Moonlit Lives

Chapter 9

Sesshoumaru awoke with a deep pit in his stomach, as if something was missing, as if something had been carefully pulled from him as he slept in a wakeless state. Immediately he sat up, earning a throb in his head as the blood rushed down, leaving cells aching without it. He looked around and noticed that he was in Kagome's room, vacant of that which owned it.

Immediately he was on his feet, his hair flowing around him in a wave of disgruntled silver, searching every corner of the room for her. Her smell was everywhere, so he could not tell where she might have gone. By where the sun was in the sky, in wasn't far from noon in the day. He crept to the futon, hoping that perhaps she was still curled up in the sheets and he had not noticed her by some lapse of vision. He had never before hoped for such imperfection on his part.

But, as usual, he had been right. Her imprint was still there, but fading slowly, and he knew that she had not been there for at least four hours. He was not yet panicking. She could have possibly already taken a bath and was playing with Rin.

He checked the garden, and saw Rin's small grinning face poking through the bushes as a strangled cry rang out to Sesshoumaru's right. There was no need to look. It was Jaken, caught again by the never failing trap that Rin always set up for him. He took a sniff. Kagome was not here.

He headed for the small lake that he and Kagome both were so fond of. Before he got there he knew that she was not there. However, he checked anyway, and was rewarded with a silent lake, void of any life but that of the running water. And even that seemed sluggish today, caught in a state of transcendence to its oblivious destination. Sesshoumaru turned away from its obvious, undisturbed bliss and began to walk away when something caught the corner of his eye.

He looked to the ground to find a wilting morning glory right beside the stream. Despite its withered and tired appearance, the deep purple color contrasted starkly with the gray rock that suddenly seemed sullen and empty without the presence of Kagome. He picked up the flower, and suddenly remembered something Kagome had told him on one of their walks.

-flash back-

"You know, the morning glory was always my favorite flower," Kagome commented as she lovingly cradled a flower that had been snapped off from it's bush, its nourishment.

"Why is that," asked Sesshoumaru, touching a purple morning glory as he asked.

"Because it's what my father would leave my mother when he had to go off to council or even just to survey the lands. It was a sort of hope that just as the flower wilts and dulls every day as the sun reaches noon, so would the pain of losing him if he should ever be unable to return." She looked up at him and smiled. "Thankfully, the flowers that he gave her never wilted until he came back."

-end flash back-

Something clicked inside his brain and a phase of vertigo shuddered through his body. The wilted flower lay sad and forbidding in his open palm and he resisted the urge to crush the delicate thing. She was gone, and she wasn't planning on coming back.

He stared down at the small thing, at the message she had left him, at this damning object that was the source of his anguish yet so precious to him.

For the first time in his adult life, Sesshoumaru allowed a stream of tears to run down his cheeks, wetting them until they glistened in the suddenly frigid afternoon air. Rain began to fall, warm, but frigid at the same time.

The rain continued to fall for days, and even after it ended, the skies were gray and foreboding. Thunder rumbled menacingly at children brave enough to venture out of their homes. Lightning flashed across the sky in an angry and erotic dance that seemed to want to rid itself of a depression that had set itself within the clouds that forever coated the sky.

And everyone in the Western lands knew that the great lord was upset, and that the wrath of a demon lord would soon be upon them.

She was running for all of her life to get somewhere, following her feet to where she had always longed to be. Her home.

Kagome was greeted by a large crowd of Youkai, all gaping at her, knowing that she had come back. As she walked through the village, Kagome smiled at the youkai, nodding to the old men and smiling brightly for the pups. She noticed that all the youkai here were wolf youkai, wondering if the other villages were like this. This one village was the royal village, that stood in front of Mount Hiei. Her father's castle was up the mountain a bit, making the traveler walk up a steep hill in order to reach the home. Around it was a magic spell, disabling flight of any kind within a half mile of the entire mountain. It was an effective defense system.

Rarely had an opposing force traveled up that mountainside, a near sheer climb, and had enough strength to defeat his exquisitely trained soldiers. In fact, it had never before happened. The Inu-clan, the only army who could possibly make it up the mountainside and have energy to spare, had never had a reason to challenge the wolves, and so it had never been tested on them. However, Kagome did not have to scale the side, instead entering through a secret passage that was hidden in a large, empty looking cave around the side of the mountain.

This was the only way into the castle, other than up the mountain, and it was a secret. It was one of the reasons that very few entered, and even fewer came back out.

Kagome, now escorted by an excited young maid, made her way through the passage, the knowledge quickly coming back to Kagome, breezing through her mind in an exhilarating way.

For the first time, she smiled, truly smiled, happy to be home. They went through a series of passages that Kagome found to be familiar, finally reaching a grand shoji door, signifying the entrance hall was just a few feet away.

A sudden anticipation took over her, and she found it hard to restrain herself from shredding the rice paper to bits. Finally, the soft maiden opened the shoji door, ready to announce Kagome. However, before she did, she told kagome softly, "I must warned you, my lady, things are not as they were when you left." She paused, searching Kagome's face as if it would hold the words she was groping for. "Your father... he is...well, he is not the same."

And with that, she knocked on the shoji door's wooden framing timidly and waited for a gruff response to come from the other end. "Come in, Hari. Who is it you have brought with you?" Kagome recognized the voice, and even though it sounded more rough and more slurred than she remembered, she knew that it was her father.

"Father?" She said excitedly, opening the shoji door. "Father, I'm..." She stopped, half gagging on the pungent smell that had been released upon her being like a great wave of smoke that clogged the senses and left an animal barely breathing and defenseless. However, this smoke was clear and it smelled like sake.

Kagome gasped, taking in a deep gulp of the tainted air, and choked upon it's impure stench. Sitting there, in a wrinkled and unfriendly smelling kimono, was her father. Unshaven and ungroomed, looking more like a scrounging wolf than a high taiyoukai. His once crystal blue eyes were bloodshot and smoky, unclear in a sense that they seemed unable to remain focused on anything for a semi-extensive period of time. His once starkly black hair was streaked with grey, greasy and unhealthy from lack of wash.

Kagome stood there for a moment to take it all in, until he unstable eyes met hers and what seemed like recognition flashed across them. However, as soon as it had come, it was gone, and the drunken eyes narrowed as their owner said, "Who are you?"

"Father," Kagome took a step forward, an overwhelming pity for this man taking over, "it's me, Kagome. Don't you remember me?" tears gathered in her eyes when he growled, and she stopped moving.

"You have finally decided to come back. After this long wait, you decide to come back now?" He was angry, and his accusing tone made Kagome angry as well.

"You were the one that gave me away to a human family in the first place, father." She sat and stared evenly at him.

"You stayed away as long as possible! You didn't want to come back! Why now, daughter," he sneered the word, "what has brought you back to your own kind? Did the dog king prove to be as useless and stupid as his father?"

Kagome wasn't angry anymore, she was hurt. "Father, " she stared at him with wide eyes full of tears, "please don't say that about Sesshoumaru. He doesn't deserve it."

"What? Why are you so protective of him? I heard about your interactions with him at market, how you saved his kingdom from that tsunami." He looked, really looked, at Kagome for the first time. At her sincere, hurt face, at the tears streaming down her porcelain face, at her parts moth, and realization came crashing down on him like a lightning struck tree with no force but its own grinding him into the dirt. "You wanted to marry him. You actually wished to become his mate."

Kagome's eyes widened impossibly wider, and she blushed, looking down at the grainy wood.

Her father began to laugh, a deep, bellowing sound, a mocking sound. "Ha! As if he would ever take a wolf to his bed! Of course, his father did take a human bitch... I suppose there's the possibility. But it would never happen, even if he did want you." His smile was sinister and dark, not the father she remembered at all.

"And why is that?" She was not crying anymore, but she was confused and hurt by her father.

"Why, because you're already betrothed." He said it off handedly, as if it didn't matter whether she agreed or not. "You've been betrothed since you were merely a year old."

Kagome was in shock, the kind of shock that closes your throat and constricts your breathing, blocks your mind, makes it hard to think, makes it impossible to speak.

"Now be gone, you have a ball to attend this night, and you will be meeting your future mate. Now, go!"

Because of her numbness, Kagome had to be carried off by several servants, taken to a room she didn't recognize or care about. When the servants looked at her, she seemed despondent, lost in cloudy thoughts of dread and sadness. She looked pale and wane, unable to move on her own. She looked utterly defeated. On their way out, one of the servants, an older youkai with streaks of grey in her hair, patted her shoulder , and with a look of sympathy, left with the others.

But on the inside, Sesshoumaru's influence was taking control of her thoughts. She was slowly and effectively molding a plan in her mind, a plan of escape. She maintained her defeated look outside, and even allowed a few sobs to escape her. Not once did anyone passing by guess that the overcome youkai in the small room surrounded by guards was smiling inside, and while her hands were inside the folds of her kimono, they were fingering two bladed fans, comforting her in a way no one's hug or kiss could.

"If you do not smile and act as if you are joyful, I will beat you."

Kagome smiled brightly as she glided into the center of the room with her father. Her smile was genuine, if a little cold. All surrounding youkai moved away, reverence showing clearly in their eyes. And why should their eyes have betrayed anything but awe? Lady Kagome of the wolf clan was most undisputably a vision.

Her kimono was white, with stark red patterns embroidered into the shining fabric. Her obi was white as well, a fabric that glistened and moved like water with the light. A black sash was tied around the obi, which drug behind her with the long kimono. Her sleeves were long as well, hiding her hands just barely. The red in her outfit brought out the painted lips, the only make up she had consented to wear. She was an absolute beauty, as many had pointed out to her proud father.

Kagome searched the room as she entered, for her brother or anyone that she could recognize. As if Kami had heard her silent plea, a small but strong looking had pushed it's way through two bodies in the crowd, followed by a young, but mature face that turned towards her and caught her stare. The boy looked 14, maybe older. The slowing of the aging process started at 16, so he could have been one hundred for all she knew. However for all she was unaware of, she did know one thing.

This boy was the spitting image of her brother.

She smiled at him broadly and beckoned him forward. Obedient, but confused, the boy that was trying to be a man came forward. His chest was puffed out irregularly, and he took stride too long for his legs to compensate. Finally, he gave up and walked like a normal boy, until he reached her and bowed.

"Hello," Kagome said to him, smiling.

"Hello," he replied quietly and Kagome almost drew back. He even sounded like her brother.

She turned to her father, who was scowling at her, as if the boy was not supposed to be given this attention.

"Karu," the large youkai barked.

"Yes, grandfather?" The boy seemed to cower slightly behind Kagome.

"Where is your father?"

"I'm right here, father," And suddenly Kagome was in the presence of her brother again, and she felt comfort and love and all that she had cherished with him. She could not help but smile when he came into view. But the sight of him caught her short. He was not grinning, and his eyes did not smile like they would have when they were both children. His posture was rigid and straight, and he held a firm line as a mouth. It was as if he had aged a great many years in only fifteen. He had been around fifty when she had left, but still looking and acting like a teenager, and now he was around 65, and already looking 20. She knew better than to think that he had aged prematurely. It was merely the way he carried himself, the way his face seemed immune to a smile, that made him seem old.

"Get that child," he made it seem like a horrible thing, "out of here. He does not belong at this gathering."

Karu was hurt by these words, and, afraid both his father and his grandfather, left with the man that had seemed to age so much.

"And Yoru," their father called to his son, who turned, a frown engraved on his face, "hurry." Yoru nodded, than left with his boy in tow. Kagome's father turned to her then, and smiled coldly. "And now, my daughter," she knew this did not promise to be good, "you shall meet your husband to be."

Her breath caught and a ball curled up inside her stomach, weighing it down uncomfortably. Bile rose in her throat and she could feel her blood pounding through her veins. It was the first time that entire night she had been nervous, despite her father's under-breath threats. A small round of clapping sounded as the crowd parted for who she assumed was her husband to be. His dress matched hers, and she knew it was not coincidence.

The youkai was tall and lean, with muscle intertwined with his bone, like it had all melded to become this man before her. He was at least two heads taller than her, reaching around 6"6'. Thick, chin short hair the color of ebony stone framed a gruesome mask of a face. His face was lean and long, with scars everywhere. There was an especially nasty one running along his left eyebrow, white and stark against his tan skin. He had clear, gray eyes with just a hint of blue in them, like the end of a stormy day. They consumed his face, making it difficult to look at anything but them, making him seem somehow beautiful.

However, Kagome was not fooled by the illusion. She had seen true beauty, and though this man had the eyes of a beautiful person, they lied, and his face betrayed his true nature. She suddenly thought of Sesshoumaru, and his golden eyes, and his beauty, his true gorgeousness, and want to turn from this monster. One look at her face told her that anything less than a smile would have her head.

So Kagome turned to the youkai and smiled a sedate but brilliant smile as they were introduced. "General Rushiki, meet Lady Kagome of the northern clan. Lady Kagome, meet your husband to be, Rushiki, general of the Northern Wolf Army," The great lord said proudly. General? She had not planned on him being a general. That meant he was of the highest fighting ability, and that she would not get overpower or out-think him easily. More planning had to be made.

Soon, kagome had shut down all her senses of what was happening, and was sitting in a corner of her mind, scheming, while her body walked about with her fiancé, smiling like all happy brides do, ignoring the occasional brush of his hand against her body, waiting for the moment she could be alone. Finally, the time came that she physically could not take anymore of his secret indulgences in her supple body, she very politely excused herself to freshen up.

And within minutes, she was gone from the palace, the home that had in a few short hours become prison. She did not leave anything for her family, not even a simple flower. She had not even spoken with her brother, nor had a chance to visit her mother's grave. She had not been able to visit her old companions. She had spirited herself away before anyone suspected her absence to be anything more than an obsession with herself.

By time General Rushiki reached Kagome's room, her kimono was lying on the floor, neglected, and the body it had so agreeably wrapped around was gone, now just another body in the crowd of youkai of the northern city.

Kagome was dressed like a man, with a thick black cloak over her head and shoulders, billowing behind her as she ran like a frightened thief. The common youkai payed no attention to her; she was one of many. She found a way around the guarded gate into the city, and escaped, undetected, from the northern wolf city. One obstacle down. A whole bunch more to go.

She didn't know where she was running, just that she was running away. Again.

Kagome hated herself for her cowardice, for her inability to stand and meet her problems face on. However, she knew she would hate herself even more if she stayed with that man, in that city, knowing that she had run from a man that she loved, and hadn't from a man she despised. If she had decided to live with that irony, it would have been more self abusing than what she was putting herself through at that moment.

So she kept running, kept trying to escape her feelings and her fear, trying to outrun the guilt and pain that plagued her.

Kagome traveled for three entire days at an exhausting pace, resting for mere minutes at a time before she was running again. Running for something she couldn't identify, but felt strongly pulled too. It wasn't until she blindly fell upon the gravestones that she recognized the familiar feelings that had grown stronger as she had gotten closer. As she collapsed upon the ground at the foot of one of the graves, she wept on the dirt, her blue eyes glistening with tears that had never been given a chance to fall.

For a split second, if one looked at the exact right time, they would not have seen a blue eyes demoness weeping for the dead, but a doe eyed human miko weeping for lost friends.

For hours, Kagome rested by the graves, her eyes slowly drying and her soul slowly draining all impurity into the soil. She talked to them as if they were all there, sitting around the fire like the shard hunting days. When she asked questions, she imagined the answers they would give her. She imagined Shippou slightly taller, with developing claws and a grin on his face. She could see Sango and Miroku holding hands, smiling at her while Kirara sat in her lap and napped away the afternoon.

She fell asleep still talking, and woke up a few hours later with a clear head. She needed to establish shelter for herself, and she needed to do it fast, in a place where she would not be easily found. However, she refused to leave the graves behind.

She stared at them, registering the faded words. Suddenly, a strong wind picked up, and a light tinkling caused her to turn and look at the two graves on her left. There, still in perfect condition, lay the hiraikotsu, almost beckoning her to it. Behind it was the monk's staff, laying almost touching it, having abandoned it's grave. It was almost as if it had moved deliberately to be beside Sango's weapon. Kagome smiled slowly and reached out to touch the hiraikotsu.

A sudden presence filled her, warming her to the body, comforting her. She closed her eyes And allowed the feeling to overwhelm her. She caught a scent of wild flowers and wind, and knew that it was Sango. Faintly, she whispered, "hello..."

A rush of memory flooded back to her, memories she had long ago shoved to the back of her mind to ease the pain of her loss. Memories of Sango and Miroku and Shippou, memories of Inuyasha. A dry sob escaped her throat, unaccompanied by tears. She fell silent and gazed at Miroku's golden staff and reached tentively for it, unsure of what would happen. As her fingers pressed against the cool metal, another presence filled her, this one more masculine, more...brutal in nature, though not unkind.

It was Miroku's free, unabashed spirit that filled her alongside Sango. Kagome Stared at Shippou's ribbon, and slowly, releasing the two weapons, allowing Sango and Miroku's spirit to slide from her body, she crawled to his tombstone and grasped the ribbon in her hands.

Nothing happened. No presence filled her, no warmth was offered from the piece of cloth. It was just a faded ribbon, a mere token of memory; nothing more, nothing less. Kagome let the disappointment show on her alabaster features, allowed her heart to fall, allowed a sigh to escape her lips. It seemed Shippou had moved on without her, and she knew that it was not out of carelessness for her. Even though this gave her comfort, she did not smile; she merely stared down at the frayed forget-me-not ribbon and sighed yet again. Then, she raised it and tied her hair back, high on the crown of her head, feeling the softness of the cloth gather in her hands.

Almost in a weary fashion, Kagome stared out across the field, the blood and bones of the battle washed away by torrential rains and scavenging animals. A new a cleansed place, a place to start over. Fate had not worked, and destiny did not seem to be working in her favor, either, so she would make her own past, present, and future.

Beside the field was a foreboding mountain, tell and bleak looking, with a great green forest climbing up it's face, the trees growing horizontally from it's surface at it's steepest points. It looked old, and cruel, and cold, and kagome grinned, and thought, perfect.

Quickly, she gathered her small amount of supplies, as well as the two weapons of her fallen friends, and began searching for a new home in the mountain that had witnessed the fight against Naraku, had witnessed the wrath of both sides, and had withstood all the power thrust out between them.

Okay, the beginning of her life on her own. I'm sorry this is like, I dunno, three months late, but life is so hectic,a nd I have been put into a slump as of late. But only one more day of school for me, so hopefully I will be able to focus on this story and writing more. Mucho amor, guys.