Kara had been sitting on top of the table in the middle of the bunkroom, staring at her empty bunk, for three hours now. Not one pilot said a word to her as they entered the room to get into their own bunks. She wasn't sure if that was out of fear or intimidation or lack of curiosity. She was just glad they didn't ask what she was doing. It would be awkward to explain that she was haunted by the memory of Lee's face as he fraked every inch of her.

She was going to have to request a new bunkroom assignment.

They wouldn't like it. She had only been in this one for a few weeks. She had only been a Lieutenant for a few weeks. Gods, it felt like an eternity.

It suddenly occurred to Kara that she could get a bunkroom transfer if it was what she wanted. The Commander had promoted her to full-grade Lieutenant after he finished screaming at her for being so damn stupid. She could easily ask to be moved into one of the empty bunks in the senior officers' quarters. Only that would mean sleeping a few feet away from Lee, and she knew she wasn't that strong.

Groaning, Kara let her feet hit the ground with a satisfying thump. She just needed to remind herself that this whole fraked up thing was real because if she didn't, she'd spend all her time trying to punch herself awake.

She walked over to her locker and grabbed her pair of gloves off the top shelf. They had been a gift from Lee after the tylium mission, a way to celebrate her promotion quick as it might have been. He had thought it was funny. At the time, she agreed.

The gloves slipped on, and Kara took that as good sign. The swelling of her fingers from the fight with that blond Cylon and the subsequent pyramid match she had with Lee was finally gone. It was her duty now to make the pain come back.

The corridors were deserted. Most of the crew were still trying to get this place going again after the events of the past few weeks. Plus, they were all adjusting to the new realization that people they know and love could be the enemy in disguise. Sharon had really fraked with everyone's minds.

The gym wasn't quite as deserted as the corridors. There was someone halfheartedly punching one of the bags. Helo looked like he was about to pass out. "Slow down, Raptor Boy!" Kara smirked, stepping into the room. When Helo didn't even turn to smile or glare at her, Kara's face fell. She leaned her body up against the bag. "Is something wrong, Karl?"

"They locked her away."

Kara didn't have to ask who he was talking about. "I know. It's what was to be expected though."

"That doesn't make it hurt any less. She was their friend."

Kara wanted to point out that technically Helo's Sharon had never even met the people stationed on Galactica, but she figured now was definitely not the time to nitpick. "I know you're probably going to take this the wrong way, but maybe having her locked up in a cell is a good thing." Kara dodged as Helo lashed out at the bag. Something told her that punch was meant for her. "She's in a cell, but she's alive, Karl. They didn't throw her out the airlock, which you may not know is the standard protocol for dealing with Cylon agents."

Helo got in a few more punches before taking a step back to look at her. Kara felt as if this was the first time he even noticed she was here. "When did you get so smart, Thrace?"

"About the same time that you fell in love with a machine," she said with a smile. "You know, even if I didn't like you already, Karl, I think we could be friends based on our continuous frak-ups. We have that in common."

Helo wiped his forehead and took a seat on a nearby bench press. "So, what are you doing here in the middle of the night? I figured you would be sleeping by now."

"I have some issues to work out," Kara said, punching the bag a few times herself. The pain flared up in her hands immediately, and she smiled.

Helo glanced at her hands before looking back up at her. "Issues?"

"I like the pain," she replied, even though she knew that wasn't the question he was asking. It didn't matter. He'd ask her about the gloves soon enough.

"Come here," Helo said, motioning her over.

"What do you want?" Kara growled as she made her way over to him.

Helo stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the middle of the gym. He left her standing there while he grabbed his own pair of gloves. "I'm curious to see if the pain really helps," he said as an explanation before taking a swing at her.

Kara dodged out of his way with ease. "You're going to have to try better than that."

Their sparring was nowhere near as intense as Kara would have liked, but the snarky comments Helo kept shooting her way between punches kept her mind off of a lot of things. After fifteen minutes, Helo held up his hand to signal it was time to take a break. Kara put her hands on her hips and smiled. "You are such a baby."

"Baby needs oxygen," Helo said, bracing his hands on his knees.

Kara waited until he had stood up straight again before saying what was on her mind. "I never thanked you."

Helo's brow furrowed. "For what?"

"You got me that pyramid ball."

Helo nodded. "Anders told me it was your favorite."

Kara smiled. Yeah, Sam would have told him that. "He used to carry that thing around whenever we were apart. He was always having to take the team on those stupid training sessions that I never really needed. He would steal my lucky pyramid ball the night before he had to leave. I'm not surprised he held on to it through the apocalypse."

Helo looked at her for a moment before smiling sadly. "That's not why you keep pulling it out to toss against the wall when you think you're alone."

"Do explain."

"I saw you and Lee playing pyramid the morning after you found the resistance." Helo didn't have to explain anymore than that.

"It's complicated, Karl," Kara said, lying down on the cold floor.

Helo took a seat next to her. "I know. We did have a heart to heart on that topic in a gym not unlike the one we're in now."

"It gets worse," Kara groaned, hating the memories that kept bouncing through her mind. "Lee asked me if I loved Anders, and I told him I did."

"Ouch."

"It was the truth. I love Sam."

"If the next words out of your mouth are 'but I love Apollo, too', I am going to kill myself."

Kara laughed. "I know. When did our lives become some kind of soap opera in space?"

Their laughter faded out as soon as they both realized life really wasn't that funny. "I fraked him, you know," Kara blurted out. She immediately winced. "I have no clue why I said that."

"Me, either," Helo admitted. "But maybe you'd like to explain what you meant anyway."

"Lee and I slept together on Colonial Day. It was against regs. We knew it was wrong for a hundred reasons, but we did it anyway."

"My mother always told me that sex complicates things."

"She was just trying to make you keep your dick in your pants."

Helo winced. "Can you be any more crude?"

"Not even if I tried," Kara chirped. The room filled back up with silence until Kara felt the need to blurt out some more information. "I can't stop seeing his face."

"Anders?" Helo said, assuming she was talking about leaving her fiancé behind on Caprica.

Kara winced and shook her head. "No, Apollo's. Every time I look at my bunk, I see his face the last time we were there together." She stared up at the ceiling. "That's why I'm down here."

Helo patted her leg. "I figured as much."

Kara twisted her head to look at him. "Do you want to be my permanent 'beat the shit out of each other because we're so fraked up' buddy?"

"Why, Kara Thrace, you're going to make me blush." Helo batted his eyes at her and fanned his face, causing Kara to erupt into a fit of giggles. Her time with Helo was always so surreal. It was strange finding a friend amidst all the chaos.

"Don't let me interrupt."

Kara winced at the voice coming from the hatchway. Definitely not the Adama she would have liked for it to have been, but at least it wasn't the Adama she would have hated for it to have been. "What are you doing here, Zak?" she asked.

"I was looking for you." Zak's gaze shifted over to Helo. "How are you doing, Karl?"

"I'm managing, kid." Helo pulled himself to his feet. "I think I'm going to go make sure no one stole my bunk." He paused at the hatchway to glance at Zak. "I'm glad the Old Man's all right."

"Thank you," Zak said.

Kara could tell he really meant that. It was odd how easily she forgot that Zak had been through a lot, too. She hadn't even gone to see him in the hours since she and the others had returned.

"So I just finished talking with Lee," Zak started. "I was walking past the break room now that my shift's over, and I saw the light on. The Old Man must have asked him to rework the squadron assignments because that was what he was doing at four in the morning. I thought it was just Lee being a workaholic like normal until I walked past the gym and heard someone talking." Zak came to a stop and looked down at where she still sat on the floor. "Two pilots who have earned the right to sleep for days are busy doing stupid menial things. Is there something I should know, Kara?"

"I'm sure Lee told you the whole story," Kara mumbled, pulling herself up off the ground and then brushing off a few flecks of dust.

"I want to hear it from you."

Kara forced herself to look Zak in the eyes. It hurt to see the disappointment on his face, but she figured after everything she had done to his brother, she deserved the pain. "I got engaged to Samuel Anders a few weeks before the Cylons attack. I don't know why I didn't tell anyone." Kara paused. "No, actually, that's a lie. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't think I had to. Sam was supposed to have died in the attacks, and frankly I liked the idea of having the pain all to myself. It helped me stay focused on killing as many Cylons as I could."

The room lapsed into silence, and Kara realized Zak was waiting for her to tell him more. She could feel herself getting sick and decided she would just put off the hard part until there wasn't a chance she might empty her stomach onto Zak's shoes. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I really thought I was in the clear with the whole Anders thing. I mean, if anyone might have an inclination of what our relationship was, it was you, Zak."

Zak didn't immediately yell at her so Kara figured he understood. "I knew you were dating Anders, but you've dated a lot of people in the past, Kara. They never really seemed to stick. I guess I was wrong about this one."

"Sam wouldn't take no for an answer." Kara sighed. "I still don't know how it happened…" Her voice trailed off as the memory of leaving him back on Caprica washed over her.

"…but you fell in love with him," Zak finished. "I got that much from Lee. What I still don't understand is if you were so in love with Samuel Anders, why would you frak around with my brother like that?"

"It wasn't fraking around," Kara hissed.

"Then you just fraked with his head. I'm sorry that I don't see the distinction between the two, but maybe you can enlighten me."

Kara pulled herself up off the floor. If this was going to happening, she was going to be looking eye-to-eye with him. "I mourned Anders when the Colonies got destroyed. For fourteen days, I didn't leave my room on the Rising Star. Then I decided it was time to pick my worthless ass up off the floor and do something. I decided to make myself useful, and as a reward, I figured I deserved a casual frak to just take my mind off things." At Zak's disgusted look, she shrugged. "It's the way I work. I can't change that."

"So you wanted to find a casual frak?" Zak sighed, prompting her to continue.

"I found your brother instead."

"So, yes to a casual frak or no?"

Kara flinched at his words. "Lee was not and will never be a casual frak to me. If there's anything you believe, believe that."

Zak nodded. "I thought as much."

"I met Lee, and we got to talking. I knew immediately that he was probably the last thing I needed right now, but I had just done something completely stupid earlier that day so I figured I had nothing to lose."

"You signed up to be a pilot," Zak said, filling in the blank.

"Things spiraled out of control at first because, like I said, I knew Lee was the last thing I needed. I was still hung up on the fact that Anders had died on Caprica because he was loyal to the team." Kara sighed. "He was supposed to come with me on this stupid vacation. It was a present from the manager of the Bucks when he heard we were engaged. Then the stupid team decided they wanted to get in some off-season training, and Anders felt it was his responsibility to go along."

"Frak," Zak said, shaking his head. No wonder she had guilt a plenty.

"Then the most amazing thing happened." Kara could feel the smile spreading across her face at the memory. "A Cylon gave Lee a way to break through my defenses."

"I'm not even going to pretend to understand what that means."

Kara shook her head. "You don't want to know. Needless to say, everything changed. The pain I felt after losing Anders was gone. Lee took it all away. I moved on." Kara smirked. "Helo seems to be under the impression that that was a healthy thing to do."

"It depends."

"That's what I said," Kara agreed with a sigh. "Having Lee in my life really did a number on me. The way he makes me feel… I can't even explain it." Her eyes started to sting with tears, and Kara used the back of her hand to push them away. "I didn't even know I was allowed to be that happy."

Zak could feel his resolve begin to crumble. He had come into this gym intent upon tearing Kara to pieces for what she had done to his brother. He had expected her to greet him with her trademark cocky grin and a face that said 'I broke your brother's heart. So what?'. He hadn't expected her to be broken, too. "I'm glad I came to you, Kara."

Kara shook her head. "I don't need your pity, Zak."

"You don't have my pity, just my understanding." Zak let out a deep breath. "Gods, I didn't realize this situation was so fraked up."

"You don't even know the half of it. Everyone keeps asking me who I'm going to choose, but it's not that simple. Nothing is that fraking simple." Kara's anger was starting to get the better of her, and she could feel the tears begin to pour down her face. "I love two men in completely different ways, and I cannot chose. I can't do it!"

Zak hesitated for only a second before wrapping his arms around her. "It's going to be okay, Kara." She mumbled something into his shoulder that Zak couldn't understand. "What was that?"

Kara pulled back to look at him. "I said things are never going to be okay. Lee hates me, Zak."

Zak smiled at her. "I don't think he hates you, Kara."

Kara stepped away from Zak's arms after taking a moment to pull herself back together. "I don't understand why you're being so nice."

"I wanted to bite your head off, but I make it a point not to jump to conclusions until I have the whole story. Plus, you're not the type of girl who would rip my brother's heart out for no reason." Kara's eyes went wide, and Zak winced. "That was a poor choice of words. I'm sorry."

Kara shook her head. The tears were coming back again. "No, you're right, Zak. You couldn't even believe what I did to him if you tried."

Kara wished like mad she could forget the events that led up to her reunion with Anders. The way Lee had taken care of her, washing away the blood and the pain. The way he had taken her gently up against the walls of the shower and then laid them to rest in her bed. The way she had woken up in his arms and realized for the first time since the destruction of the Colonies that everything was going to be all right.

"Tell me what's on your mind."

Zak's words pulled her away from the memories, and she was grateful for that. "What do you mean?"

"Your eyes have that blank look that tells me something's got you worried."

Kara chuckled. "Have you not been paying attention to the whole conversation we just had?"

"I know that stuff's worrying you, but there's more. Tell me something that I can fix."

"You are such a specialist," Kara teased. "Always trying to fix the broken machine."

"You're not a machine," Zak insisted.

"But I am broken," Kara replied.

"Seriously, Kara, you're scared about something. It would do you good to talk to someone about it."

Kara fought the urge to tell Zak he sounded like a fraking therapist. She knew that was just her way of avoiding the question because, yeah, she was afraid of something. It was superficial and stupid, but when Zak told her Lee was working on new squadron assignments, her heart froze. "You said the Old Man asked for the squadrons to be reassigned?" Kara asked after a moment's hesitation.

"Only because Galactica sustained some losses while you and Lee were gone. The squadrons need to be evened out so each pilot has a wingman." Zak watched as his words brought absolutely no comfort to Kara, and it suddenly hit him what she was really worried about. "You should just go and ask him, you know."

"Do you think he would?" Kara asked, trying to see if Zak's face would betray him. He remained stoically calm.

"I think you need to ask Lee about that." Kara nodded. "Like I said, he's in the break room doing the rosters."

Kara's eyes went wide. "You want me to ask him now?"

"If you don't do it now, you're never going to ask and then the worry is going to eat away at you until there's nothing left. So, yeah, I think you should do it now."

Kara shook her head. She must be fraking tired if she was actually listening to the guidance of Zak Adama. He was the worst advice giver on this ship. On the other hand, he was about the best friend a girl could ask for. Kara leaned up to kiss his cheek lightly. "Thank you for being so understanding."

"Just don't frak with his head anymore unless you mean it," Zak warned her.

Kara gave him a smile and walked out into the corridor. The ship was still deserted. She could have sworn Zak had mentioned something about a shift change.

She never planned on following Zak's advice. She knew she didn't need the kind of pain that talking with Lee tonight would give her. The pain of remembering was already doing its job to make every inch of her ache with regret.

Obviously, her feet didn't agree with the plan, though, because here she was, standing in front of the open hatch to the break room. Lee was hunched over the table, deep in thought. Kara watched as he wrote something only to furiously scribble it out two seconds later. She used to love watching him do flight schedules for that reason alone.

Kara watched him work for over ten minutes before he let out a gentle sigh and sat back in his chair. He had obviously finished whatever adjustments had to be made. Now was the time to ask. "Am I still your wingman?"

Lee looked up, obviously startled to hear her voice. He looked down at the papers in front of him, and she could feel him piecing together the fact that she knew what he was doing. For a second, she swore she felt as if it was all a dream, Caprica, the farm, her apartment. It was all in her mind. Then he looked back up at her, and she saw the sadness had returned to his face. This was real.

Kara waited patiently for him to answer her question. He was staring at her. Why was he staring at her? Suddenly uncomfortable, she looked down at the tips of her boots. Didn't he know how his staring made her feel? Why wasn't he answering? Oh gods, was he trying to protect her?"

"Kara!"

Kara snapped out of her rapid train of thought to look up at Lee. "Huh?"

"I said don't be stupid."

"Oh." Kara paused for a second as she tried to figure out what that meant. When she couldn't come up with anything, she went for the obvious reply. "Huh?"

Lee pushed his chair back and, gathering the papers in hand, walked over to the hatch. His hand reached out before pulling back. He had been about to brush away that stupid piece of hair that always seemed to be getting in her eyes. She had noticed he had a thing for doing that.

He chose to touch her arm lightly instead and smiled. "You will always be my wingman, Kara," he whispered, giving her one last sad smile before he stepped out into the corridor. Kara was left alone to figure out why such a sad gesture could make her so happy.

Kara's eyes fell to the chair Lee had just vacated. The forgetful fraker had left behind his sweatshirt. Kara was about to yell out for him to come back when a crazy idea popped into her head. "He probably won't miss it until morning anyway," she muttered to herself.

She hesitated a second before picking it up off the chair and sliding it on over her head. The scent of Lee engulfed her, and she could already feel the tension leaving her body. Kara grabbed a blanket out of the cupboards in the wall and made her way over to one of the couches. She really was tired, and since her bunk obviously wasn't a place she could sleep, this was going to have to do.

She would just have to be sure she woke up before the next shift change. Kara didn't want to have to explain why she was napping in the CAG's clothing. That would only lead to yet another group of people telling her she had to make a choice.