Erin sighed as she shook her head lightly. A part of her had known that it would be difficult to conduct these meetings with Alpha team over their grieving process, but from the short, monosyllable, answers that Agent Morgan had given her, she had the feeling that it would be nigh on impossible to get any of them to open up to her. And she knew that she deserved the cool treatment, after all, they still felt like she had given Agent Jareau over to the State Department as some sort of power play, but it still stung a little. Next, though, she was meeting with Agent Seaver, and she had the feeling, that since there was less baggage there between them, it would go better.
"You know, I would have done these assessments."
Erin looked over to see that Aaron was standing in the doorway and gave him a small smile as she shook her head. "You tried that, and it went nowhere. The Director is breathing down my neck, and I'd rather get some semblance of an idea where your team is at mentally to report back to him, even if they aren't telling me the complete truth. What they don't realise is that I have all the training of a profiler, and can read them perhaps a little better as a result of their casual dismissal of me."
Aaron laughed as he raised his eyebrows a little. "I didn't think you were still that devious, Erin."
"Yes, well, one of us has to keep a close eye on the team, and you have your hands full with the day to day running of the cases. And it's not that devious, not really, when it's for a good cause." A soft knocking caught both their attentions, and Erin smiled to see Ashley peeking her head in the doorway. "Ah, Agent Seaver, please join me. Agent Hotchner was just leaving."
She nodded as she slipped past Aaron to take a seat in front of her desk. Erin gestured for him to close the door on his way out, and Aaron nodded before pulling it shut and then they were alone. "So, I take it that this is where you ask me how I'm feeling after everything that's happened?"
"That is correct, Agent Seaver. I know that it's been a few weeks since Agent Prentiss died, but I thought that I'd allow you some space to work out how you were feeling. So, how have you been? I know that David has been quite happy to have someone who can team up with him against my Brucie."
Ashley let out a little laugh as she relaxed in her chair. Erin was glad that this conversation would go a little better than her previous one, as she had the feeling that she could determine the team's emotional state better through their youngest member. "I cannot believe I'm say this about my boss's boss, but I really love the fact that your home is open to me when you have your own family to look after. My own family life is complicated beyond belief, but when I joined this team, it was like I found a new family, one that didn't judge me for what my father did. Rossi is really great at the paternal role."
"He truly is. My girls adore their Papa Dave."
"Is it weird that I want to create a happy family like you have? Emily was always a bit harsh when she and Morgan would talk about you and what a hard ass you are. The only time I've ever seen you really fly off the handle was during that case where Morgan brought a bad light on the BAU. And even then, it was thoroughly justified. But you've managed to create this blended family with Hotch and the daughter you share, and your older children, and there's this love that I never had growing up."
Ashley broke down into harsh sobs, which told Erin more than she needed to know about where her heart was at the moment. "Ashley," she said lowly as she tugged a few tissues out of the box in her drawer and came around to the other side of the desk, sinking down in the chair next to her and handing over the tissues. "Don't cry so hard, the others will think that I've been awful to you, and that will just make the Ice Queen rumors worse."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry for expressing your sorrow. I was just trying to make you smile a little. That usually makes my Karen giggle a little bit."
"Your Karen is a lovely young woman, from the little I've interacted with her. Seriously, how did you create something so wonderful?"
Ashley dabbed the tissues against her face as she looked into Erin's face and they shared a brief smile before Erin reached out and patted her knee softly. "Truthfully, I almost ruined everything when I found out about Elise. Because I kept secrets and told lies in order to protect her. It was wrong, I know that now, and as a result one form of my family was destroyed, while another was created. It took all these years to rebuild something new and lovely from the ashes of what I ruined."
Before she could say another word, the younger woman had leaned forward in order to throw her arms around Erin's shoulders, hugging her tightly as she began to cry harder once more. Erin didn't quite know what to make of it all, since she knew that she had chosen to undertake these interviews since Aaron made it appear like he wasn't going to take any action. She assumed that that stemmed from his guilt over being unable to tell them the truth, but that was just going to make everything more difficult when the truth came out. Awkwardly, she returned the embrace, patting Ashley's back as she waited for her tears to end, only for a soft clearing throat catch her attention.
Looking up, she found David standing in her doorway, a knowing little smirk on his lips. "I have come to collect my fiancée for the evening, Ashley. We have standing dinner plans."
The younger woman nodded as she sat up, swiping the excess tears away from her eyes as she nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take up so much of your time. But it was so nice to finally have someone to talk to about this. I know that we're supposed to separate our feelings from our job, but it seems like everyone else has that down pat already, and I'm still wallowing in feelings."
"It does take a few years to develop the ability to compartmentalize, Ashley. Don't beat yourself up for not having what the others have had years, if not decades, to learn." Erin gave her a tiny smile as they both rose to their feet and then Ashley was giving them a small wave as she left the office, brushing past David on her way out. "We did let time get away from us, didn't we?"
"It happens, especially when you're counseling our team members. If you're not careful, your reputation as the Ice Queen will slip, and you'll be known as the Team Mum," he teased as he came over to her side, and Erin sighed as she shrugged, welcoming his arms closing around her body as he pulled her tight to his chest. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired. Talking to Agent Morgan was like talking to a brick wall and Ashley was bleeding her emotions all over me. I hope you don't mind being the designated driver tonight, because I want a very large glass of wine and a cocktail or two." She rested her cheek on his chest as she took a few deep breaths, trying to find her equilibrium once more.
"I suppose that I can indulge you on the wine front at supper, but we'll go home to break out the good alcohol, and not have to pay quite so much for it."
"I can agree to that, yes," she said as he guided her over to the coat tree and helped her into her jacket. "Please grab my purse?" David nodded and pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she smiled as she watched him, a sweet sort of peace falling over her heart in that moment, even as she knew that it couldn't last.