Title : Home Is Where the Heart Is
Author : Steph
Rating : PG
Pairing : Robin/Patrick
Category : Romance/Drama/bit of Humor
Disclaimer : I do this out of a love for this couple. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers : Nothing really.
Summary : Robin and Patrick travel to his hometown for his grandmother's funeral.

Note : Thanks for the feedback on Part 2! I'm so glad you're enjoying. Last part soon! Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought! Thanks! –Steph

---Home Is Where the Heart Is: Part 3/4---

The wake had just ended and Patrick was in search of Robin. He'd looked throughout the entire house, before he finally decided to try outside.

"I was wondering where you went off to," Patrick said, as he found Robin sitting outside on the porch swing.

He sat down next to her and she turned to face him. "I needed some fresh air."

He smiled. "Has my family finally gotten to you?"

She shook her head. "On the contrary. I'm really enjoying spending time with them, even under the circumstances. You're really lucky."

Patrick nodded. "Yeah, I guess I am."

They fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments until Patrick broke it.

"It's a beautiful night," he said, looking up at the clear sky and the stars sparkling like diamonds.

"Yeah, it is," she agreed.

"My grandmother used to love nights like this. She's would sit in this swing for hours, just looking up at the sky. She used to say that only good things can happen on nights like this."

Robin looked at him. "I guess it's kind of ironic then that we're here because she passed. Not exactly a good thing."

"No," he said softly, turning to meet her eyes and bringing his hand up to cup her cheek. "But something good can come from it."

He inched closer to her, bringing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. Robin could have melted right into him, but she forced herself to stop.

She pulled back, shaking her head. "I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"This," she said gesturing between them.

"Kiss? Actually, you can and, I know from experience, you can do it very well."

He began leaning in again, but she brought her hand up to his chest and gently halted his movement.

"No, because it's not just a kiss, Patrick. Not to me," she said, shaking her head.

Patrick licked at his lips. "So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying we're colleagues and we're learning to be friends, but there can't be anything physical between us...because, for me, it's not just physical. It's a whole lot more. And I can't just turn that off."

He nodded and dropped his eyes to his hands. He was silent for a few long moments, his thoughts moving to his conversation with Riley.

He took a deep breath and then said huskily, "And what if I said it's not just physical for me either? That it's a whole lot more. What would you say to that?"

Robin's eyes widened, her mouth dropping slightly open. She inhaled deeply and then exhaled, before speaking. "I would say that it's not enough to just feel it or say it. You have to prove it to me."

"Prove it to you how?"

"By having a real relationship." Patrick bowed his head, as she went on. "Until you're willing to do that, it doesn't really matter how either one of us feels."

Robin stood up and walked back inside, as Patrick's eyes followed her.

---

Patrick and Robin waved goodbye to the last of his relatives, saying they would see them the next morning at the funeral. Patrick closed the door behind them and looked at Robin.

There was this tension between them now, their conversation from earlier weighing on their minds. Still, Robin felt like they had made some progress. Patrick was willing to admit he had real feelings for her. But he still couldn't take it any farther. The worst part was that having spent this time together, now she felt closer to him than ever and, in turn, wanted him more than ever. During their time there together, he had shown her sides of himself that she didn't know existed.

Patrick licked at his lips. "About earlier-..."

"Forget it. I know I was pushing again-..."

"No, you weren't," he said cutting her off, his voice soft. She met his eyes, as he went on. "It's not that I don't want to, Robin. I do. You have no idea how much. I'm just not there yet."

Robin nodded. "I understand."

He shook his head, stepping closer, and bringing his hands up to cup the sides of her face. "I don't think you do. I want...I need you to understand how much you really mean to me. Being here with you like this, seeing you with my family...It made me realize how much I want someone to share things with. I never thought I wanted that before. And I know I want that person to be you."

Robin blinked back tears, as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Then what's stopping you?"

He dropped his hands from her face and brought them to his side. He lowered his eyes and blew out a breath of air. "I can't explain it."

"Try."

But he just shook his head and whispered. "I can't."

He then walked past her and down the hallway. Robin allowed a tear to stroll down her cheek.

---

Robin blew on her hot chocolate, as she headed back to her bedroom. Her brow wrinkled, as she noticed light coming from beneath Patrick's door. Robin stood at the door, staring for nearly a full minute, debating whether or not to knock. Finally, she let out a breath. She pulled her robe closed and tied the belt, before raising her hand and knocking on the door.

A moment later, the door swung open, revealing Patrick. He stood in front of her in nothing but a pair of plaid pajama pants. Her eyes lingered on his nicely toned chest for a few moments, before she brought her eyes to his face.

"Oh, hi. Sorry to bother you, I just noticed your light was still on and I wanted to make sure everything was okay."

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I was picked to give the eulogy tomorrow. I've been trying to write it for two hours now."

"Well, what do you have so far?"

He moved from the doorway to a small desk by the window and picked up a piece of paper. He returned a moment later and held it in front of him.

"We gather here today to honor an amazing woman."

"Keep going," Robin said.

He lowered the paper and looked at her. "That's it."

Robin's eyes widened. "That's all you wrote? That took you two hours?"

"No, that took me two seconds. I spent the rest of the time trying to think of what else to say."

"Just say how you felt about her."

He eyed her and replied softly, "You of all people should know that's not easy for me."

Robin sighed. "You told me what she meant to you. That's all you have to do. Maybe tell a few funny stories."

He moved to the bed and sank down onto it. "This shouldn't be so hard. When have you known me to be at a loss for words?"

She sat down next to him. "You just said it. You're never at a loss for words when it comes to debating a patient's care or telling me how to live my life. But when it comes to how you feel about someone...Well, it's a lot harder."

He stared down at the paper. "How do you sum up a life in a few paragraphs? She was so much more than that."

"Of course she was. It's not about summing up her life. It's about remembering her and saying how she touched yours."

"I don't think I know how to do that."

Robin thought for a moment. "What's the best advice she ever gave you?"

Patrick moved his eyes to his hands. "It was after my mother died. My father had started drinking and making a mess out of his life. She said that you have two choices when you lose someone. You can choose to drown in the pain or you can choose to live your life like each day is a gift and could be your last."

"So that's what made you spontaneous."

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, I knew I didn't want to turn into my father. He felt so much that he couldn't function. I lived each day like it was my last, savoring every moment, but I never felt anything. I wouldn't let myself."

"Your grandmother didn't want that for you."

"I know. She told me so. She knew what I was like. How I would put up walls and pursue women I had no future with. She told me that if I didn't change soon, there would come a day when I would look back on this time in my life and I would be able to pinpoint the moment when I let my chance at happiness slip through my fingers."

His eyes captured hers and held for a long moment. Robin realized that, without even realizing it, he was explaining to her what was stopping him from going any farther with her. But, still, Robin felt like it went deeper. She felt like there was a part of him she just didn't understand yet and it was rooted in his painful past.

"What did you say?" she asked.

"Nothing then. The next time we talked, I told her about you."

Robin's brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Because I wanted her to think I was trying to change."

"Were you?"

"I am now," he said, his voice sincere.

Robin lowered her eyes and took a deep breath. "Well, I guess I should let you get back to work. Sorry I couldn't be of more help."

"No, you helped. You helped a lot."

She nodded, noting something in his tone.

"Goodnight, Patrick," she said.

"Goodnight, Robin."

---

Robin glanced at her watch for the fifth time and then looked at the stairs. Still no Patrick. The funeral started at 9:00 a.m. and it was already after 8:30. She sighed and went to the foot of the stairs.

"Patrick? Are you almost ready? It's getting late."

When she didn't receive a reply, she walked up the stairs. She found the door to his room open. He was standing in front of the full-length mirror, fumbling with his tie.

"I seem to be all thumbs today," he muttered. "So much for skilled hands."

She looked at his furrowed brow, beaded with sweat. "I don't think I've ever seen you nervous. Not even before a risky surgery."

He shook his head. "Well, I'm at home in an operating room. I know how to do that. This...I don't know how to do. I don't know how to say goodbye to her. I don't know how to get up in front of all my family and friends and say how she touched my life. Brain surgery's a cakewalk compared to this."

Robin smiled comfortingly, as she came to stand in front of him. She gently pulled his hands away from the tie and undid the mess he'd made. He watched as she expertly tied it. Her hands moved to his shoulders and she met his eyes.

"You're going to be fine. Just breathe."

He grinned, "You're not going to offer me advice, like picture the audience naked, are you? Because those people are my family and I'm just not comfortable with that."

Robin chuckled softly. "No, nothing like that. You don't need my advice anyway. You know what you have to do and you'll do it."

He nodded, swallowing hard.

She then slipped her hand in his, linking their fingers. "Let's go."

---

Patrick took a deep breath as he stood at the podium and looked out at the sea of familiar faces. Only one brought him any comfort though. He found Robin and she smiled at him. He exhaled and swallowed hard.

"I was up all last night trying to think of what I should say today. It should have been easy. My grandmother was an amazing woman, who loved deeply, fiercely, and unconditionally. She touched the lives of every person who loved her in her own special way. I couldn't understand why I was having so much trouble. And then it hit me. I knew if she were here today she would take one look at me and say how disappointed she was in me."

Robin's brow furrowed in confusion, as he went on. "You see, my grandmother could always see right through me. That's how she knew I'd broken that vase. The look on my face said it all. So, if she were here today, looking at me, she would know that I hadn't taken her advice. I hadn't lived each day as if it were a gift. And I hadn't changed so that I wouldn't look back and realize happiness had passed me by. She would know because she always knew. The only way to really honor my grandmother's memory is to start taking her advice now. So, that's what I'm going to do."

He met Robin's eyes and she felt something swell inside her at his words. She watched as he licked at his dry lips and went on, "She was a great example of someone who lived everyday to the fullest. She got up every morning and watched the sun rise and spent every night watching the sun set. When she talked to you, it didn't matter if there were a hundred other people in the room, you felt like you were the only one on earth. She made you feel that special. I want to live my life like that, I want to be that kind of person. And, maybe, someday, she'll look down on me and she won't be disappointed anymore."

With that, Patrick walked down the stairs and headed towards his seat next to Robin. Before he sat down, his eyes caught sight of his father standing in the back of the church. Noah offered him a small smile and a nod of his head, before turning around and walking out the door.

Patrick swallowed hard and then sat down. Robin turned to look at him. She smiled and placed her hand over his.

---

At the cemetary, Patrick kept looking for his father, hoping he would be there somewhere. But he wasn't. The crowd dispersed and headed over to his grandmother's house for a reception. Patrick turned to Robin as they headed toward his car.

"I want to make a quick stop before we go back."

"Okay."

Robin followed Patrick down a winding road and a hill. He stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of a huge oak tree. Beneath it, was a headstone. Standing in front of the headstone, was Noah.

Patrick swallowed around the lump in his throat. He moved toward his father, but Robin stayed back. Realizing that she wasn't moving with him, he turned back around and took her hand in his. He then guided them both to where his father stood.

Robin's eyes landed on the headstone.

Mattie Drake
May 5, 1950 - March 13, 1996
Beloved Mother, Wife, Daughter, and Sister

Patrick's eyes filled with tears as he looked at the headstone. He then moved his eyes to his father.

"I'm surprised you came," he said.

"So am I."

"Why did you then?"

Noah met Patrick's eyes. "I had to say goodbye." Patrick nodded. Noah smiled gently. "You did a wonderful job today with the eulogy. Your grandmother would have been proud."

"She probably would have said, 'Typical Patrick, he made it all about himself'."

"No, you said what was in your heart and what she did for you. That's all that matters."

Noah looked back down at the headstone, a faraway look in his eyes. "Did I ever tell you about the first time I met her?" Patrick shook his head, as he went on. "She took one look at me and had me pegged. She said, 'You're a womanizer. You don't know how to commit. Well, my daughter deserves a man who's going to look at her like she's the only woman on earth and make her feel like she is everyday of her life. If you don't think you can do that, then leave now and stop wasting our time.'" Noah shook his head and chuckled. "It's funny to say, but I knew the moment I meant your grandmother that your mother was the one for me. Boy, did I change my ways."

Patrick glanced at Robin, who lowered her eyes to the ground. He moved his gaze back to his father. "Are you coming to the house?"

Noah shook his head. "I have to get back to General Hospital."

"Just for a little while?"

"I can't," Noah said, his eyes unable to meet his son's.

Patrick nodded and put his hands in his pockets. "Okay. I'm glad you came, Dad."

"So am I. I'll see you back home."

With that, Noah turned on his heel and walked away. Patrick watched him go and then knelt down, brushing debris off his mother's headstone.

"Hi, Mom. It's been a while."

---

After over an hour at the reception, Robin felt like she needed some space, so she found refuge in the study. She sat down on the couch and then leaned forward, picking up a picture album on the coffee table. She opened it up and began flipping through it.

Patrick's cousin, Rachel, who was also Riley's twin sister, found Robin in the study looking at the album.

Robin raised her eyes to meet Rachel's, a blush creeping into her cheeks. "I'm sorry, it wasn't my place to-..."

Rachel shook her head, as she sat down next to her. "No need to apologize. You're practically family anyway."

Robin lowered her eyes, feeling guilty for betraying these nice people...people who just wanted someone they loved to be happy.

"Is that Patrick?" Robin asked, as she pointed to a little boy around one, sitting in his high chair, wearing nothing but a diaper, chocolate cake, and a dimpled smile.

Rachel nodded with a grin, "Of course. He never did like wearing a shirt."

Robin chuckled. She found Rachel eyeing her and her laugh slowly subsided.

"So, I'm curious. You're an intelligent, successful, attractive woman. You know the kind of guy my cousin is. What made you give him the time of day?"

Robin bit at her bottom lip. "Your cousin is kind of hard to ignore. Let's just say he was persistent."

Rachel's brow furrowed. "That's interesting. Patrick's never had to work at getting a woman and once he's had her, that's usually it. It's over. You must be different though."

"I guess," Robin said.

A smile pulled at Rachel's lips. "Impressive. I like your commitment."

Robin's brow furrrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't think you'd be able to keep this up for so long. This relationship thing."

Robin's eyes widened. "You knew?"

Rachel nodded. "Riley and I grew up with Patrick. We were inseparable. We know him better than he knows himself. I knew as soon as I saw him look at you. What he wants is standing right in front of him, but he doesn't have it. At least, not yet."

Robin lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry for letting you believe-..."

"No, it's okay. You two may not be in a relationship, which I'm willing to bet is my cousin's fault, but the feelings are there. And they're real."

Robin met her eyes. "He's not ready for a serious relationship."

Rachel looked at Robin. "There's something you need to understand about my cousin. He's not just another commitment phobic guy. Another guy afraid of emotional intimacy. There's a reason he's this way." Rachel bit at her bottom lip before going on. "Aunt Mattie and Uncle Noah had an amazing marriage. Sure, they would bicker, but it was always done in love and with respect. The way they would look at each other, the way they would touch. It was incredible. We would watch them and think it's too perfect to be true. They must go home and either fight like dogs or ignore each other. But Patrick would tell us what they were like at home. How they would fall asleep in each other's arms watching television, dance in the kitchen. The way they would look at each other when they thought no one else was watching." Robin could feel her chest tightening as she thought about Noah and what had become of him. Rachel swallowed hard. "Patrick never said anything, but I knew that he looked at their marriage as a model for what relationships should be like, what love should be like. So when Aunt Mattie died and Uncle Noah began his downward spiral, Patrick couldn't deal with it. He saw what losing his mother did to his father and decided he was better off without love. He decided that he didn't want to let himself be vulnerable like that, to allow his himself to lose control over his emotions. He didn't want to take the risk of loving, losing, and becoming his father. So he never let a woman get close."

Robin shook her head. "I knew he didn't want to become like his father, but I never really knew the extent of it. He's really afraid of love."

Rachel nodded. "He doesn't talk about it, of course. But it's huge. The year after Aunt Mattie died, Patrick had to do a term paper for his final for an English Lit class. The assignment was to use the theme of love to compare and contrast the relationships of the characters in the novels they had read throughout the semester. Patrick never wrote a word. Just stared at his computer screen for hours. He couldn't disengage. He couldn't even intellectualize it, which was a first for him. He missed the deadline and would have gotten an incomplete for the class if he hadn't charmed the female professor into giving him an extension and allowing him to do another topic."

Robin let out a breath. "I had no idea it went so deep."

Rachel nodded, but offered her a small smile. "But there must be something different about you, Robin. He feels something for you and, it seems, he just can't let you go. He should be running in the other direction, but, instead, he's letting you get closer than any woman ever has before. I think something is changing for him and I think it's all because of you."

Robin smiled. "Thank you for helping me understand him better."

Rachel placed her hand over Robin's. "Thank you for not giving up on my cousin."

-----------------------------------
Last part coming soon...