To DD or Not to DD
Fandom: CSI:NY
Author: Kimmychu
Rating: FRM (it may go up later)
Pairing: Danny/Flack, Danny/Mac
Content Warning: Cracktasticness, odd body changes, language. Did I mention cracktasticness?
Spoilers: Set after 'Necrophilia Americana', so spoilers for any episode previous to that
Summary: After a freak laboratory accident at CSI headquarters, Danny is cursed (or blessed, depending on how you see things) with very unusual ... add-ons. Inspired by a forum comment: "Danny is the show's DD breasts."
Disclaimer: Nope, none of the characters belong to me. What a shame. I would treat them oh so well. They have no idea what they're missing.
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Author's Notes: Sorry for the late update, everyone. Two birthday bashes with lots of cheesecake, alcohol and coffee makes for a hyperactive Kim with little sleep and bad, sleepy days, heh. The story until now is still unbetaed, just for your info. I'm keeling over just thinking about editing this monster of a story for spelling and grammar mistakes. And, uhm, the 'thing' in this particular chapter? Let's just say I've never written such a thing before in my life, so if it's corny and terrible, my apologies.
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Chapter 22
Stella could have been a superb quarterback in some other life.
Her high-flying tackle took Flack down before he could get six feet away from the car. He thrashed about beneath her and tried to shove her to one side to get to his feet. Stella was much stronger than most people gave her credit for.
She fisted her hands in the lapels of his jacket and shook him like a rag doll. "Flack! Listen to me! You can't just barge in there and get Danny out! We're not even supposed to know about the date!"
"Stella!"Hawkes' unnerved cry immobilized them in a knot of arms and legs. The former ME's face was filled with horror. "You two get back in here now!"
Stella got up, panting faintly. "What's wrong?"
The whites of Hawkes' eyes stood out like beacons in the semi-darkness of the street. "It's MAC. MAC's in there with Danny and Hillborne. RIGHT NOW."
Stella and Flack exchanged frantic looks, then scrambled back into the car.
Everyone stared pointedly at Flack.
"Whaaaaaaaaaat! I DIDN'T TELL HIM!" Flack roared, face red with indignation.
Stella stuck the earphones in her ears. "Oh. My …"
She gazed at everyone with a funny face.
"Mac's calling Danny his GIRLFRIEND."
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"I'll say it again. What. The Hell. Are you doing. With my GIRLFRIEND?"
Mac towered over the table like a infuriated deity about to wage war on the cosmos, hazel eyes wide and raging, appearing ten times his normal size in a black and white-striped suit and a dark gold tie. Danny was pinned to his seat by the intense glare.
"I-I-I … I swear I d-didn't know sh-she was your girlfriend! I didn't!" Hillborne was up on his feet and had his hands over his head in a protective posture. The poor bastard looked like he wanted to sob his eyes out.
Danny's mouth was slacked open in a petrified grimace. Oh, this was bad. THIS was BAD.
"Not good enough, Hillborne." Mac clutched Danny's arm and yanked him to his feet so their faces were mere inches apart.
"So this is what you do while I'm hard at work, hmmm? Go out on dinners with other men while I'm slaving away at the office, hmmmm?" Mac hadn't even been this angry with him when the whole Minhaus subway shooting occurred. "You're always disobeying me."
Danny was confounded because he had no clue whether Mac was simply acting … or was honestly speaking his mind.
"N-no, nooooo, my -my …" Danny wrapped his arms around Mac's waist and gazed pleadingly at his boss. "My sweeeeet Macadamian nut, that's not how it is!"
Mac didn't return his cuddle and kept glowering down at him. "Oh, is that so?"
"Yeeesss, y-you see, Chief Hillborne here ran me over with his car-"
"HE RAN YOU OVER WITH HIS CAR!"
Danny winced and drew back at Mac's bellow. "Y-yes, and then he asked me out on a date-"
"HE RAN YOU OVER WITH HIS CAR AND ASKED YOU OUT ON A DATE!"
A round of sympathetic hisses and hollers sprung from all the diners surrounding them.
The waiter who served them tilted towards the waitress who'd help him dish up their food and said, "See? I told you it was too good to be true for a guy like that to hook a hot babe like that!"
The well-built Fifty Cent stalked up to Hillborne and whacked him on the shoulder hard enough to make him stagger.
"You knocked over this hot chick with your car and had the nerve to ask her out on a date after THAT?" Fifty Cent said in a booming voice. "Man, that's loooow."
"Worst. Pick up. Ever," Fifty Cent's companions at his table added, booing at the same time.
Danny decided this was about as advantageous a time to milk the situation as much as he could. He pulled up the dress on the left to display the large blue and black contusion on his thigh. He made his eyes tear up and his lips tremble.
"Yeeeeess, he ran me over with his Mercedes car and I got this aaawful bruise." Danny sniffled. "And-and then, he didn't even make an effort to take me to a hospital."
All the other diners joined Fifty Cent and his companions in their jeering. Hillborne cowered under the rapper's fierce expression and cracking of his knuckles.
Danny twirled back to Mac and lodged both palms onto Mac's chest, eyes moist and big. "And-and he chased me when I tried to get away." Danny sniffled a few more times. "The only reason I said yes was 'cos he scaaaared me. I thought he was goin' to hurt me!"
Fifty Cent had both his fists on his hips and advanced on the cringing IAB chief. Hillborne shook his head wildly and drunkenly rambled about how it wasn't true to everyone in the restaurant.
"N-n-n-nooooo, that's not what happened! REALLY! It's n-n-n-not!"
Mac embraced Danny in his arms, eliciting a high-pitched gasp from Danny. Was Mac squeezing his butt?
"We are going home. Now."
"Y-yes, my … my liiively Macaque." Mac's visage remained blank, but his eyes were twinkling.
"And we are going to have a long talk."
'Y-y-yes, of course, my, uhm, my … curly Macaroni."
"And we are going to have a very long session together to deal with your discipline."
Danny's eyes were probably as wide as half his head. "Y-y … yes, my s-sleek Mackerel."
"Hey, you want me to beat this guy up for you, honey?" Fifty Cent had Hillborne in the air by the collar of his dress shirt. "It'd be a pleasure, believe me." The poor guy was blubbering incoherently. Man, how the heck did a guy like that end up becoming the head of IAB?
"N-no, it's okay. Really." Fifty Cent opened his hand and let Hillborne crumple onto the floor.
"You're lucky your date's such a nice lady," the brawny celebrity spat out.
The rapper inclined his head at Mac. "You're one lucky S.O.B., man." Fifty Cent winked at Danny and returned to his table, stepping on Hillborne's hand as he left. A croaky, "Owww." came from the vicinity of the floor somewhere behind the table.
"Hey, sweetie, I told you he wasn't worth it, didn't I?" Al Pacino, who sat a few tables away, had his fingers tangled together on the table. He smiled at Danny. "The offer still stands."
Mac puffed up his chest, crossed his arms and pointedly stared the actor straight in the eye.
"I own an AK-47, two revolvers, four nine millimeter pistols and a steel bow with steel-capped arrows." Mac sent Mr. Pacino a caricature of a grin. "And I know how to use all of them."
Mr. Pacino was a wise man. He lifted his arms in conciliation and dragged his pressed thumb and forefinger over his tightened lips in a zipping motion.
Mac took Danny's hand in his. "We are leaving." Mac then motioned to one of the waiters. "Please pack this food and sake up for us. We'd like to take it back with us."
Two waiters hurried to the table to gather the plates that still had food and the bottles of sake. Neither dared to look Mac in the eye or even eyeball Danny for a second. Danny didn't blame them at all. When Mac was mad, he was one fucking terrifying man.
While the waiters did their work and carried the food and drinks back to the kitchen to be bagged, Hillborne hauled himself up from the floor and folded down on his seat. The IAB chief looked very lost and intoxicated.
"As for you."
Hillborne stared at Mac with large, glassy eyes.
"If you ever hurt my girlfriend or come after her again," Mac promised, "I'll make sure you get a personal lesson on what it feels like to have a steel-capped arrow stuck up your ass. Capish?"
Hillborne whimpered.
The waiter returned with two bags full of the dishes and sake. Danny and Mac each took one. Mac raised a crooked arm towards Danny.
"Shall we?"
Danny grinned shakily at his supervisor and linked arms with Mac. He knew the evening was far from over. They promenaded out of the restaurant.
At the table, Hillborne was approached by a waiter with the bill.
"Here is your bill, sir." The attendant placed the printed receipt onto the table before him. "That will be … three thousand nine hundred and forty six dollars, please." The waiter grinned.
Hillborne planted his face in the leftovers of his sashimi salad.
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The second they were past the lesser crowd of people at the entrance of Nobu and out of earshot, Mac halted them in their tracks.
"Danny. You have one minute to explain yourself."
"Mac, you gotta listen to me-"
The sound of vacillating but oncoming footsteps cut off Danny's sentence.
Frigging hell, it was Hillborne. That guy just didn't know when to quit! Danny seriously felt like using his heels to ream the dumbass a couple of new holes. Mac was his naturally calm and regimented self, but he glared severely at the unsteady chief.
"I - I know where I've really seen you now!" Hillborne gestured crazily with his forefinger at Danny. Danny would have crowed his head off at seeing the IAB chief in such a smashed condition in any other case. "You - you look just like that … Messer guy!"
Danny's vision darkened for an eternity of an instant. His knees nearly buckled. All that was supporting him was Mac's arm.
"Are you a fucking idiot, Hillborne?" Danny blinked at his boss. Whoa crap, Mac just said the f-word.
"Look at you. You're so damn drunk you can't even tell one person from another anymore. Pathetic." Mac maneuvered Danny so he stood in front facing forward. "Tell me, Hillborne, do you think my CSI, a MAN, would have breasts like THESE?"
Mac then rotated him so his back was turned towards the head of IAB. "Or an incredible ass like THIS?"
Hey, the nanotechnology didn't transform his butt. Wouldn't that mean …
Hillborne faltered, uncertainty causing him to sway even more on his feet. "I - uh - sh -"
"And tell me, Hillborne, do you think I'd kiss my male employee like THIS?"
Danny gasped loudly, and Mac claimed the opportunity to envelop his lips with warm, solid ones. Danny's entire world spun right off its axis with a string-a-ling-a-ling of chubby cherubs strumming their harps and crooning clichéd love songs.
Mac's lips were thinner and much more firm than a woman's. They were dry too, but they didn't chafe his licked-wet ones at all. Mac kissed like how he handled lethal weapons; with unadulterated concentration, precision and dedication. Danny's universe minimized into nothing except Mac's lips hot and unrelenting upon his. The guy's hands was all over his torso, hips and backside; every touch felt like a surge of spine-tingling electricity throughout his whole body. He moaned audibly into Mac's mouth, eyes fluttering closed and mouth opening. Mac's tongue was even warmer than his lips. Its tip traced its way along Danny's lower lip before running over Danny's lower teeth and touching Danny's own tongue.
Oh fuck, Mac was no cold fish. He was a damn pro.
He shuddered, clinging onto Mac's jacket and trying not to collapse right there and then under Mac's sensual assault. Brilliant star bursts went off behind Danny's eyelids as their tongues wrestled together, thick, slurping sounds loud every time their lips parted. The moment Danny started feeling giddy from lack of air, Mac licked moistly down the length of his jaw and then angled his head back to nibble on the soft skin under his jaw and on his neck. Danny shuddered again, whimpering at a particularly hard bite.
He vaguely felt Mac enfolding one calloused hand behind his neck and head and the other on his lower back, bonding his body with the older man's from chest to thigh. Danny jerked intensely when Mac grinded his groin into his, moan engulfed by Mac's lips sealing themselves over his once more.
Oh, heeeeeelloooooooo, Mac Jr., Danny thought in a daze. And Junior wasn't really a junior either.
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!"
What the hell? Was that Flack?
Danny broke the impassioned kiss with a twist of his head, gaping at the sight of a hopping mad, six-foot-tall homicide detective hurtling himself at them.
"DON, WA-"
Flack plowed into Mac with a yelled, "GYAAARRRHH!", knocking Danny off his feet and straight into the arms of Hawkes.
"FLACK! STOP IT!" Danny had never witnessed Stella screaming and flying headlong into a brawl before.
Lindsay was on his other side, mouth covered by one of her hands. Danny and Hawkes had the same expression on their miens as she did while they gawped at Stella, Flack and Mac scuffling with each other in a writhing ball on the pavement. Flack managed to elbow Mac in the sternum. Mac got a punch into Flack's side, forcing the young detective to bend in two with a groan. Stella grabbed both of Flack's shoulders and yanked him off her CSI partner, lugging him at least a dozen feet away.
It was over in a matter of seconds.
Without a second thought, Danny rushed over to Flack, who sat on the ground with his gangly legs extended outwards and head lowered. Mac deftly bounded to his feet with a muted grunt, brushing off Lindsay's silent offer to help him up. Stella was pacing the pavement to and fro, still burning off excess adrenalin. Hawkes could merely stare at Chief Hillborne and his inebriated state.
"I told ya …" Hillborne hiccupped, thrusting a finger in Flack's direction. "I told ya he was dangerous. Too dangerous to be a cop."
Mac looked at him with shuttered eyes. "Oh, really? Taken a good look at yourself lately?"
He motioned with his head at his team of detectives. "You ran over my girlfriend with your car, had the audacity to blackmail her into a date, drank yourself stupid, molested my girlfriend in public, unjustifiably accused her of being a man and one of my employees AND suspended my homicide detective for an alleged attack on a potential suspect who's suddenly disappeared off into thin air and seems to be permanently unavailable for questioning for anything."
He glanced back at the others. "I don't know about you guys, but I think it isn't Flack who's the one who's too dangerous to be a cop here."
Hillborne reared up in an outrage. "D-do you know who I AM?"
Mac wasn't in the least bit intimidated. "Oh, I know who you're going to be." Mac's hazel eyes flashed. "When I report you for your inexcusable misconduct. How long do you think you're going to last as the head of IAB when I do that, hmm?"
Hillborne squeaked and turned a horrid shade of green.
"So if I were you, Neville, I'd get the fuck out of here and drop the investigation on Detective Flack here. And don't even think about looking for my woman ever again." Mac grinned. "Steel-capped arrows."
The IAB chief shot off past the other detectives and into the distance on frantic steps. They echoed on the streets long after the guy was gone from view.
Mac confronted his team, grin instantaneously vanished. "Now, as I said before." He aimed his glare at Danny, who swallowed in anxiety. "Danny. You have one minute to explain yourself." Mac swept his deep glower over everyone, stopping on Flack, who refused to look him in the eye. "As well as the rest of you."
Stella immediately came forward. "Mac, it was my idea-"
"No."
Mac scrutinized Danny's face. Mac could see certain parts of the younger man's cheeks and jaws were glistening under the streetlight. It made his fingers and lips tingle.
"No, it was my idea. All of it." Danny suddenly appeared more mature than Mac'd ever seen. "Yeah, I disobeyed your orders to not leave the apartment. And yeah, of all the bad luck, I got run over by Hillborne. But when I found out Hillborne knew where that nanotechnologist was being hidden, I knew I had to do somethin'." Danny sucked in a deep breath. "So, I convinced everyone to go with the plan of me wooin' Hillborne and gettin' the address outta him. And it worked."
Mac wanted to smile at Danny's newborn boldness. He never realized how much he missed it until the explosion happened and Danny was gone from his work life where he spent so much of his time.
"You disobeyed me anyway."
"I had to. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this, Mac. This isn't me. I want my life back." Mac's eyes flickered at Danny's heartfelt statement.
Mac sighed. There was a minute of silence.
"You guys always cut me out of the fun, don't you?"
Stella's head snapped up in alarm, but her uneasy expression changed into a relieved one at Mac's warming eyes.
"What? You didn't think I'd suspect anything if one of my detectives decided to check out a wire and earphones?"
Stella blushed in guilt, but she gazed him straight in the eye. Ah, Stella, committed to the end. "I'm sorry, Mac. We just … didn't inform you because we knew you'd have been against all this."
Mac smirked. "Did you ever bother to ask?"
Stella ducked her head.
Mac sighed again, smiling fondly. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.
"Hawkes, Lindsay, please go home." Mac smiled benignly. "Both of you have a lot of lab work to do tomorrow for our other cases, remember?"
Hawkes scratched at his head, and Lindsay grimaced. They tentatively said their farewells and walked off to Hawkes' Dodge Charger, glancing back once in a while in concern for their peers.
"Flack." The younger detective was on his feet. His handsome visage was an amalgam of disappointment and resignation. "I suggest that you accompany Danny in the apartment from tonight onwards and stay there with him. I can only hope that Hillborne would be smart enough to think twice about advancing with the internal investigation. I think you and Danny have much to discuss anyway."
Flack raised his head to look at him with a puzzled, shocked expression. He must have been anticipating Mac to tear him a new one for attacking him like that. Mac smiled reflectively while Flack removed his jacket and placed it around a shivering Danny's shoulders, and at how Danny smiled quaveringly at Flack.
Mac saw the accusation in Flack's hurt blue eyes, and the contrition in Danny's.
Mac's body aches reminded him of the pain in Flack's eyes just before the younger man slammed into him.
He knew the irrepressible actions of a jealous man in love when he saw it.
And what about yourself? Will you deny what occurred only minutes ago, what you did? Mac's mind questioned him. The only answer Mac could tell himself was that he'd lived long enough to know the difference between lust and love. Danny deserved someone extraordinarily rare with a heart big enough to bear the weight of the young man's secrets and anguish.
Mac straightened.
"My SUV isn't far from here. I'll drive you all back to your respective places." He smiled minutely. "Let's go."