Author's Note: Hey everybody, welcome to the lounge, all my fellow loungers, chillers, ballers, and grillers. Well boys and girls, after too long of waiting, I've finally updated. And just what update is this? Well, my second anniversary special of course, the first one being known throughout the land for its autism and pure European senselessness. But before we begin with this horrendous story, let me respond to some comments, and trust me, it's a lot!
"I kind of have an idea of how this arcs going to end but im just a lousy self proclaimed man. I would love to see the moment of sucy invading teds personal space lol. Also in the news,I liked this chapter a lot,I missed the red team and theodiana."
Well, I hope down the line that that idea shall blossom into a full on epiphany. And you'll see a lot of Akko and the rest of the red team, consider it payback.
"I wonder how many Diakko fans with sharpened axes are at RomanVikings house now?..."
There were about 37 radicalized diakkos ravaging myself and my house, would probably explain the lack of an update.
"Future prez here, I liked how diana just left theodhore to explain the situation and put him on the spot im getting tired having to check in every day for the new chapter,but as a loyal fan I am sad that a fanfic update is the highlight of my month."
I recognize and appreciate your loyalty to this fanfic, and am happy to say that the update is now.
"Two questions:
1. When will you update?
2. Why is this a tragedy?"
Two answers:
1. Now
2. Wait and find out.
"I really should mention I am a HUGE fan of this story and would appreciate it for you to enjoy the story as I do."
Thank you my good sir for your love of my story. I always get a bit giddy inside when I see a comment like this. And yes, I think I do enjoy the story as much as you, maybe even more.
"si no te molesta, podrias hacer una version Reading de esta historia? ,realmente quisiera ver las rreacciones de las chicas ante esta excelente historia"
Okay, so I translated this Papa into English, and this is what it said:
"If you don't mind, could you do a Reading version of this story? , I really want to see the rreacciones of the girls in this excellent story"
I'm not sure if your aware, but this is already a reading version. I assume you meant something else. If you can tell me just what that is, I can answer your question, my good Inigo Montoya cosplayer.
"Happy 2 year anniversary you shmuck,There better be a new update today or tomorrow for the special.
Signed,
The most loyal fan,the president"
Thank you sir. Here it is.
Well, the time has come. The time for yourselves to indulge in sin, and damn yourselves to Hell just by reading this sacrilege. I'm positive that you'll enjoy the story, HIV positive.
Ch. 1
"Igottogodosomething!"
And with that, the mystery girl with glasses begins to run down the hallway, leaving me in a state of confusion.
After first arriving at this school, I expected to be met by witches and wizards alike, all eager to learn and consume themselves in the vast array of magical knowledge that this school has to offer.
But instead, only groups of girls, all giving me stink eyes, hiding behind their cruel whispering and gossip was all I was greeted by.
And the only one I was able to stop, the short haired girl with huge glasses, left me in the dust, retreating from my gaze as if I was some sexually corrupted demon.
Trying to brush this harsh encounter to the side, I continue my walk, hoping to find some kind of answer to my dilemma.
I stop my pacing as a new witch comes into contact.
She's older than all the others that I've been faced with. She also has blue hair, most of it concealed due to her witch hat.
"Excuse me, but what's going on?" I ask.
She stops her walk, gazing at me, as if confused by my very presence.
"Well now, it seems as though you are lost." She informs me, her eyes analyzing me, as if wondering as to the reason of my presence.
"I am."
"Well, then come with me." She beckons me. "My name is Ms. Ursula by the way."
I follow her through the halls until we come to an office.
It is a rather big room, with bookshelves on either sides, and a desk in the middle. Behind the desk was a big window. On the desk was what looked like a snake statue coiled around a branch.
The principal herself is sitting behind the desk, a rather short, old woman with green hair and glasses.
"Excuse me principal, sorry for barging in, but we have a problem." said Ursula.
The principal raises an eyebrow.
"What, a problem? But it's only the first day..."
Her voice trails off as she sees me standing behind the professor.
Upon viewing me, her wrinkled mouth turns into a deep smile, her eyes looking me over up and down.
"So, what can I do for this sexy little fella?" The principal asks.
Something tells me that this is no ordinary school.
While it was blatantly obvious due to the use of magic, I can feel it in the air, something else is going on, something that seems to be just under my huge fucking nose.
Ignoring these thoughts, I inform her the reason of my coming.
"I'm here to enroll at Luna Nova. I wish to become a wizard, and train with magic."
The principal sighs happily at me, staring at me longingly as someone would do with a window during the peak of boredom in a classroom environment.
"Well, this is an all girls school, so I normally wouldn't allow you in." She begins to giggle, like some school girl who's just encountered her crush. "But since you are super cute, sexy, smart, the main character, brave, strong, muscular, cute, and bae, I think I can make an exception."
Well that was a rather unorthodox approval.
Now, normally, I'm used to girls calling me all those names.
Back home in Italy, I was known as the Italian Stallion by most of the local women. Heck, even Romana, my sister, came onto me in her most lustful states.
But I'm saving myself for someone special, because I'm such a nice and admirable guy.
As I begin exit the room, I stop myself, as the voice of the principal reaches my ears.
"You know…"
I turn back to her, wondering just what she could want.
Maybe she wants to discuss with me my limits as being a guy at an all girls school, or ask me if I have any previous experience with magic.
"You're kinda cute." The principal claims, tracing around her lips with one of her wrinkled fingers. "Just how old are you?"
This sudden confession hits me.
I can feel my face grow a shade of red, as warmth begins to creep forward.
"Uhhh...I'm uhhh 16…" I manage answer, if a bit hesitant.
"Just two more years until legal." She proclaims, licking her crusty lips in satisfaction. "Two more year of waiting for me."
Just hearing these words uttered makes me physically cringe.
As stated earlier, I'm used to swarms of women lusting over me, but never elders.
"Isn't there some rule against sexual harassment on school grounds?" I meekly mutter, myself barely able to look the principal in the eyes.
I'm too pure and perfect for this.
In response to this, the principal leaves her position on her chair, climbing up onto the wooden table, laying on it with her legs spread.
"Now I'm not on school grounds." The principal proclaims, passion in her smile and lust in her ancient voice. "I'm on the table."
I put a hand to my face, covering up my field of vision from both embarrassment and shock.
"Sempronia, party of one, your table's ready." I hear her whisper.
I remove my hand, looking back up at her.
She ceases her smile, looking at me with a straight face.
"Eat me." She commands.
"Principal Holbrooke!" I hear Ursula cry out in surprise. "I demand that you stop this at once."
Hearing the first rational thing uttered gives me great relief.
Maybe I'm not the only sane person here.
I give a light smile to the blue haired teacher, sighing out
"Thank yo-"
"Because Theodore is mine, and mine alone!" I hear Ursula shout, before charging towards Holbrooke.
With blind fury, the teacher wraps her hands around the throat of the older woman, the two dropping to the floor, exchanging punches and harsh words.
While the two continue to fight for my affections, I can't help but ask myself one question.
I wonder if they like me.
Ch. 2
Here I am, standing face to face with Diana. Even if I wanted to back out, I couldn't, as the other students surround us like a wall.
The only thing that's missing is them chanting 'Fight! Fight! Fight!'
Even under the invigorating chant of war, I can't help but hesitate. Not because I'm afraid of Diana hurting me, but because I'm afraid of hurting Diana.
Ever since I started practicing magic, I've always been the best of the best.
My parents died at a very young age, and as an orphan I was sent to Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns in Canterlot.
I was at the top of my class, handling whatever anypony gave me with stride and ease.
I was even offered to become an alicorn myself, and rule over all of Equestria with the two sisters but ultimately refused, because I'm such a humble and nice guy.
You could say that I was born with a wand in my hand.
"Diana, I'm not sure about this." I inform her. "I'm not experienced in regulating myself when it comes to fighting. I don't want to hurt you."
She flashes me a confident smirk, saying
"Don't worry Theodore, I can assure you that I can handle what you throw at me."
Even with her words of confirmation, I still hesitate.
Even Celestia and Luna had to team up to even hope to beat me in a magical duel.
I even won the Nobel Peace Prize for creating over one hundred spells, most of them focused on healing and defense.
But still, because I'm such a nice guy, I can't help but follow her request.
With a sigh, knowing that I might inflict damage onto her due to my immense and great power, I say
"Fine, I'll give you a sample."
I raise my wand in the air, causing a blue light to flash around, consuming myself in its glow.
Just as I planned.
Before anyone can blink, I teleport behind Diana, scoffing
"Nothing personnel, kid…"
With the swiftness of one of my anime katanas that I bought on Amazon, I strike her with a lightning bolt, cracking her in the back.
She staggers, reeling forward, her wand flying out of her hand, as she clenches her fists in pain.
After stumbling forward a few feet, she finally stops, tinkering on the edge of falling over from sheer exhaustion.
The whole room is dead quite, save for the labored breathing of Diana.
I told her I would do this.
Due to my amazing and sexy magic skills, I knew that this would be a cakewalk.
However, I can't but feel no pride in this victory.
It was like an insect fighting against a dinosaur.
However, I am a misunderstood dinosaur, more like a butterfly.
Feel bad for me, because I'm misunderstood and relatable.
"Wo...wow…" Diana mutters, still suffering from shock as she gently rubs her injured back.
I lower my wand, knowing now that this brief skirmish has come to an end.
The whole is still engulfed in silence, every student, and even Ms. Faralda, waiting with bated breath, just not knowing how to respond to this unexpected turn of events.
"I-I'm impressed, Theodore." Diana stutters, still a bit shook from my assault. "Never have I ever expected a fellow student to achieve the upperhand in the case of combat, especially one that is new to magic."
"I warned you." I remind her.
"Yes, you were right." Diana nods at this, a little saddened by her questioning. "You were always right. I was a fool to question someone as sexy, smart, and sexy as you."
I blush when faced with her compliments.
However I do not falter, I'm used to being called all those things.
"Don't worry about it, Diana." I inform her, waving away her worries with a hand gesture. "At least now you know my power."
Diana smiles at this, dropping her wand to the floor, saying
"I feel the need to reward you for your….understanding."
As if stuck in some kind of trance, Diana begins to calmly walk over to me, her gaze focused solely on me.
"We might need Ms. Faralda to intervene...because it's about to get hot in here!" She shouts, her pace towards me beginning to quicken.
"I get it!" The teacher sounds off from the background.
This sick play on words leaves me shocked.
"I...um...excuse me?"
Without warning, Diana increases her speed to great feats, and with the elegance of a cat, strides behind me.
She slings an arm around my muscular, six pack bearing chest, another one grabbing hold of my giant, hugh mungus, fezzik sized ween.
She blows a warm stream of air in my ear, setting me in a shutter, before whispering seductively.
"I'll show you why my family's motto is 'Affection'."
Ch. 5
I hold my prize firmly in my hand, the other clenched around my wand, waiting for any further monsters.
I nearly died for this pestle, so I'm not so quick to let it go.
I continue to move towards the entrance, my body's still bearing a faint soreness inflicted onto me by the Cyclops.
Sucy's potion sure did wonders to my injuries.
I wonder why she left her satchel behind. It must've been an accident, I couldn't imagine Sucy even going to the free clinic without her potion pouch.
As I exit the labyrinth, I note that a great deal of students have already gathered, showing off their items to their friends.
Noticing my recent return, one of them approaches me.
"So, what did you find?" She asks.
"The Pestle of Jennifer the Witch." I respond, placing the item in my satchel for safekeeping. "What about you?"
She lifts up her find, a thin silver sword engraved with many carvings.
"I found a Vorpal Bla-"
She is cut off, as a loud roar erupts from the labyrinth, in the same tone I heard before.
Some students begin to cower, while others ask questions to their peers.
"What was that?" and "What's happening?" were the most common ones.
Another growl, and suddenly the thing slams through the door, its huge body stuck in the tiny corridor.
"What is that thing?!" Someone cries out.
It's a giant, lizard like creature with huge wings, a black body, and a red underbelly.
"A dragon!" I yell.
In quick response, Ursula slams her fist on a button next to the entrance.
Huge metal rods slide horizontally, pinning the huge dragon in place.
A nearby witch declares,
"Now's our chance! Blast him!"
With the speed of a piston, in one fluid motion, I flash my wand out, a single lightning bolt exploding out, accompanied by the sound of thunder.
Upon impact, the black dragon is turned blue as it becomes completely engulfed in the light.
It lets out a screech of terror and pain before exploding into an array of fireworks, an ode to my victory.
I lower my wand, and with a confident chuckle, I mutter
"Heh, too easy."
Ch. 10
"I'll collect the reward, now." I say firmly, holding out my hand.
I don't want to stay here any longer than I have too.
"Of course, of course." Mendacooper responds, nodding his head at my wish. "The Mortar of Jennifer the Witch, was it? Or much more, if you stay here, to be trained."
"You want to train me, Menandicckus?" I ask in disbelief.
"Four of my loyal followers were imprisoned in that statue with me. Vrykolake, Asanbosam, Jikininki, and Jiang Shi can teach you true magic, not those petty party tricks you learn at Luna Nova. I'm talking about black magic, voodoo, and everything in between. After that, no one can stop us as we carve out our new world order. There will be many wars, revolutions, and great purges. Many millions will die worldwide, but out of the ashes will come peace and order. We shall live like kings, or should I say, gods, in Rome. Your family will finally sit at the throne, as they used to."
I was taken aback by this accurate description of my ancestry.
"How did you know about my alignment with Rome?...How did you know about my family?"
He scoffs at my question, and with a smile says
"Oh please, you think that I wouldn't recognize the Sempronia gens? Plus, that pugio hanging from your hip leaves little questioning to who you align yourself with." He states, pointing at my side.
I eye my dagger, forgetting that it was even there in the first place. But still, all this talk of purges and death is disturbing.
"Aren't you a god? Can't you just snap your fingers, and make the world yours? No blood or violence?" I try to reason
He drops his smile.
"Pop quiz. How does a god obtain their power?" He asks.
How am I supposed to know?
"They…um-"
"You don't know?" He cuts me off, regaining his smile. "And you're supposed to be all that? A deity gets their power based on how many disciples they have. Hence why the Pagan gods ruled the ancient world, and why Christianity rules the modern day. Only two people that are alive believe in me. You and Bruno. You believe in me, don't you?"
"How could I not?"
"So, join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son." He says, making a fist for emphasis.
Of course, who wouldn't want to rule the world? But of course, I am the main character, not to mention a soul only containing pure thoughts.
"Just think of what I'm offering you." He says, cutting off my train of thought. "A chance at immortality. To restore your family honor, to carve your name in the history books, a great deal of money. How can a person such as you not be interested?"
I am interested, i'm interested very much so.
However, I know what has created such negative emotions inside of me.
When I was little, back when I was still in Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns, I happened to become interested heavily in Equestrian dark magic. This would eventually lead to an obsession, an obsession that would dominate my mind and body. Dark magic was all that was on my mind, and I eventually gave into my urges.
After that, the darkness had corrupted me, and clung to my very essence.
A demon had taken control of a part of my personality, and this monster would eventually rear his ugly head in my thoughts every now and again.
When the notion for greed strikes me, like now, the demon tries to persuade me into taking the dark deal.
However, since I strive and am so cool and pure and awesome, I can resist its temptations.
Only a kiss from my one true love could break this evil bond.
Anyway, after I became infected by the dark magic, I was ashamed of myself.
Alone, mocked, and distrusted by many, I fled into The Crystal Mirror, coming into the human world to pursue a better life.
That's right, I'm a pony. An alicorn to be exact.
"No!" I say with assertiveness, "No, no, no!...NO!"
He drops his smile for a second time, and replaces it with a scowl.
"What? You're family, immortality, wealth, fame! Don't you see what I'm offering you?!" He demands.
I can see that demonic corruption has also taken full effect within this old god.
However, due to my studies on the most powerful magic of all, friendship, and my expertise from Celestia's School, I believe that I may convert him to good.
"Meningitis…" I begin, my hands outstretched at my sides. "Don't do this. You'll regret it."
The god snorts at this, asking
"Oh, and you're going to stop me? How can you?! I am the one, don't weigh a ton, don't need a gun to get respect up on the street!"
Even under this verbal assault, I still keep my calm, because I'm such a calm and collected and cool and stoic and mysterious person and all.
"No." I respond to him. "If you do this, take over the world, you may have all the power and wealth you can imagine, but you'll still be alone."
Mendacius lets out a few confused blinks at this, prompting me to continue.
"To get this power, you would've killed people, and then people wouldn't want to be your friend because you killed people because you wanted power because your evil, and I can help you before you kill people because you want power, which will make you friendless and alone because you killed people for power that you wanted because you're evil, which isn't good. Killing people isn't good."
The old god stops upon hearing this. The confident smile that was once plastered on his stolen face has vanished, as did his threats and bold words.
He falters, reeling back as if unable to process with what I have just said.
He grabs at his hair, running a hand through it as he thinks hard, beads of sweat beginning to drip down his exhausted face.
He looks back up at me, mouth agape in sheer and utter submission.
"Wow, I guess I never really thought about it that way before."
Ch. 20
Without answering, I look at Akko. Amanda's mood drops as she too sees Akko in her current state.
"What's wrong Akko? Did something happen?"
Not getting a reply, Amanda looks around, asking
"Where are Lotto and Sushi?"
Amandaa glances at me.
"I have no idea." I respond.
Seeing as she won't get answers, Amanda sighs to herself, taking a sip from her soda.
Suddenly, a tomato flies out of nowhere, smacking against her drink, knocking it out of her hand, as it spills out on the ground.
"Hey!" Amanda angrily protests, glaring at where the tomato came from.
Five boys now stand in front of us. One of them looks like Bonz from Yugioh. Another two look British Rajian, both twins with their hair done up. One is wearing a white shirt and blue pants, while the other has a blue shirt and white pants. That appears to be the only physical difference. Then we have a big guy who looks like he could be Chris Christie's son, his massive fucking belly distended. Finally we have the short, cisgendered, misogynistic, white scum, male standing in the middle of the ground. He wears a pink shirt that says 'Juicy' on the back.
All five of them bare smirks, none of them look like they want to make friends. That's sad :'(
"You're witches, right?" The pink shirt kid asks, pointing at us.
"Yeah, and what exactly is your point?" Amandaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa annoyingly asks.
"You've been casting weird spells all day in that old moldy building, right? Boiling worms, and lizards, and having anal sex, and stuff?" He asks.
These kids have some nerve. My family fell because of these uneducated, uninformed, filthy, barbaric, intolerant bigots. The Sopranos didn't fight back, and now we're a shadow of what we once were. I'd be living like a king, no a Ceasar, performing every spell known to man. First it was the barbarians, then the inquisitors, and now these kids. There's no difference, they hate us and want us gone. These kids are just as responsible.
I grit my teeth together as I try to maintain my composure.
"That's so creepy!" The Indian kids both exclaim.
"So lame!" Chris Christie's son adds, shoving a pocket full of twinkies into his fat fucking face.
Anger getting the better of me, I slowly move my hand into my satchel, gripping the hilt of my wand.
"Witchcraft is for old folks, right?" The creepy one asks.
"Did you know they don't even have cell phones?" Pink Guy asks.
"Do they even know what a phone really is?" Chris Christie's son jokes, developing Type 2 Diabetes.
"Alright, that's enough." I notify everypony, taking a step towards the group of kids.
I turn back to my group, exchanging a nod with Constanze, that Eva Braun like bitch.
Understanding my silent gesture, the silly little short fellow pulls a microphone from her badonkadonk, before speaking into it with her normal Louisianian accent.
"Epic rap battles of fanfiction!"
She points at me, yelling
"Edgelord McBitchface!"
She retreats from her pointing
"Versus!"
The same hand that once was on me now goes to the kid in the pink shirt.
"Thomass!"
She throws the mic to the ground, it shattering into pieces, as she screams
"Begin!"
Since I'm the baddest broad in the fucking town with the biggest tittties, I'll go first.
"My name is Theodore, but it can be shortened to Teddy.
Funny, cause I like to get heady
All night in your mom's beddy.
Slinging spells by day and poppin pills by night
My pleasure's got no end in sight.
If you come by my dorm
Expect there to be no porn.
Because I've got an entire school to pick
Which girl can suck my dick.
My weenie is as long as my nose
With these girls, anything goes.
Even if the school isn't co-ed
I can still get them spread.
In the main story I beat your cronies harder than I beat my meat
In fact, that's how your mom and I did meet."
With my sick session done, I step down, allowing the kid in the pink shirt to begin.
"My name is Thomas
And I can promise
That the witch Diana
Will feel my banana.
You may think she's your's
But to her, you're just chores.
You're a sad man
It's won't be long until you're in the trash can.
Your whole family is screwed up
They've got more blackness in them than a coffee cup.
Your grandpa's so stingy, are you sure he isn't a jew?
On the topic, your nose is the only thing big about you.
You're a discount Andrew Hanbridge
Your face looks like his, but slammed in a fridge."
My turn.
"I'll admit, you may be top on the rhyme game
But at least I have a last name.
Andrew Hanbridge?
Please, for all I care he can jump off a bridge.
I've been running the show long before he was around
So why don't you pipe down, before I throw you to the ground.
Diana? At least I've kissed her
The only thing you're getting is a beat off blister.
All you can do is dream
But when we're in bed together, I make her scream.
You were only in one of two movies
As for me, I got a whole army of groupies.
People drawing me fanart
Got more admirers than Bonaparte.
You may think I'm crude, but still
I beat up that pussy like Emmett Till.
So why don't you take a page from Mendacius, that old god
Right now, the rats have his body gnawed."
His turn.
"You may think you're strong, with all your pride
But we all know that underneath you cried.
You can't step up to me...and my gang!
Mess with us, and you'll go bang!
All I need is one movie
To get my handful of boobie.
If you were to die
No one would say goodbye.
I mean look at you, you're not even canon!
Now why don't you lick these wounds, and run back to your author, Roman?"
With both of our sicknesses done and cleared, Constanze steps back up, yelling
"Who won?! Who's next?! You decide?! Epic Rap Battle of Fanfictiooooooooooooooooon…!"
Ch. 26
"Greetings, you must be Theodore's friend from school! My name is Anchovy, his lifelong friend! Pleased to meet you." She greets Diana, her hand outstretched in a handshake.
The blonde accepts her handshake, saying
"Hello Anchovy, my name is Diana. It's nice to meet you."
After their exchange, my friend points behind her with a thumb, saying
"I took the liberty of saving us seats. Follow me."
Now it is both Diana and I that follow, as Anchovy takes us to the booth she was previously sitting at.
I am the first to slide in, taking the fogged up window seat.
As Diana's about to join me, Anchovy slides in, taking the only spot next to me.
I don't mind, as Anchovy playfully slings an arm around me, laughing.
"Just like old times when you ate my ass, huh?"
I join in with a smile.
However, as I glance towards Diana, I can't help but let my smile slip away.
There Diana stands, facing Anchovy, her jaws grinding together in rage.
"What's Deeeeana, wrong?" I ask her, being the kind and caring man that I am.
The blonde shoots daggers at my childhood friend, as she mutters
"I wanted that seat…"
A bit angered after being challenged for the custody of the space next to mine, Anchovy stands up, her face meer inches away from Diana's as she yells
"Respect my space, get out of my face!"
With this, Diana takes a swing at Anchovy, her fist making contact with her jaw.
"You son of a bitch!" Anchovy screams, as she grabs Diana by the throat, body slamming her onto the table, drinks and broken plates littering the pizzeria's ground.
I note that the spillage from the drinks have wetted both of their shirts, exposing what lies underneath.
Anchovy continues to choke out Diana, as she angrily declares
"You whore! Theodore's mine!"
With a burst of newfound energy, Diana shouts
"No, he's mine!"
And with that, Diana shoves Anchovy off of her, the two engaging in a tight hold on each other.
A few punches later, and Diana and Anchovy smack against the window, breaking the glass, as the two of them fly out, hurling punches and insults all the while.
I run out the front door, concerned for the well being of the both of them.
"Ladies, please-"
I stop, however, as I see the sight before me.
Diana and Anchovy have somehow been reduced to nothing more than undergarments, their clothes being somewhere out there.
Additionally, due to the wetness of the winter, a sizable Puddle Of Mudd has accumulated, this being where the chick fight is located.
Diana throws herself on top of Anchovy, picking up a handful of mud, violently smashing it into the Italian girl's face, rubbing it in.
"You spaghetti bending guido!" The blonde angrily screams.
"You already took our mare nostrum! I'm not going to let you take Theodore!" Anchovy shouts, throwing Diana off of her, a flurry of punches being brought upon the blonde, rage fueling her attacks.
"Is your nickname Anchovy because you have a smelly cunt?!" Diana grunts out, blood flowing out of her nose and mouth.
"No! My nickname is Anchovy because I'm always wet from the Italian Stallion!" My childhood friend retorts, referring to me.
As the two continue to wrestle around in the mud, I hear a familiar voice shouting from my side.
"Yeah! Take her top off!"
Turning towards it, I see Beef Mc Whatnow, chicken leg in one hand, penis in the other, I'm the last of the dragonborn, there's no other my brother, so run for cover, as he watches on, clearly satisfied.
Even under a thick layer of three day old mayonnaise, I can still see the cheeky smile on his face, as he eagerly watches on.
I look back at the fight, the two muddy girls still fighting for my hand in dating.
I note that a few teeth are missing from Diana. Likewise, Diana is currently beating Anchovy with one of her own ponytails, ripped off in the heat of the fight.
I think I'll just stick with Lotte.
Ch. 30
"Are any of you familiar with The Fluttershy Incident?" Holbrooke asks us all.
Almost everyone gives a collective mutter of 'no', and some shake their hand in a similar answers.
"I heard about it in a newspaper years ago." I inform them. "But I'm not knowledgeable on the details."
Principal Holbrooke nods at this, before continuing on with her explanation.
"Filipino is a small island in the Mediterranean sea, apart of the Aeolian Archipelago. It was once a quiet little community, housing no more than a few seaside towns and a brothel, a small little tourist center it was. But about three thousand years ago, without any warning, swarms of Munsters began to appear on the island, killing and harassing the local inhabitants. A mass evacuation took place, leaving the island desolite of human life. But to this day, the monsters still remain. From then on, they used the island as a sort of command center, raiding nearby coasts for their thicc Mediterranean booties, and then taking it back to Fettucini for safe keeping."
Ah yes, that's right.
I do remember reading something like that on InfoWars dot Com years ago, but just dismissed it as tabloids, and perhaps a coverup to another reason of the island's evacuation.
"What treasures have the creatures taken?" I hear Diana ask.
"Current Money, ancient relics, old paintings, Greek culture, used condoms, anything worth any value."
"It's just a treasure trove ready for plundering." Ms. Finnalin adds. "It's been sanctioned off by the Euro Zone, cuz Greece refuses to pay and debts."
It sounds simple enough, if a bit dangerous.
But still, I believe I have a simple solution to this serious problem.
I walk up to the principal's desk, pulling out a checkbook that I conveniently keep in my satchel, in case of a financial emergency like now.
Ms. Holbrooke raises an eyebrow, a bit confused by my actions.
"And just what are you doing?"
I take out a pen, while informing her
"My family is very rich, I'm sure that I could pay off Akko's expenditures."
The principal raises both eyebrows in astonishment, while Ms. Finnalin analyzes me in disbelievement.
To wash away their doubts, I remove a check from the book, writing down one hundred and twenty-five gazillion Soviet Rubles, because I'm such a nice guy and all.
I slide the mondo check across the table, pushing it towards the principal.
As she reads the numbers, her eyes explode into Hiroshima and Nagasaki, herself flying out of her chair and through the window in the process.
Seeing what just transpired, Ms. Finnalin cautiously takes the check, silently reading it to herself.
"Oh yeah, that'll be enough." She proclaims, going lewd.
With this, Diana turns to face me, wrapping her soft hands around mine.
I hear Akko gasp in startlement.
Ignoring her, and undoubtedly the hushed whispers of the others, Diana looks at me, a wide grin on her face.
"My hero!" She cries out.
And with that, she shoves her tongue down my throat, almost making me gag on foreign saliva.
After a brief, but pleasurable, moment of sex, Diana puts her clothes back on, and walks out the door, probably seeking a morning after pill.
"Wha-" Akko begins to scream again in response, only to have an annoyed Sucy silence her with a sliced throat.
"Don't question it." Sucy mutters. "It's The Anniversary Special, anything can happen."
As if to prove this point, Sucy pulls out a gun from her satchel, and shoots herself in the head, her brains splattering all over the wall just like bonehead, white trash, fucking, donkey dick Marty's dad.
Even in the face of these new causalities, the other girls are focused squarely on Diana and I's recent copulation.
"Whoa-ho-ho!" Amanda sounds off.
As if in pain by this, I grab my suitcase, leaving the room, as the others follow in pursuit.
As I'm about to speed off into the hallway, I feel Jasminka grab my shoulder, and turn me around with her "massive, SJW, woman of color, hands up don't shoot, antifa, hashtag me too, black lives matter, he will not divide us, kill all men, not my president, more than infinite genders, I'm oppressed" strength.
I'm facing a crowd of slightly angered, but expecting, women.
Amanda is the first to explain Jasminka's blocking of my freedom of movement.
"Look Ted, we saw what just happened with you and Diana."
I sigh to myself as I think about her recent actions against me.
It might've been rape, but as a white European male, I can't be raped, especially not by a woman.
"Yeah, I don't know what's up with her-"
"And we want some of that action." Amanda interrupts.
My mouth is hung low, lower than my massive Gary Sue sized ween.
Sometimes I just get sick and tired of women always fantasizing and molesting me.
If I could give a quarter of all the women that lust over me to Elliot Rodger, then I think he wouldn't of done the deeds.
Having enough sexual encounters for one day, I turn my back to them, wishing to go into my room and wash the Diana fluids from me.
"Enough of this!" Amanda cries out, forcing me to stop in my tracks and face them. "The whole lot of us have been lusting over you since we first laid eyes on you."
Lotte nods to confirm this, saying "Dildos and dreams can only get us so far."
"We're starving for some of that good old Sempronia nose." Sucy adds.
"My hunger can only be quenched by your ooey-gooey." Jasminka claims.
"I want to play The Taharrush Gamea with you!" Constanze shouts out.
"So, which one of us do you want to date? We don't care, just tell us. The anticipation is killing us." Amanda says.
All this news is far more than a pure and holy mind like myself can bear.
My eyes slide to the floor, myself a bit embarrassed by being put on the spot by such a question.
"Look…"
My gaze flutters back to them, myself sighing out
"I don't want to hurt any of your feelings…"
But then, an idea comes to mind, one that would answer Amanda's question, and keep everyone happy.
I smile at my amazing idea.
"So...I'll date all of you."
Hearing this Amanda cries out
"So selfless!"
Jasminka follows up with
"So kind!"
"Lick me out!" Sucy commands
"So fucking sexy!" Lotte cries out.
"Destroy me!" Constanze sounds off.
And with that, all five of the girls dogpile me, crushing me underneath their sheer weight.
Jasminka herself, underneath her Trigglypuff body, smashes all of us into a whole new world, causing the school to collapse in on itself, the whole world becoming a black hole, engulfing everyone, but the dirty non believers.
It's all ogre now...
Author's Note: Well boys, here it is, two years of hard, hard work. When I first starting writing this thing, there were only like four or five fanfics available at the time. I never expected that the community, as well as my own fanfiction, would grow so much in such little time. And I never expected myself to be writing a one year anniversary special, let alone a two year special! This whole fanfic experience has been amazing! I've met so many new people, some of them being good friends now, and I get my daily dosage of my notorious grandiose narcissism! It's been a good rune here, but I don't think we're going to see a third anniversary special. Don't get me wrong, this story still has a good while left, but I don't think that much of a good while.
Onto other news, the game, "Little Witch Academia: Chamber of Time", is set to come to the West on May 15th. What a wonder! I ask for it for Christmas, and it's coming about a month before my birthday!
Also, Wayward Bot, the author of Little Witch Academia: The Wizard of Time, wanted me to tell you that his lack of updates have been do to him updating his earlier chapters.
Also, we've done it boys and girls. I've managed to ascend to 70 followers, and am actually close to achieving 80. I've been getting followers up the wazoo, almost one follower every day! So you know that that means! I get to create another one of my world famous Diakkos! I'll create and upload it after this current arc with the island and all, but just to give you a little taste of it, it'll be called "Hitler!Diana X Jewish!Akko: A Burning Love".
And don't forget, if you want anymore of my promised Diakkos, make sure to follow and fav! 80 is now the goal for another Diakko! This one maybe written by the one, the only, Nightcore Miku.
And for the final update, I've been thinking about creating a project. All the cool fanfic writers have some kind of video or comic to go along with their story. I was thinking about creating a post on the website Casting Call Club for a narration of The Mendacius Arc. It'll go like this: I'll post the casting call, you guys audition for voice acting roles, aka for Theodore, the narrator, Mendacius, and I'll choose the best. Afterwards, a nice video will be placed on Youtube, and we'll all exchange high fives afterwards. This is just an idea, and am wondering what you guys think.
I hope you beasts in human form have yourselves a great day.
Like and favorite this shit. Become a viking today!