Erin was in a right strop when the news hit her desk from Helen. She had thought that things would go well, since David had had such faith in Agent Morgan's abilities to suss out the truth in the situation. And he had encouraged the parole board to release Donald Sanderson, that he had truly changed his life and was ready to make a fresh start. And now, less than forty eight hours after being released, he had been arrested once more for murder. And Director Shepperd was furious with her for allowing this to happen. Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself away from her desk and scooped up her phone into her hand, setting her face into a tight, angry, mask as she strode out of her office and into the bullpen.
Everyone was gathered around Emily's desk, which was both good and bad, as she didn't want to cause a scene, and yet knew that she had to impart on them the necessity for thorough, rigorous, examination of the people that they dealt with. Lives were at stake, and this most recent mistake proved that with glaring obviousness. Penelope was the first person to clock her approaching them, and she tugged on Agent Morgan's sleeve, getting his attention. "What can I do for you, Ms. Strauss?"
She bristled at the casual way that he addressed her, since he was making clear that he didn't respect her or her opinion, and she thrust her phone at him. "That is what you can do for me, Agent Morgan. Or rather, what you can't do. Based upon your profile, Don Sanderson was released from prison and the first thing he did was go out and murder someone else! What the hell were you thinking? This is on all of our heads, and you will find a way to make it right and figure out where your profile went wrong!"
He gaped at her for a moment before looking down at the article that she had called up on her phone, and then Emily was interjecting her opinion into the conversation. "Why are you going off on Derek? It's not like he gave Sanderson the weapon!"
Erin turned quickly to face the woman, drawing herself up to her full height as she coolly regarded her. "Agent Morgan provided the profile that told the parole board that it was perfectly safe to release a violent offender back onto the streets. I'm certain that I can provide the pictures of what Sanderson did to his wife and daughter that night. It might not shock you, given what you see every week, but I was sickened by the level of violence shown in those images. And until you live through a situation like that, until you've looked evil in the face and fully expected to die, don't even think to lecture me on what constitutes a simple mistake."
By the time Erin reached the end of her outburst, she could feel every eye in the bullpen trained on her, the silence growing thicker by the moment. Shame and embarrassment blossomed in her chest, and Erin felt her cheeks blaze bright red as unwanted tears began to sting her eyes. She felt Penelope's hand brush against her shoulder, and she unconsciously pulled away from her before the tenderness caused her to burst into harsh sobs. Without looking at any of them, she went to leave the bullpen with as much tattered pride as she could gather about herself, only for Doctor Reid to separate himself from the group and stop in front of her, an understanding expression on his face.
"Did you even think to take some time for yourself, Chief Strauss?" His words were kind, and so gentle, and she shrugged a little before looking for a way to escape him and the room so that she could go have a proper cry in private. "Haley was one of your best friends. Garcia showed us the call logs from Haley's phone, and your number was there quite frequently, along with the texts that admonished her to not call so much, to think of her personal safety. You sat with the family for the funeral and the meal. But you're still here, trying to pretend that everything is all right, when that couldn't be the furthest thing from the truth. And yes, I'm profiling you, even though we're not supposed to profile our colleagues, according to Hotch." He reached out and touched her shoulder gently. "Ma'am, I know that Rossi is your partner, but do you have anyone to open up to? You shouldn't carry this burden of grief alone."
Those tender words were all it took to burst the dam that was holding back her tears, and she quietly began to sob, even as he pulled her close to his chest. In that moment, she understood that he, too, had been marked by the violence that this job could bring, and that made her cry all the harder. Somehow, he managed to get them over to the break room, maneuvering her into a secluded corner as he continued to hug her. "Hey, kid, are you moving in on my fiancé?" she heard David gently tease a few moments later as his hand spread out on her back. Instantly, she turned into him and continued to sob, releasing all the guilt and sorrow that she had been holding onto for a year. Now that it was finally coming out, Erin didn't know if she'd be able to stop it again, and she clung to her fiancé as another person joined them in the break room.
"Trust men to not think of taking care of you," she heard Penelope say before a soft piece of cloth was pressed into her hand. "I'm having Seaver and Emily run damage control, and Der, well…he's going to go talk to Sanderson. We're going to get this worked out, and figure out where things went wrong, I promise. And Reid's right, you can't carry this burden all on your own. Everyone here, well, except for Rossi, has had an unsub try to kill them, so we know what you're feeling. I have a group that I run, where we talk about how we deal with the pain of violent crime. I know that Reid has his own people that he talks to, that fit his situation better, but you're more than welcome to join us. I run a judgement free zone."
Erin knew that Penelope was trying to be kind and as she lifted her head from David's chest to look at the woman, she saw that she was crying a little, too, and Erin nodded as she pressed her lips together in an effort to stem the tide of her tears. "I appreciate the offer, Penelope, truly, I do. I just don't talk to people."
"And then you explode like you did this morning," she gently admonished as she reached out to rub her back softly. "This is personal, guys, so pretend you don't hear the next few sentences I say." Erin focused in on Penelope's brown eyes and worried her lip between her teeth. "You've become a better person over the years, Erin, and, as Rossi will tell you, I tend to love easily and large. I know that I wasn't so loving at Haley's funeral, but that was because I was so wrapped up in my own grief that I forgot to think about what you were going through. You had a new baby, you nearly died, and a close friend lost her life in front of you. And you came right back to work, with no pause, not like Hotch had, so it was easy to think that everything was okay, and not look past the carefully crafted façade that you wear. I'm sorry, I didn't look past to see what was happening inside your heart."
Before she could protest, Penelope had gently pried her from David's arms in order to hug her tightly, and Erin nodded a little as she allowed the tender embrace. "All right, Kitten, I'm going to check to see if the coast is clear, and then take my stellina to her office and sit with her until she's calmed a little. I'll run lunch by for you two and Helen."
"David…"
"No, Erin. Let us take care of you for once. Okay?" She nodded a little, knowing that he wouldn't take no for an answer, and sighed as she rested her cheek against Penelope's shoulder and tried to find a sense of balance once more, so glad to know that there were people who truly did care for her in the BAU.