A/N: Thanks again, guys, for reviewing, and I hope you enjoy the new chapter! I'm going to try and inclue some NS angst in this next chapter!
Reluctantly Nick had picked up his things and headed back toward Sara's apartment complex. A part of him really didn't want to go back to her apartment at the moment...his mind still needed time to register what he had just seen in her medical history file. The other part of him knew, though, that she didn't want to be alone, heck, he wouldn't want to be alone in this situation either, and at the same time, he himself needed to get back to her to make sure that she was okay. Now he was mentally cursing himself for leaving her alone...what if Daniel had tried to break into her apartment?
And also...Nick need to ask Sara about the pictures he saw, and about the things that he read. He had heard her say something about Daniel protecting her from their father...that her father hit her, but...he didn't really know at the time if that really was what she was saying. The pictures and doctor's notes had confirmed his doubts.
Still, the part of him that didn't really feel like going back to the apartment complex yet was making him debate on whether or not he should go for coffee...or maybe just pull over on the side of the road to take a minute to collect his thoughts. He decided against it when he remembered the possibility that something might have happened to her while he was gone and he continued on his way.
Reaching over the passenger's seat when he made it to the apartment complex and found a parking space, he held it in his hands for a minute. Did he really want to go back in there..? He wasn't so sure...the pictures of a young Sara were still stuck in his mind. Would he be able to look at her without seeing that same terrified, vulnerable, hurt little girl he had seen in those pictures?
With a sigh, Nick opened up his door and walked out, closing the door behind him. He walked up to her apartment and hesitated before knocking on the door softly. Looking down at the ground, he watched a bug crawl by his feet as he waited for Sara to open the door. Soon the sound of the lock clicking and the chain on the door being undone was heard and Sara opened the door up, looking up at him.
"Where'd you go?" she asked quietly.
"I went to get some fresh air, just to drive around a bit," Nick told her, cursing in his mind as he remembered he held the file in his hand.
And to his horror, Sara's gaze immediately fell down to the file he held in his hands. "What's that?" she asked.
"I took the file your brother gave you to look over.." Nick said.
Sara could tell the file looked much thicker than before, and she quickly snatched it out of his hands.
"Sar!" Nick said quickly. "Sar, give it back to me!"
"Why?" Sara asked. "What's so important that you can't show--" And then something fell out of the bottom of the folder. Sara didn't know what it was at first, but looking at it closer she deducted that it was a photograph. Kneeling down beside it, she slowly picked it up.
"Sar!" Nick said. "Don't--" But by then it was too late. Nick knew that she had already seen it. It was flipped over so that the image was facing both him and her, and he almost had to turn away when the strong urge to empty the contents of his stomach hit him. Sara stared at the picture for a long moment- looking at the image of a younger version of herself sitting on a white hospital bed as a nurse told her to stay still for the picture. She could remember those nurses...she could remember the sound of the camera going off when they took the picture, she could remember how bright the flash was afterwards.
As the memories quickly came flooding back to her, Sara slowly turned around, her fingers only barely holding onto the picture. "What the hell is this?" she whispered.
Nick grew silent. Really, he didn't know what to say. What the hell was it, he couldn't remember anymore? Sighing, he tried to think about what to do or say. He had gone to the lab to get information about her brother, not get information about Sara... He shouldn't have made that call to the California hospital to request her medical history, it wasn't his place, even if he was curious to know what she was talking about. "Sar..."
"Nick..." Sara said. "How...could you?" she asked. "How could you have done this?" she asked a bit louder.
"Sar..." Nick said quietly. "Please..."
"No!" Sara said, turning around to look at him. The sight Nick saw made him want to cry. Sara was trying to look like she was seething with anger towards him, and that she was hurt at the same time, but Nick could tell that there was another expression on her face- shame. She was ashamed that he had seen these pictures...of her in such a pathetic, vulnerable state. She was ashamed that he had found out about her deepest, darkest secret.
"Sar..." Nick said again. "I'm sorry...it wasn't my place, I shouldn't have...looked that up.."
"No you shouldn't have!" Sara yelled. "So where did you go, Nick? Did you go to the lab? I bet you had Brass help you, too!" Turning away, she looked down at the floor, fighting back the tears that were forming in her eyes. "It was none of your business!"
"Sar.." Nick said. "It was my business...because you're my friend. Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Nick asked softly.
"Why?" Sara asked quietly. "Why?" she asked again, a bitter laugh soon following her words. "Why, Nick?" she asked yet again, turning around to look at him. "After seeing those pictures, and reading those files, you still want to know why I didn't tell you?" she asked, taking a step toward him.
"Sara..." Nick said, taking a step back. "You need to calm down...please.."
"Why I didn't tell you, Nick, was because I didn't want anyone to know! I'm not proud about my childhood! You wouldn't be either, if you were in my shoes! It doesn't make me feel happy to know that even one of my closest friends knows about this now!"
"But Sar.." Nick told her. "We can help you get through this, we don't judge you."
"Try telling that to Grissom! Or Catherine! Or anyone, for that matter!" Sara said. "Grissom just thinks I'm a too-emotional, empathetic, hopeless alcoholic who only interferes with work! You know that, Nick? Up until just recently he never bothered to ask me why I am the way I am, instead he told me to stop obsessing over one victim because I was going to burn out!"
"Sara.." Nick tried again. She was getting hysterical...the tears were running down her cheeks, there was a squeak to the tone of her voice, telling him that she was choking back sobs and the urge to throw something across the room at the same time.
Ignoring him, Sara continued, "And Catherine isn't any better! Just because she's a mother she thinks she can figure me out. She never stopped and asked me if I was okay, either. And she doesn't understand that not all mothers are like her- caring, nurturing.." Finally her voice started to break. "...understanding, loving..."
"Sara.." Nick said, taking a step toward her.
"Don't, Nick," Sara whispered. Still trying to sound angry, she said, "I don't want to talk to you anymore!"
Nick didn't say anything, he only walked closer toward her, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" Sara said, tearing herself away from him.
"Sara..." Nick said softly, grabbing her arm before she could go any further. For a minute he just looked at her, and she looked at him with red, puffy, tear-stained eyes. Before she could say or do anything, Nick wrapped his arms tightly around her, taking her into a gentle embrace, resting his head on her shoulder.
Sara was still shocked at the gesture. Why was she letting him do this? She should be angry, she told herself. Why wasn't she still angry? She wanted to smack him a few minutes ago. But...now all that anger was gone, and now she was just sad...and confused...and scared. Burying herself in Nick's arms, Sara cried into his chest, holding onto the loose ends of his shirt as tightly as she could.
"It's okay, Sar..." Nick told her, softly rubbing her back. "It's okay..."
"I'm confused, Nick.." Sara whispered in between tears. "And...scared...and sad...and..." She choked back another sob. "Ashamed."
"Why would you be ashamed, Sar?" Nick asked. "You have nothing to be ashamed of..."
"Yes I do," she whispered. "I have plenty to be ashamed of. My family never cared enough about me to protect me from my father.." she told him. "And now my brother- the other person I thought still cared about me- is forcing me to do something that I don't want to do, even though it's wrong."
"Sar..." Nick told her, slowly lifting her head up to look into his eyes. "Don't say that. I'm here, Sar. And I care about you."
And that just made Sara cry even harder, once again burying her face in his chest as he held onto her tighter. "Thank you, Nick.." she whispered. "Thank you so much..."
"Don't mention it.." Nick told her.
In a matter of a few minutes, Sara had once again fallen asleep in Nick's arms. Smiling, Nick slowly scooped her up into his arms and carried her down to her bedroom, setting her back down on one end of the bed. About to leave the room, Nick stopped himself in mid-step. He didn't want to be alone...and he didn't want to leave her alone, either. He just wanted to hold her...to know that she was safe, to know that she was there- with him- in his arms.
Walking around the foot of the bed, Nick kicked off his shoes and layed down next to her, slowly wrapping an arm around her and pulling her to him. Closing his eyes, he rested his head just above hers as he drifted off to sleep.
But Nick could've sworn he felt his hand being squeezed tightly before he fell asleep.