Disclaimer: Anything you recognize, unless it's an original from one of my other stories, does not belong to me.

A/N: A short chapter, but I just wanted to keep this separate from the next bit. I hope to update again very soon!

Kiss of the Traitor

Chapter Nine: The Depth of Love

-FLASHBACK-

Harry had never felt so tired in his life. He stood in the shelter of Hogwarts castle with several of his friends, isolated from the teeming mass of students and teachers who were still getting over the shock and into the triumph of knowing Voldemort had been killed that night. And Harry, who should have been happiest of all, because his nightmare was now over, felt nothing but emptiness.

They stood under the Hogwarts arch, Neville and Ron sitting on the steps close by, Ron's face white and pale and suspiciously tear-stained. Luna sat next to Ron, silent as a ghost. Ginny was pacing nearby, her expression hard and stony with the faintest gleam of tears in her eyes. There were others there – Hagrid, Tonks, Lupin, Terry Boot, Parvati Patil, Mad-Eye Moody – a large number, all fairly close at hand. No one seemed to know what to say to the small group of friends in the corner, or to Harry, and they merely kept the crowds who wanted to thank or congratulate Harry or ask questions away. Occasionally, Hagrid let out a stifled wail. Some people looked confused, obviously unable to understand why the mood in this group was so flat.

Harry wished for the first time that when Voldemort had died, he had somehow taken him with him. Tom Riddle was gone, but maybe Harry Potter should have gone too. What did he have left, without Herm –

He couldn't bear to think of it. Of her. She had betrayed him, led him to death!

His entire being felt numb, like stone.

And yet… Harry, leaning against the wall of the arch, looked up to see Professor McGonagall make her way through the ring of Order people guarding the group, towards Harry. In her wake was Snape, whom Harry knew was not "evil" but whom he would never like.

"Harry," Professor McGonagall said quickly, looking strained and worried. "Are you all right?"

He nodded flatly, although he knew he never would be.

"We have to talk, Harry."

"Okay," he said, and his voice sounded so strange to his own ears that he wondered for a moment whether he had really spoken. He looked expectantly at the Headmistress of Hogwarts and the ex-Potions/Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. He knew they could talk freely here; there was no one they couldn't trust.

Although, thought Harry miserably, you never could tell, could you? The one person he had believed would never let him fall had betrayed him to his worst enemy.

"Where's Hermione?"

The sound of the name sent a tremor through the entire group. Ron looked up, his expression like someone had hit him. Neville went stiff and rigid. Ginny froze and came closer. Hagrid let out another wail. Even Luna looked up. Professor McGonagall did not miss these reactions, especially Harry's, because Harry was sure his eyes revealed the pain that flashed through. She looked very alarmed.

"Harry?" she said, and looked around. "Miss Weasley? What happened? Where's Miss Granger?"

Snape was silent, studying Harry closely.

Harry couldn't speak. It was Ron who croaked out unexpectedly: "We don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"Harry – we – told her to leave. We don't know where she went."

Hagrid was leaking large fat tears into his sleeve. Professor McGonagall looked shocked, and her expression slowly turned to the stern look of anger they all knew so well. "You sent her away, I suppose, because she led Harry straight to You-Know-Who?"

"She betrayed Harry," Neville said indignantly, sounding miserably, "He could have been killed tonight because of what she did!"

"So you sent her away?" Snape said slowly.

"Yes."

Snape shook his head. "Fools," he said coolly. "Didn't you have any faith at all?"

Harry nearly exploded. "What do you know about this?" he snarled. "Do you even have any idea what it did to us to have to tell her to leave? But she was a danger to us all – we couldn't afford to give her another chance after what she did – "

"What she did, Potter, was save your life."

There was a stunned silence.

"What are you talking about?" Ron said slowly, standing up.

"Miss Granger only pretended to join Voldemort," Snape said coldly. "She took Occlumency lessons from me, learnt swiftly, and went to him. I assume he must have tortured her for hours before he decided she was trustable. And then she told him she would bring you, Potter, to him. She did. But in doing that, she saved your life and the magical world. At a terrible price. Perhaps you will never realize how much it must have cost her to take you to him. To endure his tortures for you. But she did it – that was the depth of her love."

Harry couldn't hear it, he didn't want to hear it. He heard, from somewhere far away, Ginny say sharply: "But the only reason Harry survived was because we followed them – "

"Miss Weasley, you ought to have more intelligence," Professor McGonagall said equally sharply. "Hermione made sure Neville would be at the North Tower post, so that he would see them move across the ground, and she knew he would alert the others because she had warned him earlier that it was important not to let any of the group go anywhere near the forest."

"But why?" Ron yelled. "Why would she do any of this? What good did it do anyone?"

Professor McGonagall and Snape looked at each other. Then Snape said coolly: "We were just upstairs in Professor McGonagall's office, and Dumbledore's portrait had something to tell us." And the story came out, about the prophecy and Hermione going to confirm her interpretation of it, and the realization of what she would have to do. He told them, in his cold, precise voice, everything Dumbledore told them. Professor McGonagall blew her nose.

Snape concluded by offering to take them upstairs, where Hermione's memory of Trelawney was preserved in the Pensieve. The silence that fell after he stopped speaking was so thick it felt like a blanket of the most absolute darkness. Harry felt like his mind was spinning out of control.

"Harry, please, please just let me explain – please listen to me – "

"Go, Hermione. Go before I change my mind."

He hadn't even given her a chance to explain. She had sacrificed everything to save him, and he had given her a betrayal that far exceeded her own in return. Harry wanted to throw up.

"No," he said in a broken voice, "No…" He buried his face in his hands.

"Harry – "

"NO!" he shouted, and turning, he took off across the grounds. He had to find her. He had to find her before something happened to her, he had to find her and beg her to forgive him, he needed her to hold him and tell him that she loved him and that she would never leave him, he needed to tell her how sorry he was…

He tore through the trees, past the bodies of Death Eaters and their own casualties which still needed to be taken care of. He rushed right through the gates, all the way to the train station, but there was nobody there. Blinded by tears, Harry ran.

He never found her.

They returned to the castle, defeated, by the time dawn broke over the wintry night sky. A group of tired, broken people who knew that they had done the unforgivable. Who knew that they had lost a friend, a lover forever. Who knew that Hermione was gone, and that they would never find her because she was the smartest witch of her age.

Hermione's parents moved to America a few months later, when empty reports told them that no one had been able to find their daughter. Harry couldn't bear to go to her house and pack up the things her parents had left behind – practically everything that had belonged to Hermione. So Ron and Ginny went inside, and brought several boxes to Number 12, Grimmauld Place, and put them away, never to be looked at again until several years had passed and Hermione was once again within the walls of the house. But they had no idea this would ever happen. They didn't imagine a new nightmare was coming, nightmare and beautiful dream intertwined. Would they have exchanged Hermione's health and happiness for never seeing her again? They didn't know. But it was with pleasure and pain that they welcomed her back all those years again.

And, haunted by their nightmares in those days of the past, they all tried to live. But it was hard. Guilt was an ever-present shadow that lurked over their shoulders, snaking its way in in the dark of the night, and Harry, at least, never lived again.

Then, three years later, Snape went back to Hermione's house, convinced there was something there that must have been missed. He found no clues about where Hermione was, but he did find something… a little blue box. He recognized the box at once for what it was, and rightly assumed that this rare device had been enchanted and created for one person alone.

On Harry's twenty-first birthday, Snape gave it to him.

Harry was alone in his bedroom when he finally worked up the courage to press the little black panel on the top of the box. The box snapped open, like a bizarre flower, and in the very centre glowed a golden light. Harry watched, spellbound, as a jet of light shot out of the centre and hit the wall. From the light grew a figure. Harry felt like his heart was breaking as a life-size, three-dimensional but slightly translucent figure of Hermione stood in front of him, looking right into his eyes.

She was eighteen years old. Harry realized that this had been 'recorded' before she had put her 'plan' into action.

"Harry," she said quietly, "Can you hear me?"

"I can hear you," he croaked, knowing she couldn't hear him and that this was only a recording.

"I've put a charm on this box, so only you can open it. I don't know whether you'll ever forgive me, or find the heart to open this box and listen to what I have to say. But if you are watching this, then I assume you know all about the prophecy…" Tears sparkled on her face as they trickled out of her eyes. "I'm sorry, Harry. I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I have to break your heart. I have to make you hate me, for only then will the Horcrux inside you be released and you can destroy it. It'll kill you if I don't free you, Harry, and I'll give anything up if I could save you.

"Things are going to get dark, and maybe I won't survive this war. All I need you to know is that I love you, and that if I can save you, I would gladly die for it and I would die happy, if I only knew you were all right. I love you, Harry. I suppose that's all I can really say, and I wish there was some way I could tell you how much, but there are no words to describe it. I'm about to hurt you terribly, and perhaps you might call that a very poor show of love. But know one thing, Harry, that the person I hurt most through all of this will be myself. I won't hurt you with stories of what Voldemort has done to me before he was convinced that he could trust me. Let me just say that I would gladly live it all over again if this works. I won't let you die, Harry. I love you too much.

"So I think that's all I can really say to you. One day, perhaps, you'll see this and you'll know. I hope you're happy, wherever you are. I'm sorry, Harry. Someday, please, forgive me for what I'm about to do. Someday, remember that I loved you."

The figure smiled a strange, sad, sweet smile, and touched her fingers to her mouth. And then, raising her hand in a farewell wave, Hermione disappeared.

Harry was on his knees in front of the blank wall and ground, sobbing almost hysterically.

"Hermione… come back," he sobbed.

And then, an hour later, Harry was on his feet, standing up with his wand in his hand, suddenly knowing with every shred of his heart what he had to do. They had lived in darkness for far too long. It was time to fight for the light.

He looked at the little box, and promised: "I'll bring you back."

The very next night, he went to Yorkshire.

-END FLASHBACK-

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TBC.