Shanan collected herself before she walked into the apartment and sat down.
Kakashi could tell immediately that she was upset and had been crying.
"What happened?" he asked her gently as he sat by her and grabbed her hand.
She knew she couldn't hide her pain from him for long, if at all.
"We, um..." a tear fell as soon as she started speaking, "we were together and we loved each other very much," she said as she looked away.
She didn't know how he would react to hearing that, but she knew that she couldn't and shouldn't lie.
He had been worried about Sasuke and how she would react to having been in love with him. He didn't even know about her and Shikamaru.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought maybe he was upset yesterday, because he'd had feelings. But you never told me about your relationship. I really thought he was just another friend," he said softly. He wasn't sure what to say. He already knew their double memories were really tricky.
"I think... we liked doing what we were doing. Neither of us felt like answering questions or being watched. We didn't agree not to tell anyone, we just didn't." She still wasn't able to look at Kakashi. "I'm sorry if I... um... I still love him. He said he still wants to be my friend and it hurts a lot. But know that I also still love you. I just have to be sad for a while."
Kakashi was definitely hurt, but he also knew that he shouldn't be. He knew she would have more difficulty than he would for various reasons.
"I wanted to be honest with you, so please don't be upset with me."
Of course she wasn't going to tell him that they'd kissed, because she didn't want to hurt him. But Shikamaru deserved to be kissed. He deserved to be cried for. He deserved to know that she still loved him.
Kakashi put his arms around her and pulled her in. "Shanan, I know this is really hard for you. I know that we had different lives before. I'm not upset with you. I'm still here for you. I'm still mostly the same Kakashi that you grew up with. Ok?"
Shanan sunk into him, appreciative of his understanding.
She was finally able to stop crying, but all she could think about for a while was Shikamaru.
They were planning on moving to their house soon, so Shanan was able to distract herself at least a little.
She wanted to make it look as similar to what she remembered as she could. But of course some things were just impossible to find. Their bedroom ended up looking much different.
Different bed set. Different drawing desk. Different dresser. Everything but the layout was different. But it still felt more like home than Kakashi's small apartment did.
The main thing that was missing were all of their pictures. But Kakashi was already up all night drawing as many as he could.
He wanted to draw as many memories as possible. He wanted to recreate the happy pictures he had drawn. The mundane ones. The intimate ones. The sweet ones.
He even had plans to recreate Naruto's album for him, along with the portrait he had done for Kushina.
He was up all night drawing after Shanan went to sleep, because he didn't want her to know until he was completely done and he figured she could use a happy surprise.
It had been about three weeks since she'd used Omoidasu on Shikamaru. She had been better lately, but Kakashi knew that there was still sadness there. And he could see it in Shikamaru too, now that he knew. He wished he had a solution, but he also knew that it would just take time.
They had been given time to recover and adjust, but Tsunade had a mission that she needed Kakashi for, so Shanan went with him to the Office of the Hokage when he was summoned.
They were sitting and waiting when Shikamaru came out. Hands in his pockets, seemingly indifferent.
"She's ready for you, Kakashi Sensei. I don't think it'll be a particularly fun mission, but we did put a good team together for you," he said dully.
He didn't even look at her when he came out or spoke. And when they stood up and started walking, she had to fight back tears.
Shanan gripped Kakashi's hand tight as they walked past him and he put his arm out casually and caught her by the waist. "Stay with me a minute," he said softly, still not looking up at her.
Shanan's heart leapt up into her throat as she slowly turned to look at Shikamaru.
Kakashi was taken aback for a moment as he looked over at them, but quickly relaxed and let go of Shanan's hand.
"I'll let you two talk," he said to them. He considered leaning in to kiss her, but he didn't want to seem possessive.
Shanan barely nodded while still looking at Shikamaru, completely frozen.
Kakashi went through the door and forced himself not to glance back, even though he really wanted to.
They both stood there quietly for a moment. Shikamaru with his arm around the front of her. Hand soft, yet firm on her side.
Shanan staring at him as he looked down at the ground. Waiting for him to say something. Anything.
A smile slowly spread across his face as he turned to look at her.
"And I thought I was the one that couldn't say no."
Shanan smiled softly at him and laughed a little.
He pushed her gently to where she was standing inches in front of him and tilted his head slightly to the side as he looked at her.
"Last time we saw each other was intense," he said as he rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I know we meant everything we said and that we'll mean it for a long time." He looked at her pleadingly. "But I don't want it to be weird everytime we see eachother. I meant that I still wanna be your friend. You're probably the best friend that I've ever had. And not because of the kissing..." He looked at the ground again. "Or the sex..." He looked back up at her thoughtfully as he put his hand on her cheek. "Or the love..." he said as he caressed her cheek and smiled gently. "I miss every bit of our relationship, but I still want the friendship if I can have it."
Shanan had trouble thinking straight when he was this close to her and touching her so softly. But she had to say something.
"I don't wanna fall apart everytime I see you either. I miss you and I wanna try to be friends again," she made herself say. However, his coolness was really beginning to get to her. "Are you already over me?" she whispered as her eyes teared up.
His expression went from composed to affectionate immediately as he put his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss. He knew he shouldn't have. He told himself they'd already had their last kiss, but he'd been too level-headed with her and he wanted her to know he was still struggling as much as she was.
He pulled her so close to him as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his kiss in as deeply as she could.
This was the most in touch she'd felt with her life before the Kaitei. She knew it was wrong. She still couldn't stop. As soon as he'd touched her, she'd hoped that whatever he'd had to say would lead to at least one more kiss.
He finally attempted to stop kissing her, and after several smaller kisses he was finally able to pull himself away. Though he immediately reconsidered as he looked into her eyes.
"I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I was anywhere close to being over you," he said as he smiled. "That night... I walked around the village aimlessly, just looking up at the sky, trying to keep the tears from falling. I actually had to take two weeks off to stay home. I wanted to come back and ask you to choose between us everyday. I still do. But I won't."
Shanan still felt very confused about all of it. But she knew her love for both of them was very real.
"We have to move on. We can be friends. Friends that don't kiss each other," he said as he glanced back down at her lips. "Friends that just laugh together and celebrate each other's lives." Tears welled up in his eyes now. "I know we can," he whispered as the tears fell down his face.
Shanan nodded as her face started shaking and tears poured down her cheeks. She couldn't lose him completely.
He hugged her tight as he continued to whisper. "I'll be happy for you and Kakashi, I promise. When you get married, I'll be there. When you have kids, I'll love them as my own, because their mom is my best friend," he said as he leaned back to look at her again and then leaned in for one final kiss.
After this one, they would just be friends.
He finally pulled away and wiped his face and smiled.
"See? We got this," he said as he laughed a little and helped her wipe her tears. "Stop pouting," he whispered gently.
Shanan laughed a little too and suddenly did feel a bit better as he grabbed her hand and led her to sit on the bench.
Shikamaru steered the conversation to things happening around the village and really seemed to be doing all that he could to have a normal and friendly interaction.
Shanan suddenly felt a lot more hopeful. For her and Shikamaru. For her and Kakashi. And just for the future in general.