Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or plot points. I make no money out of this.
Chapter 3- Punishments
The stars were faint tonight, the moon hidden behind a cloud, as if the very lights of the heaven shied away from the darkness re-born on the ground. The graveyard loomed eerily in the darkness, jutting gravestones and dried-out trees painting a haphazard picture of death and destruction. The soft wind whispered gently through the branches, swishing my black robes, as I made my way carefully through the tombstones.
I knew where they would be. The dark lord often had his meetings here. He seemed to get some perverse sense of amusement from planning his orgy of death from the grave of his father, from the place of his first murder.
I can see them ahead now, the circle of black, turned inward, focused on the sole figure in the center. My breath catches in my throat as I see him again. He looks exactly like he did 13 years ago, the same flat, white face, two slits that pass for noses. But what draws my attention is the cold red eyes, burning even stronger with hatred, anger and malice.
He notices me almost immediately, and for a moment there is shock on his face. He did not expect me back then, he had believed that I had gone over to the other side. I suppress a shudder as his eyes turn on me, as I feel the full weight of his evil. There is a deep desire in me then to simply turn away, go back to Dumbledore and tell him I had failed. But I imagine the look of unvoiced disappointment in his eyes and I force myself to move on unhesitatingly.
The other death eaters have seen me now, and they shuffle around, leaving me a clear path to the dark lord. I walk up to him as he waits there and prostate myself at his feet, kissing his robes. I hate this display, hate bowing down to him, to anyone, but I force myself through the ritual.
I remain bowed before him, aware of his scrutinizing gaze. At least this is not only a show of humility; I want to deny him the chance of using legilimency by not making any eye contact with him. The silence sits heavily on the small gathering and I resist the temptation to jump up and down a few times or make any kind of movement just to break the monotony.
"So, you have returned." The cold, silky voice finally says. "My most loyal servant. I had wondered what had become of you. I had such high hopes of you, you I had thought more than any of the others would come back to me. You who had risen so far above the ranks of the others. I confess myself disappointed, when I saw your face was missing from the black circle."
"My Lord…" I stammer.
"Crucio!" The jet of light shots out from his wand and a split second later, I feel the excruciating pain of a hundred white-hot knives twisting in my skin, burning my very flesh. It has been so long since I have felt that kind of pain, that kind of mind-numbing agony, I had forgotten how painful it really was. I clench my teeth together and refuse to let out the scream forming on my lips. I would not give in, I would not let him have the pleasure of hearing me scream, I was too proud to break before him so easily. I had to bow before him out of necessity, but I would never let him control me.
When the curse finally lifted, I was surprised to find myself on the ground, beaded sweat on my face, my breath coming in short, harsh gasps. I did not even remember falling down. I force myself back to my feet, ignoring the aches that were the natural aftermath of the curse, and once again stand bowed before him.
"I did not give you permission to speak. And what would you say to me anyway? What would you say to explain 13 long years of absence? How would you explain why you spent those 13 years under the protection of that muggle-loving fool? What reason can you possibly give me for even now arriving hours after I had summoned you?"
"My Lord," I try again, attempting to sound as subservient and deferential as I could. "I admit freely to these faults, and I will gladly accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate. But know, my lord, that throughout these long years, my heart has ever only been loyal to you, and indeed all that I have done has been in hope that you will one day rise above us again, and I will be able to serve you as faithfully and loyally as I always have."
Cold laughter rings out then. "And you expect me to believe this? Tell me, Severus, how have you helped me by serving that fool?"
Pushing down the anger that rose up like bile in my throat, I launch into my pre-prepared tale of all I had done over the last years that could prove useful to him. I tell him of the vast amounts of information I have collected about Dumbledore, about Hogwarts, about the Order of the Phoenix that would prove most useful to him. I stress the invaluable position I was in, how trusted I was of Dumbledore and the Order, how I could further his cause. Most of all I repeat my dedication and loyalty to him, and then wait with bated breath for his response. I have said all I can; I have played all my cards, now the dice is in the dark lord's hands.
He looks at me with a cool appraising gaze, and then I feel his fingers under my chin, forcing it up. I do not resist, but I know what he is trying to do, and I reinforce the occulemency shields in my mind, clearing my mind of all emotions. Indeed, as soon as his eyes meet mine, I can feel his probing inside my mind, trying to find any shreds of evidence that I was lying. I carefully push to the forefront my memories of the time when I was still a loyal death eater, before I had gone to Dumbledore, allowing the dark lord to feel the sense of excitement, joy and loyalty I had felt towards him in those times. I know I am walking a very thin line. If I present to the dark lord only a blank mind, or if I refuse him entry completely, he would know I was trying to thwart him, and would demand that I stop, or else would get suspicious of what I was trying to hide. If I let him get too far into my mind, it would be even more disastrous, as he would have a clear view of my true loyalties. So, I had to play this game just right, allowing him to see what I wanted him to, and barricading all else. It is a skill I have developed through the years.
After a while, I feel his probe leave my mind, and I almost sigh with relief as he lets go of my chin and walks a distance away.
"It appears that what you have said is true. I am willing, for the moment, to accept you back in my ranks and to give you a second chance to prove your loyalties. But know, Severus, that Voldemort does not forgive, nor does he forget." The dark lord says after a while.
"Thank you my lord. You are indeed merciful. I shall not fail you" I bow deeply before him and make to move away, when his voice once again rings out, freezing me in my tracks.
"I am not yet finished. I am willing to look over the mistakes you have committed, but I cannot let them go unpunished. Bind him!"
I stand rooted to the spot, as several death eaters move towards me and shove me against the trunk of a dead tree. Instinctively, I try to struggle against them, knowing all the while that it is hopeless. One look from the dark lord is enough to stop even my feeble attempts, and I curse myself mentally for having resisted even a bit. The dark lord does not like his followers to go against him, it would have angered him even more to see me trying to fight against his orders, when I should have given myself in quietly. But I could not help it, it was not easy to let myself be bound without putting up a struggle. Still, I attempt to stay still as one of the death eaters conjures up ropes to tie me tightly to the tree.
"Remove his shirt." It takes all of my will power to stay still, as the death eaters move to comply. I stand shivering in the cold night breeze, my heart pounding wildly, horrible images flitting through my head as I think of what was to happen to me. Somehow I manage to keep my face calm, composed, a stark contrast with the chaos taking place inside my heart.
The death eaters move back, and the dark lord takes their place. He is playing with something in his hands, but I cannot see what it is as my eyes are lowered in an attempt to rectify my previous mistake by pretending a humble acceptance of his punishment.
"I am sure you are wondering what punishment lies in store for you." I hear the silky voice say. "I have decided to give you a …reminder…to help you remember where your true loyalties are."
Trying to prevent the apprehension from showing on my face, I look up at him, and what I see in his hands only serves to make my heart beat faster. In his hand is a small knife, which from the looks of it has been enchanted to make it red-hot.
He smiles cruelly at the spark of fear in my eyes, then continues, "It seems that the dark mark on your arm is not sufficient to bind you to me. Why don't I give you an even bigger reminder?"
Without warning, he moves towards me, and slams the hot knife in to my chest. Hot agony flows through my veins, as the knife burns my skin. My body spasms and I clench my teeth tightly together. I am aware of the dark lord moving the knife slowly downwards, cutting my skin, sending waves of pain up my body. Then the movement stops. Through my pain-filled haze enveloping my mind I hear the dark lord's voice. "Why, does that hurt? You see, I only wish to carve into you a reminder of whom you belong to, who is your true master"
He smiles coldly, as he sees understanding flicker in my eyes. He was planning to carve the dark mark into my chest, the hot knife, besides increasing the pain would ensure that the wound would scar. A permanent mark of my loyalty embedded in my very skin, not unlike the dark mark, but bigger and more painful. The very thought sickens me.
He once again starts dragging the knife down, slowly, creating a cut deep enough to cause pain and permanent scarring yet not so deep as to cause serious damage. It would be no fun if I died so soon during the torture, would it? I still had my use.
These thoughts all but flee from my mind as the horrible pain continues to course through my chest. My very veins seem to be on fire. I close my eyes and clench my fist, but I cannot shut out the agony pounding through my body. Nor can I shout out the laughs and jeers of the other death eaters as they watch my pain. I bite my lower lip refusing to let out any sound that would only give them greater pleasure. I do not wish to break in front of them, but it is hard to maintain my silence as the horrible, burning pain only increases more and more with every cut the dark lord makes. I am sure my chest is a mess of red by now. I can feel my blood oozing out of the wounds.
Suddenly, I let out a low moan of pain as a sudden spasm of agony reaches me. The laughter of the crowd gets louder. Angry at myself, I pray to anyone who may be listening to end the pain. Let it be over. I cannot endure it much longer.
As if on cue, the knife is suddenly removed, and I sag forward in my bonds, glad that at least the worst is over. My whole body aches, my chest is on fire, my wrists rubbed raw from friction with the ropes during my struggles.
"Remember, Severus," I hear the voice again. "I do not forgive and I do not forget."
A/N: Well, that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed it! There should be one more chapter to go before the end! Please leave a review!