Timing
Summary: Sometimes, things are simply meant to be. Just maybe not when you expect them.
A/N: This is the prologue. This is NOT an angsty oneshot; there is certainly more to come. I hope you enjoy it, and please, if you did (or if you didnt- but no flames please) send me a review.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Office, no matter how much i wish i did. sigh
Heartbreak affects different people in different ways. Some withdraw, trying to escape the world that hurt them; some lash out, trying to hurt it back. Some swear off love forever, and others immediately go out and try to find it elsewhere. It is only a very mature person who can accept their pain, and move on.
Jim Halpert wanted so badly to be one of those mature people. He wanted to be able to say he was all right, and mean it; to let her be happy, and to be ok with her upcoming marriage. He wanted to someday, maybe, be able to wake up in the morning and think of something other than her. To spend his nights dreaming about things other than her hair, or her smile, or her eyes. But as much as he wanted, needed, these things, he knew that they would never be possible to reach if he stayed in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
So he left.
It was shocking, really, how easy it was to leave it all behind. His interview with Jan went perfectly; he knew, before even leaving the room, that he would get the job. So when she gave him a call three days later to tell him that, if he was still interested, he was the new head salesman of the Stamford branch of Dunder-Mifflin, he was expecting it. And while papers were being sent to Michael to be signed, he began packing, both for Australia and his move, because he started two days after his vacation ended.
Even when Michael got the forms, there wasn't too much fuss. Dwight quickly managed to convince their fretting boss that it was for the best, and besides, HE was the better salesman anyways. Some tears were shed, and many appeared shell-shocked for a few days, but compared to the full pandemonium Jim was expecting, it really wasn't too bad. The only thing that struck him was the look on Pam's face when Michael burst out of his office to confront him about his transfer. She seemed so sad, so betrayed, that he almost called Jan back to change his mind that very instant. But then something else flashed in the eyes of the woman he loved so much, and he knew he had made the right choice. For a split second, she had looked almost… relieved.
His last weeks passed quickly, and more painlessly than he would have thought possible. Later, he supposed he must have been numb, or in shock. His (soon to be ex) coworkers went from bombarding him with questions, to avoiding him completely, as if unsure whether to be excited for him, or upset they couldn't go with. Pam was the worst of any of them. Some days, they talked and laughed like they used to. Others, they were awkward and quiet around one another. He never had been able to voice what their relationship really was, and it didnt become any clearer during those final days of Scranton.
His last day, June 7th, consisted of a terrible Michael-hosted goodbye party, and lots and lots of hugs. The only one he ever remembered was Pam's. How she was the last in line to say a final good-bye to him, standing slumped in front of the elevator doors. How she flung her arms around his neck, crying softly and trying to hide it, and how she kissed his cheek, whispering, "How am I supposed to survive here without you?" How the others slowly stepped back, as if expecting a last minute declaration of undying love. But none came from either of them, and then he was stepping into the elevator, and waving goodbye.
The last thing he heard as the doors closed was Dwight's whoop of joyous triumph.
Stamford was like Scranton, only a little bigger and closer to New York City. After a week of exploring Australia (which he mostly did to get her off his mind), returning to a place so like his old hometown seemed depressing. But he decided he shouldn't have time to be depressed. In Australia he had found that if he kept really, really busy, his thoughts didn't drift as much, and he didn't think of her every three seconds. More like every ten. It wasn't much, but it was a start, and that was something
So he threw himself headfirst into his new life. Before he left, he had found a place to live, rooming with a few guys. He spent his first day and a half in his new place feverishly redecorating his room. Then his first day of work came. After working with Michael and Dwight and the rest for so long, this new, normal, office came as a shock to him. But it was ok, because he didn't focus on the people. Instead, he worked his ass off, making more sales in his first two weeks then in his last two months in Scranton. And he kept at it, because the more he worked, the less he thought of her, and the less he thought of her, the more he could pretend he was alright.
Time passed quicker than he had previously thought possible. Soon, it was June 2007…. then 2008. With nowhere to go in the Stamford branch, and no desire to go through with another transfer, he just kept working. The money piled up, most of it going into a bank account. A good chunk of it went to moving into a small apartment of his own, but really, that was about it.
In those two years, his life barely seemed to change. Monotony suited him, it appeared, though he knew that was only on the surface. On the inside, he was dying, slowly but surely. He had been so sure that, given the time and the distance, his love for her would fade, and he could go back to being flirtatious, carefree Jim. Instead, every day he thought of her more, missed her more, loved her more. He wondered sometimes if he was actually in love, or if he was just obsessed. "They're really not much different." He decided.
Then, on April 28th, 2009, his boss retired. And before he could say 'promoted', he was officially the regional manager of the Stamford branch of Dunder-Mifflin.
Walking into his new office for the first time, he wondered at who he had become. "Really, you should be happy." He told himself. "You have plenty of money, a fine place to live, nice coworkers. Plus, at 29, you're probably the youngest regional manger ever."
But he wasn't happy. And he didn't care about any of the things that were supposed to make him happy. All he wanted was Pam. And without her, he knew just what he was. Empty and lost, and blundering along blindly towards the future he had chosen for himself. A future in which he was always alone, only aheartbrokenfragment of himself.
More to come, and soon (hopefully)!Remember,this is just the prologue.
Please, Review!
-Mel