After speaking with Sasuke, Shikamaru couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. Sasuke had never had Shanan the way that he had, and still did sometimes. Although he had had a crush on her since he was pretty young, he really never meant to steal her away from Sasuke. But they did still see each other occasionally.

Anytime she went to The Office of the Hokage, he couldn't stop himself from touching her, at least a little, and he knew she wanted him to anyway. Usually, he'd reach his hand out as they passed and grab hers briefly. Sometimes she'd glance at him, smile and keep walking as they let go. But sometimes she'd stop and they'd look at eachother longingly as people passed them by in the hallway.

He'd finally thought to pull her into an empty office one time, so that they could kiss each other. He knew that he was pretty much the only person that ever went in there, so it was all but his. It had a desk, an old couch and shelves of old books covering three of the walls. The door even locked.

He knew how guilty she always felt any time they gave in, and they usually just made-out. But sometimes they touched each other over their clothes before stopping and a couple of times now, they couldn't resist going further.

Each time they did, though, he made the most of it. He took her in, he felt her and he made sure she felt him too. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. He never wanted her to forget him or their love again. He knew he couldn't handle it like Sasuke. And he cherished every mark she left on him. He always had. Even if he used to complain to her about them. He wished that people could still see them, but they were just for him now.

He still loved her more than anything and wanted her to choose him more every day, but he knew he couldn't ever ask her to and so took whatever she would give him. She most certainly kept him on the hook, but he needed her to. He knew she couldn't let him go any more than he could let her go, even if she had someone else. They both kept trying to keep their distance, but one cute laugh, one lingering look, one accidental touch and they were back to surrendering completely to their feelings.

They were currently trying to be strong and keep their distance again, but it had only been a couple of weeks since they'd gone further in the little office.

He'd walked out of Lady Tsunade's office and saw her as soon as she'd stepped in from outside. He was supposed to be running papers to one of the Jonin in charge of a new team, but as soon as he saw her, he was hit with that familiar feeling that perhaps he'd been asleep since their last meeting. That he was suddenly waking up. And that she was the only thing that kept him going.

He set the papers down on the bench across from Tsunade's office and put his hands in his pockets as he walked casually in her direction. He could tell that she was trying not to look at him, this was always about the time they'd give in to their feelings, so they were both used to the routine and all that implied. He pretended as though he was going to walk past her and instead turned right into her and put his hands on her waist. He looked down into her eyes and couldn't stop smiling as he backed her up to the door of their little office that she'd just passed.

She'd initially been caught off guard by his suddenness, but she smiled back up at him as they walked and as soon as the door closed, she couldn't help but kiss him deeply. And then once they pulled their lips away from each other, she brushed her thumb softly over his cheek and grabbed his shirt as she backed herself onto the desk.

He ran his hands gently up her thighs as he leaned over her and pressed himself against her. As soon as he did, she smiled and reached up to pull the hair tie from his hair and then ran her fingers through his hair to let him know that she wanted him.

He started taking his jacket off to undress, but Shanan stopped him. She stood up and pulled her bottoms off and sat back down before slowly pulling his down just enough to expose him. She wanted them to stay mostly dressed, though, which only turned him on more.

He grabbed her hips and pulled her close as he continued to lean over her and kiss her, before rubbing himself against her spot and teasing her a little before thrusting himself fully inside of her. She always seemed eager and ready for him, the same as he always was for her.

She spread her legs wider so that he could go deeper and fill her with himself even more as she was already starting to float on air. She knew that it was wrong to be with him like this, no matter how much they still loved each other, but it was a thought that she had to push out of her mind sometimes or she would go crazy. Her guilt would have to wait for when she was alone with her thoughts.

Shikamaru was already close. Feeling her pull on his shirt and jacket while he grinded into her made what they were doing feel so raw. He felt like she had probably pictured them doing it like this a lot and had finally decided to make it a reality, and the thought of her daydreaming about him only made him smile as he continued to kiss her. He'd still never been with anyone else and never wanted to be. He didn't need to be. She may only be a little bit his, but he was all hers, even if he wasn't supposed to be.

He sped his thrusts as he wrapped one arm around her and used his other hand to hold her leg right where he wanted it and bit her lip. As soon as he bit her, her eyes rolled back as she gasped as quietly as she could. She'd gotten much better at it, since they never truly had any privacy. And as soon as he felt her clenching around him he released himself into her. He thrust the last little bit out of him and felt it drip down him, or maybe that was all her on him. Either way, he was reluctant to pull out of her when he was done and he still couldn't stop kissing her.

That had probably been the fastest they'd done it. They could've left the office right away and nobody would've ever even suspected. But it wasn't just sex for them. They still needed to spend time with each other. They were still friends, too. Or at least, tried to be.

Shanan pulled her bottoms back on and they sat on the couch and cuddled while they updated each other on whatever was going on in their lives.

Shanan seemed to go on about Sasuke ever since his return, and was really quite fond of him. Shikamaru tried not to be jealous and thought of it the same as if she'd been talking about any of her other guy friends. And it wasn't his job to tell Sasuke how much she talked about him.

Shikamaru mostly told Shanan about the coming Chunin exams or told her about whatever was currently stressing out the Hokage, he didn't get to go on nearly as many missions as he used to. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to resist asking Shanan to join his team.

Before they parted, Shanan always helped him put his hair back up. He did it better than she did, but he liked her hands in his hair and that she was thoughtful enough to do it for him. Plus, afterwards, she always wrapped her arms around him from behind and for some reason, it filled him with hope that she'd stay longer. It was always so warm and she always lingered and pressed her cheek against his as she breathed him in deep and then kissed him softly on his cheek. And then they always stopped at the door and kissed for a while before leaving, it was always hard to pull away and the kissing was always so affectionate as they poured their deepest longing into it.

Yes, Shikamaru felt guilty, but maybe he didn't feel too guilty. Afterall, all he was doing was loving the girl of his dreams when they both tried and inevitably failed to get over one another...

Almost anytime Shanan went to the Office of the Hokage, she would see Shikamaru. Her heart would always skip a beat or two and she would always have to ready herself for his touch. But she wanted him to touch her. She longed for it. At least, part of her did. She always tried to be strong. And sometimes she was. Sometimes she'd just glance at him, smile and keep walking. Which was difficult. But other times, she completely buckled. She'd stop. And they'd stare at each other longingly as people passed by them in the hallway, and she knew they'd end up kissing, at the very least. Ever since the day he'd pulled her into that small office…

She didn't blame him at all, though. They both still loved each other, so much. And she knew that he did try to keep away from her sometimes. But sometimes he just couldn't help himself, she knew exactly how he felt. She'd always tell herself that she'd be stronger next time, for Kakashi. And sometimes she felt like she was and would be really proud of herself. At least, until she saw him and he would look at her a certain way or say something really sweet and all of her hard work would fall completely apart. Nothing had actually changed. So much of her was still desperate for him. All of her feelings would rush so quickly to the surface that she just needed to be close to him again. It truly was a vicious cycle. She still needed him, but she couldn't stay even though her heart still beat the same for him. Part of her welcomed it eagerly, but then she'd spend a long time beating herself up over it, telling herself she had to be stronger.

Whenever she was feeling particularly hard on herself, she'd go back to her favorite spot on the roof of the library and sit under the branches of her favorite tree. She'd remember the first time that Kakashi proposed to her. She'd cry. She'd think about what she'd seen in his Kurushimi and how he was before the Kaitei. She'd cry. She'd think about the promise they made to still love one another after waking up. And she'd cry.

And she did still love him. As much as she ever had over the last twenty-five or so years. No part of her was still with him begrudgingly or unenthusiastically. When they were together, every part of her sang and never once did she have any second thoughts about being with him and loving him and marrying him again. Even the part that was weak for Shikamaru still knew that she had to choose and that the choice was definitely Kakashi.

So here she sat. In her favorite spot. A spot that meant quite a lot to both her and Kakashi as a couple. She would close her eyes and she would visualize a set of sliding doors. On one side stood Kakashi and the life she'd chosen to spend with him. On the other side was Shikamaru and the life they had lost together. She had to close the door on that side. But how was she supposed to when he was standing right there? He didn't beg her to choose him, but he was still there, hoping she would.

And part of her... wished she could.

AN- I know you guys are probably screaming at them rn and I get it. I hope you don't hate them though... :'(