My eyes were welling up with tears but I did my best to keep them down. He didn't understand that I couldn't wait for him forever. I love him, I would always love him, but I couldn't waste a life time on something that would never happen. My feelings for Edward would never die, true, but they would only get me so far in life. I couldn't be with him anymore, no matter how much I wanted to.
"Bella, I will not damb you to this kind of life. I love you to much to do that to you. I just won't do it; I can't do it." He looked remorseful and sad.
"Yes, well, Edward I can't do this anymore. I can't wait on you forever, Edward. I have to live my life and I think it would be best if I did that without you." My tears were flowing freely now as I walked out of the room I had grown to love so much. I would have ran, it would only get me out of here faster, but I did not need to trip and cause a bigger scene.
"Bella!" He called to me, but I made no motion to show that I heard a thing. I just kept walking as I wiped my eyes.
The drive home was a long, silent one. The only noise in the car was me crying. When I got to the house I pulled in front, but did not get out. I couldn't let Charlie see me like this. I probably sat in the car for a good thirty minutes crying as hard as a possibly could, trying to get it all out of my system now, but it didn't work. I finally thought I was as ready as I would ever be. So I stepped out and made my way into the house.
I realized Charlie wasn't home and remembered he was fishing with Billy and Jacob today. I let my tears flow again as I walked to my room and fell on my bed. I wasn't positive how I was going to live without my Edward; but I would have to try.
Finally, I couldn't take anymore crying, I doubt there was much left to cry, so I walked to the bathroom to get something that would knock me out a while. I emptied the pills into my hand and popped them into my mouth. I then, walked back to my room and made sure that my window was locked I didn't want him here when I woke up. I didn't want to make this any harder on myself then it was already going to be. Then, I laid down on my bed and just waited for the pills to kick in and eventually, they did. I was soon in a deep sleep.
When I woke, the buzzer on the alarm clock was going off and I then remembered that I had another two weeks left of school. So, I quickly got up and headed to the bathroom to shower, not forgetting to grab my toiletries on the way.
The water was warm and relaxing. It was as I stood there that the memories of yesterday came flooding back to me. "You can't cry, Bella." I told my self. "You have to keep yourself together only two more weeks and then it's off to college and you will never see him again. Oh my god, college!" I said. I had been so consumed with Edward that I had forgotten to apply for a college, I would have to do that first thing when I got home today.
When I was ready for school, I walked down stairs to find that I was running late. I then chugged down some milk and a cereal bar, and headed out the door. It was, of course, raining, so I made sure to grab my jacket, before I walked out the door. It was warm in my truck. I started it and the noise startled me, but I would just have to get used to it again. On my way to school, I did all I could to not think of Edward and that was very hard.
Once I walked in the building Edward approached me. "Bella, why are you doing this. Please don't be that way." He was torn, I could tell but I couldn't let it get to me.
"Edward, leave me alone!" I said, once again fighting tears. I couldn't cry in front of all these people, but this was absolutely killing me.
"Bella, why are you being like this all of the sudden? I don't understand." I think if he could cry, he would.
"Go away, Edward!" I was crying now. I just couldn't help it. "Please!" I begged.
I started walking but he just followed. I ignored his presence the best I could, but it was hard. I walked into my class, where Edward wouldn't follow. Jess approached me.
"Bella, are you okay? Have you been, crying?" She was looking at my face; at my eyes. I thought of Edward again. I did what I could to restrain my tears.
"I'm fine, Jess. Thanks." I told her putting on a false smile.
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"Positive." I lied.
"Okay then." She told me, heading toward her seat.
This was going to be a harder day then I had thought. I sat down trying to pay attention but it was no use. My mind was on Edward. My heart was broken but I had to leave him. I couldn't do it. Eventually class ended and I half ran to my locker. Mike was there.
"Hey, Bella." He said with a smile. Oh god, please let him leave.
"Hi, Mike." I said not bothering to deviate my attention.
"So how was your weekend?" He asked; smile still in tact.
"I've had better." Boy was that a understatement.
"Well, Jess and I had a date, did she tell you?" Please make him go away. The only upside of having him here meant that Edward wouldn't be.
"No, Mike, she didn't." He was beginning to tick me off.
"Oh, well, alright." he looked a little disappointed by this, but I ignored it.
"I have to go okay, I will see you at lunch." I walked off before he had a chance to respond.
The rest of the morning flew by in a blur. Before I knew it I was in the lunch room with Jess buying my food. I was so depressed so I just grabbed something to drink and got in line to pay for it.
The lunch table was quiet; I assumed that everyone was trying to figure out why I was sitting with them instead of Edward. Then Angela turned to me.
"Why aren't you with Edward and why is he sitting alone?" Yeah, I was right. That was it. I guessed Angela and everyone else knew the reason, they just wanted clarity.
"Doesn't matter." I answered. Fortunately Angela just dropped it. Jessica however wasn't satisfied.
"Bella, you have moped around school all day. You haven't smiled once, you aren't eating anything, you aren't talking to him or anyone else. I think it matters a little." She put on a little smile.
Mike then intervened. "Jess, I don't think Bella, wants to talk about it. Let's leave her alone." For once I was thankful for Mike.
I guessed lunch was over because kids were beginning to scatter. I then rose and walked off to endure my torture in gym. Unfortunately this year it wasn't last period so I couldn't make a quick escape once it ended.
After school was out, I ran to my truck. The drive home was quiet except for the pitter patter of the rain on the windows. If it didn't stop I think I was going to go crazy.
When I was inside I made sure that I locked the door and went up to my room to find Edward at my window. Once again I ignored his existence.
"Bella, please. Let's talk about this." He was pleading and it hurt so bad to not let him in. A couple of times I saw my hand reach for the window, but I caught my self just in time. He never left, the whole time I did my homework; he was there.
Later I went down stairs to fix my dinner and found a soaked Edward standing outside the kitchen windows. "Please!" He cooed; I turned my eyes away from him. I was beginning to cry. He was torturing me.
I fixed my self some macaroni and cheese for dinner and ate it slowly. When I was done I washed out my bowl and put it in the dishwasher. After I went to my room to find Edward sitting in my window once more. I saw him but pretended not to notice. I then laid down and cried myself to sleep.