Disclaimer: You know what... I've said this seven times already and this is the last time. I don't own them!
Moonlit Lives
Chapter 8
Kagome woke up in a softness and warmth that she had only known in forgotten dreams. She felt full, complete, satisfied. A purr escaped her throat as she snuggled deeper into the sheets that so completely entrapped her. In a fuzzy haze of awareness, she faintly recognized a sleeping presence off to the side of her, but she payed no attention. It was sleeping and no threat as of yet.
She suddenly remembered the events of the night before, and it all came crashing down on her like an angry wave hoping tosmash all of her bones into little fragments that bit into her skin and broke open her vital organs. However, strangely enough, her bones were not broken, and the wave did not even sway her. Instead she basked in it's coolness, allowing it to grovel at her feet, gently caress her legs with it's cooling water.
It mildly worried her that she was not bothered by the fact that she had let a strange youkai do what he had done, or what she had done to him afterwards, nor what she had done to Sesshoumaru... Wait. Sesshoumaru.
Had she harmed him? She couldn't remember. It was all a haze of bloodlust and violence, a memory of small fragments that came to her mixed up like a jigsaw puzzle that had a whole bunch of missing pieces. She jumped from her bed hurriedly, looking around, getting a grip on her surroundings. She was in her room. How had she got there? The answer came in form of a curled up youkai beside her futon with silver hair and nothing but a torn up pair of hakama in the way of clothing.
She smiled with relief, and only then did she realize the cool air touching every inch of skin on her body. Without looking, she knew that she was naked, and with the help of her nose, she knew that she was covered in blood. She opted for a bath, and taking into consideration the fact that she did, in fact, have a tail, she brought extra soap. Before heading for the hot springs with a clean yukata hanging on her arm, she knelt beside Sesshoumaru and very lightly nipped at his exposed ear. "Thank you," she whispered softly, and left with a little lick to clean the small wounds she had given him. She didn't stop to think about what she had just done. It felt very natural to be licking and biting him, so she did it, no questions asked.
In the hot waters of the spring, she contemplated what had happened to her the night before, what she had done, how she had reacted to Sesshoumaru, how she had reacted to his blood. After clearly thinking about it, she was mildly horrified. She had willingly had intercourse with a strange male, then she had happily tore him to pieces and drank his blood. And then she had attacked Sesshoumaru repeatedly, intending to do to him what she had to the former. The thought disgusted her now, but she knew that it was her nature, to want and crave blood and sex in the same sentence, to have needs that she had never had before.
She was not at peace with this. She knew that there was no way to change it. It was what she was, who she was, and she was a monster. She was the horrible something that children feared were underneath their beds. She was a beast, a monstrous thing that did not belong on this world. She pushed her head underwater and shook it vigorously.
She suddenly had a revelation. She looked up at the wall, eyes burning with a new knowledge. It was not she that was the monster. No, she was an animal. Not a monster. The monster was Inuyasha. He was neither human nor animal, neither god nor demon. He was a monster; a terrible, rude, selfish monster.
No, she shook her head and tears streamed down her porcelain face. He wasn't a monster. She knew that. He was kind and gentle when he had wanted to be, and protective and sweet and had chosen her over someone he had loved far longer. It was she that had left him alone when he had given up everything for her, erasing his memory, taking the few people that had really accepted him for what he was. She had left him feeling like a monstrosity, and for that she was the true monster.
In the dim, humid enclosure, Kagome curled into a ball and wept. She wept for Inuyasha, she wept for Sesshoumaru, she wept for Rin. Tears fell for her families, both in the future and not, and for the friends that had been lost. She did not cry for herself. Thoughts of anyone but herself entered her distraught mind, bringing sorrow and grief into her soul; her dirty, sinful, ruined soul.
When all tears had been drained from her being, Kagome rose from the water baptized, cleansed of all that had plagued her. A great fear and loathing oozed from her being, even as her face took on a phlegmatic expression, framed by mist that would forever descend on her heart.
Kagome left no sign of her departure, except for a white morning glory, already wilting in the day.
Kagome didn't know where she was going. She didn't know why she was leaving Sesshoumaru. She didn't know what it was she was seeking. She didn't know how she would survive alone. She didn't know what she would do without the company she had grown accustomed to.
She knew that she had to leave. She knew that she was scared. She knew that she loved him. She knew that she feared that loved. She knew that she was seeking answers, and they were not to be found in long afternoons in the garden and nights of wonderful companionship. She knew that her messengers would not come until she had fulfilled her destiny, and that destiny was still left only half full.
She took a deep gulps of misty morning air and plunged into the gray future that awaited her.
OMG guys I'm so sorry this took so long! But I couldn't decide on what would happen next and I went through several full chapters before deciding on this. And I have been so busy! I have lacrosse everyday and now I've taken up surfing so my brother takes me out every weekend with him and his very attractive friends, and lacrosse games get me home so late and everything's been so stressful! And I'm sorry its so very short! I promise the next one will be longer! You don't have to review. I don't deserve it!