italian boy go to an all girls school? Why, I bet he's jerkin' his gherkin right now."

"That's disgusting!" The Finnish girl exclaims, sticking out her tongue.

"It may be disgusting, but it's the truth, Lotte. I think we should teach him a lesson."

"A skiing lesson?" Akko suggests.

"No, since he wants to whip his dick out so bad…I say we let him."

"Wha-wha-what?!" Lotte cries out.

"I say we get him to come with us into the woods. Then we can get him to strip naked, and leave him. He'll have to go back to school nude, hopefully he'll get expelled."

I feel the corners of my lips rising into a smile.

"Oh Sucy, that's so mean, that's sick!" Lotte protests.

Ignoring her, Akko asks

"So, how are we supposed to get him to drop his pants, anyways?"

I put a hand to my chin, thinking for a bit before saying

"Oh, I got it. We all know that he has excessive pride. So if we dared him, there's no way he'd refuse."

Akko gains my same sadistic smile.

"Girl, I like the way you think."

"Well, I think it's mean and uncouth."

"Shut up, Lotte! We're doing this for every student here! It's about time someone took out that snob!" Akko cries out.

Lotte sighs, before turning back to her spirit friend.

"So it's settled then." I say "We strike tonight."

Us three walk over to his dorm, which is oddly located on Floor: 3, Room: 333. I knock on his door, and in a few moments the serial rapist opens the door.

"What do you three want?" He asks, still dazed from his slumber.

"You want to hang out with us at Mean Creek tomorrow?" I ask.

"Why Sucy? You three hardly know me. Why would you want to hang out with basically a stranger?"

Damn, he pegged us good. I quickly come up with a lie.

"Tomorrow is Akko's birthday. She already invited us, but three people at a party is no party at all. We know no one else, so Akko personally asked for you."

His lips begin to curve up, but are pressed back down, probably thinking perverted thoughts.

"I-I would love to." He says.

"That's great! Come by our dorm tomorrow at around three!" Akko exclaims cheerfully.

"I'll do that. Cha-bye-bye." He says, before closing the door.

I turn to Akko, smiling.

"He said he would love to."

"Oh, I would love to." Akko says, in a mock voice of Ted.

As we walk back to our dorm, I notice Akko skipping alongside us.

"What's gotten you so upbeat?" I ask. "I practically had to drag you to his dorm."

"Oh Sucy, I'm just so excited! Not only are we going to catch a creep, but I get free presents!" She chants out the last two words.

"I still don't think this is a good idea." I hear Lotte mutter.

I turn back to her. By now, Akko has stopped her skipping, as we both stare at the girl, confused.

"How is this not a good idea?" I ask. "We're trying to expose him for the sex maniac that he is before he has time to snatch our snatch."

"Yeah! Do you want to get raped?!" Akko adds.

Lotte sighs deeply, before saying weakly

"No, Akko, I do not want to get raped."

"So, stop your whining!" Akko demands.

I sigh out loud. I wish my cohorts weren't so dumb.

Some time earlier…

I wake up to the sound of someone tapping at my chamber door, only this and nothing more. Who could that be at a time like this? I was having some sweet dreams about babies getting their head smashed in car doors.

I open my door, and see Akko, Lotte, and Sucy. Those are their names, right?

"What do you three want?" I ask, still groggy.

"You want to hang out with us at Mean Creek tomorrow?" The Filipino alchemist asks.

"Why Sucy? You three hardly know me. Why would you want to hang out with basically a stranger?" I ask in confusion.

After a moment's hesitation, Sucy answers back.

"Tomorrow is Akko's birthday. She already invited us, but three people at a part is no party at all. We know no one else, so Akko personally asked for you."

I was taken back. Not only by this sudden invite, but by the fact that Akko personally asked for me. It's only been two days since I met these three, but they already consider me a friend. I force down a smile, as I answer back.

"I-I would love to."

Akko beams at my acceptance, and cheerfully says

"That's great! Come by our dorm tomorrow at three!"

"I'll do that. Cha-bye-bye." I say, whilst closing the door.

I feel like if they can accept me as a friend, then I can stop trying to sound so formal. Honestly, it's exhausting, especially trying to do so in a foreign language. Now, what should I get Akko for her birthday? An idea pops into my head, an idea that makes me smile just thinking about it. Yes, she will love it.

"So, do we all know the plan?" I ask my two underlings.

"Yes, of course!" Akko answers enthusiastically. "What was it again, Sucy?"

I roll my eyes at her mixed responses.

"We're going to take the olive blooded boy to Mean Creek. There, we are going to play a few rounds of truth or dare. You know, ease our way into more personal dares. Once it starts to get hot, we'll dare him to strip naked, and jump in the creek. By the time he gets out, we'll be long gone…and so will his clothes."

Akko lets out a squeal of pleasure, kicking the air with delight.

"Shut it, Akko. Do you want to wake up Lotte?" I point a slender finger at our Finnish friend who is, as stated, lightly sleeping on the top bunk, probably getting ready for what's to come. Not Ted.

"Oh Sucy, I just can't help it. I get giddy every time I imagine it!" Akko cries out, throwing her hands in the air, and shaking them like she just don't care.

I find her abundance of energy disturbing.

"Jeez Akko, don't pop an ovary." I snark at her. "Although, I'm sure Ted-Ed would love to do that for you." I add.

"S-Shut up!" Akko demands, turning a shade of red.

I stare at her innocently.

"Oh, Akko gets the anal?"

A slight rustle is heard from the top bunk.

"Huh? Anal?" Lotte groggily whispers, now arising from her slumber.

"N-No!" Akko denies. "We said uh…analyze?! Yeah analyze! We're analyzing our plan for Ted!"

Nice save, Akko.

Lotte gingerly puts on her glasses, blinking multiple times to wake up. She sits up in her bunk, and peacefully yawns, before saying

"Oh, that's weird. I could have sworn you said-"

She's cut off, as a few sharp knocks are heard coming from the door. We all stare, wondering who it could be. Probably Ted-Talk, eager to whip is wand out, and I'm not talking about magic.

Akko says a quick prayer for protection, before opening the door. She spots something in the pedo's hands. Instantly her materialism kicks in, as Akko's once worried demeanor is discarded in the presence of free stuff.

"Wow, is that really for me?!"

He smiles, probably thinking perverted thoughts.

"Who else? Here, happy birthday Akko."

He hands her the present. Akko suddenly and violently begins to claw her way through the wrapping paper, the excitement of wondering getting to her. I wonder what it is, as well. Probably a dildo or perhaps several condoms filled to the brim with his ooey gooey. After a few more seconds of tearing, Akko lets out a squeal as if someone broke her hymen.

"Oh wow! How did you know that pickled plums were my favorite food?!"

"Magic." He answers back.

I roll my eyes at this. What a dumb response. I swear, after today, this guy's going to be just another image on Rotten dot com.

Without a moment's hesitation, Akko unscrews the jar, and empties it into her mouth, soaking her shirt and face. Oh yeah, a little wet T-shirt for the Italian Stallion. Akko gurgles on the juice, as someone would do with, well, the ooey gooey. This is slightly arousing me.

"Oh Akko, you're a mess." Lotte sighs out.

Yeah, a hot mess.

"Who cares?! It'll all wash off in the creek anyways!" Akko reasons.

"Speaking of Mean Creek, when are we going?" Ted asks.

I can see him sweating with anticipation. He really wants to see us in the buff, huh? Who can blame him? I look damn good in a Speedo.

"Right now." I declare impatiently. "Akko's already opened up her presents before you came. There's nothing keeping us here."

"So, where is it?" He asks.

I smile, thinking about the day ahead, the plot.

"It's in the forest near here, follow us. This will be a day to remember…"

Some time earlier…

I stand in front of their door, Akko's gift in hand. Her favorite food, wrapped in blue wrapping paper, and decorated with mini birthday cakes. After a few knocks, the birthday girls herself opens the door. Her eyes sparkle, as she marvels at her present.

"Wow, is that really for me?!" Akko ponders happily.

It's as if Akko's excitement is contagious, as I soon feel a spark or two of happiness.

"Who else? Here, happy birthday Akko." I exclaim, smiling, handing over her present.

As soon as it reaches her hands, she begins violently ripping at the wrapping paper, exposing what's inside.

A little excited, aren't we?

She gives a cry of delight, holding up the present triumphantly.

"Oh wow! How did you know that pickled plums were my favorite food?!"

"Magic."

Akko quickly and skillfully tears off the lid, and dumps the contents into her mouth.

Unsurprisingly, most of it soaks her face and shirt.

Maybe a little too excited.

"Oh Akko, you're a mess." Lotte sighs out.

"Who cares?! It'll all wash off in the creek anyways!"

"Speaking of Mean Creek, when are we going?" I inquire.

"Right now." Sucy declares. "Akko's already opened up her presents before you came. There's nothing keeping us here."

"So, where is it?"

Sucy smiles, saying

"It's in the forest near here, follow us. This will be a day to remember…"

With a flick of my wand, the rowboat is placed carefully in the water. As I hold it in place, I look at the other three. Understanding my gaze, Akko, Lotte, and Sucy ease their way into the boat. Once in a comfortable position, I cancel the spell and jump on, as the boat begins to float down the river. I ease my way into a comfortable position as well, me in the back. Ahead of me is Lotte, then Akko, and Sucy taking the front.

But honestly, it doesn't matter what position we're in. Just a few days ago, I was in Rome, sitting around, planning my family's resurrection to greatness, longing for excitement. Now, I have it. The wind is blowing through my hair, shimmering trees line the bank, and I'm here with…friends. I feel a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. What could go possibly wrong today?

After a few calm minutes of weightless drifting, something comes into view. It appears to be another raft, a crudely made, wooden one floating towards us. As the raft comes closer, the occupants come into clearer view. A young dirty boy, probably around thirteen years of age, is accompanied by a black man in tattered clothes. What is this? The four of us can't help but stare out in confusion as the raft crosses our path. Once in such close proximity, the kid quickly attaches a rope to our boat, and pulls hard, connecting our two boats together.

"What the hell is this?!" Sucy protests.

"Are you guys pirates?" Akko asks, full of innocent curiosity.

"Please don't steal our booty!" Lotte pleads.

"Who are you?" I ask.

With my question being the only reasonable one, the boy looks at me, and says in a deep southern accent

"Howdy, ma name's Huck, an' dis here's Jim."

He points to his black friend.

"Aye, Zimbabwe!" Jim randomly calls out, his booming voice echoing throughout the surrounding area.

A boy and an adult, traveling alone down a river? Why does this kid speak in a southern accent? And why are these two dressed like they're living in the bayou? Huck continues his explanation.

"And ya' see, we was on our way to Kairo, when we caught ourselves in a mighty storm, and we was blown here. You reckon ya' can point the way to Kairo?"

"And what is this Kairo?" I ask, trying to hide my abundant confusion.

Jim decides to speak up.

"In Kairo iz bah nigger no mo'. In Kairo iz bah Jim."

What are they talking about? Kairo? Wait a second, does he mean Cairo?

"Cairo is in Egypt, we're in England." I inform them.

"Oh shoo' master Huck. We's be off caurse. We's not in Peegypt."

Nervous by this sudden news, Huck looks up at Jim.

"Do ya' reckon we'll get there soon, pa?" His eyes full of worry.

Jim shoots him a cold glare.

"Ah ain't yo pa."

Coming to grips with this sudden revelation, Huck's eyes roll into the back of his head, as he passes out, collapsing into the raft. What the hell is going on?! We need to get away from these two as soon as possible!

Quickly, I unhook our boat from theirs, and give the side of their raft a little push. The raft begins to slowly drift away. Jim doesn't notice however, as he's knelt down, checking over an unconscious Huck. Slowly, but surely, their raft heightens the distance between us. As they drift down the river, and out of sight, I see Jim violently shaking his fallen friend, screaming

"Why, Huck, doan de French people talk the same way we does?"

All us four can do is stare. Stare at each other, hoping to find some answers to this peculiar situation. We find none, as our cluelessness is the status quo among us. Those two came out of nowhere, and those two left quickly, making me wonder what the point of that engagement was.

"Um…yeah…" Akko mutters.

"Uh huh." Lotte responds.

"Yup." Sucy adds.

"Those two are…um…" I begin.

"That they did…" Lotte agrees with my half made claim.

"Is anyone else wondering how they came to us?" I ask.

"What do you mean?" Akko inquires.

"The river, they floated towards us, against the tide, and floated away, still against the tide. How?"

Silence is the only answer that greets me. No one knows, and no one cares enough to think about it. After a few minutes of awkward silence, save for the sounds of the river, Akko begins to silently chuckle to herself. Lotte joins in, lightly laughing into her hand. The infection spreads, as I join in. Sucy however, is as straight faced as ever, perhaps more so than usual. After a few seconds of us three laughing, Sucy declares

"I need to take a piss."

Lotte, Akko, and I stop laughing, as our newly found good mood has just been shattered. Jeez Sucy, try being a little more subtle next time. We hesitate, looking at Sucy slightly confused, and uncomfortable.

"I need to take a piss." She repeats, the tone colder, impatience lining her lips.

Not wanting to hear such a claim again, I nod, grabbing my wand. Using a simple water manipulation spell, I push the boat towards the bank, marooning it in place. Sucy looks at the two witches.

"Come with me." She commands.

"What?! No way?! Why should I-"

Akko is silenced as Sucy grabs the collar of her shirt, and yanks Akko out of the boat.

Not wanting the same fate, Lotte steps out as well.

"We'll be back in a minute." Sucy notifies me.

The three walk off, the foliage of the forest eventually making them out of sight.

I wonder what that was all about. I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go. No matter, once they return, we can continue our voyage.

Although it has so far been very confusing and unpredictable, this is the most fun I've had in a long time. And what makes it even better? The fact that I'm enjoying it with friends, friends who want to be friends with me. They chose me, hand selected me from every student in the whole school. What could truly go possibly wrong today?

After a long walk, Sucy turns towards is. She stares at Lotte, and them me, her face more emotionless than ever.

"Nothing beats a good laugh with friends, eh?" Sucy states, raising an eyebrow. "Except of course a good revenge session of a stupid, ugly, dumb, pathetic, panty sniffer…right?"

It's her eyes! They burn through my very soul! Oh if looks could kill…well, let's just say we're only alive because she's a squinter.

"Um…yeah…about that…" I begin, nervously scratching the back of my head.

"Can we talk?" Lotte requests.

"Sure. After all, it's just us ladies. No pubescent perverts in sight."

Sucy sits down on a nearby rock. After getting comfortable, she pulls off one of her sadistic smiles that still chills me to the bone.

"So, what do you want to talk about?"

Her eyes and smile! I feel weak, almost lifeless. It's as if she's sucking the soul right out of me! No, I can't be intimidated! We need to tell her!

I gulp, and give out a weak, uneasy laugh, before saying

"So, here's the thing…we talked earlier, and…we want to call it off."

Sucy furrows her brow.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." Lotte answers.

Sucy stands up, walking towards me, putting her face mere inches from mine. Her eyes! Oh, the intimidation tactics!

"So let me get this straight…" she begins "…First, I get all aroused thinking up this plan and all, then I bite my lip as I let some rapist come within ten feet of my vagina-"

"Come on, Sucy!" I interrupt.

She ignores me.

"Praying for this satisfying conclusion to come before he does…and you're telling me we're not going to do what we came out here for?"

"I just…I just had no idea that he was going to turn out nice-"

"Check it out Akko, he's not nice! He's just some short, sad, rapist Roman, with a huge fucking nose, and no friends!"

"Well, maybe I want to be his friend!" I snap back.

She backs up.

"Well then, I'm left with two choices. You're either…" She holds out a finger. "One: Hard as hell, and yanking my chain, or…" She holds out another. "Two: You're the limpest dick I've ever met in my life."

"We both want to call it off!" I point out.

"Well, you're both vaginas!"

I put an arm around Lotte, turning our backs to Sucy, and walking us both back to the boat.

"Just remember, the plan's off!" I yell.

"Yeah, whatever…" Sucy mutters, following my lead.

After some time, the three emerge from the woods. Akko looks thoroughly pissed, while Lotte looks as if she's about to cry. Sucy is wearing her normal nonchalant face. However, it looks almost too emotionless, as if she's hiding something.

As my three friends sit down in their regular spots, I can't help but to ask what's on my mind.

"Is everything alright?"

Akko decides to answer with a nervous chuckle, and a

"Oh…o-of course! Why wouldn't we be? Hehehe…after all, we are the best…the best of friends…"

Okay, something is definitely going on. However, they clearly don't want to talk about it. Whatever, it's probably just some minor friendship problem. Nothing solves that like a good time.

"Okay then, let's get back to it." I say, before pushing us off the bank, and back into the rushing river.

Minutes pass as our boat flows gently down the stream, however this life is anything but a dream. No one has uttered a word. Lotte's silence is expected, Sucy's silence is understandable, but Akko? Okay, something definitely happened in those woods. The minute I ask, they will simply deny it. If I lighten the mood, perhaps this will be forgotten, and we can get back to the happy times.

"Hey, let's play a game." I suggest.

"What kind?" Lotte.

Good question. I never really had one in mind. I kind of hoped they would suggest one. What game should we play? Obviously something that can be played with ease in the confined space of a boat, a flexible game. Something that could make us laugh, but would also bring us closer together. I might have an idea.

"How about a game of truth or dare?" I suggest.

Hearing this at least sends some emotion through my three friends. Akko's eyes widen, as Lotte's mouth hangs agape. Sucy, however, is showing opposing emotions, smiling for the first time since this boat ride, revealing her sharp teeth. Honestly, how did she get so, for lack of a better word, interesting? Was she born that way, or is she just trying to be edgy?

"Oh yeah, that sounds like a fun game to me." Sucy says.

Yeah, I kind of figured she would be into this kind of thing. Now, what do the others have to say?

Lotte nervously smiles, saying

"Uh…are you sure? Why, there's hardly any room in the boat for such a game."

"Yeah, no room. We can't play." Akko nods, agreeing with Lotte.

Was the suggestion that bad?

"Don't be a bunch of Debbie Downer's." Sucy commands. "I say we vote on it."

"All in favor of truth or dare, raise your hand." I say, raising my own.

Sucy raises hers, while Akko and Lotte veto. Sucy makes eye contact with Lotte. It's the kind of stare that can only be described as pure death. The kind The Grim Reaper might give to someone whose time just ran out. The look you might give when you come face to face with your father's killer. Pure death, pure menace, pure Sucy.

After a few seconds of this maddening staring contest, Lotte begins to nervously twitch. Eventually, Lotte halve heartily raises her trembling hand. The look on her face, it's as if the jury just gave her the death sentence. Damn, Sucy really wants to play, huh?

"So, now that we voted-" Sucy begins, only to be interrupted by Akko.

"No! We can't! Ted, she's-"

"Let's play!" Sucy shouts with an amount of energy and passion that I didn't know she had.

So, is this her favorite game, or something?

"You can go first." Sucy declares, looking at me.

"Okay…"

I think about who I want to choose. Hmm, how about I avenge Lotte for that little look that Sucy gave?

"Okay Sucy, truth or dare?"

"Truth." She says outright.

Truth? I thought you were better than that.

"What type of person do you hate the most?"

She smirks, saying

"A womanizer, the type of people that only see us women as walking cum rags."

That's someone that I would never want to be seen as. Good thing I'm not.

"Okay Sucy, your turn."

Her smile grows bigger.

"I dare you to strip naked, and jump in the river." She says almost instantaneously.

What kind of dare is that?! Wait, a dare?! Why, I haven't even chosen!

"Sucy, don't!" Akko protests.

"Please no!" Lotte agrees

"Shut it, you two!" Sucy snaps. "I did my dare, now he does his. Those are the rules, Akko."

"Just calm down, Sucy! The game's over!" Akko declares.

"The game will be over in a minute…" Sucy turns her gaze onto me. "…Just as soon as jack off takes his clothes off, and jumps in the water." Her voice is as calm as ever.

What's going on?! Jack off?! Why is Sucy so adamant about her request?! Take my clothes off? Why, I never!

I knew Sucy was a bit of a creep, but nothing like this! Is she some kind of pervert, trying to take advantage of me being the only boy at this school?! I have to find a way to recover from this obvious landslide that we've found ourselves in.

"Calm down Sucy, alright? I didn't even pick dare. I pick truth."

This breaks her into a sadistic laugh.

"The truth? You want the truth?! Okay, I'll give you the truth. The truth is, fuck face, is that we didn't invite you out here because we wanted to be your friends-"

"Sucy, don't do this." Lotte pleads.

Sucy ignores her.

"We invited you out here because you came to this school to molest, mutilate, and murder-"

"Sucy, stop!" Akko demands, her tone showing anything but friendship.

"So we came up with a plan to mess you up…"

I turn to Lotte.

"Is this true, Lotte?"

She quivers at the sound of my voice. Rather than looking at me personally, her gaze is directed at the water. This is all the answer I need.

"What have you been planning?" I ask nervously.

Akko answers. The look of regret is smeared all over her face.

"We were planning on stripping you, and throwing you in the river…then making you run back to school naked."

A few chuckles come from Sucy.

"Ta-da!" The Filipino declares.

"It's not funny." Lotte scowls her.

"Oh, it's super duper funny." Sucy contorts, her smile growing bigger.

So, this is it? This is what they planned? To make me expose myself in front of my classmates? All because they think I'm some rapist? We're…we're not friends? They tricked me? W-what could go p-possibly wrong…today? I'm such a fool, a dumb old fool. I feel my eyes grow wet, as a few fresh tears sprinkle down my face.

"Oh poor little piggy wiggy." I hear Sucy sardonically comment.

"Is it…is it even your birthday, Akko?" I ask.

She looks up at me with glistening eyes. They tremble at what's to come.

"N-no."

Sucy's smile grows bigger.

That's it! There's only so much I can take!

Full of rage and righteous justice, I aggressively jump out of my seat, facing all these liars and manipulators. I accusingly point a finger at the Shiny Chariot fan girl.

"You're a fucking, lying son of a bitch, Akko! Alright?! And I hope you fucking go to hell!"

"Don't make things worse!" Lotte pleads.

"Shut the fuck up, Lotte! You fucking, stupid chapped cunt!"

"Stick your cock up her ass! You fucking, worthless-"

"Shut the fuck up, Sucy! Faggot! Fucking squinty eyed, Spanish colony faggot! I hate you! You know that?! I really do! Cause, all you do is fucking prance around school, talking about your fucking pathetic potions! I'll tell you what! How about you shove your fucking potions up your crusty pussy?! Alright?! You make me sick, and I fucking hope you fucking die from a Bunsen Burner fire!"

Lotte and Akko are as white as ghosts, jaws dropped to the deck in sheer shock and terror. Good! Those two monsters deserve a bit of verbal abuse, perhaps physical. They didn't even have the courage to face me. They had to lay in the darkness, like cornered rats. And why?

They're scared of me. It's written all over their faces, gouged into their eyes. They lied to me. They claimed they wanted the honey of friendship, but all they did was poke the hive!

And Sucy? She's still bearing that disgusting, horrible, worthless smirk. Her cheeks are pink, not from rage, but from embarrassing arousal. She gives a few more sadistic chuckles.

"Hehe, I have to admit, I didn't know you had it in ya. If there's one thing I love more than my best gore, it's being verbally abused by someone beneath me. Oh, I can feel my 'crusty' pussy moisten with lust!"

She begins stroking her…nether regions, moaning out her dialogue.

"Heeey, what were you planning on doing to us anyway? You stinkin' pig! Just die! Why don't you jack off in a bottle of formaldehyde, and call it our firstborn-"

Sucy is silenced in one swift motion, as I pick up an oar, and crack her over the head with it.

"Wh-what kind of creature are you? You barbarian!"

She really is a barbarian. A vile, stinky, filthy, sub human, living only for the nearest thrills: sex, drugs, and rock and roll. A sociopathic, masochistic, psychopathic, narcissist. I can't believe I let myself be exposed to such a poisonous person!

Sucy slowly turns her gaze back towards me, smiling forever bigger. She just shrugged it off, as if it was nothing! The only sign of my attack being a purple bruise on her cheek.

"Why are you so angry?" She asks calmly. "After all, isn't this what you wanted? For me to take a hard one to the face?"

Barbarians! The lot of these three! It's high time that I live up to my Roman heritage. It's time to extinguish the barbarians! I grab my wand, upholstering the instrument of their Romanization. Akko and Lotte's eyes widen, as I point it at Sucy.

"It's time for Pax Romana!" I declare.

"Before you do that, may I have a few final words?" Sucy asks, a vaguely fake tone of politeness in her voice.

If she were any calmer, we would need the paramedics to pick her up off the floor.

I lower my wand, which is practically bursting with lethal lightning.

"You may."

She begins to tug at her face, pulling at her cheeks and neck. What is she doing?! A few more yanks, and her face…slips…off?

No, not her face, but a mask! And it's not a her, but a he! To be specific, a middle aged man, with short black hair, and oval shaped Asian eyes. What the hell?! Who is this guy?!

The man casually drops the Sucy mask, and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a pair of glasses. Once on his face, he looks at me with a smirk, and exclaims

"It's Filthy Frank, motherfucker!"

Author's Note: Whoa! What a twist! What a story! What a year! I want to say that I appreciate all of you, all of my followers, favoriters, commenters, and readers! Without your constant love and admiration fueling my grandiose narcissism, I wouldn't be motivated to continue writing this. I love you guys, girls, and attack helicopters so much! Next chapter will come in a week or two. But of course, this is not a real Little Wizard Academia chapter without a response to a man. A man who ended wars, and spread his message of love and tolerance to every corner of the Earth, a man named Nightcore Miku:

"It's me again, NightcoreMiku. I would really like to see a little spinoff for your one year anniversary. Bombing places are boring, ya know? You don't get to see them bleed. How about we go clubbing? :D"

Well naturally I would go clubbing, but my dance shoes are pretty worn out nowadays. Would you happen to know any cobblers?

Also a message to everyone: I revised chapter three, which I have always considered as my weakest chapter. It's a lot longer, with an added scene. It's definitely worth a re-read.

Also, the writers are contemplating a second season:

2017/03/season-2-of-little-witch-academia-in-question/