Author's Note: Hey guys, MisunderstoodMillennialSmallWeenie69 here, and today we have a crisis on our hands, a crisis in the comment section
"Ummm i think Paul H. is Andrew's father right?"
"Um I don't know if you realized this but you paired lotte with Paul H. I believe that's Andrew's father"
Yes, my every observant fans, I realize the violation of human rights I just committed. I know that Paul is Andrew's dad, and that I paired him with Lotte. Before you say anything, I understand your deep seated anger and hatred for me. I get it, Paul Hanbridge is a straight up husbando dilf, and I don't want him being shipped with anyone else besides me. That's why I'm going to change it to something much more meaningful.
Before you even say it, yes I know that this chapter is smaller than the others. This is just a gateway chapter to a whole new world.
But, because I am a kind and caring author, I'm going to make it up to you. Remember how in the last chapter, Theodore did a parody on the song "Fergalicious"? Well, I decided to make one for everyone. Enjoy!
"I'm the A, to the K, other K, and O, and I love Shiny Chariot, don't you know? I'm Akkolicious."
"I'm the L, to the O, to the two T's, and E, and ain't no other body loves Nightfall like me. I'm Lottilicious."
"I'm the S, to the U, to the C, and Y, and I'll always laugh when you cry. I'm Sucylicious."
"I'm the A, to the M, other A, only N, D, and final A, and I'm no work and all play. I'm Amandalicious."
"I'm the C, to the O, to the N, S, T, A, other N, Z, E, and there ain't a better mute girl than me. I'm Constalicious."
"I'm the J, to the A, to the S, M, I, N, K, and A, and you know I'm scarfing food till the end of the day. I'm Jaslicious."
"I'm the D, to the I, to the A, N, A, and you know Ted would love to see me in lingerie. I'm Dianalicious."
And of course, one for pappa himself:
"I'm the R, to the O, M, A, N, to the V, I, K, I, N, G, and ain't no other body meming down like me. I'm ugly."
I stand in front of Diana's dorm door, my recently read letter in hand.
After my family had asked of me to bring a friend, I couldn't think of anyone else more suitable than the blonde herself. Lotte would've been another potential option, but since she already resides with her own family in Finland, that narrows down the list from two to one.
The other girls are fine, but I don't think they're valid for the aristocratic lifestyle of Rome and the Sempronias ourselves, Akko and Amanda in particular. Those two aren't known for their hoity toity lifestyles.
Diana, however, is cut from a different cloth than those two previously mentioned. She's elegant and demure, as well as intelligent. I don't know much about the Cavendish family, but I've heard of their power and influence, especially that of the past.
The Sempronias could have been as strong, if not more so, if we had not given in to the barbarians of the north. If we had only held onto our power in Rome, history would've taken a much different course.
I knock on her dorm door, signaling my arrival.
After a couple seconds of waiting, a few locks click, and the door opens.
Diana stands in the doorway, a smile spread on her face as she sees me.
"Oh, hello Theodore. What brings you here?"
"Hello Diana." I greet her, returning her friendliness and smile. "Do you have a moment? I was going to ask you something."
Without any questions, Diana opens the door wider, standing aside as to let me enter.
"Oh, I always have time for you. Please do come in."
I enter her room. However, can one really call it a room?
It's a lot bigger than my own, as well as containing much more furniture. In front of me is a green sofa, as well as a smaller green padded chair, both centred around a crystal table.
To the left of that are two queen sized beds, both with red velvet blankets. In between the two beds is a nightstand equipped with a lamp.
To the right of the green sofa from before sits a wooden table, equipped with two matching chairs, the table itself holding standard school items.
The whole thing hugs up against a giant wooden wall. Upon closer inspection, another room lies on the other side, perhaps containing Diana's own bed.
The room is lit up by giant glass doors, opening up to an above ground patio outside, and the floor is covered by a giant red rug, decorated with black symbols.
Overall, the sheer elegance and beauty of the room puts mine in complete and utter shame.
"Hannah and Barbara have gone for a walk." She informs me. "The former is still rather flustered over what happened."
"Trust me, I didn't like that experience any more than she did." I comment, still admiring her room which could rival The Four Seasons in sheer luxury.
Diana takes a seat at the foot of one of the red beds, patting the space next to her.
"Please Theodore, don't be a stranger. You may take a seat next to me."
Well, this just got interesting.
Sitting next to an attractive woman on a bed is definitely something I didn't imagine myself doing when I signed up for this school. But then again, fighting a Roman god and reviving a friend's dead dog dad wasn't on my to-do list either.
Is this how she treats me when we are outside of the public eye? Does this act mean nothing to her, or is she trying to throw hints at me?
Even if that question might go unsolved, this is an opportunity that I would be a fool to pass up.
I awkwardly make my way to the bed, taking a seat next to her, a thin blush on my face as I think Italian thoughts.
"So, what is it that you were wondering?" Diana asks, another smile on her face.
She always smiles at me. Whether it's in the middle of a conversation, or engaging in another casual encounter with her, Diana never fails to show me her good spirits.
However under the watchful eyes of the public, she maintains the classic British stiff upper lip. Even around Hannah and Barbara she only shows stoicism, a smile being her rarity to the two. If what she shows to the public is nothing but a mask, then I wonder what lies beneath it. I have the pleasure of experiencing a piece of it, something that not many can say they have.
"Theodore?" Diana asks, a little nervous at my lack of any response.
"Oh, yes...right." I say, slightly embarrassed, remembering the purpose of my visiting. "I was wondering if you had any plans for Christmas vacation."
Diana raises a brow, asking
"What brought this about?"
"My family sent me a letter requesting me to return to Italy for the holidays. They also wanted me to bring a friend."
"May I see the letter?" Diana asks, outstretching one of her hands.
"Of course." I agree, handing it to her.
She takes it, holding it up to her face.
After a few seconds of scanning through the lines, Diana has an epiphany.
"Wait a second, I can't read Italian."
I chuckle at this, taking the letter back, and summarizing it to her.
"Basically, my family has invited me to Rome for Christmas vacation. They also want to see who I've befriended at this school."
I pause before remembering another detail.
"Oh yeah, and my friend is coming from Anzio to Rome to visit. I haven't seen or heard from her since I left for Luna Nova, so I'm excited."
Diana's eyebrows furrow at the mention of her.
"And who is this friend?" She questions.
"Just a childhood friend...well, my only childhood friend." I admit, slightly saddened by this thought.
Seeing this, Diana changes the topic, asking
"So, do you have any plans on how we could spend the vacation?"
I shake my head.
"No, but I suppose I could give you a tour of Rome."
Diana jokingly flutters her eyelashes at me, saying
"Ooh, a tour of Rome? How could I pass up such an offer? And by a local, as well."
This little gimmick lightens me up, as I let out a few chuckles.
"And how will we get there?" Diana asks. "I assume you or your family have something arranged."
I pull out the two tickets from my satchel.
"One plane ticket for each of us. The flight is scheduled for tomorrow. Not much time to prepare."
"All expenses paid?" She asks, a smirk on her face.
"All expenses paid." I confirm.
After a brief moment of silence, perhaps of thinking, Diana returns her gaze and smile to me.
"Alright, I'll join you and your family in Rome for Christmas vacation."
I'm taken back by this sudden response.
"Are you sure? That was a quick decision. Don't you have your own family that's waiting for you?"
Diana's face suddenly turns serious, as she says
"My aunt and I don't see eye to eye on much when it comes down to the future of the Cavendish's. The family is all so political now. An argument a day, or something similar to that. It'll be nice to escape the drama for a few weeks. Trust me, it wasn't a hard decision."
As soon as it appeared, her hard face disappears, another smile taking its place.
"But, what would be is what I should pack."
"Flight to Stockton leaving in three minutes." The intercom rings throughout the station.
Many people of all different backgrounds scurry around in different directions.
Some are escorted by their family, either leaving the Gloucestershire airport to return home, or just arriving to spend their Christmas in England. Many carry a staggering number of suitcases, filled to the brim with hats, sunscreen, clothes, shampoos, and various other travel items.
The whole building is a sea of confused tourists, savvy businessmen, and the airport workers themselves, every little conversation between them merging together to create a blur of indecipherable sounds.
Thankfully, Diana and I are safe from this madness, having refuge in the waiting room.
The both of us wait for the plane to Rome to finally come to the terminal.
I'll admit, after a few hours of waiting, I'm beginning to grow a little impatient. I'm sure Diana feels the same way. Hell, in this time, I've managed to read fifteen chapters in 'The Brink of Salvation'.
"Flight to Rome departing now." I hear.
"Finally." I exclaim, tiredly standing from my chair, my bones popping from lack of use.
"Rome, Georgia." The intercom finishes.
Damn it!
With a deep sigh of defeat, I slump back into my chair.
Seeing this, Diana lightly chuckles, saying
"Oh my, beginning to grow impatient are we?"
"Actually sitting down and relaxing is an anomaly right now. I guess I'm just used to the constant hijinks of Luna Nova." I point out.
She laughs at this, saying
"Well, let us hope that we can find relaxation inside of Rome."
As our conversation is about to continue, I hear someone cry out
"I want my corn dog!"
Looking towards the direction of that sound, I see a food cart in our waiting room. While I don't recognize the vendor, I can definitely identify the upset buyer. He's an overweight, out of shape, balding, lonely man.
"Sir, I need an extra pound." The vendor explains.
"I don't have an extra pound!" Beef Mc Whatnow exclaims, angrily pounding the table with his fat fist, his body jiggling on impact.
"Then no corn dog." The vendor calmly replies.
"I want my corn dog!" Beefy repeats.
"You can't have a corn dog."
"I want my corn dog!"
As the two continue on like this, Diana casted her confused eyes onto me. Slightly annoyed by the man, she says
"My oh my, if that fool doesn't control himself, then airport security will surely apprehend him."
The both of us stare on at the ensuing argument.
"This is an outrage! What kind of self respecting capitalist country can't even supply my demand?!"
"We're basically socialist, and the supply is fine, you just don't have enough money."
Beef Mc Whatnow is visibly hurt by this, as he steps back, and points at himself.
"How dare you?! My name is Beef Mc Whatnow III, heir to the Whatnow throne! As the future king of Wales, I demand only the best of the best!"
"More like the king of whales." The vendor mutters, chuckling to himself.
"Excuse me?!" Beef demands, this time slapping the table.
It doesn't take a genius to see that this argument could easily turn into something ugly. Whether it's Beef, the vendor, or airport security, the future peace of this airport looks grim. Without outside influence, things could go awry.
"Pardon me, Diana." I request, getting up from my seat.
I really don't want my flight being cancelled because airport security thinks Beef Mc Whatnow is a crazed terrorist.
"Hey, Beef Mc Whatnow." I call out, approaching him.
Upon hearing my voice, he loses his past anger, looking on at me as a friend.
"Whoa! Well, if it isn't the guy with the scars and the nose?"
That's right, I never did tell him my name.
He sees Diana walk up besides me.
"What happened to the girl with the face and the glasses? Did you two break up, and now you're dating this girl with the hair and the neck?" He asks innocently.
While those descriptions are odd, I can't argue against them. Lotte definitely has a face and glasses, as well as Diana having hair and a neck.
But, I do remember lying to Beef, telling him that Lotte and I were on a date.
My face grows hot and red as I wonder what Diana must be thinking of his claim that Lotte and I were a couple. I believe I'm being to grow attracted to the blonde. I don't want Beefy mucking it up with false information.
"N-no, I'm not dating either of them..." I affirm, myself being too embarrassed to continue on with the conversation.
"Mr. Whatnow, you are causing quite an uproar." Diana scolds him, her arms crossed in judgment. "I believe it would be best if you ceased this foolish behavior before security arrives."
"I just want my corn dog." Beef Mc Whatnow explains, stomping his foot like a spoiled child. "I've been waiting for my flight all morning. I'm hungry!"
All morning? That's as long as we've been waiting. Could it be...
Diana, with an eyebrow raised, probably thinking the same as I, asks
"And which flight are you waiting for?"
"The one for Rome. I'm gonna spend this Christmas with my cousin Pepperoni Mc Whatnow."
Pepperoni Mc Whatnow? Just how many people are their that bear the surname Whatnow? Too many, one Whatnow is more than enough.
With the thought of this man and his family flowing through my mind, I finally lose my self conscious demeanor. After all the embarrassment that Beef Mc Whatnow has just put himself through, my one sentence seems trivial by comparison.
I dig into not my satchel this time, but my jean pocket.
"Here, just have a pound."
Beef's eyes bulge like a bug upon hearing my words.
He takes it in his meaty hands, his whole body quivering as if I just ensured his passage into heaven.
"Are you sure?" He asks, looking back at me.
I nod to him.
A single pound is definitely worth having this guy shut up. Especially considering the fact that he almost started something serious. Airports aren't the place to scream, and threaten, even if you're a Whatnow, the supposed rulers of Wales. Although, I believe that was just another one of his lies, lies which I've never discovered if Beef believes himself or not.
Beef Mc Whatnow, thankful for my charity, turns back to the vendor.
With that whole situation now cleared, Diana and I return to our chairs.
"That man, he surely is something." Diana scoffs to me, holding little respect for the overweight, out of shape, balding, lonely man.
"You can say that again." I nod, agreeing with her.
The both of us return to what we were doing before, absolutely nothing.
However, I do want to talk with Diana. For reasons that have been previously stated, I've recently had urges to be around her, and engage in dialog. I guess that was why I invited her to Rome in the first place.
Whether the wait is three minutes or three hours left, I should take this opportunity while I have it. Besides, she's not doing much of anything either.
I turn to Diana, prepared to engage with her in discourse.
However, as the first syllables escape my mouth, I can't help but notice Beef Mc Whatnow, corn dog in hand, appearing before us, a wide smile on his face, revealing his unbrushed yellow teeth.
"Beefy is here!" He proclaims, before plopping himself in the chair next to me.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, a little annoyed by his repeated encounters with me.
"Since we're going to the same place, we can be travel buddies!" He happily declares, before greedily devouring his corn dog.
Unamused, Diana raises an eyebrow, asking me
"So, I assume he's a friend of yours."
"You can say that..."
Both of our gazes return to the large man, now consuming his corndog.
He takes little nibbles, obnoxiously making the 'om nom nom' sound all the while.
He chews the food with his mouth open, purring like a cat.
"Oh, god yes..." He mutters through his food.
He continues this process, eating away at the skin, until only the meat is visible.
Beef pulls a mustard packet he must've gotten from the vendor out of his pocket. He opens it up, and squeezes it out onto his pant leg, effectively using it as a plate.
Beef dips his meat into the mustard, taking a huge bite, and letting out a loud moan that echoes throughout the waiting room.
A chuck of the meat drools out of his mouth, falling on the floor.
He casually scoops it up, returning it to his mouth with visible pleasure.
Diana gags in disgust, while I look on, feeling fairly uncomfortable myself.
Although seeing the deaths of Bruno and John Diehl has definitely made my stomach a tough nut to crack, Beef just cracked it.
Beef Mc Whatnow stops his eating, looking at us, genuinely confused by our discomfort.
"What's the matter? Haven't you had meat in your mouth?"
I don't say anything. I'm not sure if Beef understands what he's saying or not.
Seeing my lack of a response, he turns over to Diana, asking
"What about you, Blondie? Have you ever had meat in your mouth?"
She doesn't respond either, also knowing the second meaning behind those words.
"You two look like good friends." He continues, still talking to Diana. "Surely you've been to his house before for dinner, and he put the meat in your-"
"Flight to Rome, Italy boarding now." The intercom interrupts.
Oh, thank god.
Diana and I get up from our seats, the both of us wanting to get away from this man as soon as possible.
Without any words exchanged to each other or Beef, we grab our luggage, being the first to check in with the ticket verifier.
We both have them scanned, and we move through the tunnel that connects the plane and the airport.
Diana uses this moment of silence to voice her thoughts.
"Well, that man, Beef Mc What, was surely uncouth to say the least. I hope he doesn't ruin our vacation."
"Don't worry, Rome's a big place." I reassure her. "I doubt we'll run into him."
"I hope not."
The two of us board the plane, making our way to our assigned seats.
We walk through first class, and business class, approaching the end of the plane.
Slightly confused, Diana pulls out her ticket, looking it over, before coming to the conclusion.
"Coach class? I'd assume due to your family we'd be in first."
I shrug, saying
"My grandpa likes to save money."
As we continue to walk through coach class, Diana takes a seat in the section in front of ours.
Confused, I tell her
"Diana, I think you're in the wrong seat."
The blonde looks over her ticket again, before saying
"No, this is my seat."
"Oh no, are we not together?" I ask.
I look at my ticket again, answering my own question.
"No, I'm behind you."
I take the window seat behind Diana, disappointed by family's failure to put us together.
Diana notices my attitude.
"At least you have a window seat." She attempts to comfort me.
"At least..." I mutter.
As the other passengers begin to trickle in, one catches my eye. He's an overweight, out of shape, balding, lonely man, and he's heading straight for me.
Please don't tell me...
Seeing me, Beef Mc Whatnow begins to skip merrily through the aisle, much to the dismay of the other passengers.
As he closes the distance, Beef jumps, and with a surprising amount of agility, does a cannonball directly into my aisle, his overweight, out of shape body slapping into two seats, rather than one.
"Hey travel buddy, you ready to travel?!" Beef asks, happily bouncing in his two seats like a child.
Hearing this development, Diana turns around in her seat, giving me a pity face.
"I had to buy two tickets for this flight, one for each chair." Beef admits. "I feel fat shamed, oppressed, and offended."
I have only been with Beef Mc Whatnow for small amounts of time, but now I must share a confined space with him for the entire flight? This could be potentially maddening.
I don't know, maybe I'm blowing this out of proportions. Maybe it won't be too bad.
"A thing that you should know about me is when I sleep, instead of snoring, I have really loud orgasms. So if I fall asleep on the plane, don't wake me up. I might get spooked, and scare the other people."
I quickly look over at Diana.
"How long is the flight?" I ask, a ting of desperate pleading audible in my voice.
"About three hours." She answers back.
What have I done to deserve this?! I try to be nice to those who deserve it, but it seems as every little attempt that could've been made to destroy my mental psyche has been made!
I pray that a bag from the storage space above may fall, and knock me out.
"Hey..." I hear Beef begin.
He pulls up the shirt sleeve on his arm, exposing a disgusting mass. It looks like a pimple, but it's far too big. A boil, perhaps? But it's still far too big. I've also never heard of a boil colored yellow.
"...Does this look infected to you?" He asks.
With an exhausted sigh, I slump back into my chair, waiting for this hell to end before it's barely even begun.
Author's Note: And there we go, boys, next chapter will start this little Rome arc, and then so much more plot afterwards…
But because I still feel bad about this chapter length, I've decided to create a poll, because that's what the cool, successful, cool fanfic writers are doing. And I'm cool and successful, right?
The poll will be in your opinion, who is best girl in Little Witch Academia. Just slide on down to my account page, and let your opinion be heard. Next chapter, I'll say the top three, as well as my own best girl choice.
And don't forget to follow, fav, and comment so I can stay relevant with these emerging fanfics on the rise.