Hello all !
Well this story is coming to its end with this final chapter.
Thanks to all readers and reviewers who read this story to its end, with a special notice to Kelley M Gaither whose last review encouraged me to post this final chapter. Thank you Kelly!
Well that's about it. On with this final chapter which I hope you will like.
Next to come in my writings should be an Hex fanfiction (with a Cassie/Thelma couple) on which I've been working on for the last week ; and hopefully two missing chapters from this fic.
As a final note, I'm looking for a beta reader for this fic (to correct the grammar/vocabulary mistakes). I realise my english isn't as good as I wish it to be ! lol

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The End, chapter 17

Helena managed to take them back into Barbara's room, gathering her in her arms, and laid her down the bed.
They were both exhausted, they will have to discuss it but not now, the emotions were too raw, Barbara too caught in it.

She was somewhere else, her mind focused in the past, to that night, her eyes haunted.

Stripping them both from their clothes down to their underwear, she snuggled to her side before pulling the sheets up on them, shielding them from the air but although from outside. In her state, Barbara didn't move, letting Helena take charge of everything, totally withdrawn. Just speaking those few words had sent her to that fateful even, where her world had been shattered even more than she suspected. She had kept it bottled inside for a long time, Helena doubted she ever told anyone before. Maybe the doctors at the hospital that must have reported it, but aside from that, she didn't see towards whom she could turn.

Life of a crime fighter was so lonely at time. How ironic, you save the life of thousands people but they know nothing about it.

Sighting she blanketed Barbara with her body, holding her even tighter than usual. She had confessed her on their first night together how she felt better that way, how not having to move her lower body made her feel less infirm. Helena was more than happy to oblige, she liked the idea of protecting Barbara that way, shielding her from everything. But tonight it was more, she needed Barbara to feel her presence, feel that she was there, close and loving. That nothing could change what was between them.

Burying her head in her neck, she gently kissed her there, whispering loving and comforting words.
Little by little, she felt Barbara relax in her arms, her breathing slowing.
Supporting herself on one elbow, her hand coming up to cup her cheek gently she studied Barbara closely, relieved when she returned her glance, well kinda did, it was still foggy.
But it was an improvement from her earlier catatonic state.

Kissing her forehead then each eyelid tenderly, Helena wished she would just fall asleep. That trip back had worn her out, she could only imagine what it had done to Barbara's psyche. She had to rest, they'd discuss later on. She'll make sure they will discuss it at length, no way that it remained like a thread between them.

Instead, she fell the hand trapped between them come to life, and creep over her back, caressing her lower back before slipping in the waistband of her panties.

"Barbara don't" she breathed, her ton firm.

But that didn't stop Barbara's movements, instead her other hand went to rest on her hip, bringing their bodies even closer.

"Barbara stop it" she repeated through clenched teeth.

She wasn't mad, well ok she was, but Barbara was travelling a dangerous path here.
Sure caressing and kissing were fine but taking things any further now was wrong, she didn't really want it.

She'd been there, inflicting yourself more pain was a great way to feel less when you were hurting, but it was even worse once the clouds disappeared. She had done that in the past, when the memory of her mom was hurting too much, had been too difficult to bear, she'd go after any big guy who would look at her the wrong way. When the fight was over, she would hurt terribly but even more inside. Then Barbara had been there, waiting patiently until Helena was able to see past the pain, to accept being comforted and loved.

If she weren't strong enough for them both, they wouldn't be able to see through this. And that bastard would have won, even eight years later. Not a chance she wowed …

Grabbing the hand on her hip, she pinned it level with Barbara's eyes, looking down at her, turning her head in time to avoid her questing lips. Then she returned to gaze down at her.

"Stop it Barbara, I mean it"
"I knew it'd change our relationship. I shouldn't have told you" she removed her hand, sorrow in her eyes. Glancing at her spare chair, she wished it were closer so she'd wheel out of the room. Hell at that point, she was even ready to crawl out of it.
"Barbara it doesn't change a single thing"
"You reject me, I disgust you"

Releasing Barbara's hand from her grasp, Helena captured her chin forcing her to look into her eyes.

"I'll never reject you Barbara, never once. I reject what you want to do now Barbara ….. you want sex to erase the pain you're feeling right now. But it won't, we will only feel miserable in the morning. Don't let that bastard come between us. What he did to you back then can't change how I feel about you. This doesn't change a thing"
"Now I'm the one not good enough for you" she stated bitterly.
"Partly right. You are far too good for me but that's not the point. We won't have sex because some psycho hurt you. Don't let him get what he wanted Barbara. When the right time comes, we will make sweet, tender, slow love, I promise. But not because you feel like you have something to prove"

Shifting her weight so she was resting on both elbows, framing Barbara's face with her hands, she held her gaze for a long moment making sure she had her whole attention "I love you Barbara. I want to make love to you Barbara, slowly. I want to discover and brand every part of your body but not tonight, it'll be wrong."

Barbara blinked rapidly, biting her lower lip nervously. It was like she was coming out of slumber, she felt dizzy, disoriented.

"We set the pace, not him" she stated, her voice barely a whisper; looking around the room, she set her eyes back on Helena who was watching her closely.
"Yes you do Barbara"
"You and me"
"If you want have me"
"Yes" brushing a strand of hair out of Helena's forehead "yes without a doubt"

For a moment, all which could be heard in the room, was the beating of two hearts, at one pace. Kissing Barbara tenderly, Helena went back to her earlier position, snuggled to Barbara's side, arm snaked tightly around her waist, leg draped over hers.

Barbara was perfectly still and Helena missed the gentle petting she usually did when they were laying like this : her hand caressing the short hair at the base of her head, or it just resting on her lower back. She missed her touch but was aware that she was unable to give into it right now. Which was fine for now, she'll be the one showing more affection for now. She wasn't really used to it, she was a lot more on the receiving end when it came to their relationship.

Listening to Barbara's heartbeat, Helena felt slumber envelope her, sleep ready to engulf her.
Blinking rapidly, she tried to clear her mind from it, now was not the time to give into it.

When she was younger, as pain and anger threatened to overwhelm her, she'd find comfort and peace in Barbara's arms. In a minimum of time, she'd fell asleep listening to her heartbeat. But today it was different, she was there to give the redhair comfort, not the opposite.

Grasping on the role for now, she focused on Barbara, not daring to move for fear to startle her if she was falling asleep. Moments later, finally; she felt her heartbeat slow and her breathing slow…she had fallen asleep.

Deposing a light kiss on the exposed skin just above her bra, Helena sighted with contentment, life could indeed turn right. Just a matter of time, patience and courage….

Of course, their path now would be a little more difficult to travel but life had never really been easy on her, nor on Barbara.
Guess it was only logical she thought sarcastically. But Barbara's confession proved her that they were on the right path, trust and truth leading their road.

In a decade, they'd look back at that night without fear, as it being the first night were Barbara had let her entirely in.
And that was the greatest reward.

END - END

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The End, Birds of Prey fanfiction – Grae Leigh – started 06 august 2003, ended february 2004.